Do you find yourself reacting to every little thing in your life, as though a force outside of you is carelessly tossing all your wants and desires to the wind? Or do you believe you’re the creator—in charge of your destiny? It can be a big surprise when you become aware of what you are reacting to. When you come from a place of control and blame, that’s reacting, especially when you believe it is someone else’s fault; it’s a disempowering place to operate from. You may be so wired to what someone else says or does that your whole life is lived in reaction. Whether with strangers or people you know, you get triggered and boom! You are stuck, repeating the same patterns. When you’re wrapped up in the emotions of another person and find everything revolves around how you respond to them, you’re avoiding your own feelings. Yep, reaction is a form of avoidance.

When I was in relationships where my needs weren’t met, I reacted to what my partner was doing while constantly trying to control both my emotions and his. Where did it leave me? Feeling pretty helpless and crappy. Reactors never choose themselves or their happiness because they don’t know how. You become the creator by taking responsibility; by chilling out and not always needing to be the driver. So how do you do that? Look at where you have expectations, and how you react when the outcome isn’t what you want. Look at where you blame and what you’re ashamed to take responsibility for. You are the common denominator for what doesn’t work in your life. You can stop being the reactor at any moment and become the creator. You always have that choice.