Change, when it is for the better, always accompanies healthy human growth. When it comes to emotional, relational and spiritual change, repentance is an apt feature to discuss. After all, repentance means changing your mind. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Chad Leman and Brian Sutter shed light on both the "why" and "how" of repentance.

Show Notes:

Repentance in three movements.

Movement 1: God's goodness.

• Romans 2 says God's goodness leads us to repentance. His work, his grace, his Spirit and his presence makes our repentance both possible and welcome.

• Repentance is the realignment of ourselves to God.

Movement 2: The cross.

• After the pattern of Christ, repentance requires a death. This is dying to ourselves. Here we see ourselves honestly before God. Understand our error and need for change. We shift our trust from ourselves to God.

Movement 3: The Resurrection.

• After the pattern of Christ, repentance is evidenced by new life. We live as those oriented toward God and in agreement with him.

Show notes:

Growing into Christlikeness is not a linear process. Yet the historic Christian church has identified three movements that we revisit with increasing depth.

• Purification: This refers to growing in increasing moral excellence.

• Illumination: This refers to growing in increasing understanding of truth.

• Communion: This refers to growing in increasing fellowship with God.

These provide a helpful "map" for understanding the invitation before us to grow in Christ-likeness. In the middle ages of our life, we can expect God to use the stage we are in to perform these movements of growth. Career, family, responsibilities, duties and life circumstances are not a deterrent for spiritual growth but instead serve as the context for which our spiritual growth happens.

Christ knew what he was doing when he gave his disciples what we have come to call "The Lord's Prayer." It is beautiful to the ear. Rhythmic to the tongue. Simple to remember and loaded with power. In this episode, Joe Leman highlights this beauty and power and helps us see the hope of human transformation that is instore for any who would take up the prayer and pray it.

Stress is a very real part of our lives. How we manage stress can have healthy or unhealthy consequences. Fortunately, one tool we should be using to soothe stress in one another is stress-reducing conversations. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer, Craig Stickling, and Brian Sutter explain how to have these purposeful conversations.

Show notes:

What is stress-related conversation?

• A conversation that has at its purpose the intention of soothing the emotions in a stress heightened individual and thereby reducing their stress levels.

What qualities are present in stress-reducing conversation?

• Active listening, attending presence, non-judgement, non-criticizing, empathetic agreement.

What should your posture be for being a stress-reducing partner in a conversation?

• Have an eye towards being on the same team with the other.

What are some different applied contexts for stress-reducing conversations?

• Marriage: Look for them with your spouse if you are married.

• Family: Look for them with your kids if you are a parent.

• Neighbors: Look for them with community members.

What good are stress-reducing conversations beyond reducing stress?

• Stress-reducing conversations build the safety to eventually step into conversations with other purposes such as conflict resolution or corrective conversations.

How do I carry out stress-reducing conversations when I disagree with the person that has heightened stress?

• Separate the matter of disagreement from the person. Connect with the person first. Then when safety is achieved and we are on a team together, voicing disagreement can happen in effective ways.

What makes stress-reducing conversations difficult?

• Fixating on accuracy.

• Fixating on solutions.

• Inability to detect emotions.

• Inability to stay present with a person.

What does it mean to be intentional with stress-reducing conversations?

• Have conversations with the express purpose to be stress relieving. Select topics thoughtfully that you can be "on the same team" about.

What is at stake if loved ones don't engage each other in stress-reducing conversations?

• We might look for stress-reducing conversations from unsafe sources such as AI or other people.

Healthy relationships require that we are open to being influenced. After all, what is a relationship if it doesn't include give and take. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what both research and experience has taught him about the importance of accepting influence in relationships.

Show notes:

What does accepting relational influence mean?

• Allowing those we are in relationship with to shape and impact our thinking, feeling and behaving.

What does not accepting relational influence look like?

• Relationship rigidity resulting in dismissing or being un-moved by the input, wisdom, experience and interaction of another individual.

What does the research say?

• Husbands who accept influence from their wives tend to have happier and more satisfying relationships.
• The more influence a spouse is willing to accept, the more influential they can be.

What makes accepting relational influence difficult?

• Being defensive or the tendency to recoil from perceived challenges.
• Black and white thinking or the tendency to see matters in either/or categories.
• Avoidant or the tendency to avoid relationship disagreement and friction.
• Misunderstood roles in relationship or the tendency to enter a relationship with a role modeled or taught to you that does not permit influence.
• Lack of relationship safety.

What happens if we don't accept influence?

• The relationship tends towards disconnection.

Does accepting influence mean finding agreement?

• Yes and no. Yes – you both agree that the other is worth understanding well enough to know when and how to yield to them. No – agreement is not the objective. In fact, disagreement is common and still should include influence.

What does healthy influence look like amid disagreement?

