Stress is a very real part of our lives. How we manage stress can have healthy or unhealthy consequences. Fortunately, one tool we should be using to soothe stress in one another is stress-reducing conversations. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer, Craig Stickling, and Brian Sutter explain how to have these purposeful conversations.

Show notes:

What is stress-related conversation?

• A conversation that has at its purpose the intention of soothing the emotions in a stress heightened individual and thereby reducing their stress levels.

What qualities are present in stress-reducing conversation?

• Active listening, attending presence, non-judgement, non-criticizing, empathetic agreement.

What should your posture be for being a stress-reducing partner in a conversation?

• Have an eye towards being on the same team with the other.

What are some different applied contexts for stress-reducing conversations?

• Marriage: Look for them with your spouse if you are married.

• Family: Look for them with your kids if you are a parent.

• Neighbors: Look for them with community members.

What good are stress-reducing conversations beyond reducing stress?

• Stress-reducing conversations build the safety to eventually step into conversations with other purposes such as conflict resolution or corrective conversations.

How do I carry out stress-reducing conversations when I disagree with the person that has heightened stress?

• Separate the matter of disagreement from the person. Connect with the person first. Then when safety is achieved and we are on a team together, voicing disagreement can happen in effective ways.

What makes stress-reducing conversations difficult?

• Fixating on accuracy.

• Fixating on solutions.

• Inability to detect emotions.

• Inability to stay present with a person.

What does it mean to be intentional with stress-reducing conversations?

• Have conversations with the express purpose to be stress relieving. Select topics thoughtfully that you can be "on the same team" about.

What is at stake if loved ones don't engage each other in stress-reducing conversations?

• We might look for stress-reducing conversations from unsafe sources such as AI or other people.

Healthy relationships require that we are open to being influenced. After all, what is a relationship if it doesn't include give and take. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what both research and experience has taught him about the importance of accepting influence in relationships.

Show notes:

What does accepting relational influence mean?

• Allowing those we are in relationship with to shape and impact our thinking, feeling and behaving.

What does not accepting relational influence look like?

• Relationship rigidity resulting in dismissing or being un-moved by the input, wisdom, experience and interaction of another individual.

What does the research say?

• Husbands who accept influence from their wives tend to have happier and more satisfying relationships.
• The more influence a spouse is willing to accept, the more influential they can be.

What makes accepting relational influence difficult?

• Being defensive or the tendency to recoil from perceived challenges.
• Black and white thinking or the tendency to see matters in either/or categories.
• Avoidant or the tendency to avoid relationship disagreement and friction.
• Misunderstood roles in relationship or the tendency to enter a relationship with a role modeled or taught to you that does not permit influence.
• Lack of relationship safety.

What happens if we don't accept influence?

• The relationship tends towards disconnection.

Does accepting influence mean finding agreement?

• Yes and no. Yes – you both agree that the other is worth understanding well enough to know when and how to yield to them. No – agreement is not the objective. In fact, disagreement is common and still should include influence.

What does healthy influence look like amid disagreement?

• When a person says "no" in a relationship, they should simultaneously say "yes" to the friend or spouse they are in relationship with. By this we mean, those we are in relationship should always feel they have been understood and valued enough to have influenced us regardless of the decision at hand.

Parenting has its eye towards producing future adults. One powerful adult forming tool is instilling good habits in our kids. A well parented habit can pay dividends in the long run by building the muscle memory to do what otherwise would not be natural. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter examples this by suggesting three habits that will produce very welcome attributes in our children as adults.

Show notes:

Healthy habits can help grow and mature our children. And yet, to do this, the habit needs to grow and mature with the child. Three examples are given.

Example 1: Goal: To produce thankful adults.

• Habit – Say, "Thank you."
• Growing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________ that is a gift to me."

Example 2: Goal: To produce a humble adults.

• Habit – Say, "I'm sorry."
• Growing habit – Say, "I'm sorry I ________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "I __________, how did that make you feel? I'm sorry."

Example 3: Goal: To produce adults who are good listeners.

• Habit – Say, "Tell me what you think."
• Growing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn and value your insights."

