Andrew Petty is Dying

When harrowing encounters with Death are a routine part of your job, how does it change the way you live?

On today's episode, my friend Tony Gonzalez helps us answer that question based on his 25 years of service as a firefighter and put the lessons he's learned to work in OUR lives right now.

Meet Tony Gonzalez

At the peak of his career as a big city firefighter, in 2017 Tony traded in his badge, uniform, and hard-won seniority for a "mundane" life in the small mountain town where he grew up. After 25 years of almost daily encounters with trauma and Mortality in the line of duty, one particular encounter with Mortality finally convinced Tony that enough was enough. His peers and colleagues scratched their heads in disbelief when he made the decision. But he's never looked back.

Tony is a native of Steamboat Springs, and after 25 years in the city, in 2018 he moved back to Steamboat with his wife and two boys to begin writing a new chapter in their story. Since 2001, concurrent with his fire service career, Tony has been co-owner of Garage Composites--the nation's largest consulting firm to the powersports industry, and that is his primary professional focus today.

I met Tony through a mutual friend, and he soon became a member of one of the Graveyard Group masterminds I lead. In that setting, on a weekly basis, Tony and his fellow Graveyard Group members remember that they ARE going to die, but they're not dead yet--and they work on the things that matter most in their lives. Today. Because "tomorrow" never comes. And Death always does. We talk a bit about Tony's experience in the Graveyard Group in this episode--about how consciously keeping Mortality in mind with the confidential, compassionate, no BS support of 5 other guys helps him leave it all out on the field of life.

It's been a personal pleasure to get to know Tony over the past year, and it's a special pleasure to introduce you to him so you can integrate his life lessons and hard-won wisdom into your own life.

Starry-eyed at 5

Tony was gracious to indulge my child-like curiosity about what it's like to be a firefighter when we kicked off the interview. Turns out that it was child-like wonder at five years old that turned Tony on to the idea of being a firefighter. He saw a fire truck in a parade with firefighters hanging off of it and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that THAT was what he was going to do when he grew up. He was assembling his own first aid kits in elementary school and had his advanced first aid certification by seventh grade.

In the full episode, we noodle a bit on how we parents can reserve judgment and employ curiosity about what our kids find interesting so we can nurture and guide their development in those areas. This is especially important when what they like doesn't interest us or seem very useful.

Hooked at 21

One of Tony's favorite memories from his 25 years of service was the first time he rode down main street Steamboat on a firetruck as a fully-fledged firefighter. He remembers the rush of doing what he'd always wanted to do in the town where he grew up. He knew at that moment that he was made to do that job.

Another favorite memory was a rescue he pulled off early in his career. He spotted a woman hanging out of a window four stories up. Tony and his partner got a ladder up to her window, and Tony carried her down to safety on his shoulder. His superior told him later back at the station that had Tony not been there that day, she would have died. That experience drove home to Tony the connection between what he loved doing and how what he loved doing made a real difference in real lives in the real world.

Some Other Highlights from the Conversation

• Tony compares the camaraderie he gained and treasured in the fire service with the camaraderie he's gained as a member of a Graveyard Group mastermind. A trait that both the fire service and The Graveyard Group share is that each has a common, unifying purpose--in the fire service, to save lives, and in the The Graveyard Group, to leave it all out on the field of life. When there's a shared, compelling purpose, there's an opportunity for deep and meaningful camaraderie.
• Tony shares how repeated exposure to trauma and death in the line of duty changes you in ways that are both useful and harmful. We explore how our reaction to Death is both understandable on the one hand AND counter-productive on the other when we try too hard to avoid Death's inevitability.
• Tony's best friend in the fire service died tragically in the line of duty. The worst thing Tony saw in all his years of service was the look on his friend's 13-year-old son's face when he learned his dad had died. The worst thing Tony heard in his years of service was the same young man's scream when he heard the news. Tony was somehow able to reconcile all of the other civilian and firefighter deaths he'd experienced. But he wasn't able to reconcile his best friend's death and the reaction of his son. Remarkably, Tony says that his friend's death was even more painful than the recent death of his father and the loss of his first child at birth, a stillborn daughter. This was the tipping point that led Tony to take the off-ramp to a new life with his family.
• In his work with Garage Composites post-fire service, Tony went from anywhere between 40-50 weeks a year on the road to none in 2020 as a result of COVID. That forced change in this new chapter of his family's story has led to a new commitment to dramatically reduce his time away from home once travel is once again

Some Key Takeaways

• Keep the date you set with friends to get together.
• Do the "mundane" stuff with the people you love.
• Show up with your ski gear on when you pick your kid up from ski school, and take a few laps with him or her. It'll make their day.
• If you see an "off-ramp" to a different and better way of life, take it!
• When Death shows up in your life, be shocked, grieve like there's no tomorrow, allow yourself to feel the pain and loss. Then, keep moving.

Tune In!

There's a LOT more in this episode than these shownotes can hope to capture. Tony's warmth and wisdom abound in this conversation.

Change is Simple

I have a simple formula for change: Insight + Action = Transformation. Which is not the same as to say that change is always easy. But the anatomy of change is, in fact, simple. And you can take the first steps toward the change you want in your life today.

What Insight emerged for you from this conversation with Tony? What's just one thing--no matter how small--you could do today to put that Insight into Action? Don't worry about all of the steps that might be necessary after the first one. Just be sure to take that first one today.

A thousand different reasons will pop up why taking that Action today is unreasonable or unnecessary, or why it might be better to think about it a bit more first or get others' opinions or do some more research. This is the voice of inertia, though, the voice of the status quo--whispering to you that it's not that big a deal to hold off on taking that step. That, in fact, it might even be prudent to let your Insight marinate a bit more first.

And that voice in this moment is the enemy of the life you know you were made to live. If you listen to it, It will keep you right where you are--stuck in whatever unsatisfactory state you find yourself.

Because it's less about the specific Action you decide to take than it is about your steadfast commitment to ACT. Your resolve to do what you can right now to move toward what you want.

I'd Love to Help You

My purpose as a coach is to help you live the life you know you were made to live. I can help you leave it all out on the field of life. Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or email me. Go here to learn about Graveyard Group masterminds--where we make time each week to invest in your life's most important work.

Remember, you are going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Connect with Tony!

Email | Website | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

If You Like This Episode…

• Ep. 010 | Life is a House With Many Rooms: Would Your House Pass Inspection?
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live

Your inner voice speaks the truth of who you are and the life you were made to live. But many of us treat it like a suspicious stranger instead of a trustworthy friend. What gives?

In this episode, I'll reveal some of the most common reasons we fail to hear and heed our inner voice and the surprisingly harmful consequences of ignoring it, and how to tune OUT the noise around you so you can tune IN to the reliable guide within you.

A Familiar Idea

The idea of an "inner voice" isn't new. It's an idea that has come in different shapes and forms and expressions over the years. Some might call your "inner voice" your "heart," and encourage you to "follow your heart." Others might say "be true to yourself." No matter how it's expressed, though, the implication is that within us is a trustworthy source of truth about who we really are and the life we're made to live.

My Evolving Relationship With My Inner Voice

To be honest, for most of my life, I was really suspicious of this idea. Partly, at least, because I grew up in a faith tradition that taught me that, left to its own devices, my heart would inevitably bend toward selfish and even evil ways of living--that something within me was broken on a fundamental level. I haven't abandoned that belief entirely--not in its essence, anyway, because I find that it holds up to the litmus test of reality. I don't have to look any farther than my relationships with my wife and boys to know that I sometimes withhold love that they deserve or speak unkindly to them because I'm unhappy with myself. I can dream of being all-competent or remarkably wise so that others will think of me as exceptional and I can think of myself as superior. I do things that I shouldn't, and I don't do things that I should.

So I haven't discarded that perspective entirely, but I have expanded it to make room for what I believe to be an important companion truth--namely, that within the same human heart that holds the capacity for evil resides a voice that whispers truth and goodness to us.

Recognizing Your Inner Voice

Now in my worldview, that voice is of divine origin--placed within me by the Creator, and perhaps it even IS the voice of the Creator. Which in my worldview makes that voice imminently trustworthy.

But I don't think it's at all necessary to share my worldview in order to buy into the idea of a good and reliable voice within us that guides us onto our unique path in life and helps us fulfill our unique purpose.

It's the voice you ignore when an "expert" in a topic tells you the "right" way to do something--and you do it that way, knowing that deep down you really think there's a better way.

It's the voice nudging you gently and persistently to leave a job to pursue an entrepreneurial path--but you stay in the job because it provides a reliable paycheck.

It's the voice telling you to forsake the entrepreneurial path because you actually really like being part of a team in an established organization--but you ignore it because you've bought into the myth that entrepreneurs are cooler, gutsier, and eventually always make tons of money.

It's the voice calling you back to your canvas, brushes, and paints--but you ignore it because your parents told you long ago that art is a frivolous and self-indulgent pursuit that doesn't benefit anyone. So you let your art stuff continue to gather dust in the attic and dive deeper into your sterile corporate law job with a corner office and an amazing salary, while a beautiful part of you dies just a little bit more.

