Anti-wave

This episode is one of the craziest, yet! It’s insane! Bonkers, even! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss DANGEROUS and share their top 5 crazy character movies.  Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a crazy fuck hooked on anti-depressant pills and your brother dies and you break parole to go to his funeral in a mansion on an island and because you’re a sociopath and you don’t know how to behave, you have note cards that say things like “I’m sorry for your loss” and your family is pissed you’re there, and the FBI is hot on your trail, and you’re always calling your therapist who gives you goofy hippie-dippy words of wisdom bullshit to get you through the day, and this other group of thugs breaks into the mansion looking for something and you go through some underground tunnels and discover a fucking submarine with lots of gold bars and you realize your good brother wasn’t so good after all and like you he was doing some very bad things, then this podcast is for you!

Last time an American cared this much about what a Mexican thought, we were defending the Alamo. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss ROAD TO ROMA and share their top 5 obsession movies.  Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a highly regarded Mexican director who makes beautifully ambitious films, and then you decide to make a ‘making of’ documentary about your latest autobiographical movie which you wrote, directed, shot, and co-edited, and you go on and on about how you wanted to replicate everything down to the most minute detail, not only the furniture in your living room, but the food in the refrigerator when you were a kid and even finding the right tiles in your bathroom, and you talk about the casting and what the characters wore and why you like those long takes of yours along with moments of spontaneity, and how you lied to your actress and said her baby is dead just to make her fucking cry in the damn scene, yep you’re not only obsessed, you’re kind of a mean prick, and then this passion project of yours went on to be nominated for 10 Academy Awards, including best movie, and won Oscars for director, cinematography, and foreign language film, then this podcast is for you!

Fucking weirdos… Fucking French… Fucking French weridos. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss TITANE and share their top 5 implant movies.  Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a little girl in the backseat of a car and your dad is driving and you’re making engine noises and he swerves and crashes and the doctors put a titanium plate in your head and years later everything is fine except you go around killing people with a knitting needle, and you seductively dance on a car and kiss the window, and a Cadillac fucks you hard and you get pregnant, and we see lots and lots of your titties, and since the cops are looking for you because you keep killing people with that knitting needle, you break your nose and then you duck tape your boobs to look like a man and pass yourself off as the missing son of a fireman, but you’re unhappy and when you run away on a bus, you overhear the passengers talking about fucking girls so you go back to the fireman who still thinks you’re his son, and there’s a shit load of homoerotic dancing in the fire station, and the firemen are confused when you bump and grind like a sexy bitch, and you give birth to a baby with a metal eco-skeleton, then this podcast is for you!

The last time we saw this many balls in a movie, we were watching Ira’s baby bath home movies. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss KING RICHARD and share their top 5 nose to the grindstone movies.  Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be the father of two black girls living in Compton and you’ve got a plan for both of them to be the best tennis players in the world, and you teach them how to play, and Venus plays in fancy country clubs and you’re her coach but you’re kind of an asshole and say inappropriate things and you even fart, and a major tennis shoe company offers her mucho bucks, but your daughter says no, and later they come back and offer even more moolah, and your other daughter, Serena, is kinda jealous of all the attention her sister is getting, but you tell Serena her time will come and she will be the greatest player ever, and eventually Venus plays her big match, and she’s winning, but then her competitor says she has to go to the bathroom, and they let her… for ten fucking minutes, and when she arrives back on the court, Venus‘ competitor starts to win the games and the match, and your daughter is upset but you tell her this is the proudest you’ve ever been of her, and when she leaves the stadium, all her fans are waiting for her and cheering your little girl, then this podcast is for you!

Both of our podcast hosts were nicknamed ‘The Fly’ in high school. Ira, because he had bought Spanish Fly by the gallon, and Robert because he can never seem to zip up his pants. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE FLY and share their top 5 transformation movies.  Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be an eccentric scientist who invents a machine that teleports stuff from one spot to another and you’re at a fancy party and meet a hottie and she’s a journalist who goes back to your loft to see your invention, and she takes off her black stocking and is fucking impressed it went from one pod to another, but when you try it on a baboon, the poor thing turns inside out, but then you figure out how to modify your machine and - voilà! - a different baboon is transported and it’s alive, but when your girlfriend leaves to be with her ex, you’re in a drunken stupor and try it on yourself, and - voilà! - it works... um, except a fly was in the pod and the computer spliced your molecules and genes into one being and you develop fly-like manners, and you fuck your girlfriend hard, but you’re not satisfied, so you go to a bar and pick up a hottie and fuck her hard, and then you lose your teeth and your ears and you look like shit, and you got your girlfriend pregnant, and now you really look fucked up and grotesque with huge bug-like eyes and you shove your girlfriend into a pod hoping the two of you will blend into one human being, but you accidentally merge with the pod itself, so now you’ve got metal and shit in your body, and your girlfriend’s ex shoots and kills you, then this podcast is for you!

