Andrew Petty is Dying

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

All of us have things we dislike about ourselves and parts of our life story that still get in our way. We spend a lot of time and energy and emotion (and sometimes $!) trying to get rid of them or get over them.

What if there was another way? In this episode, you'll learn how to turn your "imperfections" and even the hardest parts of your story into superpowers. It's absolutely possible, and I'm living proof.

The Dying Deer and the Anxious Young Man

23 years ago, on a humid summer evening in suburban Virginia, I was standing over a dying deer in the middle of the road. The front of my metallic blue 1985 Volvo 240 was mangled, and one headlight was pointing its beam straight up into the sky.

But ironically the plight of the deer and the condition of my car were the last things on my mind.

Because I was in the grips of debilitating anxiety. Not about the deer or my car. I was in the grips of anxiety with a capital "A." The kind that has a life of its own and latches onto anything and everything it can. The kind that shows up suddenly and blows up your life. And at that moment, all I could think about was getting back to my house so I could hunker down in my bedroom and wait out the wave of anxiety that was threatening to overwhelm me.

How My Anxiety Became a Superpower

Despite my best efforts to get rid of it, I've lived with Anxiety ever since. But a few years ago, I upgraded my relationship to the Anxiety, and it's been an absolute game-changer. Tune into the episode to hear the full story of what changed and how. A special thanks to Tim Ferris, whose podcast inspired the insight that allowed me to make the change.

My upgraded relationship with Anxiety transformed it from a hated liability into a superpower:

• The Anxiety always felt like a ding against my manhood, something that made me weak and was shameful. Now, though, I can honestly say that I'm grateful for the Anxiety, and I'm able to use it to help others in ways that are really gratifying for me and transformational for them.
• It inspired the creation of The Graveyard Group [ADD URL]. I share more about what The Graveyard Group is and how it's changing lives in the full episode. Visit [ADD URL] to learn more.
• It inspired the creation of this podcast, Andrew Petty is Dying, as a way to share the power of our Mortality to help us become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to be with a larger audience.

The Key to Your Unique Purpose

Transforming an imperfection or a hard part of your story into a superpower doesn't mean that you suddenly find some unnatural delight in it or that your story is suddenly free of pain. The anxiety I experience is still very often a painful and exasperating burden. But, I believe our story and our unique purpose in life are inseparable. Our story, our imperfections, and our unique purpose in the world are intertwined.

How to Turn Your Imperfection Into a Superpower

You have to accept them. You must begin to see your imperfections and the hard parts of your story as clues pointing to your unique purpose in life rather than as enemies to be overcome and expelled from your life. Only by accepting them can they then become a guide, leading you toward your unique purpose.

And here's the really magical part: As we tap more deeply into our purpose, the pain and discontentment that our imperfections have caused all our lives begin to fade into the background.

Purpose--white-hot, crystal clear purpose--is the most powerful remedy for pain.

I Challenge You!

Life is just too short to spend it railing against who we're not, what we can't do, and why life dealt us the hand we're holding. And I know that some of you are holding truly painful and difficult hands. Maybe you've dealt some of those cards to yourself. Even so...

Stop fighting your story, and start owning it instead. Stop fighting your imperfections, and start using them, instead. Forsake the Victim mentality and re-cast yourself as the hero on a quest to give everything you've got for the benefit of the world.

You alone can do this, but you don't have to do it alone.

In fact, I don't recommend trying to do it alone. You lack the critical objectivity needed to see your story and your imperfections in a new light.

Enlist the support of a close friend, a mentor, or a life coach like me. In my case, Tim Ferriss served as a sort of distance mentor for me to help me turn the corner with the Anxiety.

Whatever you do, though, don't let another day pass without taking at least one step toward turning your imperfection into a superpower.

And as you take that step, you get even closer to becoming the person you were made to be and living the life you were made to live.

REMEMBER: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet! So get after it!

Who's Your "Imperfection to Superpower" Hero

Who have you seen turn an imperfection into a superpower? Share your answer in the comments on this episode's post on Facebook.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, through my coaching website, or email me at [email protected].

What matters most after what mattered most is taken away?

That's the big question we sought to answer in this interview with Jane Davis--widow, suicide survivor, single mother, health educator, and ultrarunner. Jane happens to be my neighbor, and over the past year and a half my wife and I have gotten to know her and her story. She immediately came to mind as a perfect guest to have on Andrew Petty is Dying.

This conversation will move you, inspire you, and equip you with insight and strategies for making the most of every day. And from Jane's personal experience, you'll learn what matters most when what mattered most is taken away. Let her story change the way you live before Death forces you to.

Jane's story is a remarkable story of hope, tragedy, grief, and triumph. She lost her husband to cancer shortly after they got married and her father to suicide in 2018. Her experiences have taught her just how precious today is, and she models that in her everyday life. The Intro on her Facebook page says, "Super grateful mama who loves to run far, travel and squeeze every last drop out of life!!!" That tells you something about how Jane lives today as a result of the gauntlet of sorrow that she has passed through.

Jane's Story: Journey to the Darkness and Beyond

In our quest on Andrew Petty is Dying to tap into the power of our Mortality to become who we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live, we "go there." We go to the hard places, the sad places, and the dark places because when we fail to go there now, we pay a much higher price when we're forced to go there later. And when we are willing to courageously "go there" now--to deal with Mortality preemptively--we find new light for living more meaningfully today. This is the rare conversation that we must have if we're to become who we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live.

