Get those rhyming thought manifestations ready! It’s been 2021 for 3 months now so we only have 9 more months for this to come true! Learn about Little Batman Orphan Annie and hear about the horrific foods Austin was forced to eat in Vermont, including “ovally” baked beans *shudders*

Put on some Stevie Wonder and grab your totally not seductive Coke can because it’s the AHT Valentine’s Day Special! If you are a carnivorous non-SWT, find out the keys to Austin’s heart. And if you’re looking to marry Jeremy, we hope you despise skim milk and know your woodpeckers because this perfect Canadian man requires perfection.

Woe! Woe indeed! Come hear the tragedy of Darth Grayder and the “drive of shame” it took to bring him back to us. But all is not lost! The money sock (patent pending) is perhaps the most powerful Richy Quicky yet! Order now and we’ll throw in free Croutomelons (also patent pending) for all your citrus-infused ravioli needs.

Hold onto your sausage and your chef hats because this week’s episode is a recipe for disaster! From the maker of the “Salad on Bread” comes a new inexplicably unexplainable creation. It’s time to open up your human-person three-sided square window and wrestle with a hanger for your jacket because the bee density outside is frightful.

Yes, you heard that right! Witness the live premiere of the most INCLUSIVE Christmas Carol of all time (we apologize in advance for Austin’s “singing”). The holidays are a wonderful time of year filled with capitalism and consumerism so celebrate with Santa Jeff Bezos as he travels the world delivering presents in an Amazon delivery truck. Plus, nothing says Christmas like Annie’s plan for world domination!

Bustin Justin hosts a smörgåsbord of hot takes today about the deer family tree centered on the key belief that deer are short horses and giraffes are long horses. Also, have you ever wondered what the dictionary definition of a clenched buttcheek is? Have you ever been to Tampa Bay, Canada? Do lobsters have thumbs? What ever happened to “Left Pennsylvania?” Prepare to have all of these questions remain unanswered on this week’s AHT.

Journey aboard the Sasquatch, the Squanto, and the Santa Maria with us as Austin and Jeremy break down why Thanksgiving dinner is the single most overrated meal of the year. Learn how the first Thanksgiving evolved from Pocahontas, John Rolfe, and Charlie Brown into a modern-day lie centered on the world's most worthless bird.

If you thought Austin was uncultured before, wait until you hear his reviews of movies he’s never seen. Self-proclaimed movie expert Nate weighs in on the important issues like why every movie with Leonardo “DiCaprio” is Oscar-bait trash and if humans can be right-mouthed. Warning: you are about to hear a very detailed and horrifying sequence of events about Austin’s pee test from hell.

What would you do for a Blonde-Ike bar? In this week’s episode, Austin goes through character development... after watching Legally Blonde; he now hates sororities less than he did in Episode 18. Also, hear about his plan to deliver newborn babies with Amazon, the four horses of the apocalypse (spoiler alert: one is soup), and the water sandwiches of America.

Join us for a spooky, scary episode of AHT where we discuss the fourth-best holiday of the year. Find out which candies are “actually good,” “decent,” “utter burning garbage,” “banned eww seriously why,” and “you deserve jail and satan.” Plus, we discuss how to defeat sexy Halloween costumes and denim girl shorts!