Anti-wave

I wish I could go back in time to warn myself not to listen to this podcast! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE TIME MACHINE (1960) and share their top 5 ‘fish out of water’ movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be an inventor in Victorian England and you’re late for your own dinner party as you barge into your home looking like a disheveled mess with cuts and bruises and you built a time machine, and your friends sip brandy and think you’ve lost your friggin’ mind, and then you go into your laboratory and there sits your exquisite creation, a bitchin’ looking time machine with a steam punk vibe that looks like a sled with an ornate sundial and a really cool instrument panel, so you hop on, push the throttle forward, and watch the mannequin in the dress shop window as her clothes change, and you end up in the future when things are really fucked up with the sweet gentle people and the mean ugly ones who live underground and have glowing eyes and do all the work but they eat the nice people, and you fall in love with one of the sweet ones, a luscious waif blonde, but then you go back to Victorian England to grab three books and take them back to the future, then this podcast is for you!

We know the feeling, Gary Cooper. Whenever we go around trying to get people to listen to the podcast, they scatter and go a-runnin’. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss HIGH NOON and share their top 5 ‘date with destiny’ movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be the sheriff of a small town, and the good news is it’s your wedding day, but the bad news is that an outlaw you arrested and put in jail was released and he’s coming to get you, and he’s bringing three of his criminal pals, and so you run around town trying to enlist deputies to help you, and your new wife is a hot young blonde, but she’s also a religious zealot and a pacifist so she’s of no help, in fact no one in this fucking town is willing to lift a finger for you, they’re a bunch of freaking cowards, all of them except a 14-year-old kid, he’s the only one in the entire town who’s got balls, and even your pacifist bitch of a wife hops on a train to get out of Dodge, but then she finally grows a pair and jumps off the train and helps you shoot and kill the bad guys, then this podcast is for you!

Why did King Kong climb up the side of the skyscraper? Because the elevator was broken. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss KING KONG and share their top 5 climb to the top movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a big fucking ape on some remote island and the black natives built a huge wall to keep me away from them, and every so often they let me swallow a girl as a sacrifice, and things were really cool until this film crew arrives and they have this hot blonde actress who I fall in love with, so the natives kidnap her for little ol’ me, but the film crew wants her back, so they rescue her and bring me to New York where they put me on display, but I break free, find the hot blonde, grab her in my huge hairy paw, and climb the Empire State Building, but then these propeller planes start shooting at me and it doesn’t end happy, then this podcast is for you!

Psh! This episode’s movie is child splay for our listeners; their ears get raped on a weekly basis! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss IRRÉVERSIBLE and share their top 5 revenge movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a young Parisian man and your girlfriend is pregnant but you don’t know that, and then you, your girlfriend, and your male buddy who used to date your girlfriend discuss the different ways you’d both fuck her, but then late at night the girlfriend leaves a party alone and takes an underpass to cross the street and is brutally raped, we’re talkin’ a rape like no other, and so you and your buddy roam the streets of Paris late at night and hunt down the rapist at a gay club called Rectum, yeah you heard that right, and convinced he’s found the rapist, your buddy grabs a fire extinguisher and bashes the guy’s face to a bloody pulp that looks like a tomato exploded in your microwave, and get this, not only is the movie French, it’s told backwards, yep you heard that right, fucking backwards, then this podcast is for you!

Remember that one episode when we exchanged Robert for some German guy, and he kept making fart noises the whole episode? Well, if you like foreigners intruding on our way of life, this week’s episode is going to make you exchange in your pants! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE EXCHANGE and share their top 5 exchange movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a high school dweeb with a girl who follows you around who’s cute but weird as fuck but you kinda like her, and since your life is going nowhere, you decide an exchange student from France will spice things up, but the French dude is an aggressive, macho, sex machine who smokes in your parents’ house, and so you hate him, but then when you’re out driving and almost kill a cow, when a song comes on the car radio, you two bond like crazy and become besties, and then when your French buddy is blamed for fucking up the town’s big parade, you come to his defense and kiss the weird ass girl, then this podcast is for you!

Why is life so unfair that Val Kilmer loses his voice, yet these two assholes are still yapping every week? Join Robert and Ira as they discuss VAL and share their top 5 ‘gonna die soon’ movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to have been a handsome, sexy movie star of the ‘80s and ‘90s, but also an arrogant, self-absorbed asshole, and you want to tell your life story with your collection of dusty 8 mm films and old scrapbooks which you’ve been hoarding in your messy house, but the years have not been kind to you; you had throat cancer so you sound like shit, you’ve gained weight, and you need to trim your eyebrows, then this podcast is for you!

We once had an idea about a couple of idiots who found a giant cockroach and tried to train him to serve ice cream cones. But everyone told us that no one would ever want to watch a movie about bugs. Guess they were wrong! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss MANDIBLES and share their top 5 foreign films. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be one of two simple-minded goofball buddies who are paid to drop off a mystery briefcase, and discover the car you steal has a humongous big ass fly in the trunk, and you decide to train it to earn money, but when your car breaks down, along comes a blonde cutie who mistakenly thinks you had sex in high school, and she offers to take you home, feed you, and lets you swim in her pool, and then this girl who was in a skiing accident and always screams, notices fly shit in your car, so you tell her it’s from your pet dog, and so you have to steal a dog, but then after the big ass fly eats the little pooch, the screaming girl sees the big ass fly and tells the others about it, and she is hauled off to the loony bin, then this podcast is for you!

Sometimes, I think this podcast should be given a long prison sentence… Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and share their top 5 prison movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a successful banker and you’re found guilty of murdering your wife and you’re sent to prison where all the convicts want to fuck you in the ass, so you help an evil guard with his taxes and you insist all your convict buddies get beer so they will stop beating you up and wanting to fuck you in the ass, but the evil warden is doing financial shenanigans and when you threaten to stop doing his accounting, he tosses you in the cooler for two months, and all along you’ve been digging an escape tunnel with a tiny tool you keep hidden in a Bible the evil warden gave you, and as the evil warden is nabbed by the feds and blows his brains out, you decide to crawl through 500 feet of shit so you can get your ass to some Mexican villa and build a boat and wait for your prison buddy to arrive, then this podcast is for you!

When Ira and Robert tried to go to Florida to make money stripping, Ira broke a hip and Robert induced mass vomiting when people saw him with his shirt off. Tampa sucks. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss ZOLA and share their top 5 grrrrl power movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a sexy black chick working at a restaurant/bar and you meet a sexy white girl, and you both gyrate your asses on stripper poles, and then your new white girlfriend urges you to go on a road trip to Florida and she brings her geeky boyfriend and her bad ass pimp who is a mean motherfucker and pisses a lot, and – voilà! – your white girlfriend becomes a ho and does lots of tricks, and then there’s a bloody shootout, and the geeky boyfriend is jealous and jumps out of a building, then this podcast is for you!

I always wanted to make a movie about a bunch of people who were killing and robbing each other over a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich. That was I could repeatedly call it the McMuffin MacGuffin. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss NO SUDDEN MOVE and share their top 5 film noir movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a 1950s Detroit black gangster who pulls a home invasion on a white dude, his wife and kids, and this family man was having an affair with his secretary at the Humpty Dumpty Motel, and then, fuck it, I’m not sure, but let’s just say this wildly complicated story is filled with double crosses, triple crosses, a shitload of twists, and lots of bags of cash, plus it has to do with car pollution, catalytic converters, gentrification, trolley car tracks, and it’s told with a fisheye lens, so if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be that crook who is after something but doesn’t know what the fuck it is, then this podcast is for you!