It's the voice calling you out on a limb--but you ignore it and keep your arms wrapped around the trunk because, well, it feels safer here. And you begin to develop an insidious and deep-seated disdain for yourself because you know you've chosen badly.

Or maybe it's the voice that you finally listened to because its whisper had increased to an unavoidable roar in your heart and mind--and to ignore it any longer would take more resolve and energy than simply doing what it said. And so you tuned out all the other voices competing for attention, tuned in to the trustworthy voice within you, and stepped out on that limb.

I had a moment like that almost seven years ago, and it profoundly and wonderfully changed my life. Tune in to episode 005 of this podcast, How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto, to hear more of that story.

The decision to hear and heed my inner voice--to tune out the other voices competing for attention and tune in to my own--has enabled me to become more of the man I was made to be and live the life I was made to live. My inner voice didn't lead me astray. It proved trustworthy. And I'm SO grateful for it. And that experience, more than any other single experience so far, and the good fruit that has come from it, set me on a path of learning to hear and heed my inner voice day in and day out.

Which Person are You?

BTW, hearing and heeding your inner voice is more challenging for some than for others. Some people--because of their innate personality style and upbringing--do it instinctively and effectively from an early age. Others though--also because of innate personality style and upbringing--find it very difficult to do. But that's a whole different discussion for another time.

You know which of those two people you are. And if you're someone who finds it hard to do, then you know deep down the price you're paying for holding your inner voice at arm's length.

And if that's you, stay tuned and listen closely.

The Culprits that Compete With Our inner Voice

I'm not going to spend any more time or energy making a case for the existence and value of our inner voice. Countless others have done that far more intelligently and persuasively than I could ever hope to.

Besides, truth be told...I don't actually think any of us need to be persuaded of the existence and value of our inner voice. What we need instead is encouragement to actually give it the attention it deserves. What keeps us from doing that?

Here are a few of the big culprits--the other "voices" that compete for our attention:

• First, our parents. On the one hand, it may seem ridiculous as an adult to think that our parents could still have that much power in our lives. After all, we're adults now, right? Wellllll...When you consider that for the first 18 or so years of our lives, all of us had one or more parents--or adults who had the rights and responsibilities of a parent in our lives--who profoundly influenced our view of ourselves, life, and the world we live in, then it's no wonder that their voices from the past can drown out our own inner voice even in adulthood. To be clear, I'm not saying that I think we shouldn't heed the input and counsel of our parents--even as adults. I HIGHLY value my parents' counsel still--even at 46. But I AM saying that if your parents' voices drown out your inner voice, then it's time to tune out their voices so you can tune in to your own.
• Next, trusted role models, mentors, and "experts." This is a tough one, too--because we pick role models and mentors because we respect and admire them and believe that in some way they have something valuable to offer us. We may know them personally, or they can also be authors, public figures, historical figures, podcasters like me, bloggers, celebrities, and so forth that we don't know personally but who nevertheless influence us. If we tune in too much to the voices of role models, mentors, and experts, though, then our own inner voice can get lost in the crowd. We can begin to try to live according to their prescriptions for success instead of the one that our own inner voice has been offering us all along. If the role models, mentors, and experts you trust are drowning out your inner voice, tune them out or dial them back so that your inner voice can be heard clearly over them.
• What about cultural & social pressures? To achieve and maintain a certain standard of living. To have a certain kind of job that carries a certain kind of prestige or authority. To take vacations that are just a little more exotic than those that others take. To drive a certain kind of car. You get the picture. If cultural and social pressures--fueled by your own ego and insecurities--are drowning out the truth of your existence and the life you were made to live that your inner voice is patiently and persistently whispering to you...then turn them down and turn your inner voice up.
• How about the News and Social media? These are HUGE threats to the clarity and influence of our own inner voices. In the digital age, news cycles are lightning fast, there's more information available then we could ever hope to consume, a huge chunk of that information is useless anyway, and social media creates an echo chamber of our own devising--reinforced by algorithms that serve up heaping quantities of whatever we click on most. If we're not mindful in our consumption of information from these sources, we begin to live frenetic, harried lives scripted by whatever messages and agendas OTHER people are propagating. We simply allow so much of that noise into our lives that our inner voices don't have a chance of being heard above the fray.

Obviously, this isn't an exhaustive list of the voices that can compete for our attention. But these ARE some of the big culprits. And it's less about tuning out those voices forever and ever, amen, than it is about getting the mix of voices balanced better--like an audio engineer would do when he's mixing together instrument and vocal tracks to create a finished song.

Will Ferrell's Cowbell

One of my favorite Saturday Night Live skits is the one with Will Ferrell playing the cowbell in a studio recording session. The scene is set in the 70s, and all the musicians are wearing stereotypical 70s garb. Will Ferrell's hairy gut is sticking out from a tacky velour shirt that's too short, and he's about to bust out of his light-blue bell bottoms. He and the producer keep wanting to add more cowbell to the track, and take after take, the amount of cowbell and Will Ferrell's antics become more and more ridiculous and completely overwhelm the recording session. It's obvious to the viewer that "more cowbell" is NOT in fact what this recording needs. And it's hilarious to watch the other musicians as they react to the absurdity of the whole situation.

Which voices are Will Ferrell's cowbell in your life right now, drowning out your own inner voice and creating a mix that isn't true to the music you alone can offer the world?

Whichever voices are drowning out your inner voice, turn them down or tune them out. If MY voice via this podcast is too loud in your head and heart, then turn it down or tune it out.

There's simply NO substitute for the truth of who you are and the life you were made to live that your inner voice can whisper to you in a way that NO ONE ELSE CAN.

The Consequences of Ignoring Your Inner Voice

Because here's the deal: We may fail to hear and heed our inner voice for a while, or we may even consciously choose to ignore it. But make no mistake, our inner voice will make itself known one way or another. It simply can't be ignored forever. I believe long-term neglect of our inner voice--that is, long-term neglect of the truth of our existence and the life we were made to live--leads to anger, depression, blown-up marriages, broken relationships between parents and kids, destructive coping mechanisms like substance abuse, and more. Some of these collateral damages were true in my own life before I began to risk hearing and heeding my inner voice. I see the same patterns playing out in the lives of my clients when they're resisting their own inner voice. And I see them break free of these patterns when they begin to hear, heed, and live according to the truth of their inner voice. Then, slowly but surely, who they truly are begins to emerge.

The Rewards of Hearing and Heeding Your Inner Voice

If it feels risky to listen to your inner voice, then consider the risks of NOT tuning in to it. And compare those risks to the wildly wonderful benefits of you fulfilling more and more of your unique purpose in the world.

Tune out the noise, and tune in to your own inner voice to discover the truth of your existence and the life you were made to live.

And since none of us knows when we'll draw our last breath in this life, isn't it time to give your inner voice the attention that it deserves?

Today is the Day to Start Hearing and Heeding Your Inner Voice

This episode is airing in the ninth month of the global COVID-19 situation. For some of you, the whole ordeal has brought some nagging questions to the surface in ways that you can't ignore. Your inner voice is available to help you answer them.

And I can help you tune in to your inner voice and act on what you hear.

Maybe the first step for you today is reaching out to me. My purpose as a coach is to help you live the life you know you were made to live. Connect with me on Facebook, email me, or visit my website to learn more.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts, Gusto, and Abandon
• Ep. 014 | Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

"The grass is always greener on the other side." So, don't fool yourself into thinking there's anything better out there for you. Right? Welllll…

A lot of conventional wisdom--for all of its potential value--has very real limits and misuses. Are you falling prey to the limits and misuses of this particular bit of conventional wisdom? And paying a high price in fulfillment, purpose, and impact as a result?

In this episode, I bring in my favorite person in the world--my wife, Charis--to unpack how the past eight years of our life have shown us how sometimes, the grass really is greener on the other side. And what it takes to KEEP it green.

Does greener grass await you? This episode will help you figure out your answer to that important question.

Introducing the One, the Only--My Wife--Charis Petty

Charis Petty is one heck of a woman. She's fiercely loyal to those she loves. She's outrageously thoughtful and generous. She's a creative and passionate gift-giver who genuinely enjoys making the lives of those around better and brighter. She's an attentive, fun, and courageous mother of our two boys. She's a gifted real estate professional, and she's got a rocket engine for a brain. She's REALLY wise. In fact, she's my favorite coach. She hits me between the eyes regularly with exactly what I need to hear. I've learned to defer to her far superior engineering abilities, and her situational awareness is astounding to me (who, admittedly, lacks it almost entirely, sometimes).

And thank goodness, this woman is my wife, my lifelong partner-in-crime, the woman with whom I've created a family and embarked on a journey of becoming the people we were made to be and living the lives we were made to live.

Oh, and did I mention that, in addition to everything I've already said about her, she's smokin' hot?? Lucky, lucky me.

The Lies Behind the Truth

I think there's a fair amount of useful truth in most bits of conventional wisdom. "Bloom where you're planted." "Wherever you go, there you are." "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." And so on. Those time-honored adages have real value in some situations.

But in my opinion, and in our family's experience over the past eight years, we can fall prey to the lies behind the truth, so to speak, if we aren't able to see and push past the unnecessarily confining limits of these adages.

