I have a safer sex protocol that consists of a set of good communication tick boxes and a set of medical/testing disclosure tick boxes and a spreadsheet for my partners to record their partners and activities they practise with each, testing status, barrier use, etc I then use some approximate quantification of risk for each partner.

While I find my protocol helpful in making this usually sensitive and difficult discussion more matter of fact and clear, I have experienced a lot of push back and hurt feelings by partners.

I am reaching out to you because you mentioned in your episode this week that some people feel repelled by safer sex discussions.

Could you help me see a way forward towards finding a consensus or a creative solution that works for everyone in case a partner refuses to engage with my protocol?

Thank you for creating your content! I find it really valuable and fun to listen to!

Resource / discourse

When one becomes the other

What's a good resource? Heterogeneous, open, kind,

Resourcing our bodies

Towards collectivity, away from the individual risks

It's not working right now, why not?

Sounds like it's only resourcing one person

Which means that it's not actually resourcing you

For this approach the process and the content have to be flattened. It's the process for reducing risks which is the relation, which produces the outcome

Trust

To get trust we have to give it. It's a mutually constructed thing

But saying it isn't it. Also running the risk of people rejecting doing it because they are made to say it.

Privity of contract

How does trust feel? How do other people know? How would you respond? Can you use that to work backwards to find out how you might resource yourselves (or your whole assemblage)

Here’s the podcast I was recommending here https://hotelbarpodcast.com/podcast/episode-119-trust/

Joy and love is only ever a result of the relation

As I've been saying lately, consciousness, becoming, can only happen in relation.

Spinozan joy is just that if by increasing our capacity to act, we are reducing someone else's, it's sadness

"Love means precisely that our expansive encounters and continuous collaborations bring us joy...without this, love, we are nothing." Antonio Negri

So you need a resource, not a discourse, which you all can collaborate on

Allows for volume levels (both in terms of the actual risks and how they are individual)

Allows for different risks

Gives people autonomy over how they manage their sexual risks (privity)

Creates openness and the possibilities of persevering over time

Gives everyone an out

Just conversations

A Google doc of affects, emotions, thoughts, doings

Not just about safer sex but also increasing the possibilities to act

https://www.bishuk.com/safer-sex/sex-infections/

https://www.bishuk.com/safer-sex/chances-getting-sti/

https://www.bishuk.com/safer-sex/sti-quiz/