Why do some people live longer than others? Today we share the research out of BYU that explains the importance of connecting with others. Learning to develop friendships and establish community is a life or death skill. The natural drive to connect is often hampered by dysfunctional behavior, which, as research shows, shortens one’s life.

Terry’s marriage was a disaster as he found his wife in bed with his best friend. His rebound girl friend was a rescuer and gave her all until he was fixed and married to him. Terry, no longer needing to be rescued, was a turn off to his new wife and she distanced herself from Terry, which turned him into his father (persecutor). Terry’s wife, in search of someone to rescue got into some bad company and was raped by those she was trying to rescue

The drama trap is a three-step dance that is learned in our families of origin. The three steps (roles) are victim, rescuer, and persecutor. Today we introduce the experience of Terry, whose mother doted on him, protecting him from his siblings and friends out of fear that he would get hurt. His father, frustrated that his boy was growing up as a sissy, persecuted him, with the intent to toughen him up. When Terry got married, he brought his family game of drama into the marriage.

I met Ruth over 6 years ago. For the past four years she’s been a client practicing and learning the skills of Emotional Intelligence. Listen to her story and how her life was changed using the tools we discuss on our podcast. Today she explains how it took over 18 months for one of her children to finally connect with her and start the pathway to building a mother/child relationship based on trust and respect

Mindfulness is balancing our sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. Our sympathetic system is responsible for being alert and attentive. Too much sympathetic and we’re hyper or manic. Our parasympathetic system is responsible for being calm and relaxed. Too much parasympathetic is depression. Listen to an introductory approach to practicing mindfulness and to an entertaining mindfulness experience with Cheri and a raisin

Life isn’t about time management. Anyone, including a hormonally laden teenager can manage to survive 24 hours. Life is about prioritizing, it’s about wants and not needs. When we say “I need to eat better” we introduce anxiety into the process. Replace the word “need” with “want” and observe the difference in how you feel and act

Our lives are divided in to four basic aspects of life, 1) Family, 2) Work, 3) Social, friends, community, and 4) Personal health. According James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, a person must prioritize to become an expert or competent at anything. In other words, living each quadrant equally balanced (25%) isn’t reality or a recipe for success.

The outside-in approach to change is fraught with harmful routines that debilitate us. Today we discuss the penal system and the backwards approach to how inmates are incarcerated. Sometimes it feels like they are in the business of job security instead of working with criminals to improve society. We behave according to our beliefs (identity). Change happens when identity is altered. How do you see yourself?

Habit stacking is taking a benign habit like starting your car, brushing your teeth, or going to the bathroom, and placing another (new) habit on top it. It’s like your putting a healthy habit in your way and you must go through it in order to continue your day. It’s how you can lose weight without going on a diet or how you can improve your golf game.

Change starts with self. It isn’t about your spouse, coworker, or maladaptive friend. Part of the healing process is learning how to be aware and create an environment that makes healthy decisions for you. And the glue that hold the system together is deliberate practice.