For example, we can believe that just because it can be good to "bloom where you're planted," it's therefore never good to plant yourself elsewhere. Or that just because "wherever I go, there I am," it's never a good idea to take myself somewhere else. Or just because "a bird in hand CAN be worth two in the bush," it's never wise to go for the two in the bush. It's these lies that lurk behind the truths inherent in these adages that can keep us from pushing forward into a more fuller expression and experience of the life we were made to live.

"If Things are Still This Way Five Years from Now…"

About eight years ago, it had become abundantly clear that no amount of toil, perseverance, or grit was going to yield "green grass" for me and my family in the "yard" we were tending. I had done everything I knew to do to adapt myself to the yard--to become the kind of groundskeeper, so to speak, that could coax green grass out of that soil. I'd picked up and tried every tool I could think of to do my part. We were genuinely thankful for the life that we did have. And still, it was painfully obvious that the grass was barely sprouting, much less displaying any shade of green.

Sometimes, toil over time produces good things in a person. For me though, that effort over the course of almost 14 years with very little green grass to show for it--in the ways that were most important to us--was breaking me down, not making me better and stronger.

In the full episode, Charis shares what evidence she saw in me that supported this conclusion and other indicators, too. Suffice it to say, I was LESS of the man she married after years of trying to bloom where we were planted. And it was becoming unpleasant enough for our family that eventually she acknowledged to herself that if things were still this way in five years, "we" were going to have a big problem.

It was during this time that adages like "the grass is always greener" and "bloom where you're planted" haunted me. If that conventional wisdom was so full of real wisdom, then why was I so miserable?

We Found Greener Grass. So Can You.

Thankfully, we found a new way forward before that looming five-year mark! Eventually, with Charis' support, the support of my first-ever coach, and the discovery that courage is a choice, I began giving myself permission to acknowledge that where we were planted was never going to produce green grass for us. We needed a change.

Ep. 003, How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto, tells more of that story and the single defining moment that kicked us out of the yard we were in to search for greener grass.

And guess what? We found it.

And so can you.

With this one caveat. You too can find greener grass...if, in fact, greener grass awaits and you're not simply trying to escape the discomfort of tending the soil and doing the work to produce greener grass right where you are. Because sometimes, remember, the old adage is right-on, and we can succumb to the lie that if I just had the yard next door, all would be well. Then you move into that yard, and guess what--the next yard over looks just a bit better than yours. And so on. That's a recipe for chronic dissatisfaction, instability, and making only a fraction of your potential contribution in the world.

I don't think there's really such a thing as a "geographic fix" or a "job fix" or any other "fix" we might pursue as a silver bullet for the discomforts and challenges of life. This is what the common understanding of "the grass is always greener" warns us against seeking. But I DO think, in many cases, there are such things as significant geographic "improvements" or job "improvements."

In our case, greener grass really did await. And it's been a BIG improvement.

Now the Grass Stays Effortlessly Green and Lush! Uhhh...

Wouldn't that be nice? Ain't so. In the full episode, Charis and I unpack just how hard it has been to keep our new grass green. In fact, there are ways in which we've worked harder and been pushed to greater extremes in this new patch of grass than ever before. Some of our scariest moments as a family have happened in this new yard.

This is one way in which the common usage of the old adage again proves true--namely, that green grass doesn't just magically appear and stay green.

But we have never--not for one nano-second--looked back with regret that we came in search of this greener grass. Because in this soil, our toil actually produces green grass.

And, we've found, green grass yields more green grass. Both my and Charis' professional lives have blossomed. We are both making a bigger difference in the world in ways that are clear and measurable and immensely rewarding. We've both found untapped potential within ourselves, learned to tolerate failure better, and become more willing to take risks. Our boys are thriving. Every day is a battle of one sort or another. But it's a battle we're glad to fight because we see day by day it's advancing us further into the lives we were uniquely made to live.

As we've walked farther and farther out on the proverbial limb, step by scary step, we've found that the limb holds.

Ha. I'll stop there on that point--before I mix in too many other metaphors!

So Was the Old Yard a Waste of 14 Years?

Quite the opposite. I learned SO much in that period. The pressures from within and without provided the heat necessary to teach me some critical lessons about myself, life, and the way the world works. Absolutely invaluable lessons. I share a couple of those in the full episode.

It's another example of how our Story and our Purpose are inseparable.

I don't know that we'd be in the green grass we now enjoy--personally and professionally--if we hadn't first tried to produce green grass in our old yard.

But What About You? How's Your Grass?

If this episode is speaking to you--if something in you is stirring because you know deep down that there is greener grass for you--then Seize. This. Moment. Do SOMETHING today--even just one thing--that will get you moving in the direction of that greener grass. It's not just for your benefit, BTW, as important as that is.

When you move courageously toward your greener grass, you begin a transformation from one version of you to an even fuller expression of the person you were made to be. And that's good for EVERYONE.

Cultivate Your Greener Grass More Quickly, Together

My purpose as a coach is to help you live the life you know you were made to live. I can help you find YOUR greener grass. Connect with me on Facebook, email me, or visit my website for more options.

Go here to learn about Graveyard Group masterminds--where we make time each week to invest in your life's most important work.

If You Liked This Episode, Check These Out, Too

• Ep. 003 | How to Turn Your Imperfections Into Superpowers: The Key to Unlocking Your Unique Purpose
• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 014 | Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live
• Ep. 019 | The Cockpit is Yours: From Passenger to Pilot

Connect with Charis

Email | Instagram | Website

Remember, you are going to die. But you're NOT DEAD YET. So get after it!

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review!

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What does seven years of suffering reveal to a man about life and what matters most?

This episode is a firsthand report from the front lines of intense suffering. My guest, Matt Wilks, invites us into some of the darkest moments--including his own dark night of the soul--the triumphant moments, and much more in between.

Matt's story is, of course, uniquely his. In a way, though, his story is also OUR story--the story of humans sharing the same "blue marble" of a planet for a brief span of time in the vast timeline of humanity--with all its painful lows and thrilling highs. And in Matt's modern-day story, we find ancient wisdom for living our most fulfilling and meaningful lives as humans on planet earth.

Introducing Matt Wilks

Matt Wilks is a physical therapist by trade who today serves as VP and Chief Rehabilitation Officer for Sheltering Arms Institute --a cutting edge inpatient rehabilitation hospital in Richmond, VA. Matt and I met in college many moons ago, and we've reconnected in the past several years through a mutual friend. His wife, Amy Caroline, and their three kids live in the Richmond, VA area. And he is one high quality human being, in my book! Tune into the full episode to get to know Matt better; I think you'll agree that he's one high-quality human being.

A Staggering Timeline of Suffering

The Wilks' family's timeline of suffering began seven years ago, when Matt's wife, Amy Caroline was diagnosed with melanoma. Then, his son, Hayes, was diagnosed with bone cancer and began a fierce fight for his life. Next, Matt began experiencing debilitating physical and neurological symptoms. His body was shutting down, and the possibility of ALS hung in the air. Then, almost unbelievably, Amy Caroline had another bout with melanoma, surgery to remove a benign thyroid tumor, and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then, Matt's dad (70) and one of Amy Caroline's closest family members (54) received alzheimer's diagnoses.

Let that sink in.

I still can't quite wrap my brain around it. I do know, though, that this unfathomable degree of suffering brings (in my mind, at least) an immense amount of credibility to all of the lessons for living that Matt shares in this episode.

Tune in to the full episode to hear Matt fill in the finer brush strokes that bring that timeline to life in human terms.

Connecting Some Dots of Love and Mercy

In the course of recounting Hayes' cancer battle--which Matt identifies as the central struggle for his family during the past seven years--Matt reminded me that he, Amy Caroline, and Hayes crossed paths with my sister and brother-in-law in the very earliest days of Hayes' cancer battle and in the midst of my brother-in-law's own cancer battle. Holly and Brian visited with Matt, Amy Caroline, and Hayes in NYC closely following one of Brian's major cancer-removal and orthopedic reconstructive surgeries. The comfort and encouragement that Holly and Brian shared were so deeply meaningful for Matt and his family in that moment and helped them know that they weren't alone.

Matt shares that this experience of receiving comfort from others who were suffering was repeated many times over in the course of Hayes' cancer battle.

My brother-in-law's cancer battle had a HUGE impact on my life, too. In fact, this podcast is a direct result of how his struggle shaped me. Tune in to episode 001, You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It for the rest of that story.

There's Love Beneath the Waves

One of the most moving parts of this episode for me is Matt's description of one of the darkest moments he experienced during Hayes' cancer battle. He calls the experience his own "dark night of the soul"--lying in bed in the middle of the night, alone with his fears that Hayes' cancer had come back. And in those hours, Matt searched for something--anything--that was solid and he could cling onto. He found nothing, and eventually all he could do was lie there and breathe--and "that, only barely," he recounts. Then, he began to be aware of a presence with him, steady and unwavering, and enabling him to keep drawing breath. He found "Love beneath the waves."

The discovery of this "Love beneath the waves" has given Matt the ability to live and love with greater guts, gusto, and abandon than ever before--no matter how choppy and storm-tossed the seas are on the surface.

