Breaking Bread Podcast

We are built for relationship. There is a yearning, need and desire within us for emotional connection with others. In the marriage relationship this can be both an asset and a liability. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us understand the signs, offense and repair of emotional affairs – when emotional intimacy outside the marriage compromises the covenant of marriage.

Show notes:

Three stages of emotional affairs:

1st Emotional intimacy with another person outside of marriage.

• Deep connection at the heart and emotional level.

2nd Secrecy

• Walls are built between spouses and access to the illicit relationship is sought and protected.

3rd Sexual tension

• Physical relations may or may not be happening. However, there is growing openness to them.

Recovery from emotional affairs.

1st End the illicit relationship.

• The betraying spouse needs to cut off the illicit relationship at any cost.

2nd Boundaries are set.

• The betraying spouse takes full responsibility for the affair. Boundaries are set that will help the betrayed spouse feel safe and stable.

3rd The betrayer grieves their relationship loss.

• The betrayer closes the door on the illicit relationship emotionally. This is done through grieving the loss. This grieving process is best walked through with a friend or counselor and not his/her spouse.

4th Cultivate friendship and emotional intimacy with spouse.

• Over time, with relational repair, trust and emotional intimacy with spouse increases.

5th As a couple, reflect on the context of their marriage.

• The couple learns from the painful experience. What individual and couple dynamics provided the context for an emotional affair? Moving forward, how do we wisely live together to prevent it from happening in the future?

We are creatures of habit. Rhythmic, repetitious actions that are triggered almost without notice. For good or bad, these habits shape us in profound ways. To help us wield the power of habit for good, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take up the topic of habit formation in this episode of Breaking Bread.

Show notes:

Habits are reinforced by the positive feedback we experience when we do them.

• Typically, bad habits form naturally with immediate favorable reinforcement. For example, scrolling on your phone becomes a habit when it seems to cure momentary boredom.

• Typically, good habits form intentionally with long term favorable reinforcement. For example, practicing scales on the piano habitually forms muscle memory that will produce a good piano player in the future.

Tips for Intentional healthy Habit Formation:

• Identity: See your habit as evidence that you are the type of person you want to be.

• • For example, Sandy wants to be a thankful person so she begins to understand herself to be a thankful person. When she journals two things she's thankful for each day, it reinforces her identity.

• Make the habit accessible: Build the structure that will make your habit easier.

• • For example, Todd wants to exercise in the morning. By setting out his running clothes the night before, he makes the first step in exercising, that is getting into his workout clothes, accessible.

• Use habit stacking: Pair a desired habit with a habit or routine that you already have established.

• • For example, Jake wants to be a prayerful person. He decides to pray while he brushes his teeth, a habit he has already formed.

• Make yourself accountable: Let others know you are forming a habit and ask for their accountability.

• • For example, Jenny wants to move her body more. She asks a friend to keep her accountable that she walks 8,000 steps each day.

Generation Z has been dubbed "the anxious generation." Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.

Show notes:

Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God's design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org .

Generation Z has been dubbed "the anxious generation." Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.

Show notes:

Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God's design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org .

Just as there are aspects of our physical health we can improve, there are ways we can improve our brain health. Many of these are quite simple and attainable. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. proposes six ways we achieve better brain health.

Show notes:

Six keys to better brain health:

1. Physical Exercise:

• • 150 minutes of moderate-intensity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity each week.

  • Muscle-strengthening activities on 2 or more days each week.

1. Food & Nutrition:

• • Mediterranean and MIND diets are brain and heart healthy.

• • • Olive oil, nuts, salmon, leafy greens, vegetables, etc.

• • Cut out alcohol and smoking.

1. Medical Health:

• • Engage in regular, proactive check-ups/physicals with your healthcare provider.

• • Learn the medical history of your extended family.

• • Know your numbers.

• • • Blood pressure

• • • Blood sugar

• • • Cholesterol

• • • Weight

1. Sleep & Relaxation:

• • Sleep between 7-9 hours per night.

• • Deal with common sleep conditions such as insomnia and sleep apnea.

1. Mental Fitness:

• • Keep it logically sharp with activities such as crossword puzzles and Sudoku's.

• • Keep it artistically sharp with activities such as music and creativity.

• • Be a lifelong learner.

1. Social Interaction:

• • Stay connected with other people in relationships.

Husbands and wives want healthy attachment, intimacy and oneness. Yet, sometimes it can be elusive. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us see one barrier to intimacy – relational pain. Fortunately, there is a path forward but be forewarned, it will require going backward before going forward.

Show notes:

Intimacy has cleverly been defined as "into me you see." This is a good definition and a wonderful intention for marriages. It is not uncommon, however, for "blocks" to exist that prove intimacy difficult. One common "block" to intimacy is relational pain.

By relational pain we mean the pain that comes when relational attachment is damaged. That is, safety, security, trust, and vulnerability are compromised. Often this relational stress is not intentional. Sometimes it happens without us putting words to it. However, it often happens in high stakes moments and seasons of transition.

