Apocalypse Video

Don’t call her Babe!

Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V continues! And this time, we’ve got a 90s video store staple for ya, straight from the sleazy town of Steel Harbor…it’s Barb Wire!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try to sell our illegal contact lenses are fellow cinephiles and resistance fighters Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a film that is only a few degrees away from being a soft core porno; we wonder why critics in 1996 had such a problem with a woman being sexy; and finally, Clint Howard shines as he goes full skeeze playing Steel Harbor’s sweatiest scumbag, Schmitz.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

That’ll do it for this week’s episode, true believers. We’ll be back next time as we travel to the future to meet the Queen of the Galaxy herself, Barbarella!

The future is flux.

Summer is here, and that can mean only one thing; Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest is back!!! And this time we’re bringing you a summer film fest of epic proportions, filled with the best (and worst) of the Hollywood comic book film machine…female-led comic book films. That’s right, fellas - the Future is Super Female!!!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we begin our summer long journey into the world of tomorrow is fellow cinephile and Goodchild clone baby, Mike.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a world where all assassins travel via backflip; we Charlize Theron wears a slightly less pervy costume than the one seen in the anime; and finally, we talk about the making of Aeon Flux and how the executives must have all been screaming the same thing: Make it more like the Matrix!!

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That’ll do it for this week’s episode, true believers. We’ll be back next time with an even more scantily clad female heroine with…Barb Wire.

Hey, everyone - Dave here. As we get into the unbearable hellscape that is Summer, please remember to get your Air Conditioner checked regularly, lest you end up overcranking your system and turning one of your employees into an ice cube.

The podcast you are about to hear is a cautionary tale of Air Conditioner negligence and stale, frozen comedy premises.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we wheeze the juice are fellow cinephiles and Cro-Magnon men, Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a comedy premise that feels like it was frozen in the 80s; Sean Astin tests our tolerance with the loathsome character of “Dave”; and finally, we track the rise and fall of Pauly Shore, the Weasel of the 90s.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] 

That’ll do it for this week’s episode, folks. Stay cool out there, buuuuuu-ddy.

Be careful what you wish for… Ahhh, who amongst us hasn’t fallen prey to this old adage? I myself once dreamed of a world where I would have free access to endless Taco Bell and Mountain Dew Livewire - alas, I had to endure an apocalypse in order to get those wishes. Ah well, it was worth it.

But, sadly, the same can’t be said for my good buddy, Ryan. The fool wished on a Zoltar machine at the local Bartertown carnival and now he’s got to deal with an abnormally shrunken head, instead of an abnormally large one. Thankfully, we just so happen to have an answer to Ryan’s problem in the video store. And it just so happens to come courtesy of our old pal, Penny Marshall, and America’s Sweetheart, Tom Hanks.

I’m your host and former thirteen year old, Dave, and joining me as we thirst over Elizabeth Perkins in a Jets jersey are fellow cinephiles Mike, Jackie, and former Big Head, Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the questionable hiring practices at Macmillan Toys; we wonder if Big is just Anne Spielberg writing about her man-child brother, Stevie; and finally, we discuss the fallout of what happened after Susan realized that she had sex with a thirteen year old Manic Pixie Dream Boy / Man.

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That’ll do it for this week’s episode, folks. And remember, don’t go wishing on a Zoltar machine unless your city has one hell of a Consumer Affairs department.

Where were you in ‘02? If you were anything like us you were busy trying to decide which eight movies to rent at your local video store while waiting for the store manager to call you back about your job application. Or you were one of the cool kids who were going to parties and getting laid - anyway, if you’re reading this and always wondered what all the other kids in high school were up to every weekend, we may just have a movie this week that’ll shine a light on that very topic.

I’m your host and shift leader, Dave, and joining me as we go back in time to the early 2000’s are fellow cinephiles and Paul Thomas Anderson fanboys, Ryan and Cody.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the trials and tribulations of working in an early 2000s video store (including selling horribly structured payment plans); we perform a Bar Rescue-style makeover on Sequels Video; and finally, we talk about the importance of watching movies that are outside of your comfort zone (aka: Film Bro Canon).

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] 

That’ll do it for this episode, folks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return some video tapes.

Get ready to set sail as Apocalypse Video goes back to Titanic to see where it all began for James Cameron and his journey to becoming King of the World (and of the box office).

