Apocalypse Video

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier:

The Target:
1981’s For Your Eyes Only

Your Contacts:
Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave
Agents - Mike and Jackie


Mission Objectives:

Additional Objectives:
Rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can Follow us on Instagram, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. How do you think Moore is holding up in this installment? Is he still lookin’ fine or should he have hung up his Walther and retired in ‘81? Let us know!

The Apocalypse Video Bond Cast will return as we head over to India to take in some pretty cringey stereotypes with 1983’s sexily titled…Octopussy.

A film drama of uncommon power!

Well, it’s Thanksgiving, and yours truly has some bad news…I may have squandered all of the store’s budget on that big Apocalypse Video Trivia Showdown episode this past Summer, and unfortunately that means there isn’t enough money left over to provide for the annual Thanksgiving Day Employee Luncheon that my subordinates have come to expect. To be honest, I was seriously considering closing the place down and high tailing it to Citadel with all the store’s remaining supplies and opening up a tiny video store kiosk in the Immortan Hoof mall.

But my luck may have just changed…

It turns out there’s work available for those needing a large sum of money fast - dangerous work - but hell, it beats getting torn apart by angry employees demanding their yearly meal of Taco Bell Baja-Cranberry sauce and queso stuffing.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we embark on a dangerous mission that we may have already done in the form of an American remake years prior are fellow cinephiles Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a film that is sure to cause clenched buttholes; we wonder if Nintendo used The Wages of Fear as inspiration for the naming of their two biggest mascots; and finally, we debate whether gags in things like The Simpsons have forever ruined the notion of adding “Fin” to the end of your movie.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That’ll do it for another episode of “Dave Barely Manages to Save Himself From Getting Killed by his Employees”. We’ll be back next time as the Apocalypse Video Bond Cast makes its long awaited return with For Your Eyes Only.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 3842.3

The Trek Cast has returned to the Apocalypse Video airwaves after a lengthy hiatus - just in time…for Thanksgiving. And we thought what better way to celebrate the holiday, than with an awkward family reunion with Spock and his parents. I’m told that Spock hasn’t spoken to his father in eighteen years. I keep asking him about his Daddy issues, but he continues to shoot me down with his usual eye brow raise and glib remark about humans being stupid.

I plan on getting to the bottom of this little family drama, just as soon as I figure out what that spinny disk thing is floating outside my ship, mirroring our every move, and rocking us back and forth with continued laser blasts - all of this, and meanwhile Dr. McCoy performs a dangerous surgical transfusion between Spock and his Father. There’s so many plot twists in this episode, you’ll be shocked it’s not a two parter!

I’m your host and Captain, Dave, and joining me as we try not to slip and call the Tellarites “pig men” are fellow crew members, First Officer Jackie and Lieutenant Michael.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the rare TOS episode that actually delves into the character’s back stories in a meaningful way; we applaud the acting prowess of fan favorite Mark Lenard; and finally, we try to understand what Spock’s beef with Scotty was all about and why he had such an aversion to making him acting Captain of the ship.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] What are your favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series? Let us know, but please, only logical answers will be accepted.

The Apocalypse Video Trek Cast will return with Season 3’s Spectre of the Gun.

Submitted for your approval…

Tonight, we bring you truly one of the most bizarre and unhinged films we’ve ever covered on this podcast. The subject: Xuxa, a musical entertainer who captured the hearts and minds of Brazilian children everywhere in the late 1980s, including the imagination, decades later, of one Ryan Caldwell.

But what Mr. Caldwell and his unsuspecting video store coworkers are about to discover - much to their horror - is that children’s entertainment in Brazil is a little different than it is in the States…

The film is Super Xuxa Vs Satan, and it comes to you from the Demented Kids section, located in the deepest, darkest regions…of Apocalypse Video.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we enter a world filled with filth covered sewer dwellers and talking pink dolphins are fellow cinephiles and recovering down mood’s Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the wild origin story of Xuxa, from her years as a Playboy Playmate to “Queen of Children”; we learn that Orange is the color of Positivity; and finally, we find out that while Super Xuxa may just be a Labyrinth ripoff, it may have actually originated “Under the Sea” a whole year before The Little Mermaid.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That’ll do it for this deeply unsettling look into late 80s Brazilian kids entertainment. Remember kids, be positive! And don’t let the Down Mood get ya down!


Note: This episode was recorded before October, but due to a certain co-host leaving with the audio tapes and going on extended PTO overseas, the episode was unavailable to release prior to Vamptober. This individual - whose name rhymes with Schmichael - has been docked a week’s pay and will be subjected to audio torture, via prolonged exposure to Xuxa’s end credits theme song.

40 Years Later, Evil Returns Home.

It’s Halloween, and that can mean only one thing; it’s time to re-reboot an aging horror franchise…again.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to avoid getting peanut butter on our penises is fellow horror fan and true crime podcaster, Nick “Immortan Hoof”.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a franchise so convoluted that some theatres had to make a video to explain the different subsets of varying continuity; we roll our eyes at the embarrassingly dated true crime podcasters; and finally, Nick gets a BINGO as we play Spot That Halloween Reference!

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] What are your thoughts on 2018’s Halloween? Was it a return to form or yet another misfire?

