"Hi Justin

my favourite episode of yours and Meg-John's is 'disagreeing with people'. I've listened over 10 times. Despite this I still find myself getting into pointless heated discussions/arguments that leave me very upset specifically about trans issues but could be any marginalised group. This is in person one to one, not online, I don't respond on social media. How can I stop getting drawn in to doing this? I'm wasting my energy, but find certain things people say draw me in I can't help challenging it. I have multiple marginalised/intersectional identities and am gender non conforming but not trans myself. Thanks for all the work you put in to the podcast- its part of my self care."

https://megjohnandjustin.com/relationships/disagreeing-with-people/

Why it’s pointless

You’re not engaging in the discussion for the same reason (you might want to change their mind, they might just want to get you riled)

People rarely change their mind right there and then

Challenging is different from disagreements

(How to challenge without locking horns)

Who is the subject and who is the object or other? Who is who’s mommy / daddy

How your role as the other might actually be making things worse?

Thoughts on materialism and what disagreements vs challenging does. Do we need to challenge or disagree? What does it do?

Why you’re getting drawn in

Perhaps in some way they are your object or other?

You might want to think about times when you haven’t been drawn in (eg on social media), what have you done instead. What else might you do or be?

Advice on how to just notice when we become conscious through affect/feeling : emotion : thoughts : actions

Here’s the podcast about Jacob Johannsen’s excellent book

https://soundcloud.com/culturesexrelationships/jacob-johannsen-fantasy-online-misogyny-and-the-manosphere

https://linktr.ee/culturesexrel