Jane's story has some really dark and tragic parts. Listen to the episode to hear Jane's full recounting. One of the things that struck me as we talked was that at one point Jane was crying and smiling at the same time. Because Jane has journeyed through the darkest parts of life and found the joy beyond. The grief and sadness remain, but she has also acquired new resolve to live joyfully and meaningfully NOW.

Running Really Far on Purpose

Jane is an ultrarunner--the kind of runner for whom a four-hour training run is normal and a 50+ mile race is routine. Running has been part of her life for a long time, but it wasn't until her husband died that she discovered that running is more than a hobby--it's part of who she is. Today running has become an essential part of how Jane lives and heals and thrives. And when she runs an "ultra," her husband and her father are with her "every step of the way"--literally. Listen to the episode to learn how. Jane also shares practical steps we can take to find a pursuit in our own lives that serves the same deep purpose that running serves in hers.

What Matters Most Now

As our conversation unfolded, it became clear that Jane's journey through a decade of death had changed how she lives now in these specific ways:

1. She is aware daily that "time is short, and moments are brief."
2. Discomfort is good if we'll let it be. It helps us get to know ourselves and others better. Be OK with getting uncomfortable. Stay in the uncomfortable moments with others because they create "deeper connection with another human being."
3. She welcomes conversation about death and dying. It's not talked about enough.
4. Before her husband died, Jane chased the typical American dream of professional ladder-climbing and acquiring stuff. Her daughter was in daycare while she worked. Now, Jane "chases" meaningful relationships and meaningful experiences. She moved to Steamboat Springs to follow her daughter's long-time ski coach--so that her daughter could continue to benefit from that relationship personally and as an athlete. That's a huge shift in priorities.
5. Janes now prizes authenticity and vulnerability as keys to living well. She avoids anything that tempts her to live in an inauthentic way or leads to inauthenticity in relationships.
6. If we fail to pause and slow down once in a while, we will lose connection with our unique selves and live according to others' expectations.
7. NOW is the time.

The Big Takeaway

I took a LOT away from this conversation: The power of human connection, the importance of slowing down, the value of being present in the moment, embracing and using discomfort, and more. The thing that stuck with me most, though, as I stood back and reflected on the whole conversation, was this:

Even Jane--with as much tragedy and death as she's experienced and as much resolve as it's given her to live differently as a result--even Jane has to work hard at keeping the main things the main thing.

Which makes it even more of a challenge for those of us who haven't encountered Death like Jane has. Which drives home the point that tapping into the power of our mortality is a mindset, a discipline, and a practice, not a one-and-done kind of thing. If it was easy and came naturally, more of us would be doing it. I for one don't want my life slip by unlived, and I'm betting you don't either.

You ARE going to die, but you're not dead yet. So get after it!

How Comfortable are You Talking About Death & Dying?

How comfortable are you talking about death and dying: Not at all / Somewhat / Comfortable / Very Comfortable? Share your answer in the comments on this episode's post on Facebook.

If Jane's story impacted you, you can connect with her here:

• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, through my coaching website, or email me at [email protected].

Is it possible that Death is the key to unlocking your best life?

I'm dying. You're dying. Everyone you know and love is dying. We're ALL going to die; it's just a matter of when and how. Someday--and maybe even someday very soon--your time on Planet Earth will end. Right now, deep down, you know that you've got more to offer. You know you're holding something back. But still, despite all that knowing and the vague, uncomfortable awareness that Death is inevitable, the days pass, and nothing really changes. That's the bad news.

But here's the good news: There is a powerful, proven way to begin living your best life right now.

On this episode, you'll learn how to transform your relationship with Death--our oldest foe--to find the motivation to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

"Death Brings Meaning to Life." -Macgray, age 10

My son dropped this truth bomb in our family's lap one night at dinner. (Don't worry, death isn't a frequent topic of dinner-time conversation in our family. Ha.) After we picked our jaws up off of the floor, he went on to explain that if we lived forever, it wouldn't matter what we did each day. But because our days are numbered, every day is important. If Death does, in fact, make each day precious, then why don't we live like it?

What is Your Relationship with Death?

We usually relate to Death in at least one of two ways:

1. We take great pains to avoid acknowledging our Mortality it at all costs, or
2. Death shows up in our life somehow, unwelcome and unannounced, and we're forced to acknowledge it.

Two traumatic experiences forced me to acknowledge and wrestle with my Mortality. In this episode, I share how those experiences woke me up to the likely consequences of neglect of my physical and mental wellbeing and sparked a massive transformation.

Mortality: Liability or Asset?

By failing to confront our Mortality, are we doing ourselves more harm than good? What if Death--something we have historically only seen as the ultimate liability--could become our greatest asset in life? I believe this not only possible; it is ideal. By upgrading our relationship to Mortality, you can (minimally) escape deathbed regrets and (even better!) live your best life now.

Start Today

What are you putting off? Who can you be that you're not becoming? What part of your purpose are you failing to fulfill? Starting today, see your relationship with Death for what it is, upgrade it as needed, and begin tapping into the power of your Mortality to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

Making It Your Own

On a scale of 1-10 (1 = avoidance / fear and 10 = courageous acceptance), how would you rate your relationship with Death? Why that score? Share your answers in the comments on this episode's post on Facebook.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, through my coaching website, or email me at [email protected].

Welcome to Andrew Petty is Dying, where we tap into the power of our mortality to become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live. I'm Andrew Petty. Join me every two weeks for insights that cut through the clutter and interviews with fascinating people to start living your best life now and avoid deathbed regrets. Coming soon to wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts!