In an era that boasts the most human connectiveness in the history of the world, we struggle with isolation and depression in epidemic proportions. Evidently not all human connections are equal. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Isaac Funk take on this crisis for connection directly. Not only do they identify the problem but also provide a vision for hope.

Show notes:

What do we mean by human connection?

• Human connection at a minimum is intersecting with another human being in physical or thought space.

• Human connection at a maximum is deeply knowing and being known by another.

What is at stake with poor human connection?

• Isolation, depression and insecurity are some of the fees we pay for poor human connection.

• Often poor connection with people translates to a poor connection with God.

What are the elements of healthy human connection?

• Healthy human connection requires time and space with people. It requires giving of oneself. The setting requires dynamic communication back and forth in real time.

What are the elements that we are competing against for healthy human connection?

• Technology often promotes a shallow connectivity rather than deep community. It is engineered for the transfer of data rather than facilitating robust human fellowship. It is primarily designed for ease, speed and enjoyment, all three of which are not realistic expectations for deep human connection.

• Our western culture of individualism promotes self-reliance, putting people head-to-head in competition rather than shoulder-to-shoulder in shared need.

• The economics of money and promotion tend to assert themselves in our decision making over and above community and the need for human connection.

What vision of hope does healthy human connection have?

• As humans created in God's image, we are designed for embodied human relationships. Relationships that linger in time and space, suffering long with others. Overcoming isolation and shame with reception.

• Connection with others plays on the basic elements of life: living together, eating together, sharing needs, living together with a family or living together as a church family.

• When we live well together with people, we are at an advantage to live well together with God.

Drama sells in the box office, newsstands, social media feeds and more. It draws an audience because it is interesting. Yet, because drama often plays on relational conflict, it is painful. Because we are relational beings, we unfortunately find ourselves too often on drama's stage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling peels back the layers of drama and helps us escape its trap.

Show Notes:

Drama defined:

• Interesting relational or situational conflict.

What is drama's ill effect?

• It can provoke us to poor behavior.
• It can divide relationships.

What elements does drama play on?

• Drama draws an audience.
• Drama grasps for sides to be drawn.
• Drama is fueled by unregulated emotion.
• Drama tempts us to be disingenuous about the truth.

How do I know if I induce drama?

• I like the exhilaration of conflict.
• I like attention.
• I am easily offended and sensitive.
• I don't regulate my emotion.

How can I calm the drama?

• Don't gossip.
• Regulate your emotion.
• Resist impulsivity for patient, measured responses.
• Seek the whole truth.
• Keep healthy boundaries.

She was useful until she was not. She was a victim of abuse and mistreatment. She was an abandoned outsider of God's covenant people. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Matt Kaufmann linger on Hagar's story. At her most desperate moment, God loves her really well. So struck by the encounter, Hagar names God Elroi, the God who sees me.

Show notes:

In her desperation, God finds Hagar abandoned to the wilderness.

• He calls her by name - "Hagar."

  • Even though her name meant "stranger", his use of it meant she was not a stranger to him. In fact, she was known, not by association, but on her own terms.

• He asks her questions - "Where did you come from and where are you going?"

• • Even though he knew these answers already, he gets her talking. God is a God who listens.

• He gives her a promise - "I will make a mighty nation out of your son."

• • Even though Ishmael's lineage would rival Isaac's, he is a God of blessing.

God has created us with the ability to connect with him. In fact, we are most satisfied when we do. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk explains that spiritual disciplines are ways through which we walk with God. Yet, at times, our spiritual disciplines may seem dull, flat or tired. It is in times like these that we need to think creatively about the activities we regularly engage in that train us in connecting with God and growing more into his likeness.

A lot of health for marriages lies in the prework, before the marriage happens. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Arlan Miller speak about the pre-contemplative, contemplative and engagement phase of marriage and the great deal of promise these stages hold. They bring to bear resources and advice for both singles and the supportive community that surrounds them.

Show Notes:

The health of the marriage is what individuals bring into the marriage to create it. For this reason, attention to oneself is a critical starting point for future marital health. Singles should consider the following:

• Walk with God in healthy discipleship.
• Develop a healthy Christ-centered identity.
• Grow in healthy self-awareness.
• Learn to cope with uncertainty or unmet expectations.
• Nurture a community that will provide godly counsel.
• Gain realistic expectations for marriage.
• Steward a healthy understanding of intimacy.

