Mercedes-Benz green-lights the new all-electric EQA EV for Australia. 

Hilariously, after all of Volkswagen’s recent poorly considered protestation concerning its inability to sell EVs here, thanks to our backward regulatory environment, Mercedes-Benz only just now says it’s rather looking forward to the new EQA coming here later this year.

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Apparently the Germans don’t really talk to each other, or share hymn books, all that often. Because Volkswagen is falling all over itself to denounce Australia as a third-world backwater (I’m paraphrasing) while Mercedes sees a real opportunity here for its new compact EV SUV, the EQA.  Dealerships will receive their allotments of the all-electric EQA later this year. (You can order one from next month if you want.)

As you know: not a huge fan of Mercedes. Better than Volkswagen, though. (Not hard.) The point is: Free country. If the EQA moves you, if it flips the switch on, let the current take you. Resistance is futile in that state.

And who knows? EQA may not be a D-O-G. It offers a range of up to 480km, and comes with a Chargefox rapid charger subscription, for longer trips. I’ve used Chargefox - they’re awesome. EQU has a 66.5 kWh battery and according to official Suppository data, the electron consumption is 16.2 kWh per 100km - for the mathematics and physics cognoscenti.

The price is interesting: $76,800 inclusive of GST and LCT. There’s also a fairly OTT Edition 1 version with a lube dispenser and other self-righteous and otherwise unnecessary features, should you want to be the most annoying guest at the world’s most boring dinner party, for an additional $7300.  What I find fascinating about this is actually two things: No word from them on how difficult it was to justify selling it here, to the factory in Germany. Which is completely at odds with Volkswagen’s recent counter-claim, oxygenated far too extensively in CarAdvice.

Equally fascinating: the price. Roughly the same as a Hyundai Kona Highlander Electric - a vehicle I drove for approximately one global pandemic and 10,000 kilometres. And roughly equivalent on size, range, and other key operational characteristics.

Of course, the EQA does display the coveted Mercedes badges front and rear - which is so damn compelling to many people. For mid-$70s - if that’s in fact how it plays out - which one would the average person choose to be seen in? Even for $10k more...

So I’d suggest the advent of EQA is also going to be something of a fox in the henhouse, for Hyundai, with vehicles such as the Kona Electric - and also a cause for concern over their new Ioniq sub-brand. And also for Kia with its EV6 seemingly under consideration for Australia.

Volkswagen’s not worried, however - it already has its excuses for failure to sell its EVs here perfectly well sorted. According to Volkswagen, their upcoming EV failure is all our fault.

Volkswagen says it probably can't sell EVs and other fuel efficient/zero emissions vehicles in Australia because our emissions regulations are wrong. That's not, like, totally ironic at all, is it?

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"First world markets – where there are significant penalties for failing to meet emissions targets – will naturally be the first in line for zero emission vehicles. It is difficult to explain to parent companies that Australia continues to languish in Euro 5 with no intention of meeting Euro 6 until 2027… As the Volkswagen Group has frequently made clear, Australia is becoming an automotive third world." - Volkswagen Australia

It pains me to have to point out to a carmaker subsidiary that we’re talking about two different things here:

Euro 5 and Euro 6 are exhaust emissions standards for internal combustion engines. They have no bearing on the commercial viability of EVs in any market, at least, not that I can see.

These standards cover oxides of nitrogen (the notorious toxic compounds senior executive Volkswagen shot-callers poisoned the world with using 11 million vehicles as de facto toxin delivery systems just to pump up their profits - and, hey, don’t shoot the messenger; this is a matter of historical fact).

Euro 5 and 6 also cover unburned hydrocarbons, carbon monoxide, and carcinogenic particles - things of this nature. But they don’t cover CO2 - because CO2 is not strictly pollution. CO2 is an inevitable chemical consequence of hydrocarbon combustion.

NOx and unburned hydrocarbons and particles and carbon monoxide can all be subverted by clever engineering. But CO2 is intrinsic to combustion.

So, even a moron - but apparently not Volkswagen Australia - can see that Euro 5 or Euro 6 have absolutely no bearing on making a case for Volkswagen EVs with the factory in Chermany.

The regulations that would make a difference on this are average CO2 emissions standards. They call them CAFE standards in the US - for ‘Corporate Average Fuel Economy’. Because, as just noted, fuel economy and CO2 emission are flipsides of the same combustion coin.

And because EVs don’t emit tailpipe CO2 - every EV a manufacturer sells reduces the average CO2 emission of its fleet of vehicles.

That’s what we’re really talking about here - a regulatory requirement to meet average CO2 fleet emissions levels. This becomes a lever that demands the sale of a few EVs to make the average CO2 numbers work, and thereby avoid paying fines.

