There are so many matters to be opinionated about. "Don't you care?" says everyone. How can we live well in a world where we have a lot that concerns us and a small capacity to influence any of it? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller and Kathy Knochel speak to this constant pressure of feeling judged for not caring enough. They go on to outline a healthy life that lives on the spectrum between apathy and advocacy.

Show notes:

We are finite humans with limited time, resources, and bandwidth. When there is so much we care about, how do we determine the level we involve ourselves?

1st. Do what only you can do. Be the mom, dad, brother, sister, or person that no one else can be.

2nd. Consider your capacity. Be true to your priorities.

3rd. Find your place. Prayerfully determine where on the spectrum between apathy and advocacy you belong and what it looks like.

4th. Do it for God. Measure your effectiveness by faithfulness, not by outcomes.

When the astronauts of Artemis II passed behind the far side of the moon, all communication with mission control was lost. For those long silent 40 minutes, the spaceship and her occupants were entrusted to fate beyond direct control. This helpless, silent season is all too familiar to parents for whom children are becoming increasingly distant and unresponsive. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling speaks encouragement to parents for whom their children are behind the far side of the moon.

Show notes:

Tips for parenting kids around the back side of moon:

1st - The lack of communication and growing distance doesn't mean the mission is failing.

• Early spiritual formation in the child continues to make a positive difference now.

2nd - The capsule still needs guidance even when it can't respond.

• God uses other forces on the child when parents have lost their connection.

3rd - Panic from mission control can make things worse.

• Letting go of self-made expectations and finding hope in God's larger purposes.

4th - Trust the orbit. This phase is time-limited.

• Have patience with the work of reconciliation.

5th - Prepare for re-entry before contact is restored.

• Have a home prepared for receiving your child back again.

Maps can be helpful in seeing a larger landscape. They help answer relevant questions such as "Where are we?", "Where am I going?", "What might I expect along the journey?". In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller have a conversation about six movements along the path of spiritual growth. They give us a map to help us understand what growth in Christ looks like.

Show notes:

We never fully graduate from these movements, nor are they strictly linear. We visit and revisit them through the course of our lives as we grow in Christlikeness.

• Movement 1 – Abiding in Jesus: Attachment Formation
• Movement 2 – Growing in God's Family: Belonging Formation
• Movement 3 – Training in Christlikeness: Practice Formation
• Movement 4 – Joining in God's Work: Vocation Formation
• Movement 5 – Being Formed in the Heart: Inner Formation
• Movement 6 – Walking in the Spirit: Responsiveness Formation

Maps can be helpful in seeing a larger landscape. They help answer relevant questions such as "Where are we?", "Where am I going?", "What might I expect along the journey?". In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller have a conversation about six movements along the path of spiritual growth. They give us a map to help us understand what growth in Christ looks like.

Show notes:

We never fully graduate from these movements, nor are they strictly linear. We visit and revisit them through the course of our lives as we grow in Christlikeness.

• Movement 1 - Abiding in Jesus: Attachment Formation
• Movement 2 - Growing in God's Family: Belonging Formation
• Movement 3 - Training in Christlikeness: Practice Formation
• Movement 4 - Joining in God's Work: Vocation Formation
• Movement 5 - Being Formed in the Heart: Inner Formation
• Movement 6 - Walking in the Spirit: Responsiveness Formation

We live in an offensive world. Jesus warned us that we would. It is important that we acquire a skillset that is resilient against offense. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling outlines what this looks like for the believer.

Show Notes:

"Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" ~ Jesus (Matthew 18:7)

The word offense, in this podcast, means much more than being insulted or irritated. It is a sin against another person. Such a sin committed against another causes a painful wound. If this wound goes unhealed, the potential for serious infection exists. This infection can lead to bitterness, anger, and if left untreated, produce rebellion against God and others in our hearts.

As believers, we can shed offenses against us and live free from the damage offense brings. To do so, we:

• Understand that we both offend and are offended. We are thankful for Christ's forgiveness.
• Understand Satan to be the real enemy. We can view the offender with a measure of grace.
• Extend forgiveness by giving the offense to Christ who paid for it on the cross.

Living in an offensive world will bring Christ near because he is so desperately needed.

There are so many external demands on our time and attention - anxiety inducing demands. Demands that answer questions like: What should I care about? What should I strive for? What is success? In this podcast of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Kathy Knochel help us see that the demands after all might not be from an external voice but rather our own internal one. Fortunately, there are practical ways to ground ourselves in such a way that this voice is grounded in truth and goodness.

Show notes:

• Grounding is the anchoring of ourselves in truth and reality.

• Grounding allows us to evaluate the demands we feel. It affords us the space to ask helpful questions.

• • What is true?

• • What does God say?

• • What is realistic?

• • What are my values?

• Having a strong since of reality is increasingly challenging in a world of curated fantasy.

• Our perception of reality and internalization of demands is a shaping we undergo over time through repeated experiences. This shaping can be towards truth or away.

• One way we can step into a healthy shaping is to practice spiritual disciplines.

• • Bible reading

• • Prayer

• • Silence

• • Confession

• • Accountable relationships

Loss is common to all of us and yet unique. Pain accompanies our losses, and grief accompanies our pain. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Bill Schmidgall and Kathy Knochel speak to this common yet unique experience of grieving and the hope for healing.