We really wanted to see if we could mash up both MASK movies so that Rocky Dennis starred in a zany rom-com with Cameron Diaz. Sssssssssomebody Stop Me! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss MASK and share their top 5 yin-yang movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a smart, charming middle school kid… whose face looks like a pumpkin that was nuked in a microwave for three days, and you and your drug addict mom hang out with a biker gang, and the kids at school stare at you because you’re such a freak and you meet a really cute blonde thang and the only reason she’ll kiss you is because she’s fucking blind, but her parents aren’t happy about this so they keep you two apart and you get really pissed because your best friend is moving away and the two of you won’t travel the world together, and so you go to the cute blind girl and you’re both still into each other, and your mom gets off drugs and wants to make it work with the really nice biker dude, and all is okay but then you die in your sleep, then this podcast is for you!

After listening to this episode, you’ll want to board up the doors and windows, too! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss Night of the Living Dead and share their top 5 movies that should have starred Denzel. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a dude who has been running from flesh eating ghouls and finds refuge in a remote house and there’s a blonde hottie in there along with a know-it-all asshole in the basement with his wife and dying daughter, and you board up the windows with planks of wood, doors, and pieces of furniture to keep the ghouls out but it doesn’t work too well, and the blonde is a sobbing hot mess, and after some harebrained plan which totally backfires, the daughter in the basement dies and turns into the undead and kills her mother, and then the ghouls kill and eat everyone in the house but you hide in the basement and wait for the all-clear, but then a sheriff shoots you in the head, then this podcast is for you!

Diner? I hardly know her… Join Robert and Ira as they discuss DINER and share their top 5 mealtime chat movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be part of a pack of boys in 1959 Baltimore and you come together at a diner because one of you is getting married and one of you owes money to a loan shark and one of you is super smart and gets all the answers right on a TV game show but has demons and one of you loves your record collection but you’re pissed at your girlfriend because she doesn’t share your passion and one of you has fallen for a classy girl on a horse and the one of you who is getting married makes your fiancé take a sports quiz she must pass in order to marry you, then this podcast is for you!

Ira spoils movies so much that we almost called this podcast Jew Ruin. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss BLUE RUIN and share their top 5 color title movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a wandering beach bum with a long ass beard who bathes in a stranger’s bathtub and is taken to the local police station and told the guy who killed your parents will be released and so you kill him, but when you tell your sister, she’s kind of pissed because you jeopardized her family, but the family members of the killer are now royally pissed and they’re out to get you, so you’re on a mission to hunt them down and you toss one of them into your car trunk, and you get an arrow shot into your thigh, so you saw off most of the arrow and go to a pharmacy to buy antiseptics and shit and then you try to pull it out, but you’re only making a bloody mess and you go to a hospital where they remove it and stitch up your thigh, and after much planning, you now have the perfect opportunity to finally mow down the killer’s family in one fell swoop, then this podcast is for you!

Give me back my podcast!!! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss RANSOM and share their top 5 Ron Howard movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a wealthy man who loves his family but you’re kind of a dick because you let some guy take the fall for one of your money schemes and your kid is kidnapped and they want money for his return, so for the drop off you have two suitcases filled with cash and swim the length of a public pool, but the hand off is botched, and then in a desperate attempt to do whatever it takes to get your kid back, you go on TV and put a bounty on the kidnappers head and then you even double it and everyone’s really pissed at you including the lead detective and your wife, and then there’s a shoot out with the kidnapper and his hoodlum cohorts, and the kidnapper makes it seem like he’s the hero and he has the balls to go to your house to collect the reward, but your son who is now back at home kind of recognizes him, and you take the kidnapper to the bank to give him his reward and all hell breaks lose, then this podcast is for you!