The Beauty of Simple Moments

In the midst of all the suffering, Matt has developed the habit of lying in his hammock in a certain spot in his yard, with a good book and a favorite cocktail as his companions, the breeze on his face, and the dappled sunlight filtering through the tree above him. The suffering, Matt says, has helped him to truly relish life's good things, life's sweet moments. In a way, even as the suffering has deepened Matt's spiritual experience of life, it has also paradoxically amplified his appreciation for the material world.

Ancient Wisdom

This juxtaposition of the spiritual and the material in his own experience has made the book of Ecclesiastes one of Matt's favorite sources for wisdom. He recognizes in its ancient lines the lessons he's learned in his modern-day story of suffering.

Other Takeaways from Matt's Story

• Who am I, and whose am I? For Matt, the answers to these questions determine if we have a "rich" life or a "poor" life much more than our own interpretation of "rich" and "poor."
• Receive each moment as it comes to you and for what it is--no less and no more. Don't cling to the moments or demand that good moments last forever.
• Our individual stories are hid within a much larger and longer story. Our suffering connects us with the billions of humans that have suffered before us.

These are some of the nuggets of ancient wisdom that bubble up for me from this modern-day tale. Tune in to the full episode to see what bubbles up for you.

All is Well

I'm glad to report that Amy Caroline, Matt, and Hayes are all doing much better these days. Amy Caroline's breast cancer treatment has gone well. Matt's symptoms have dramatically improved. And Hayes has almost reached the 5-year mark since beginning treatment, a major milestone related to his longer-term outlook.

What About You?

If you're above ground and breathing, you've already suffered in one way or another. Maybe you're suffering right now. You are not alone. If you're not suffering in a particular way right now, let me be the bearer of difficult news: Suffering will come again in one form or another, sooner or later. And then there's Death--and as Coroner Rob Ryg reminded us in episode 018, it never comes when we're expecting it. Life isn't all suffering and death, but as Matt mentioned in this episode, our Western "developed" cultures don't equip us to suffer or related to Death very well. Which is one reason why here on Andrew Petty is Dying, we intentionally embrace our Mortality to find motivation to become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live.

If you're suffering now, how can Matt's story help you persevere in your suffering and find the love beneath the waves? If you're not suffering right now, how can Matt's story motivate you to live with more guts, gusto, and abandon now?

Let's add a little more heat: If you knew with 100% certainty that you would die 5 years from today, what would you start doing differently today? Whatever it is, DO. THAT. THING.

A Powerful Partnership for Your Journey

My purpose as a coach is to help you live the life you know you were made to live. I can help you leave it all out on the field of life. Connect with me on Facebook, email me, or visit my website to learn more. Check out Graveyard Group masterminds--where we make time each week to invest in your life's most important work.

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts, Gusto, and Abandon
• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 014 | Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

On the flight path of your life, what keeps you from reaching your desired destination most often? There's one culprit that all of us can relate to in one way or another at one time or another. And it's time to deal with it.

A Story to Set the Stage

I plopped down in my aisle seat and breathed a sigh of relief. It was a tight connection between flights, and the sweat beading on my brow was evidence that I had hustled to make this one. I even had to pass up Chick-Fil-A in the food court to make it. I HATE missing a chance to eat Chick-Fil-A. But, I acknowledged very maturely, that's a first-world problem, and my podcast IS about avoiding deathbed regrets and living my best life now. Missing Chick-Fil-A once surely won't make the list of things I regret when the grim reaper comes to collect my bones. Again, I congratulated myself--very mature and reasonable of you. I'm really practicing what I preach!

As the cabin crew conducted their final checks before departure, I glanced around like most of us do to get the lay of the land, people-wise. Any toddlers likely to vomit without warning, scream inconsolably, or kick the back of my seat for the whole flight? Nope. Nice. Any unrepentant extraverts just waiting for me to unwittingly meet their gaze so they could engage me in hours of uninterrupted, stream-of-consciousness small talk? Hmm, none that I can detect. But keep your guard up, I told myself--they're growing stealthier every day.

(Apologies to all the extraverts out there, BTW. No offense meant. Just the honest internal dialog of an introvert desperate seeking some sweet, sweet "I" time, as my extraverted wife and I call it.)

As my own pre-flight people check continued, my gaze landed on the occupant of the aisle seat just opposite me. Her attire instantly identified her as a member of the flight crew--or at least a member of a flight crew. Another few seconds of quick--and hopefully not too creepy--peripheral scanning of her attire told me that she was, in fact, a pilot. She had just started casually browsing through a People magazine--the kind of brainless reading that a lot of us indulge in when traveling by air. Just something light and amusing to pass the time, we tell ourselves.

This was one of those moments when my introversion masquerades as extraversion--my curiosity compelling me to create a conversation that I ordinarily wouldn't if nothing about the person had stood out to me. But I've always felt like a starry-eyed kid in the presence of pilots and soldiers and firefighters--people who do things on a daily basis that, from my perspective require unusual skill and courage and whose actions have huge life-and-death consequences on a routine basis.

"Are you deadlegging?" I asked, leaning into the aisle a bit and converting my mildly creepy peripheral scanning into an intentional attempt to engage. I also secretly hoped that "deadlegging" was the right term--one I thought I'd heard used before by flight crews referring to catching a ride as a passenger on one flight to make it to another flight when they would be on duty.

"You mean deadheading?" she corrected.

"Oh, heh," I chuckled. "Yeah, that's it." Damn it, Petty, I thought, that's what you get for trying to borrow another profession's lingo like it was your own.

"No," she replied. "I'm working this flight."

My confusion must have been obvious, because she followed up with, "Why do you ask?"

"Well," I started, "I thought your uniform meant you're a pilot, but I guess I was wrong. Are you an instructor or evaluator or something?"

"Nope, I'm the pilot."

"Wait. The plane can fly itself? With you sitting back here?" I asked, wavering between disbelief, confusion, and amazement.

"Oh no," she replied. "Technology's amazing these days, but this aircraft still needs me to get us all where we're going."

"Soooo…Ok, I'm super confused," I confessed. "You're the pilot. The plane can't fly itself to our destination, but you're sitting here in the cabin with the rest of us. What am I missing?"

"Huh," the pilot responded. "Weird. I guess when you put it that way, it does seem kind of strange. Maybe I'd better go check on things in the cockpit."

With that, and a bit of a startled look in her eye, she got up and began to make her way to the cockpit.

An Identity Crisis

Ok, full disclosure, if it's not already obvious: The story I just told you never actually happened. But it sets the stage for the question I want us all to consider today. And here it is:

Are you sitting in the cabin when you should be in the cockpit?

Because here's the thing: Each of us IS in fact the pilot of our own lives, whether we're more often found seated in the cabin or in the cockpit.

By definition, no one else CAN be the pilot of our lives.

Maybe like me, you believe that a Higher Power is making your flight possible in the first place, intervening at critical junctures, and orchestrating your flight path from start to finish--like cosmic Air Traffic Control. Even so--even if you appeal to and depend upon a cosmic Air Traffic Control--only you can throttle up the engines of your life, point your plane in the direction you want to go, and take off.

But many of us spend way too much time sitting in the cabin with the passengers--ignoring or hiding from our pilot's duties.

And when our "flight" is delayed or lands at the wrong airport or hits unexpected turbulence, we point the finger at everyone but ourselves.

Do you see yourself in your pilot's uniform when you look in the mirror?

Or have you demoted yourself to passenger and left the cockpit empty?

It's time to promote yourself, and move from the cabin to the cockpit--where you really belong.

MY Identity Crisis

It takes one to know one, as they say. I spent many years unaware that I was wearing a pilot's uniform and had full access to the cockpit. I spent a lot of time looking for OTHER pilots to fly my plane--my parents, mentors, friends, therapists--all the while failing to realize that the pilot I was looking for was me.

That pattern persisted well into adulthood. It was flying under the radar in my life--undetected, but wreaking havoc on my flight plan all the same.

There are a lot of factors that led to me adopting that MO in life. Things from my childhood, some of the ways that I'm hardwired, my lifelong coexistence with Anxiety, etc.

None of those are excuses, though--just factors that I allowed to shape me into more of a passenger than the pilot of my own life. And it's less important that I understand all of the factors than that I take the steps necessary to promote myself to my proper position as Pilot.

Bonus Thought / Quick Rabbit Trail

Quick sidenote: I love the title of Tony Robbins' autobiographical documentary--I'm Not Your Guru, because I think, implied, is this subtitle: Be Your Own Guru. That's what I've discovered--my search for someone to play a guru role in my life got in the way of finding and following my unique flight path in this life. It's great to seek counsel--to consult a navigator, a co-pilot, to communicate with Air Traffic Control--but in the end, only I can actually fly the plane.

Ancient Origins

My personal take on the origins of this passenger / Pilot problem also includes an observation about human nature that is at least as old as the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Regardless of how you relate to that story--as historically accurate, just a useful moral teaching, pure myth, or something else--I think it's super enlightening that when God first confronted Adam and Eve for their violation of His commands, Adam's immediate response was that Eve made him do it.

"Hey look," he's claiming, "this lady--that YOU made, BTW, God--this lady is the pilot of the crazy plane that got us in this spot in the first place. She's the one to blame! I was just a passenger!"

"Oh really?" I can hear God thinking, amused. "So you're just a poor little passenger on a crazy plane flown by a crazy pilot that you didn't even ask for in the first place, huh? Poor little helpless Adam!"

Then Eve takes picks up the "poor me" baton and continues with the nonsense: "The serpent tricked me, God! ME! Poor little trusting Eve! That vile serpent--that YOU created, BTW, God--IT told me it would be ok."

It's easy to look at that story and go, "C'mon Adam and Eve, you knew what you were doing. Stop trying to shift the blame."

It's easy to see through this same blame-shifting strategy when one of my boys blames his brother for why he hasn't yet brushed his own teeth.

It's a little harder to see it in ourselves, though. Because OTHER people may do that--and come to think of it, I see it all the time--but I certainly don't play that game.

Ha. Really?

I'm not looking for a debate on the origin and validity and value of the story of Adam and Eve. I AM asking you to look at the world around you and to peer deeply into yourself and see if you don't bump into the same blame-shifting, self-demoting, self-protective impulses at work. Keeping you and others you know from fully assuming their proper role as Pilot of their own lives.

And folks, this passenger mindset keeps us from flying the one and only life we've got as beautifully, as creatively, as far, and as high as we can.

Man, I think that's a tragedy.

My Promotion from Passenger to Pilot

A turning point for me came when I encountered a psychological framework called Transactional Analysis. This framework landed on my mental runway at just the right time--thank you, Air Traffic Control. I'm not a psychologist or a son of a psychologist, but the quick and dirty description of Transactional Analysis is a way of understanding social interactions between people and evolving toward healthier patterns of relating. A specific application of Transactional Analysis, though, called the Drama Triangle, was the proverbial mirror that allowed me to see myself for the first time as a Pilot masquerading as a passenger.

And wow--it was a shock. After the initial shock wore off--think weeks, not minutes, hours, or days, merely--I began to take some of my first intentional steps up the aisle of the cabin toward the cockpit.

Today, I'm more fully situated as Pilot in the cockpit of my life. And the view and the ride are WAY better up here. I'll admit it can be a bit more nerve-wracking up here, too. We don't get to sit in the Pilot's seat without also seeing the instruments that report systems' status and the distant flash of lightning in our flight path. Unlike the passengers, though, as Pilot, we have the freedom and the power to respond to instrument warnings and storms on the horizon. Passengers can only hang on for the ride.

Are You a Passenger or the Pilot?

Do you need to promote yourself from passenger to Pilot? You can take that first step today by simply acknowledging that fact. That's your first step up the aisle toward the cockpit. Don't stop until you get there. And once you get there, fly the plane of your life with all the skill, guts, gusto, and abandon that you can muster.

The Flight Path from Here

I HIGHLY recommend checking out the Drama Triangle--for your own evolution and the wellbeing of your most cherished relationships. It rocked my world in the best possible way. Here's a good place to start.

If you have realized that you need to promote yourself from passenger to Pilot, first of all, know that you're not alone! And, I can help you. I've made the transition myself, and I work on it with my clients every week as they become the people they were made to be and live the lives they were made to live. Email me, message me on Facebook or Instagram, or visit my website for more options.

If This Episode Helped You, Listen to These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 014 | Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

What does a coroner know about life and death that we don't?

For starters, my guest today, Rob Ryg, says that his 17 years as coroner have shown him that death never comes when you expect it to. Which begs the question, "so if I don't know when I'll die, how do I live today?"

Rob digs into that question from the perspectives of his own recent encounter with Mortality, his faith, and his experience as coroner to help the rest of us live with more guts, gusto, and abandon now.

This conversation is a coroner's report from the front lines.

Introducing Roby Ryg

Rob's work begins when someone else's life ends, suddenly and tragically. He has stood in the sacred, grief-filled gap between the living and the dead hundreds of times. He's been privy to moments of courage and grace in the face of loss...and also there when those left behind come unhinged. He's heard what the grieving regret most. He knows better than most of us the havoc that Death leaves in its wake. It's that perspective that we tap into in this episode to gain fresh inspiration and motivation to do today what we keep putting off until "tomorrow." To put living the lives we were made to live on the front burner TODAY.

Lest you're tempted to tune out because this conversation sounds like too much of a downer, I've got good news: You'll come away encouraged by Rob's life-affirming perspective--pardoxically, cultivated from hundreds of encounters with Death. Because paradoxically, our relationship with Death is really about our relationship with Life, and by intentionally confronting our Mortality now--before we have no choice--we train ourselves to live with greater guts, gusto, and abandon. So don't tune out. Tune in, way in. And let this conversation about Death bring you even more to Life.

Along the way, Rob shares how his faith comes into play. If you tune into the audio version of this episode, I hope the spiritual parts of the conversation will prompt your own spiritual reflection and introspection. Because for we humans, there are perhaps no topics MORE spiritual than life, death, and what happens next.

Rob and I were just acquaintances before this conversation. I can tell you after this conversation, though, that if I were ever to die suddenly and tragically, I would want Rob to be the guy to comfort my family and tend to my newly-vacated mortal coil. He has a calm and direct way about him, a gaze that holds yours firmly AND gently, and a heart for people above all. He also had his own intense encounter with Mortality just three years ago, so he speaks with a credibility gained from personal experience--not just experience gained on the job.

Here are a few of the big ideas and takeaways from this episode:

• Rob's 3 Big Questions For All of Us:
• • Where did I come from?
  • How do I get the most out of this life while I'm here?
  • What happens when I'm gone?
• Death never comes at the right time.
• You're not ready to live until you're ready to die.
• "I wish…" statements are one of the most common things for the loved ones of those who died to express. "I wish I'd told him what he really meant to me." "I wish I'd spent more time with him." "I wish I'd pushed him to get more help." Etc… Do something TODAY to shorten your "I wish…" list!
• The truth always wins. For example, in this case, the truth of our Mortality. We can try to suppress or avoid that truth, like holding a beach ball under water, but it will always eventually pop up and hit us in the face.

I hope you'll tune into the whole episode because these bullet points don't do justice to the depth of wisdom and insight that Rob shares!

Rob's 3 Big Questions: Make them Personal, Make Them Matter

Let's take a minute to let the 3 questions that Rob shared ring in our ears and sink into our hearts and minds. How do YOU answer those questions? For some of you, these questions are familiar because for one reason or another--whether wiring or necessity or some of both (like me!)--you've wrestled with them consciously. For others of you, maybe these questions feel annoying or really uncomfortable, and you'd rather not give them any more time or energy than you already have just listening to this episode. Or maybe you've genuinely never given them the time of day--and not because you're avoiding them, but just because they haven't come up for you. No matter which of those people you are...if Rob is accurate, and these questions and their answers have real-world implications--if they actually have a huge influence on the way we live day-in and day-out, then it makes a lot of sense to answer them for ourselves. Where did you come from? How do you get the most out of this life while you're here? And what happens when you're gone?

You ARE Going to Die: So Create the Life You Were MADE to Live

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with via Facebook, my website, or email. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live. Go Here to learn about Graveyard Group masterminds--where you tap into the power of your mortality to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

If you haven't already, subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Connect with Rob Ryg via email.

If This Episode Helped You, Tune In To These, Too

• 001 | You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It
• 004 | Do It Now Before It's Too Late: A Raw and Unfiltered Conversation With Husband, Father, Chef, and Cancer Warrior, Patrick Ayres
• 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• 014 | Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life

If you're looking for more "balance" in your life, then I'm sorry to say that you've come to the wrong place. I'm not your guy. I think our modern pursuit of "balance" is for the birds, and I think there's a much better way.

What We Really Want

If you're anything like me--like most humans, in fact--you'd like a little more balance in your life. My coaching clients frequently want more balance in their lives. What I mean when I say "balance" is similar, I think, to what a lot of us mean if we're really honest: Freedom from stress and strain, to weather the ups and downs and corkscrews and constant demands of life with unflustered grace, calm, and ease, to become an impregnable fortress of serenity that nothing and no one can topple or disturb.

We're tempted to think that if we can just crack the code on "balance," it'll be smooth sailing from then on and we'll be impervious to future stress, strain, and fatigue--floating zen-like in an unflustered way through life.

The Real Failure

There are plenty of respected, respectable, and prominent voices out there telling us that balance IS achievable. This three-part formula or that 6-week course will help you achieve the balance that you desire AND deserve.

Persuaded that "balance" is not only desirable but also attainable, we beat ourselves us up over the fact that we've failed to achieve it. And then we re-double our efforts. Maybe with a few tweaks here and there, a little more yoga, a perfected morning routine, a great journaling practice, sticking to my nutrition plan, etc. etc….Maybe then I will indeed achieve a rarified state of balance that makes me serenely impervious to all that life might throw at me.

I think our real failure, though, is not a failure to achieve balance. I think our real failure is believing that balance is possible in the first place.

We're chasing a mirage that always stays just out of reach. And we can spend a lifetime chasing the mirage--trying to rise permanently above the gritty, grimy, unpleasant, and dangerous parts of life--all the while forgetting to actually live.

Can you relate to this longing for balance?

Life is hard, and it can be exhausting--even in the best of times. We want some rest. We want some relief. And if that relief could be sustainable, even permanent? Well that would be amazing!

The Problem With Balance

The problem, though, is that our desire for permanent relief--for uninterrupted balance--doesn't match the reality of life as a human being on planet earth. Life continually exerts unbalancing forces upon us.

On a normal day in a normal week for many of us, life as a human being on planet earth includes some or all of the following: Our Significant Other wants and needs us. Our kids want and need us. Our job wants and needs us. Our health needs attention, our house needs some TLC, and our friends want to be with us, too.

Those are just a few of the normal and good things competing for our time and energy. They create tension in our lives, if you think of tension in the purest sense: a strained state or condition resulting from forces acting in opposition to each other. Add to those normal things some of the other, less welcome things that can create tension in our lives, and you've got a system under sometimes enormous stress and strain: sickness, injury, economic uncertainty, job loss, and social unrest, for example. How about a global pandemic? That's fun. And let's not forget our old and our ancient foe, Death--who never shows up at a good time or when we expect it. It's easy to feel pulled in a kazillion different directions even on a very average day.

Strive for Balance...Get the Opposite

It's really interesting to me that some of the people I know who strive the hardest for balance in the midst of all of these tension-inducing forces are also some of the least peaceful people I know.

I'M that guy when I try to pursue perfect balance and someone or something threatens to unbalance me.

What's that about?

My hunch is that the relentless pursuit of balance produces very much the opposite. That any semblance of balance achieved is so fragile and fleeting that we can actually become hostile to anyone or anything that threatens it. And intensely unhappy at the same time with the fragility of the balance we've achieved.

A Better Way

When the balance that we want doesn't match the reality of life as a human being on planet earth, then we have at least a couple of options: We can ignore reality and demand irrationally that it bend to our will. We can keep chasing that mirage. OR, we can accept reality and find a better way.

I vote that we accept reality and find a better way.

So, let's stop chasing balance and commit to getting better at managing life's many tensions, instead.

Bridges: A Metaphor for a Better Way

Bridges are amazing structures. They allow us to cross formidable gaps by successfully managing two forces--tension and compression. Engineers have devised various ways of managing these forces over the millenia. No engineer, however, has ever devised a way to eliminate these forces altogether. For a bridge to span the gap from "here" to "there," tension and compression must be successfully managed 24/7. In fact, the bridge is ABLE to span the gap because of those forces.

I think this is a great metaphor for what it's like to live in the real world. We're like a bridge--constantly encountering and redistributing the forces that act upon us to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to go. Sometimes we do that well. Other times, not as well. Unlike the unattainable mirage of perfect balance--which will always remain just out of reach, no matter how hard we try--we CAN get better at managing life's tensions. Like a bridge, we can upgrade our engineering in response to the many forces acting upon us.

I like the idea of putting my time and energy into something I can actually get better at when I put in the work.

BTW, have you ever seen video of a bridge undulating violently in the wind? Massive concrete and steel structures actually convulsing and rippling and even breaking apart when certain wind conditions exploit flaws in their engineering. Weaknesses in their ability to encounter and redistribute the focus action upon them. It's unbelievable to watch.

I felt like one of those bridges a couple times this week, in fact.

Tension's Here to Stay

There's always tension in the system, so to speak. It's not going away as long as we're above ground and breathing. And in my experience, if we stay in the game, the amount of tension in the system only increases over time.

When we stop and really think about it, like in the case of the bridge, it's good that these tensions exist. We feel pulled between our work and our family, for example. It creates tension. But we would never want either one of those sources of tension to go away forever. So our best option is to actively manage the tension that's created by the two opposing forces pulling on us. Sometimes that might mean giving more attention to your family and less to work, or vice versa. I can make those adjustments and redistribute the forces acting upon me when I'm consciously and actively engaged in managing those tensions. A bridge actively absorbs and redistributes the forces acting upon it in real-time, all day long--like wind and water and traffic. But if I'm insistent upon achieving balance--if I'm insistent upon life cooperating with certain very specific conditions in order for me to be okay--then the slightest source of imbalance is an existential threat.

A Simple 3-Step Process!

So here's your three-step process to becoming a master at managing life's tensions...

Ha. Just kidding. I think you know it doesn't work that way.

Managing life's many tensions is the ongoing work of a lifetime. As you train yourself to stay in the tension rather than flee toward some elusive, unattainable notion of balance, you grow in your ability to manage the tensions more and more effectively. And as you grow, life will inevitably add more weight to the bar. Then you'll put in the work to upgrade your engineering in response to those new forces.

Busted!

The myth of balance? Busted. Commit to the work of managing life's many tensions instead. As you do, day by day you will become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

More Mileage from the Metaphor

Let's see if we can squeeze some more mileage out of this bridge metaphor...What kind of bridge are you? How do you know? What conditions are you made to function in best? What kind of maintenance do you need, and when? Who's on your maintenance team? Do you need other people on your maintenance team? Do you need to let some of your maintenance people go? Do you need other tools to keep yourself in good working order? Do you have unnecessary sources of tension in your life--creating tension that you aren't meant to have to manage?

A powerful coaching partnership helps you answer these and many other foundational questions so you're even better equipped to manage life's many tensions. It's one of my greatest joys as a coach to support people in this part of their journey.

Let's Talk

You and I might be a good fit to do this work together. Let's talk! Email me, or visit my website for other ways to connect.

In the meantime, check out these other episodes of Andrew Petty is Dying for more insight and tools to manage life's tensions:

• Episode 010 | Life is a House with Many Rooms: Would Your House Pass Inspection?
• Episode 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life

Remember, you are going to die. But you're NOT DEAD YET. So get after it!

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

What if one question could revolutionize your life right now?

You might be thinking, "whatever, Petty--you and all the other schmucks out there pitching silver bullets and fool-proof lifehacks." I get it; that's my response, too, to promises of instantaneous life change. But--and again, I realize this is what they all say--this is different. Stay tuned to see if I'm full of it or if there's really something useful here.

Fair warning: At face value, the question I'll share is simple, but using it to change your life is far from easy. It takes guts and commitment. So buckle up, buttercup--you might just be on the brink of something extraordinary.

Wait. Why Are We Doing This? Oh right.

More often than not, it takes a life-or-death crisis to wake us up to the fragility of Life and the inevitability of Death. Sometimes, when confronted with such a crisis, we make dramatic and durable changes. That happened to me, and I share that part of my story in episode 001: You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It.

But I think it's tragic to wait until crisis strikes to make those changes. By then it's often a case of too little, too late. So I created this podcast to help us all develop the habit of proactively confronting our Mortality to harness its motivational power RIGHT NOW--before crisis strikes and we're left with no choice. To let regular contemplation of our Mortality keep what matters most on the top of our minds. And to assemble a toolbox that helps us put this mindset into action in the real world.

Then, we can make more mindful choices in the moment about how we spend our time, with whom, and doing what, and we get the kick in the butt that we usually need to bring our best gifts into the world today rather than the ever-elusive "tomorrow."

If It's Hard for Them...

All of the guests on this podcast have had shocking encounters with Mortality. And each of them attests to the fact that it's STILL hard for them to remember what matters most and keep the main thing the main thing. If it's hard for them, then it's going to be way harder for any of us who haven't yet had such encounters.

BUT, with practice, we can approximate the effect of a real encounter with Mortality by consistently and proactively confronting our Mortality. For me and for you listening today, this podcast is part of that consistent practice.

Tools for Your Toolbox

Hopefully, you've tuned in to some or even all of the episodes so far. Hopefully, you're catching on to the power of this rare conversation and taking first steps toward some real-world changes in your life as a result. But there can be a big gap between buying into a concept and knowing how to act on it here and now. So, all of the solo episodes I've produced so far provide you with tools for bridging the gap between concept and application. Tools to help you become the person you were MADE to be and live the life you were MADE to live. Today's episode equips you with another tool for your toolbox. And it might be the most useful one yet.

This is a Message Just for Us

BTW, I'm not at all sure that a podcast like this or a tool like the one I'm going to share with you today would make much sense in many other parts of the world--where because of poverty, famine, war, and other menaces, Death is a daily part of Life. For those of us in the "developed" First World, though, we have the mixed blessing of being pretty insulated from Death. It's not usually all around us. But the downside of that insulation is that we lose sight of Mortality and slip into auto pilot. As Joe Harsel said in episode 11, "being on autopilot robs us of life." When Death does show up, we're shocked--as if this unwanted visitor was somehow going to skip us.

And those of us in the developed "First World" face another problem that many others in the world don't. Where others have a scarcity of opportunity, we often have a glut of opportunity. In the face of so many options, we often take the path of least resistance and settle into lives that fall well short of our unique purpose in the world. When we do that, we're robbed of the incomparable satisfaction of doing what we were made to do and the rest of the world is deprived of your greatest gifts.

Who Will You Be?

Let's not be counted among those who are surprised when Mortality shows up. Let's be counted among those who greet it with, "Hi, I've been expecting you" and can honestly say that we did everything we could to leave it all out on the field of life before Death arrived.