• When a person says "no" in a relationship, they should simultaneously say "yes" to the friend or spouse they are in relationship with. By this we mean, those we are in relationship should always feel they have been understood and valued enough to have influenced us regardless of the decision at hand.

Parenting has its eye towards producing future adults. One powerful adult forming tool is instilling good habits in our kids. A well parented habit can pay dividends in the long run by building the muscle memory to do what otherwise would not be natural. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter examples this by suggesting three habits that will produce very welcome attributes in our children as adults.

Show notes:

Healthy habits can help grow and mature our children. And yet, to do this, the habit needs to grow and mature with the child. Three examples are given.

Example 1: Goal: To produce thankful adults.

• Habit – Say, "Thank you."
• Growing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________ that is a gift to me."

Example 2: Goal: To produce a humble adults.

• Habit – Say, "I'm sorry."
• Growing habit – Say, "I'm sorry I ________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "I __________, how did that make you feel? I'm sorry."

Example 3: Goal: To produce adults who are good listeners.

• Habit – Say, "Tell me what you think."
• Growing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn and value your insights."

We all have room for growth. Yet sometimes our progress gets stalled, and we get discouraged. This discouragement might be because we are measuring the wrong thing. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps correct this mistake and teaches us to measure from the bottom-up.

Show notes:

Measuring human growth can be tricky. We often evaluate our progress by measuring from one of three perspectives:

• From top-down: This happens when we measure the gap between who we are and who we want to ideally be. For lofty goals, this measurement often leaves us discouraged. The gap becomes a continual reminder we are "way off the mark" and we live in failure.

• Side-to-side: This happens when we measure ourselves by comparing ourselves with others. This can have a mixture of reactions. On the one hand, we might have an inflated view of our progress and become lax in our growth. Or on the other hand, we can feel deflated and have an inferior view of our progress and become discouraged.

• From bottom-up: This happens when we measure progress by remembering where we started and being thankful for how far God has helped us. This measurement approach tends to promote a healthier view of growth. With this approach, we are encouraged to take the next step.

Measuring from the bottom up is made possible when we have an accurate view of God. Sometimes we have the idea that God is far, with arms crossed, waiting for us to achieve his standards. Rather, God is with us wherever we are and prompting us to take the next step. He calls us to a life of discipleship whereby he is present in all our learning and growing.

To be human is to age. To age well is to transition. To transition well is to adapt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Lori Wiegand encourage us to be intentional in the aging process. In so doing, we find abundance of life where scarcity may have been assumed.

Show notes:

Finding abundance instead of scarcity in the last third of life is a function of intentionality, acceptance, and adaptation.

1. Intentionality:

• • Making healthy choices.

  • Having needed conversations.

• • Making future plans.

1. Acceptance:

• • Making peace with new realities.

• • Letting go of old norms.

• • Letting go of old possibilities.

1. Adaptation:

• • Finding a new identity.

• • Welcoming new norms.

• • Finding new possibilities.

Advent is a season of longing and hope for Christmas - a time when anticipation fills the air. But what does this waiting reveal about the kind of people Christ is shaping us to be? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Leman and Matt Kaufmann explore how the Lord's prayer stirs a deep desire for Christ's kingdom and transforms our hearts to long for him in and outside of the Christmas season.

Show notes:

What is Advent? Advent is the season when the Christian church prepares for the celebration of Christ's coming – Christmas.

What advantage does advent offer the believer? Every year, the Christian is given an opportunity to wait for, long for and celebrate Christ's coming. This practice can shape in the believer a desire for Christ's coming kingdom.

What is the Lord's prayer? Christ gave his disciples the Lord's Prayer (Luke 11) when they asked how they should pray. This prayer has a deep and rich history in the Church both past and present.

What advantage does the Lord's prayer offer the believer? The Lord's prayer offers the believer a template for praying and thinking. It can be divided into two sections each having three subparts.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Hallowed be thy name.

• Thy kingdom come.

• Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Give us this day our daily bread.

• Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

• Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

How does the Lord's prayer enliven advent? The Lord's prayer prepares in us a heart that wants God's kingdom to come and will to be done.

How does advent enliven our faith? Advent teaches us that waiting, longing and celebrating Christ's present and coming kingdom is tangible, practical and meaningful.

The Thanksgiving holiday affords us the opportunity to engage in one of the healthiest human behaviors – the giving of thanks. Research suggests that thankful people are in some ways mentally, emotionally, and relationally healthier than their unthankful counterparts. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann look beneath the hood of thanksgiving to discover the deeper matters that not only make thanksgiving possible but likely.

Giving thanks is an action. Thanksgiving is the outward fruit of deeper gratitude. By it, our gratefulness finds its expression. Furthermore, our expression finds its mark in gratitude toward God or another person.

Gratitude is a quality of our character. Its opposite is entitlement. Where entitlement believes all things are owed, gratitude sees all things as a gift. It is the fruit of humility. A posture we have with the world where we see ourselves as the beneficiary of all good things.