Autistic at 40

Autistic at 40 episodes:

• 05.11.2024

  S2 Episode 15 - Healing my mother wound as an autistic adult

  In this episode I talk about the concept of the mother wound, and share some realisations about what is needed for healing. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email...

  
• 04.26.2024

  S2 Episode 14 - Discovering internalised PDA as an autistic adult

  In this episode I share why I believe my most confusing and destructive experiences and behaviours as an undiagnosed autistic child and adult can be explained by internalised PDA (pathological demand avoidance / pervasive drive for autonomy). To send any...

  
• 03.10.2024

  S2 Episode 13 - Navigating different types of autism assessment

  This week I talk about how complicated it was seeking an assessment for autism as an adult, why I did it and why it took so long to find what I was looking for. To send any comments or questions,...

  
• 02.17.2024

  S2 Episode 12 - Autistic and permanently overwhelmed

  In this episode I talk about the aspects of life which continue to overwhelm me, even though I am no longer burned out, as well as how I navigate them. To send any comments or questions, or to request to...

  
• 02.03.2024

  S2 Episode 11 - My autism, spirituality and mental health

  In this episode I talk about my search for truth, learning to stay grounded in my purpose and how I've learned how to maintain my mental health in my search for divinity. To send any comments or questions, or to...

  
• 12.21.2023

  S2 Episode 10 - My autistic reflections on love

  To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

  
• 11.19.2023

  S2 Episode 9 - A selection of signs of my autism

  In this episode I talk about a few different autistic experiences that were difficult to make sense of at the time, from taking things literally and without context, to feeling homesick all the time. To send any comments or questions,...

  
• 11.05.2023

  S2 Episode 8 - Healing from my autistic trauma

  In this episode, I describe some of the signs I have noticed that I am healing from my trauma, in case this is helpful for anyone else on a similar journey. To send any comments or questions, or to request...

  
• 09.16.2023

  S2 Episode 7 - The autistic collective

  An update on recent developments in my own autistic trauma recovery. Plus a call to autistic adults to come together for our collective trauma prevention and recovery.   To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the...

  
• 05.22.2023

  S2 Episode 6 - Breaking the cycles of autistic ableism in families and systems

  Sharing some thoughts about inter-generational autistic trauma and internalised ableism (and abuse) within families and systems. I make non-specific reference to behavioural interventions and human rights abuses in the mental health system. To send any comments or questions, or to...

  
• 03.24.2023

  S2 Episode 5 - Remembering my true autistic self

  I share the steps I took to 'remember' who I am, what I'm about, what I love and my purpose. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at...

  
• 03.24.2023

  S2 Episode 4 - Life as an undiagnosed autistic adolescent

  Content warning: reference to self harm and unhealthy eating behaviours. I talk about my own adolescence, the specific challenges I experienced, and my harmful and health coping mechanisms.  To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood...

  
• 03.24.2023

  S2 Episode 3 - School and university as an undiagnosed autistic

  I talk about my challenges and experiences throughout my education from primary school to university. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on...

  
• 03.24.2023

  S2 Episode 2 - My autistic employment journey

  I share some of my main experiences of working life, before and after discovering I am autistic. This includes what having a 'spiky profile' means for me in practice. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join...

  
• 03.24.2023

  S2 Episode 1 - Signs I'm approaching autistic burnout

  I share what I have observed as some of my early signs of burnout, from my new perspective of knowing what it's like not to be burned out. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the...

  
• 02.19.2023

  S1 Episode 23 - Autistic connection and community

  In the last episode of season one, I talk about the importance of connection for autistic people, and my hopes and next steps for bringing us together. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood...

  
• 02.11.2023

  S1 Episode 22 - Understanding my autistic trauma

  This week I share what I now understand about how trauma has presented during my life.  I set out what I have figured out about what is and is not a direct result of being autistic (and not knowing it)...

  
• 02.05.2023

  S1 Episode 21 - Learning how to look after my autistic self

  This week I talk about what I have learned to cut out of my life, or to actively seek to work into my life, to build and sustain wellbeing. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join...

  
• 01.29.2023

  S1 Episode 20 - Details of my diagnosis

  This week, I describe how I accessed an assessment, what the actual assessment involved and how I prepared. I describe the examples I gave for the sections of the assessment, and discuss why I believe self identification is completely valid....