Engagement is a unique and time-bound stage for engaged couples. If not stewarded well, wedding preparation can overshadow marital preparation. Couples should consider the following:

• Develop healthy connections with each other.
• Grow in friendship.
• Learn to honor each other.
• Establish a practice of proactively stepping into issues that arise in the relationship.
• Establish healthy rhythms that will carry over into the marriage.

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Like most matters that get highlighted with a month's recognition, there is a story to be told. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Ted Witzig Jr. join to tell the story. A story that has loving as Jesus loves at its center.

The story of mental health can be told from two perspectives: a societal understanding of mental health and the care that comes from that understanding.

God was very thoughtful and intentional about how to bless his people. "Do it like this" he told Aaron. His blessing (captured in Numbers 6) is beautiful poetry. Not only is it beautiful to the ear, but it is also health to the heart and soul. In this episode of Breaking Bread, let's learn together about how God chooses to bless us, how to receive His blessing and how to bless others with our Father's words.

Show Notes:

We live in a world of cursing. God knows this, so he has thoughtfully chosen to bless us carefully. And when he does, he confers abundant, flourishing life on us. Receive God's blessing in Numbers 6.

The capacity for emotion sets us apart from all things living. It gives us the capability for healthy, deep and intimate relationships. What does it look like when our relationships are too enmeshed emotionally? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Kathy Knochel teach us about enmeshment and the dangers of being too emotionally dependent on others.

Show notes

While we are to receive and give support to others, we are not to take ultimate responsibility for other's wellbeing. Unhealthy emotional dependency can happen when two or more individuals lose their independence and identity to the relationship. Individuals assume unhealthy responsibility for the feelings of others. Often it is marked with overwhelm and exhaustion on the part of one and deeply felt need on the part of the other. When this occurs in the family system, it often goes by the term enmeshment. However, emotional dependency can occur between unrelated friends also.

Finding health for individuals in emotionally dependent relationships will require some action.

• First there needs to be a recognition of emotional dependency.

• Second, boundaries will need to be put in place to promote safety between the individuals.

• Third, individuals will feel a mixture of guilt and loss. Working through these emotional realities is necessary.

• Finally, reengaging in the relationship at the healthiest level possible.

There is a lot of offense these days. Probably not more offending than normal as people have acted badly for a long time. But it seems people are quicker to call foul when they are hurt by others. "Trauma", "emotional hurt", "abuse", "bullying" are household terms and sometimes we drop them when the opportunity is right. Have we become connoisseurs of the offenses against us? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Ted Witzig Jr give us some important tips on living in a world of offense. "Trauma", "hurt", "abuse", and "bullying" are too real to get wrong.

Show notes:

Living well in a world of offense will require a healthy view into our hurt and a healthy view out of our hurt.

• A healthy view into our hurt:

• • Acknowledge the offense against you whether great or small.

  • Welcome others into it. Seek perspective so you can size it correctly.

• • Engage in the work of healing.

• • Pursue forgiveness.

• A healthy view out of our hurt:

• • Have a realistic and broad understanding of the offenses that many in this world face.

• • Have a biblical understanding of the world we live in. Understand both its brokenness and beauty. See God's intention for a coming reconciliation.

• • Seek joy and wholeness in Christ.

We are built for relationship. There is a yearning, need and desire within us for emotional connection with others. In the marriage relationship this can be both an asset and a liability. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us understand the signs, offense and repair of emotional affairs – when emotional intimacy outside the marriage compromises the covenant of marriage.

Show notes:

Three stages of emotional affairs:

1st Emotional intimacy with another person outside of marriage.

• Deep connection at the heart and emotional level.

2nd Secrecy

• Walls are built between spouses and access to the illicit relationship is sought and protected.

3rd Sexual tension

• Physical relations may or may not be happening. However, there is growing openness to them.

Recovery from emotional affairs.

1st End the illicit relationship.

• The betraying spouse needs to cut off the illicit relationship at any cost.

2nd Boundaries are set.

• The betraying spouse takes full responsibility for the affair. Boundaries are set that will help the betrayed spouse feel safe and stable.

3rd The betrayer grieves their relationship loss.

• The betrayer closes the door on the illicit relationship emotionally. This is done through grieving the loss. This grieving process is best walked through with a friend or counselor and not his/her spouse.

4th Cultivate friendship and emotional intimacy with spouse.

• Over time, with relational repair, trust and emotional intimacy with spouse increases.

5th As a couple, reflect on the context of their marriage.

• The couple learns from the painful experience. What individual and couple dynamics provided the context for an emotional affair? Moving forward, how do we wisely live together to prevent it from happening in the future?