Show notes:

Grief marks the pain of loss, which by God's grace, is holy ground for God's shaping in our lives.

• Grieving: the reaction to the pain of losing someone or something dear.

• Losses: people, possessions, hopes, aspirations that were real at one time and now are not.

• Despair: the unsettling hopeless feeling of realizing what once was, will not ever be again.

• Hope: finding a settled peace where the loss has its proper present effect on your new normal.

Drift is slow, passive, and creates unwanted distance over time. Without intentionality, relationships can experience drift. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer addresses marital drift. When husbands and wives drift apart. In this episode we will discuss what drift is, what it looks like, and how to close the distance.

Show notes:

Marital drift is the slow process of spouses unintentionally becoming distant over time.

What it looks like:

• Routines replace intimacy.

• Relational distance grows.

• Small intimate gestures fade.

• Spouses act more like roommates than friends.

• Spouses love each other but are not connected.

• Spouses are increasingly living separate lives.

Closing the distance:

• Acknowledge that drift has happened.

• Incorporate small acts of love that build intimacy.

• Learn about each other's worlds.

• Build friendship.

• Avoid making negative comparisons of your spouse.

• Practice thankfulness.

Brain development can be understood as a process of four maturing stages: survival, emotional, attachment and cognitive. These stages hold a key to understanding both poor and healthy thought processes. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Dr. Kirby Reutter steps us through brain development, how trauma impacts it and how by God's grace we can think healthier.

Show Notes:

• The first dimension of the brain to develop very early in life is the survival brain. Survival lies at the heart of the operations of the survival brain. The responses of fight, flight and freeze protect and train us to respond to our surrounds and preserve life.
  • Healthy development : A child has a healthy co-regulator (parent figure) who helps them regulate their responses and properly protects them.
  • Unhealthy development: A child does not have a healthy co-regulator and their safety is exploited. Fight, flight and freeze become a constant regular reaction to outside stimuli.
• The second dimension of the brain to develop is the emotional brain. Responses to outside stimuli are mapped to feelings.
  • Healthy development: A properly developed survival brain allows for a developing emotional brain. The full range of emotions, both comfortable emotions (positive) and uncomfortable emotions (negative) are appropriately experienced.
  • Unhealthy development: An underdeveloped survival brain has a detrimental effect on the developing emotional brain. Negative emotions (primarily fear and anger) are over developed because of their abundant use. At the same time, positive emotions under develop because of their infrequent use or betraying affect.
• The third dimension of the brain to develop is the attachment brain. This development helps us connect with another human in relationship.
  • Healthy development: A healthy emotional brain allows for a healthy attachment brain to develop. A recognition exists that people and relationships are needed. A child is seen, safe and soothed by another person (parent figure).
  • Unhealthy development: An unhealthy emotional brain thwarts a maturing attachment brain. A belief emerges that recognizes people as a threat and relationships as dangerous.
• The fourth dimension of the brain to develop is the cognitive brain. This is the thinking brain, responsible for reasoning and judgement.
  • Healthy development: A healthy attachment brain gives way to healthy thinking and reasoning. A healthy cognitive brain will making good decisions, recognize cause and effect, seeing short term and long term goals, identifying pros and cons, thinking abstractly, theoretically, logically and linguistically.
  • Unhealthy development: An unhealthy attachment brain skews the cognitive development. Decisions and judgements are made through the lens of a threatening world.

When a spouse is on the autistic spectrum, marriages can experience unique challenges. Communication and understanding will likely be impacted. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer speaks to these unique challenges and provides a roadmap to flourishing.

Show notes:

When communication is significantly strained in marriage, neuro-diversity may be present. Often, in these marriages, the amount, frequency, intensity and duration of these struggles are higher when compared to neuro-typical marriages.

A neuro-typical marriage is a marriage where both spouses learn, process information, communicate and emotionally regulate in a manner similar to the norms of the population. A neuro-divergent marriage is a marriage where at least one spouse learns, processes information, communicates and emotionally regulates in a manner different than the norms of the population. One example of neuro-divergence is a person who is on the autism spectrum.

If a person suspects they are on the autism spectrum, getting a diagnosis is encouraged. A diagnosis will give clarity and provide healthy understanding for living well in relationships.

Living well in a neuro-divergent marriage where autism is present will require growing in theory of mind, speaking, listening, body language and empathy.

• Theory of mind is being able to read what the other might be thinking, feeling and intending. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires learning and understanding how the other thinks.
• How we use words can differ among neuro-typical and neuro-divergent spouses. For example, those on the autistic spectrum are more literal than their neuro-typical spouse. Learning what is meant by the words our spouses' use is an important component of communicating well.
• By extension, listening well means we learn to understand both what the other means and doesn't mean by the words they use.
• Much of human communication is non-verbal. Eye contact, expressions, and mannerisms help convey the meaning of what we say. In marriages where autism is present, each needs to learn what to read and what not to read in the body language of the other.
• Empathy is being able to feel with another person. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires each to learn how to empathize with the other. It is important to understand that the empathy of each will look different from the other.