When couples go through moments of loss, disruption and transition in such a way that safety, security, trust and vulnerability are damaged, relational wounds can result. This pain is a block to intimacy. To move forward, it will be necessary to go back to the past and visit these moments. Healing is often found in putting words to the fears, sadnesses and hurts that these moments ushered into the relationship. Further, soothing the fears, grieving the sadnesses and healing the hurt will be an objective in moving forward and growing in intimacy.

Of the 12 disciples, Peter seems to be corrected the most. And yet, so much teaching surfaced out of his mistakes. Peter, in this way, exampled for us what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus. Recognizing and embracing his need for correction. In this episode of Breaking Bread, teachers Katie Miller and Isaac funk encourage us to share in Peter's mindset. After all, the transformation from fishmen to apostle was remarkable in Peter and holds promise for each of us as well.

Show notes:

Being corrected is fundamental to the learning process. Every person in progress needs correction. Yet, to our own detriment, we too often resist and avoid correction.

Four qualities the person who wisely receives correction possesses.

• Humility: They place themselves under an authority for whom they trust guidance.
• Vision: They see themselves as a person "in progress."
• Wisdom: They understand that correction is necessary.
• Healthy Identity: They don't over identify themselves with negative criticism.

As the saying goes, "we are as happy as our least happy adult child". Parents get this. How do parents walk with their kids through disappointment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter gives us thoughtful cautions and helpful suggestions.

Show notes:

Our kids have disappointments.

• Disappointments such as: being excluded, being mistreated, unhappy with circumstances, unhappy with themselves, failure to excel, failure to succeed, losing a job, losing a spouse.

Parents feel their pain.

• Often, we are as happy as our least happy adult child.

Unfortunately, sometimes parents service their own pain when trying to help their children.

• Healthy separation between parent in child is needed in navigating child disappointment.

There are some things parents should not do when helping children through disappointment.

• Parents should not: miss it, talk kids out of their feelings, rescue kids from their feelings, convey that unwanted emotions are bad.

There are some things parents should do when helping children through disappointment.

• Parents should: help kids grieve, help kids manage stories, help kids with their identity, help kids with their God image, give kids hope.

ADHD has been well understood in the classroom. For a long time, ADHD has been well understood in children and treated for optimal growth in their maturing years. What about adults? What does ADHD look like later in life? How should we understand its effect on life and relationships? How do we treat the disorder for optimal living in the mature years?

Show notes:

What is ADHD?

• ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It is a brain disorder. Individuals with ADHD might find it difficult to focus, stay on task, calm and quiet themselves.

What is the neuroscience behind ADHD?

• ADHD is a delay in brain development. When certain neurotransmitters are unable to be balanced in the brain, ADHD will result. Two significant neurotransmitters out of balance in the ADHD brain are dopamine and norepinephrine. Dopamine promotes focus, motivation and reward. Norepinephrine regulates judgement and control.

When does ADHD show up?

• When ADHD is present, it will show up in childhood. However, the disorder does persist into adulthood. How ADHD is manifested through the aging process differs. For example, hyperactivity which manifests itself outward in youth is still present in an adult but is often experienced more inwardly. ADHD adults have an advantage over ADHD children because they have more control over their environment. For example, the classroom is imposed on the life of a child but a career conducive to an ADHD adult is within their control.

How is ADHD diagnosed?

• ADHD can be diagnosed at any point in a person's life. Two methods for diagnosis are available:

• A clinical diagnosis happens when a professional evaluates the presence of the disorder by interview. Through a holistic battery of questions to the client as well as those who live and work closely with them an ADHD determination can be given.

• A neuro-psychological evaluation can be given by a professional. This approach includes cognitive skills assessments.

• It is important to note that before "ruling in" ADHD, many things need to be "ruled out." There are many confounding matters such as anxiety and depression that conflate the ADHD diagnosis.

If someone suspects ADHD, should they get a diagnosis?

• Yes and no.

• Knowing what is contributing to pain is helpful in working through and finding remedies for it. If what an individual suspects to be ADHD is causing ongoing pain in their relationships and responsibilities, a diagnosis has purpose.

• If very mild ADHD is present but not causing ongoing life disruption and pain, then a diagnosis may not be necessary.

What are some "helps" for those with ADHD?

• Two routes can be taken for assisting those with ADHD:

• Therapy can be helpful in learning good coping, lifestyle management and relationship skills. These skills can help mitigate the pain ADHD can cause.

• Because ADHD is an imbalance of neurotransmitters, medication is available to help bring balance where imbalance is present.

Is having ADHD only negative in a person's life?

• Fortunately, many have lived well with their ADHD. Their brain is able to take in a lot of stimuli at the same time. Their activated state can produce many benefits such as creativity and ambition.

The thyroid gland is the master gland of the body. From this command center, hormones are dispatched. Those hormones send marching orders for our bodies to follow. The marching orders orbit closely to those matters that preserve and propagate life. While this bustle of activity happens beneath the boundary of our skin, effects surface in our thoughts and emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Lynne Streitmatter, a professional in women's hormonal care talks with Kathy Knochel a clinical therapist about the intersection of our bodies with our emotional, relational and spiritual lives.