I’m your host and ship’s Captain, Dave, and joining me as we collide with destiny are fellow cinephiles and Third Class passengers Mike, Ryan, and Jackie.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a debate on how soon is too soon to make a movie about a (Spoiler Alert: 84 years is NOT too soon); Paul Rudd goes back in time to put Leonardo Dicaprio on the path to superstardom; and finally, we break down the MPAA’s rating formula for allowable nudity: 1 nipple = PG-13, 2 nipples = R.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] 

That’ll do it for this episode, folks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear the band playing and the water’s starting to get a little too close for comfort, so I think I’ll just go chill on the bridge until this whole thing blows over.

Judge’s Report: (Officer Fridge on Scene)

Responded to a call in Sector 2. Reports indicated a video store manager had been impersonating a Judge.

I arrived on scene and found perp was still in process of his bad Judge impersonation. I immediately stunned perp and announced judgement: One Year, Iso-Cubes.

Perp continued bad Judge impression. I sentenced perp to one additional year, Iso-Cubes.

Perp continued to resist judgement. I proceeded to Nut-Stun perp. At this point the perp complied.

Instructed Rookie, Janna, to assess the situation on site and assist in movie discussion of Dredd with witnesses Ryan, Mike, Cody, and now docile perp, Dave.

Advised possible topics of discussion:

Also advised Rookie Janna to rate, review and subscribe wherever she gets her podcasts and to Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]

End of Report.
*Judge Fridge

Folks, let me give you a piece of advice; when your AdBlocker subscription is about to run out and you have a TV night planned for your employees - please remember to renew that thing immediately. You have no idea how mad people get when they’re forced to watch the same Fruity Pebbles commercial fifty seven times…

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we rot our brains with some good old fashioned late 90s and early 2000s kids commercials are fellow tv-philes and recovering Waffle Crisp addicts, Mike, Jackie, and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a plea to the kids of the past to stop eating so much damn sugary cereal!!!; we long for the journalistic integrity of Nick News; and finally, we pour one out for AOL, the internet juggernaut of the 90s.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] What are some of your childhood commercial favorites? Were you a Cookie Crisp kid or a Chips Ahoy! fan? Let us know, we wanna hear from ya.

And if you want to watch along with us as we rot our brains on this episode, be sure to head over to YouTube to check out the best commercials that 1999 Nickelodeon and 2003 Toonami have to offer.

That’ll do it for this episode, folks. Remember to include some non-sugary cereals in your breakfast routine once and a while, and for god’s sake, whatever you do, do NOT eat the Lunchables Burgers - they’re not as delicious as you think they are.

To anyone who finds this recording; I, David Snider, and the rest of the passengers on Spirit Airlines: Flight 32 are being held hostage! We were on our way to the Michael Bay Film Festival when our flight was hijacked by former Immortan of the Wasteland, Nick Hoof. I think we, and by we I mean the brave workers from Apocalypse Video - Ryan, Cody, and myself - will be okay; it’s the other passengers on the flight that I’m worried about. Nick has said that he’s going to subject us to one bad movie after another until his Immortan-hood is reinstated. And he’s starting us off with Passenger 57, which if you’re unaware, only holds a 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Now, me and my guys are used to this kind of punishment, but the rest of these people…well, I’m not sure how long they’ll last. Please - give in to whatever crazy demands Nick has. I don’t know how much longer we have…

Thankfully, Nick has graciously allowed us to record a podcast during his hijacking. So, with that in mind…

Topics of discussion in this episode include an impromptu discussion on Passenger 57 - aka: Carnival 57 (Featuring 30 minutes of Plane Footage); Ryan can’t help himself from thirsting over Elizabeth Hurley; and finally, we rate John Cutter on his effectiveness as an anti-terrorism agent (Note: Getting a hostage killed within two minutes of revealing yourself is an automatic Fail).

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] How do you think John Cutter ranks among the action heroes of the 90s? Let us know, we wanna hear from ya!

That’ll do it for this impromptu episode recorded under duress. We’ll see you next time…assuming we make it out of this alive (I think I heard Nick say that Baby Geniuses is up next…God help us all!).

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier:

The Target:
1979’s Moonraker

Your Contacts:
Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave
Agents - Mike and Jackie
Big Headed Henchman - Ryan
Megalomaniacal Former Immortan - Nick

Mission Objectives:

Additional Objectives:
Rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Do you, like the children of the 1970s, wish a former Bond henchman would make their return as a Good Guy? If so, who, and would you be willing to participate in a mass letter writing campaign to the studio to make it happen? Let us know!

The Apocalypse Video Bond Cast will return as we come back down to Earth with the more grounded…For Your Eyes Only.