Get Where You Want to Go More Quickly

Before we turn the corner in this conversation and move on to the question that changes everything, I want to say this: Embracing the "mortality mindset" that this podcast champions can change your life. But nothing is as transformational as enlisting a trusted, confidential, objective partner to help you do that. That's what I do as a coach. I bring my curiosity, gifting, training, and genuine desire for you to be all that you can be to a powerful partnership that gets you where you want to go more quickly than you could on your own. We talk. You gain insight. You put your insight to work in the real world. And step by step, day by day, you transform yourself into the person you were made to be. It's not magical, but it is absolutely effective.

We can do that 1-1 in a variety of ways, and you can also enlist a small group of confidential partners and my focused input as your coach to help you in that journey. The Graveyard Group is a mastermind I've created that helps you operationalize this mortality mindset on a regular basis. You meet weekly with your five fellow group members to work on the big stuff--the stuff that would become your biggest deathbed regrets if you didn't take care of it now. Not whether you should buy the blue or the red truck--as important as that might be. But how you mend the broken relationship. How you fulfill the dream you've always had but haven't had the guts to pursue yet. How you become the dad to your kids that you never had when you were growing up. Just like 1-1 coaching, it isn't magical--it's messy and non-linear, just like life--but it simply works.

No one's out there looking for a life coach. I'm not even interested in finding a life coach for myself. But I AM very interested in getting even better results in my life in a few key areas. And 1-1 and group coaching are super-efficient and effective ways to get those results.

You and I might be a great fit to work together. The Graveyard Group might be just the thing you need right now to get where you want to go. Visit digdeepwinbig.com to learn more about both of these.

Without Further Ado: The Question That Changes Everything

Many of us are familiar with a question like, "What would you do if you found out you only had six months to live?" Our responses usually include get our affairs in order, spend quality time with those closest to us, check off some bucket list items, enjoy more sunsets, etc. It's a fast-paced farewell tour before we ride off into the eternal sunset.

I think an even more interesting and useful question, though--and the tool I want to give you today--is this:

"If you knew you were going to die exactly 5 years from now, what would you do differently today?"

The Value of 5

With five years to live, we've still got bills to pay, a roof to keep over our head, food to put on the table. We can't just have an extended farewell tour. We can't just prepare to die because there's still a fair amount of living to do.

This 5-year timeframe clarifies priorities, prompts us to take "risks" that we've been reluctant to take, and reveals ways in which we've been frittering away our lives unprofitably. With five years to go, we have some runway we can use to write an exceptional end to our earthly story.

Alternatively, of course, we could circle the wagons and hunker down, fearfully waiting for the inevitable. What a tragedy!

But for most of us, I think that the 5-year death sentence would light a white-hot fire under us to get after it.

So What About You?

What would you do differently now if you knew you would die exactly five years from today? Would you spend more time with your spouse and kids? Would you leave the job you hate and find the one you want? Would you finally prioritize your health? Would you reconnect with that best friend you've lost touch with?

Whatever your answer is...why not do it NOW? Stop and let that sink in. What is keeping you from doing those things now? We usually act as if tomorrow is assured. And it is NOT.

You may have 25 years, 5 years, or only one day left. Whether we will die isn't in question. It's simply a matter of when and how.

Here's the question again: "If you knew you were going to die exactly 5 years from now, what would you do differently today?"

This question will change everything if you let it.

Tackling New Challenges Created By This Question

If you have the guts to begin asking yourself this question and acting on your answers, you'll be in for an exhilarating ride. AND, you'll invite some other tough customers into your life in a new way--like fear, doubt, and new kinds of discomfort. As I said at the beginning, this simple question can revolutionize your life...and it's far from easy to follow through on your answers. A few other episodes of Andrew Petty is Dying provide tools for mastering fear, doubt, and discomfort:

• If fear is getting the best of you, listen to episode 005: How to Become the Boss of Your Fear.
• If you're tempted to feel like you don't have much to offer, listen to episode 003: How to Turn Your Imperfections Into Superpowers.
• If life's stiff winds are threatening to sink your ship, listen to episode 012: How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go

I'm rooting for you, and I believe you have what it takes.

Remember, you are going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Connect with me by email, or visit my website.

Many of us are living life in the shadows--reluctant to step into the bright light of life lived in pursuit of our unique purpose. By staying in the shadows, we lead mediocre lives and deprive the world of our best contributions.

Jono Belz lived in the shadows for a while, too. But not anymore. And his story will inspire you to step out of the shadows, too.

In addition to the fact that I just find Jono super-interesting--and who DOESN'T like listening to an Australian accent!--I wanted to you to meet Jono because his story illustrates so well 3 themes that I hit on often in this podcast and that I hope you're taking to heart more and more:

• First, our Mortality is an incomparable motivator to bring our best into the world.
• Second, our story and our unique purpose in the world are inseparable.
• And third, if our Mortality is an amazing motivator, then giving our inner child permission to play again as adults is a master key to unlocking our best in the world.

Keep your heart and mind open for whatever this episode has in store for you--and pay special attention to these three big ideas. And since this podcast exists to help you live the life you were uniquely made to live--not just to fill cyberspace with more podcast clutter--I'll extend a challenge to you: Let Jono's story motivate you to connect one or two more dots between YOUR story and your unique purpose in the world.

Meet Jono Belz

Jono gained fluency in Mandarin Chinese after just one year--a feat that normally takes English-speaking Westerners 8 years or more. In fact, China's Global Times reported that Jono Belz learned Mandarin faster than any other Westerner on record.

That accomplishment is one fascinating chapter in the story that Jono has written with his life so far. Other chapters include an unfortunate run-in with a cricket bat that led to his first encounter with Mortality as a nine-year-old and a second shocking encounter with Mortality just 4 years ago. Listen to the episode to hear the full account of these experiences and their impact in Jono's life.

Today, Jono is the founder of Belz Family & Associates, an investment and advisory business that leverages "family office intelligence" to build meaningful relationships between Australia and Greater China. This entirely new kind of endeavor is the current manifestation of Jono's commitment to step out of the shadows, step into the light of his unique purpose, and put his story and his purpose to work in the world.

Jono's experience over the past 15 years covers investment banking, capital markets, private equity and family offices, spanning New York, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Australia. As a fluent Mandarin speaker, Jono has facilitated complex relationships and transactions between China and Australia, and is passionate about improving the cross-cultural experience.

Prior to founding Belz Family & Associates, Jono held the title of Investment Manager at the CEO Office of Victor Smorgon Group. In this capacity, he was instrumental diversifying the business' China growth strategy. Before that, Jono was an Executive Director of Goldman Sachs in both Hong Kong and Sydney, where he was pivotal in developing key relationships in Asia and Australian family offices.

Jono holds a dual-degree in Law and Economics (Honours) from the University of New South Wales, Sydney, and successfully passed the highest level of official Chinese fluency exams (HSK VI) in 2014.

BTW, I met Jono through my friend and past guest on this podcast, Phil Kohn. Check out Phil's episode, More Alive Than Ever: How Pain Points the Way to Purpose.

Starting at the Top

We kick off this episode--after a lighthearted cultural bridge-building exercise I called "Stereotype Busters"--with Jono's explanation of what he does professionally today. Then, we "read" the story of Jono's life from back to front to discover how Jono's life story has led him to this point today--where he is fulfilling his unique purpose in life more than ever before.

Highlights in Jono's Storyline

• Escaping Tyranny, Surprised by Hospitality: Jono's grandfather fled the Nazi's persecution of the Jews in 1940 and spent the next five years in China's "Shanghai Ghetto." His grandfather remembered fondly the kindness of his Chinese hosts--poverty-stricken though they were. This was Jono's family's first contact with the Chinese culture.
• Cricket Bat 1 - Jono 0: At 9, Jono fell on his cricket bat and broke his femur. As he recovered in the hospital, he met a young girl that he really enjoyed but who was really sick. Then one day, the young girl wasn't there any more. Her death was Jono's first encounter with Mortality, and it changed him. Tune into the full episode to learn more about the impact of that experience.
• Boys Don't Play the Flute! Jono picked up the flute as a young man and was often encouraged to switch to an instrument more stereotypically associated with men. But he persisted, and at 13 Jono decided to change schools--and found a place that, among other things, affirmed and supported his love for the flute without judgment. In hindsight, Jono sees that playing the flute gave him a huge advantage as an adult when he learned Chinese.
• Wall Street Blues: As a "successful" Wall Street investment banker, Jono found that "success" was doing more harm than good. Stress and anxiety were taking a toll, and his body was manifesting that toll in strange ways. He began looking for an off-ramp from the Wall Street rate race and a way to differentiate himself in an over-populated field. His sights turned toward China.
• Best Westerner Ever: Jono began learning Chinese while in NYC. Progress was slow until, a year later, he was able to move to China for work. There, within a year--and with the significant advantages acquired as a flutist--he earned the distinction of gaining fluency in Chinese faster than any other Westerner on record. Flutists rule! The cognitive challenge taught Jono a ton about the way his brain works, and his best learning began to happen when he stopped trying so hard, let go, and focused on the learning rather than the final destination. The learning process also reconnected Jono with a part of his inner child that simply took pleasure in learning and being immersed in a new pursuit.
• Losing Dad: Jono's dad had historically been the very picture of health. Then, in 2016, he contracted a flu-like illness--eerily similar to COVID-19, in fact. His condition worsened to the point that he entered the hospital--where, no more than 36 hours later, he died. It was a massive shock and a seismic loss for Jono. As his grief spun off intense self-reflection, Jono decided to come out of the shadows and into the light of his unique purpose--fueled by and guided by his story. Jono's second tragic encounter with Mortality motivated him to start doing investment banking the way he really wanted to--with the emphasis on relationships, community, transparency, and cross-cultural bridge-building. Belz Family & Associates was born!