We all have room for growth. Yet sometimes our progress gets stalled, and we get discouraged. This discouragement might be because we are measuring the wrong thing. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps correct this mistake and teaches us to measure from the bottom-up.

Show notes:

Measuring human growth can be tricky. We often evaluate our progress by measuring from one of three perspectives:

• From top-down: This happens when we measure the gap between who we are and who we want to ideally be. For lofty goals, this measurement often leaves us discouraged. The gap becomes a continual reminder we are "way off the mark" and we live in failure.

• Side-to-side: This happens when we measure ourselves by comparing ourselves with others. This can have a mixture of reactions. On the one hand, we might have an inflated view of our progress and become lax in our growth. Or on the other hand, we can feel deflated and have an inferior view of our progress and become discouraged.

• From bottom-up: This happens when we measure progress by remembering where we started and being thankful for how far God has helped us. This measurement approach tends to promote a healthier view of growth. With this approach, we are encouraged to take the next step.

Measuring from the bottom up is made possible when we have an accurate view of God. Sometimes we have the idea that God is far, with arms crossed, waiting for us to achieve his standards. Rather, God is with us wherever we are and prompting us to take the next step. He calls us to a life of discipleship whereby he is present in all our learning and growing.

To be human is to age. To age well is to transition. To transition well is to adapt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Lori Wiegand encourage us to be intentional in the aging process. In so doing, we find abundance of life where scarcity may have been assumed.

Show notes:

Finding abundance instead of scarcity in the last third of life is a function of intentionality, acceptance, and adaptation.

1. Intentionality:

• • Making healthy choices.

  • Having needed conversations.

• • Making future plans.

1. Acceptance:

• • Making peace with new realities.

• • Letting go of old norms.

• • Letting go of old possibilities.

1. Adaptation:

• • Finding a new identity.

• • Welcoming new norms.

• • Finding new possibilities.

Advent is a season of longing and hope for Christmas - a time when anticipation fills the air. But what does this waiting reveal about the kind of people Christ is shaping us to be? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Leman and Matt Kaufmann explore how the Lord's prayer stirs a deep desire for Christ's kingdom and transforms our hearts to long for him in and outside of the Christmas season.

Show notes:

What is Advent? Advent is the season when the Christian church prepares for the celebration of Christ's coming – Christmas.

What advantage does advent offer the believer? Every year, the Christian is given an opportunity to wait for, long for and celebrate Christ's coming. This practice can shape in the believer a desire for Christ's coming kingdom.

What is the Lord's prayer? Christ gave his disciples the Lord's Prayer (Luke 11) when they asked how they should pray. This prayer has a deep and rich history in the Church both past and present.

What advantage does the Lord's prayer offer the believer? The Lord's prayer offers the believer a template for praying and thinking. It can be divided into two sections each having three subparts.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Hallowed be thy name.

• Thy kingdom come.

• Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Give us this day our daily bread.

• Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

• Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

How does the Lord's prayer enliven advent? The Lord's prayer prepares in us a heart that wants God's kingdom to come and will to be done.

How does advent enliven our faith? Advent teaches us that waiting, longing and celebrating Christ's present and coming kingdom is tangible, practical and meaningful.

The Thanksgiving holiday affords us the opportunity to engage in one of the healthiest human behaviors – the giving of thanks. Research suggests that thankful people are in some ways mentally, emotionally, and relationally healthier than their unthankful counterparts. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann look beneath the hood of thanksgiving to discover the deeper matters that not only make thanksgiving possible but likely.

Giving thanks is an action. Thanksgiving is the outward fruit of deeper gratitude. By it, our gratefulness finds its expression. Furthermore, our expression finds its mark in gratitude toward God or another person.

Gratitude is a quality of our character. Its opposite is entitlement. Where entitlement believes all things are owed, gratitude sees all things as a gift. It is the fruit of humility. A posture we have with the world where we see ourselves as the beneficiary of all good things.

It has always been hard to stay on top of technology. It seems artificial intelligence (AI) has just raised the ante. In this Breaking Bread podcast episode, David Virkler helps demystify AI. In so doing, some down-to-earth advice is given on how to parent our kids in this world of AI.

