And lo, we tempted fate, and behold, the direct-to-Netflix 47 Ronin sequel DID blow chunks. Today on a BONUS Authorized, Johnny, Hannah and Overbye discuss the plotless miasma of poor choreography that is Blade of the 47 Ronin, a film whose story is just a giant game of Steal the Bacon.

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This Thursday on Authorized: Gus Spelman makes a case for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

It's John Wick 4 Day, and we're celebrating by tackling a loathed (if not forgotten) Keanu dud. Filmmaker Patrick Willems of the podcast Can't Get Enough Keanu returns to discuss 47 Ronin, a movie in which a beloved and oft-retold bit of Japanese lore gets forced through the Hollywood meat grinder. It's an ugly affair, this film.

This novelization, however, is another story. Joan D. Vinge returns and pens over 400 pages about the inner lives of these characters. Glory be to Joan! We love Joan!

Check out Patrick's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/patrickhwillems

Check out Patrick's movie Night of the Coconut, on Nebula! https://nebula.tv/nightofthecoconut

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This Monday on Authorized: We unsheathe the Blade of the 47 Ronin (2022)

The Cable Guy: a hilarious comedy with a unique flavor which seems ripe for novelizing. Well, that's not what this author thought, and she made sure this book blows chunks.

The good news is, we're joined by comedian Jon Gabrus to break down this irredeemable little brochure. We talk about how Steven is actually a huge creep, how much we love the filmography of Ben Stiller, and so much more! Chip just missed one detail in his big monologue about what people will be able to do with the internet in the future: They'll be able to listen to Authorized.

Check out Gabrus' podcast High and Mighty! https://headgum.com/high-and-mighty

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Next Week on Authorized: We welcome Patrick Willems back and make him read 47 Ronin

Uh, multi-hyphenate much? Sylvester Stallone wrote all these Rocky novelizations? What can't he do? Today on Authorized, we tackle Rocky IV, from its little asides about who wants to sleep with Drago, to its deep insights into Rocky's life. We're joined by podcast host Dan Jeremy Brooks, who knows this series front and back and has a real passion for the art of the novelization. 

Check out Dan's podcast Projexploitation! www.projexploitation.com

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Next Week on Authorized: We read The Cable Guy with Jon Gabrus

Did you know there’s TWENTY Clueless spin-off books? TWENTY! We invited Sam Myers back to discuss the first 4, and they suck.

We cover:

Cher Negotiates New York by Jennifer Baker (Sam)

An American Betty in Paris by Randi Reisfeld (Hannah)

Achieving Personal Perfection by H.B. Gilmour (Overbye)

Cher's Furiously Fit Workout  by Randi Reisfeld  (Johnny)

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Thursday on Authorized: Rocky IV by Sly Stallone himself

Dusk was falling, or whatever. This week on Authorized, we have Sam Myers on to discuss the first person novelization of Amy Heckerling's Clueless. Cher's complex view of the world is masked under her fun and flighty slang, and luckily they gave us a slang dictionary in the back of this like it was A Clockwork Orange. 

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Monday on Authorized: We keep Sam around to read some of the Clueless spinoff books

You read a book, you become the book. In the Season 4 premiere of Authorized, Overbye and Hannah are joined by filmmaker Julio Maria Martino (Country of Hotels) to discuss Richard Elman's novelization of Taxi Driver. Here we have a first person novelization that verges on experimental in structure, living completely within the grey matter of one Travis Bickle. The question of the day: Why does no one talk about this book? It's amazing. 

Check out the Trailer for Julio's film! https://youtu.be/9sxmConYRgs

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Next Week on Authorized: Clueless by H.B. Gilmour

GAVIN G. SMITH INTERVIEW AT 1:46:00

GAME AT 2:29:00

WHO SHOT THE WATCHER? Also, follow up question, who is the watcher? On this surprise episode of Authorized, Hannah, John, and Overbye tackle a prose novelization, not of a film, but of the Marvel comics storyline Original Sin. Secrets will be revealed! Then we interview its author, good friend of the show Gavin G. Smith, about adapting from comic to prose. Then John and Hannah compete for the juiciest secrets in a gossip-y game for the ages.

Check Out Gavin's work! : https://www.gavingsmith.com/

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Thursday on Authorized: We kick off Season 4 of Authorized with Taxi Driver by Richard Elman

National Treasure is back! Sort of. This week on Authorized, we welcome back Chase Wheaton-Werle to discuss Season 1 of National Treasure: Edge of History. It's got the franchise's first competent villain, a million clues, and, because it's a Disney Plus show, it's got that teen drama element, too. Riley Poole shows up for a hot second and it positively rules. I like to think the episode photo is his own headshot and not Bartha's. 

Check out Chase's work as an actor and playwright!: https://www.chase-wheaton-werle.com

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Monday on Authorized: We tackle the prose novelization of Marvel's Original Sin and interview author Gavin G. Smith. Then on Thursday, we kick off season 4 with the novelization of Taxi Driver!