Breaking Bread Podcast

A lot goes into a thriving marriage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer uses the research of Dr. John Gottman to place his finger on the components of a marriage that not only lasts, but flourishes.

View the Sound Relationship House Model here

What is normal? In a world of air brushing and curated content, it can be illusive. Yet, having a good compass toward knowing normal goes a long way toward good mental health. Studies have shown that supernormal stimuli can have a damaging effect on our brains. In this episode of Breaking Bread, addiction specialist, Jacob Feucht, teaches us what supernormal stimuli are, how to spot them and unwind their influence.

Show Notes:

Definition:

• Supernormal Stimulus – Exaggerated characteristics in normal stimuli.

Problem:

• Studies have shown that humans can begin to crave what is not natural or real at the expense of what is natural and real.

Examples:

• Diet: We can crave unnatural foods at the expense of natural foods.

• Attention: We can crave unnatural rapidity of stimuli and addict ourselves to distraction because we resist the "slowness" of reality.

• Pornography: We crave sexual stimuli and addict ourselves to unnatural characteristics at the expense of healthy biblical sexual relations.

Healthy living:

• Seek after, linger in and live in the real world. Learn to love what God created and what He created them for.

Bullying is as old as the hills. Yet it has gained more thoughtful attention in recent days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling, a middle school counselor, provides much needed insights into this broken relational posturing between people.

Conflict does not spell doom in the marriage relationship. However, how we do conflict might. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares four behaviors that need to be avoided when "working things out" with your spouse. Kaleb explains what they are and how they can be avoided.

Show notes:

• Four negative behaviors that spell trouble for marriages and how they can be avoided.

• Criticism

• • Criticism often starts with "You." "You always..." or "You never..." These statements are personal, labeling and strike at the identity of the other.

• • To avoid criticism, try using "I" statements. These look inward and communicate your reality and surface the need at hand. "I am disappointed that ..."

• Defensiveness

• • Defensiveness often is provoked by criticism and leads to criticism. It denies and shrugs off the need underlying criticism.

• • To avoid defensiveness, accept the reality of the other. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict.

• Contempt

• • Contempt is disdain for the other. An inner dialogue that is continually negative. It can grow out of unrelenting criticism over time.

• • To avoid contempt, friendship needs to be nurtured and grown.

• Stonewalling

• • Stonewalling occurs when the nervous system is so heightened reasoning goes "offline." Individuals experience a "flooding" of the senses in a way that shuts them down.

• • To avoid stonewalling, take 20 minutes of body and mental calming.

Note: These negative behaviors have been highlighted from the research work of Dr. John Gottman.

Both the secular and the religious tout mindfulness and meditation. It's no wonder, because they promise a great deal of health to the one who practices them. Does mindfulness and mediation, however, look the same across the secular and religious worldviews? To answer this question, Kaleb Beyer and Isaac Funk speak to both the therapeutic and Christian uses of these practices.

Show Notes:

• Mindfulness – attentive to the present moment.

• Meditation – focused attention.

• Therapeutically these practices help a person have cognitive flexibility. The freedom to allow more into their experience than the one painful script that is running. In this way, mindfulness and meditation help a person uncouple themselves from mental distress in such a way that allows for a felt reality that is informed by accuracy and truth.

• Spiritually, in a Christian sense, this uncoupling allows for a recoupling with God. The goal is not a disembodied state nor an abandonment of self. It is not an emptying but a filling. Not defined by absence but by presence. It allows for a life to be lived with God in the body and in the mind.

Sadness is a universal emotion that touches every life. Life's challenges often bring moments of deep sorrow. As Christians, how can we navigate these feelings while staying anchored in God's promises? Whether you're in the midst of sadness or supporting a loved one through their struggles, this episode offers encouragement as you seek to find God's light in the midst of dark days.

• Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion that alerts us of a loss.

• Sadness is an important emotion that prompts us to grieve.

• Grief is the process we walk through to make peace with our loss.

• Grief is unique to the individual but has a few common elements.

• • Protest – fighting with the loss.

• • Despair – mourning the loss.

• Grief ends with acceptance of the loss.

• Healthy living includes walking forward with both the loss and the sadness. Alowing these to be a lifegiving present feature in your life.

Children love to grow. They know it is slow. They know it is for the better. Adults sometimes lose the growth mindset that children have. We forget that growth is for us too. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller reinvigorate the growth mindset for the spiritual life.

• Spiritual Growth – Becoming more like Jesus.
• Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve.
• Spiritual Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve into more Christlikeness.

Words said, cannot be unsaid. They remain. When these words come from a place of goodness, this has beautiful consequences. However, when they come from a place of malintent, they can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig and Jacki Stickling take up the topic of gossip and give us timely warning and instruction.

Show notes:

Bridling the tongue is a learned skill. It is a matter of deep transformation in our hearts. The mature believer learns how to THINK before they speak:

• T – speaking Truth.

• H – using words that are Helpful.

• I – using speech to Inspire.

• N – saying those things that are Necessary.

• K – always being Kind.

The truth was too shameful, and the feelings were too painful. So, Mark and Marti locked up their teenage secret in a box never to be opened. But as Christ so lovingly does, he has been gently opening the box and letting his light in. The effect has been beauty and healing in the most unlikely place. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Mark and Marti Teubel share their post-abortion story.

Show notes:

• Post-abortive care includes caring for the living victims of abortion – Mom and Dad.

• Many moms and dads carry the wounds of loss, regret and shame for decades after their abortion.

• The unique pain that moms and dads carry is the hindered ability to grieve loss and heartache in their families. They erroneously tell themselves, "I can't grieve this loss because I caused that loss." Or "This pain is retribution for my actions."

• Abortion influences how moms and dads parent. They desperately want to prove that they are "good" parents.

• Good post-abortive care is available. Deeper Still is one such resource.

• • Deeper Still | find freedom from your abortion wounded heart

• Learn more about the Haven Retreat mentioned in the podcast at the link below.

• • Home | HAVEN Retreats

When Jesus stooped to embrace the children, it was quite shocking to his disciples. That Jesus would give his precious time to this subgroup was quite remarkable. And then he said the unthinkable... "you must become as these." By this statement, Jesus was saying that we should not only stop and acknowledge the children, but moreover, look up to them! Esteem them as God image-bearers that have a lot to teach us adults. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov and Brian Sutter teach us what these little ones can teach us.

Show notes:

Children have a lot to teach us.

• Where adults can become ridged, children remain flexible - teaching us to "let go."

• Where adults can become high maintenance, children remain bless-able - teaching us how to receive blessings.

• Where adults can be pretentious, children remain genuine - teaching us how to live honestly in the world.

• Where adults emphasize usefulness, children emphasize enjoyment - teaching us how to live joyfully.

• Where adults have an eye toward "doing", children have an eye toward "being" - teaching us how we should view ourselves.