Show Notes:

A few things to understand about AI.

• Artificial Intelligence is an expansive field with many applications. It includes everything from machine learning to neural network AI engines and large language models like ChatGPT.
• Large language models respond to inquiries by generating text by using probability models for selecting the next most probable word. In so doing, sentences are created and intelligence is mimicked.
• AI platforms are trained on a body of data made available to them. Some use the data we input into it when we use it. Others do not.
• The source of data from which AI draws its information depends on the platform being used. Some AI platforms pull from all available data on the internet. Others pull from a closed data set according to the specs of the developer.
• AI is only physical. It is made up of circuits, elements and processors with the capability to find and sort data. AI is powered and thereby limited by the earth's resources.

A few things to be cautious about.

• AI has no metric for truth when generating content. Rather, it uses probability to guess what the user wants.
• Be aware, when by your use, you are contributing to the data pool AI will learn and draw its information from. When using AI understand your level of personal privacy or lack thereof.
• To determine the trustworthiness of the AI tool, understand where the tool is sourcing its data. Is it sorting through all the data on the internet or is it sorting through a smaller, more reliable data set?
• AI can mimic human qualities such as emotion. AI companions can be influential and misleading.
• AI will have an influence on our personal formation. Our habits, creativity, critical thinking skills, and more will likely be affected.

A few questions to get us talking.

• What makes AI less than human?
• AI runs on circuits and processors. It is physical and non-living. It has no soul as the human made in God's image has.
• What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?
• AI has made knowledge ready and easy. How to apply that knowledge lies with the user.
• Is speed and ease always better than time and struggle?
• AI completes tasks quickly with very little effort on the part of the user. While this efficiency is appealing, healthy human formation seldom comes quickly and easily. Rather, God uses time and friction to develop our minds, hearts, souls and bodies.
• Who do we want speaking into our life?
• AI can mimic human companionship. However, human connection has been God's design for the community that best cares for the human being.
• Has AI made God old fashioned?
• AI will provide many answers for us. It will push society forward. With it will come questions. As has been the pattern in the past, Christ and the Scriptures will be relevant in new and important ways.

A few things to be enthused about.

• AI is really good at writing and summarizing. If used well, it can be a very helpful tool as a note taker in a meeting.
• AI is really good at analyzing patterns in large data sets. When used well, it can provide tremendous insights quickly make connections and offering helpful suggestions based on data.
• AI will be a strong educational tool. It has the capacity to tailor education modes and means to the uniqueness of the learner.
• AI is becoming very good at language. Real time translation is a powerful asset for those trying to communicate across language barriers.

It's not uncommon for communication between two individuals in a relationship to go sideways. And when the pattern is sideways for many years, it becomes even more challenging to set right the cart. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Brian Sutter explain how to do just that.

Show notes:

The speaker/listener model is a structured approach for communication that enhances understanding between two individuals or parties.

When do you use it?

• When communication is not working and understanding is not being reached.

How does it work?

• Roles are determined. One party is the speaker, and the other is the listener.
• The speaker succinctly expresses a message.
• The listener responds by telling the speaker what they said.
• The speaker determines if the listener understands.
  • If yes, the speaker continues.
  • If no, the speaker tries the message again.
• Appropriately, reverse roles.

What does it do?

• It slows down the conversation.
• It promotes understanding between the parties.
• It helps clarify what should be communicated.
• It gives a chance for communicative trust to grow.
• It gives the space for individuals to regulate their emotions during the conversation.

What are the prerequisites for success?

• Participants need to be able to take on another person's perspective.
• Participants need to be able to regulate their emotions.
• Participants need to be able to play by the conversation rules.

Join us in the studio as we celebrate 10 years of Breaking Bread! In this celebratory episode, Arlan Miller, Katie Miller and Brian Sutter turn the tables and interview Breaking Bread host Matt Kaufmann. They go behind the scenes of the show, telling stories and reminiscing. Most importantly, they pay tribute to the devoted listenership of Breaking Bread.