  
• 01.22.2023

  S1 Episode 19 - Healing from autistic shame

  This episode is about my experiences of living with shame, and the impact it has on my decisions, behaviour and relationships. I share what I know about healing from shame and the resources and ideas I have found most useful....

  
• 01.14.2023

  S1 Episode 18 - The autistic panic of not understanding

  This week I talk about the fight or flight trigger of anything new or unfamiliar (anything I don't have a 'schema' for), and how this has affected my friendships and relationships. To send any comments or questions, or to request...

  
• 01.07.2023

  S1 Episode 17 - How I manage my autistic meltdowns

  I talk in this episode about my experience of what triggers an autistic meltdown, what it's like having them and why our needs being met on an ongoing basis is the only way to prevent them. To send any comments...

  
• 12.29.2022

  S1 Episode 16 - Autistic older age and end of life

  In this episode, I talk about my late autistic father's older age and end of life health experiences. This includes the impact of the lack of autism knowledge in health services and practitioners on his access to care and treatment....

  
• 12.24.2022

  S1 Episode 15 - 12 signs of my autism

  To mark the 12 days of Christmas (or Yule), I am talking about 12 of the many signs of my autism. These were not obvious to me at the time I became aware of them, but they are now I...

  
• 12.17.2022

  S1 Episode 14 - Is autism my superpower?

  This week I explain why autism is not a superpower - as well as the pros and cons of being an autistic person with specific strengths and skills. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the...

  
• 12.11.2022

  S1 Episode 13 - Autistic at Christmas

  This week I share what I have learned about navigating Christmas or other festive occasions, including respecting my own boundaries and preventing burnout. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse -...

  
• 12.03.2022

  S1 Episode 12 - Grief and loss as a late discovered autistic

  I talk about developing the understanding that loss and grief have long been a part of my life, including the loss and grief of not having children. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood...

  
• 11.27.2022

  S1 Episode 11 - Is my autism a disability?

  I share my current thoughts on the relationship between autism and disability, as well as type of risks we are vulnerable to. Trigger warning: brief reference to abuse and assault. To send any comments or questions, or to request to...

  
• 11.19.2022

  S1 Episode 10 - Making sense of AuDHD (Autism with ADHD)

  This week I share how I have made sense so far of being Autistic and also having ADHD (AuDHD), and how I made use of the 'window of tolerance' to manage my executive functioning and wellbeing. To send any comments...

  
• 11.11.2022

  S1 Episode 9 - My autistic father and me

  In this episode, I talk about my life with my autistic father. I explore ask what might have been different between us if we'd both known that we were both autistic. To send any comments or questions, or to request...

  
• 11.05.2022

  S1 Episode 8 - My autistic sleep issues

  This week, I describe a range of experiences throughout my life around sleep, insomnia, obsessions and imagined realities, that I am now making sense of through an autistic lens. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join...

  
• 10.30.2022

  S1 Episode 7 - Diagnosis and support as a late identified autistic

  In this episode, I share my experiences and views of getting an autism diagnosis, and in seeking expert support and information as a late identified autistic person. I also talk about why neurotype should be a protected characteristic. To send...

  
• 10.23.2022

  S1 Episode 6 - My autistic expression

  I share ideas about autistic expression and experiences with spoken language. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

  
• 10.15.2022

  S1 Episode 5 - My autistic unmasking

  In this episode I talk about the experience of unmasking and discovering autistic joy. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on Instagram...

  
• 10.10.2022

  S1 Episode 4 - My autistic burnout

  On World Mental Health Day, I am talking about what it's like to have autistic burnout, and the impact it has on mental health.  To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse...

  
• 10.09.2022

  Welcome and introduction

  Welcome to Autistic at 40! Introducing myself and the idea behind this podcast.  I'd love to hear from you about your own ideas and questions. You can reach me at [email protected] or find the Autistic at 40 Instagram account. To send...

  
• 10.08.2022

  S1 Episode 3 - What is autism?

  I share with you my view and understanding of what autism actually is. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast)....

  
• 10.02.2022

  S1 Episode 2 - Coming out as autistic

  I describe my motivation for and experience of coming out at autistic. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at [email protected] or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

  
• 09.19.2022

  S1 Episode 1 - Discovering my autism

  I describe discovering I am autistic at the age of 40, and why it took so long to figure it out.  To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni...