When a spouse is on the autistic spectrum, marriages can experience unique challenges. Communication and understanding will likely be impacted. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer speaks to these unique challenges and provides a roadmap to flourishing.

Show notes:

When communication is significantly strained in marriage, neuro-diversity may be present. Often, in these marriages, the amount, frequency, intensity and duration of these struggles are higher when compared to neuro-typical marriages.

A neuro-typical marriage is a marriage where both spouses learn, process information, communicate and emotionally regulate in a manner similar to the norms of the population. A neuro-divergent marriage is a marriage where at least one spouse learns, processes information, communicates and emotionally regulates in a manner different than the norms of the population. One example of neuro-divergence is a person who is on the autism spectrum.

If a person suspects they are on the autism spectrum, getting a diagnosis is encouraged. A diagnosis will give clarity and provide healthy understanding for living well in relationships.

Living well in a neuro-divergent marriage where autism is present will require growing in theory of mind, speaking, listening, body language and empathy.

• Theory of mind is being able to read what the other might be thinking, feeling and intending. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires learning and understanding how the other thinks.
• How we use words can differ among neuro-typical and neuro-divergent spouses. For example, those on the autistic spectrum are more literal than their neuro-typical spouse. Learning what is meant by the words our spouses' use is an important component of communicating well.
• By extension, listening well means we learn to understand both what the other means and doesn't mean by the words they use.
• Much of human communication is non-verbal. Eye contact, expressions, and mannerisms help convey the meaning of what we say. In marriages where autism is present, each needs to learn what to read and what not to read in the body language of the other.
• Empathy is being able to feel with another person. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires each to learn how to empathize with the other. It is important to understand that the empathy of each will look different from the other.