Husbands and wives want healthy attachment, intimacy and oneness. Yet, sometimes it can be elusive. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us see one barrier to intimacy – relational pain. Fortunately, there is a path forward but be forewarned, it will require going backward before going forward.

Show notes:

Intimacy has cleverly been defined as "into me you see." This is a good definition and a wonderful intention for marriages. It is not uncommon, however, for "blocks" to exist that prove intimacy difficult. One common "block" to intimacy is relational pain.

By relational pain we mean the pain that comes when relational attachment is damaged. That is, safety, security, trust, and vulnerability are compromised. Often this relational stress is not intentional. Sometimes it happens without us putting words to it. However, it often happens in high stakes moments and seasons of transition.

When couples go through moments of loss, disruption and transition in such a way that safety, security, trust and vulnerability are damaged, relational wounds can result. This pain is a block to intimacy. To move forward, it will be necessary to go back to the past and visit these moments. Healing is often found in putting words to the fears, sadnesses and hurts that these moments ushered into the relationship. Further, soothing the fears, grieving the sadnesses and healing the hurt will be an objective in moving forward and growing in intimacy.