What Can Jono's Story Teach Us?

As Jono has allowed his story to guide him to a clearer understanding of his unique purpose in the world--focused and sharpened and accelerated by his encounters with Mortality--today he's creating bridges between cultures through the vehicle of business. In Jono's business model--informed by his life's story--as businesspeople from vastly different cultures experience business success together, they also forge bonds of friendship and mutual respect.Those are bonds that transcend borders and nationality and religion and political ideology. And that is world-changing stuff.

Your story can change the world, too, right where you are. Do you believe that? You are the One and Only You. There never has been anyone just like you, and there never will be again. Borrow a page out of Jono's playbook: Tune into the truth of your existence and follow where it leads you. Don't take your best stuff to the grave. And don't wait for a major life crisis to get started right now, right where you are, with what you have.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet! So get after it.

I Can Help You Fulfill Your Unique Purpose

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live. Learn more about Graveyard Group masterminds--where you tap into the power of your mortality to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

If You Liked This Episode, Check These Out, Too

Jono mentioned this episode during the interview: 012 How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life. You might also find this one useful: 014 Dare to Dream Again: The Antidote to a Mediocre Life.

Connect with Jono!

Email | Website | Facebook | LinkedIn

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review!

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On this podcast, we confront our Mortality head-on so we're motivated to live NOW. Maybe you've listened to some or even all of the episodes, and you're getting more and more pumped to get after it. But maybe you're also not sure where to start.

On this episode, you'll learn how to recapture your dreams to discover your very own, unique starting point.

46? Huh. Not Quite What I Expected.

I'm 46, and I feel amazed sometimes that I'm still learning some of life's most basic lessons. Have you ever felt amazed at that? I guess our amazement at this reality reveals an underlying (and flawed) assumption about what being an "adult" would be like. That at this age, we'd "have it all together." Well... I'm compelled to admit that I don't have it all together. Do you?

If you do, please let me know, and I'll be right over to sit at your feet and soak in all your wisdom. Then I'll ghost-write your autobiography and we'll both enjoy early retirements because you'll give me a very generous percentage of the royalties. Then we'll write another book together about how to "retire" early because we're suddenly "early retirement experts." This time, though, my name will be on the cover of the book, too, and we'll split the royalties 50/50. Then we'll be on Oprah and sell the rights to the movie. It'll be great!

Oh wait. "Retirement" isn't actually all that awesome. And fame is a tyrant.

Nevermind.

Maturity = Acknowledging Our Immaturity

Although we adults may inhabit grown-up bodies, in some ways--just by matter of degree--each of us still has some of the characteristics of immature children. Have you ever met a 40-year-old child? A 57-year-old child? A 78-year-old child? I have, and in some ways, I am that adult-child.

Maybe one measure of our maturity as adults is the ability to acknowledge the immaturity we still have in adulthood.

That acknowledgment keeps the door open for growth in areas where it's needed.

A Clarification Before We Proceed

There are very definitely ways in which shedding the immaturity of youth is right and good and enables we adults to contribute in the world in the ways that only adults can. It's good that we learn how not to throw temper tantrums in the cereal aisle of the grocery store, for example.

However, I think there are many ways in which shedding "childishness" does us more harm than good. This was impressed upon me when, in response to a women's casual question on a plane regarding my occupation, I replied that I was a coach. And, among other things, I help people "grow up" more completely--by which I meant that I served as a catalyst for helping people assume full responsibility for themselves and the lives they were leading. Her reaction caught me off-guard, though. She retorted instinctively, "I'll never grow up!" In that moment, my thinking regarding my role in people's lives as their coach was instantly rewired. I realized that part of "growing up" is actually recapturing some of the characteristics of youth that can get suppressed, squashed, or neglected as adults.

Especially the audacious, unfiltered, unapologetic, un-self-conscious ability to dream.

Dream Like a Kid In a Candy Story

If you're a parent, you're very familiar with being in a toy store or candy store or watching an ad on TV with your child and having them ask you, "Can I have that, Daddy??!!" or, "Can I have that, Mommy, please please please??!!" Kids don't first reflect on whether something would be a wise purchase or be good for them. They see something they want, and they just ask for it.

Can you remember doing that when you were a kid? When was the last time as an adult that you allowed yourself to want something with abandon, like a child would? To dream a big dream and believe that maybe, just maybe, it's achievable? To tug on the sleeve of God (or the Universe, or whatever / whomever you appeal to in moments of want and need) and ask, "Can I have that please?? Please??!!" I think the willingness to dream big dreams and ask for big things is one of the most tragic qualities lost in most adults as they "grow up" and take their place as "adults" in the world. And that loss means that many of the greatest contributions we could make in the world never see the light of day.

Thanks, Steve Harvey!

I realized this was true of me recently after listening to Steve Harvey share his rags-to-riches story. (He's got an amazing story, BTW--check out his motivational stuff online.) A big takeaway for me from his story was how clear Steve was on what he wanted in his youth and how enthusiastically he asked God for it.

In Steve's case, he wanted to be on TV and he wanted to be rich. He dreamed and asked and yearned incessantly and unselfconsciously and with abandon. And today, both of his dreams have come true--beyond all reason and evidence to support that those dreams could actually be realized. Steve is quick to point out that the dream did not become reality just because he dreamed it. He worked and persisted and took advantage of every opportunity that came his way. He was an active, alert participant in bringing his dreams to life. But the dreams came first.

Our dreams aren't the only thing, but they are the first thing.

Resuscitating "Childishness"

Somewhere along the way, I became very self-conscious of my wants and dreams and learned that it was somehow wrong to want good things for myself and to dream big dreams. I have some awareness about where that self-consciousness and hesitancy came from. But it's actually less important that I know where they came from than that--once becoming aware of it--I simply resolve to change it, to resuscitate that bit of "childishness" and give myself permission to invite it back into my adulthood. As Steve Harvey said, our dreams are unique to each of us, and they represent things that don't yet exist in the world but that we could make a reality.

And Einstein is attributed as saying that, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." But we "adults" tend to affirm the opposite and deem ourselves very prudent and sensible for doing so.

Progress Belongs To the Dreamers

It's hard to recall any significant advancement or movement or evolution of humanity that anyone thought was sensible at the time. Rather, a dreamer or two came along and began to assert persistently that what no one else saw or believed was indeed possible. Jesus. Galileo. Our Founding Fathers. Henry Ford. Gandhi. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. All "dreamers" in their own way who sowed seeds of human advancement in ways that most others thought absurd at the time.

Will You Dare To Dream Again?

I, for one, am daring to dream again. My family and I made "dream boards" together recently for the first time. I have on mine 30 or more big dreams that I'm bringing to God audaciously and without hesitation or self-consciousness. I'm not under the illusion that all of them will absolutely come true just as I've dreamed. But I do know that by holding them back self-consciously or trying to right-size or polish them before bringing them into the light, I'm hedging my bets and bringing half-hearted desires into the world. And half-hearted desires yield mediocre results.

I want mind-blowing results. I want the best that this life has to offer, and I want to offer my best in this life. I'm done with half-hearted dreaming.

I'll say it again: Our dreams aren't the only thing, but they are the FIRST thing.

There's a lot of work between our dream and its fulfillment. But there's no fulfillment without the dream in the first place.

Let Mortality Motivate You

Let's bring our Mortality into the picture. We're all going to die. It's just a matter of when and how. It might be at a ripe old age, or it could be later this very day. Will you invite that awareness into your life to motivate you to take action NOW on the dreams that only you can dream? The dreams that exist only in your heart and mind and no one else's?

It doesn't have to be a Martin Luther King-sized dream. Or a Galileo-sized dream. Or an Elon Musk-sized dream.

It's a you-sized dream, and that's just right.

Don't take your dreams to the grave. Go after them with everything you've got. Some of them might just come true. Others might not. There's beauty in their fulfillment, and there's beauty in the pursuit even when they don't come true.

Ladies and gents, "tomorrow never comes." There is only today. Dare to dream again. And take one step today, no matter how small, toward fulfilling your dreams.

If This Episode Was Useful to You, Check This One Out, Too

If this episode was useful to you, check out episode 009, Awaken Your Inner Kid to be the Best Grown-up You Can Be--a Lighthearted and Enlightening Conversation With My 10-Year-Old Son, Macgray. It'll help you reconnect with your imagination and the wonder and innocence of your youth.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Let's Dream YOUR Dream Together & Make It a Reality

My purpose as a coach is to help you discover, enjoy, and deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook, email me, or learn more on my website. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet! So get after it!