That’ll do it for this installment of our ongoing true crime podcast series where we analyze the crimes of the Halloween franchise. When we return, we’ll witness the birth of one of the most memorable lines from a horror film in recent times. See you then, kiddies!

Good evening and welcome to the final chapter of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular, Live from Lestat’s Bar and Grill. Tonight, we put on our #TeamEdward t-shirts and embrace the inescapable phenomenon that was the 2008 box office sensation: Twilight.

I’m joined this evening by fellow cinephiles and blood suckers (of strictly deer, mind you), Mike, Jackie, Ryan, and special guest: Kara.

Topics of discussion in this episode include Twilight and its legion of nerdy fans, as well as the other legion of nerdy fans who despise them; we talk about Bella’s intoxicating blood musk; and finally, we dissect the infamous baseball scene and all of its comedy gold.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] 

That will do it for the final act of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular. We must now return to our coffins and go into slumber until we are needed again. Until next Shocktober, my fellow ghouls…blehhh!

Good evening, and welcome to the third chapter of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular, Live from Lestat’s Bar and Grill. Tonight, we go overseas to Sweden and turn on the subtitles for a little piece of romantic horror from 2008 entitled, Let the Right One In.

I’m joined this evening by fellow cinephile and blood sucker, Cody.

Topics of discussion in this episode include two kids who belong on the Mount Rushmore of Kid Actors; we wonder what kind of movies Oskar is watching as he weirds out his classmates with his creepily extensive knowledge of crime scene factoids; and finally, we throw our support behind the school’s bully, Conny, as he rightfully bullies Oskar, the film’s chief protagonist and little freak boy.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That will do it for Act III of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular. When we return, we’ll conclude this year’s Spooktacular with the shiniest, most beautiful vampire film ever made: Twilight. See you then my fellow ghouls.

Good evening and welcome to the second chapter of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular, Live from Lestat’s Bar and Grill. Our podcast tonight celebrates the 2003 Len Wiseman matrix/vampire mashup: Underworld.

I’m joined this evening by my fellow cinephiles and blood suckers Mike, Jackie, and special guest: Cody.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the vampire orgy that refuses to get going; we dive into the lengthy legal troubles of Underworld; and finally, we toast Bill Nighy, the boomer vampire that holds this movie up on his shoulders.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That will do it for Act II of Apocalypse Video’s Vamptober Spooktacular. When we return, we’ll leave behind the rainy skies of Budapest and enter the snowy world of Swedish horror with…Let the Right One In.

I bid you welcome to this year’s Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular. I am Dave, and I am one of the undead…a vampire. I was a middle aged man of thirty eight when I was turned by one of my employees, a large headed, bespectacled predator in the night named Ryan.

In the year that followed, I would spend my nights feasting on the rodents and mutated deer that roamed in the darkness. I thought I would go mad without ever tasting of Taco Bell again, but overtime, I grew to love the warm blood of two headed rats and capri sun blood packs.

I eventually made some friends in the dark alleys of Bartertown; friends who shared my particular ailment of needing to feast on human blood. They took me in and made me a member of the poetry slam and fan-fic society at the local bar and grill.

Our podcast tonight takes place at that very establishment, Lestat’s Bar and Grill, during a very special month-long promotion, called Vamptober. Tonight’s feature: a screening of the 1994 Anne Rice classic…Interview with the Vampire.

I’m joined this evening by my fellow cinephiles and blood suckers Mike, Ryan, Jackie, and special guest: Janna.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the era of peak bad movie accents; Oprah tries to save our souls by walking out of a press screening; and finally, we play Marry, F@*K, Kill with Louis, Lestat, and Armand.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That will do it for the first act of Apocalypse Video’s newly christened "Vamptober Spooktacular". When we return, we’ll suit up in our tight fitting leather outfits and brandish our dual pistols as we descend into 2003’s Len Wiseman vampire-matrix mashup: Underworld.


Note: Unfortunately, our episode on Super Xuxa vs Satan will be postponed until November due to events beyond our control (or, more specifically, one of the store’s staff fumbling the audio of said episode and absconding to a foreign country with the episode masters. This employee, who will remain unnamed - it rhymes with Schmike - has been punished severely.

No sex. No booze. No men. No way.

Hey, folks; Dave here. One down, three to go, as I continue my month-long Apology Tour for my crimes committed this Summer. This time, perhaps fittingly, I’m taking the gang with me to church in an effort to atone for my cinema sins. But rather than relive the horrors of Mel Gibson and this past Jesus-ary, we’re lightening things up and getting back in the habit with the 1992 comedy classic, Sister Act.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me on my court ordered public service are fellow cinephiles and witnesses in hiding, Ryan and Janna.

Topics of discussion in this episode include how Sister Act induced not one, not two, but three cry moments from yours truly; Harvey Keitel shows us what a PG rated mob boss is and is not capable of; and finally, we learn that nuns don’t ask for permission, they pray for forgiveness.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That’ll do it for this leg of my Apology Tour. When we return, we’ll be taking a trip down to the southern hemisphere to battle the down mood with Super Xuxa contra Baixo Astral (aka: Super Xuxa vs. Satan).