That 4X4 ute you’re thinking of ‘building’ for that big adventure? Yeah, sorry to say but 80 per cent of your plans in that respect are probably really dumb ideas…

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Here’s the thing with these utes: Hiluxes, Rangers, BTs, Navaras, Tritons, D-MAXes, even Amarok: They’re light-duty vehicles. Like, keep saying this to yourself: “Light duty.”  

If you’re thinking of your ute as a truck, wake up. I strongly suggest you go look at a real truck. They’re not the same thing. Not even close.  Bolting all this stuff up, in, on, and around these vehicles, and adding the 4-5 people and all those provisions, and otherwise maxxing out the 1100kg payload - and then flogging you prized possession over (quote) ‘medium to advanced 4WD tracks’ for (quote) ’10-15’ years is at best quite a bad plan when your stated, overarching priority is (quote) ‘reliability’.  

In fact, that sound you hear is reality pounding on the door, demanding to assist you with recalibrating your frankly batshit plan. If you let ‘reality’ in, it would explain calmly that your light-duty 4X4 dual-cab pickup is about to get caught in the crossfire, because severity of operation is the enemy of reliability. And you want both, apparently.  

Reliability is compromised when operational severity is increased.  These sorts of vehicles, frankly, are not designed to be beaten endlessly at the limits of conflicting capabilities. (Limit of off-road ability + limit of payload capacity = a great way to break something expensive and/or end up parked on the roof. This happens all the time.  

People often think it’s a great idea to tow something really heavy as well. It’s not.  So if you are going to do this adventuring, I’d recommend figuring out a way to do it at well under the maximum payload capacity, or carry the maximum payload if you must, but don’t also do heavy-duty 4WD work at the same time.   

Or buy an actual truck, like an Iveco Turbo 4X4, which is kinda designed to do both things at the same time (and when you’re checking out the Iverco, have a look at how different the fundamental engineering of a vehicle such as that actually is…)  

That Iveco is not a ‘light duty’ vehicle.  

Alternatively, you could put 500kg in the ute, which is really just the family and some essentials, and maybe tow a trailer not more than 2000kg. (Like 400kg tare and with a payload of 1600kg - two axles, braked, roller-rocker suspension… It does not have to be the fanciest off-road trailer money can buy - just a decent trailer, for touring.)  

Lots of people turn their utes into the showcase of 4X4s - which is a great recipe to overload them (or on-limit load them) and thus engineer out any latent reliability the vehicle(s) possess. If you max out the payload and then max out the severity of the usage, everything will break sooner, and it’ll be a pig to drive. 

This is heresy, of course, to the ears of ARB or TJM. They want to sell you one of everything. But you don’t have to say ‘yes’.

Subaru Australia has just placed a ‘stop delivery’ order on all new model Subaru Outbacks. The ‘stop delivery’ mandate was issued late yesterday.

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Dealers are still selling the new Subaru Outback - meaning signing people up - and this indicates to me the problem is not that major, on the balance of probabilities. Details are not forthcoming at this stage.   Subaru’s head office confirmed that the ‘stop delivery’ order is in place and they told me they are awaiting official confirmation from Japan over what the underlying issue really is.  I would speculate that there’s a serious but not catastrophic potential software glitch. It could also be a physical component that’s replaceable, but it’s more likely to be a bug in the code. I really don’t know more than that.  Software is the best and most likely reason for this ‘stop delivery’ edict. Cars are complex, they run on code, and all potential failure modes cannot be predicted in R&D. So it’s likely the fix is going to be a re-flash of some black box or other via the vehicle’s OBDII (diagnostics) port.  If you are an early adopter and you have a new Outback in your driveway now, there’s probably no need for you to panic - but in due course it’s likely this issue - whatever it is - will also impact you. And you’ll probably have to visit the dealer for remedial action (or they might come to you in some circumstances).  This may also become an official recall - but bear in mind recalls in ‘Straya occur only for serious potential safety defects, and this issue might not be safety related. It might just be some other operational concern.  Anyway, Subaru was typically open and honest with me about it when I bounced them. That’s kinda how they roll - and one of the core reasons I respect them. They’re awaiting advice from Japan on exactly what the issue is and how the fix is going to be implemented. You’ll have to stand by for that - I’ll keep you updated. They’ve promised to call me when they know what’s going on, and I’ll drop everything and update you at that point.  Before I let you go, maybe you’ve heard me say: ‘give it a few months before you go out and buy any new model after its debut’? Like wait 2-3 months before jumping in to the market with a brand-new model? Yeah, well, this would be why. Teething problems and how to avoid them, simply by being patient. (You’ll also get a better discount.)  No need to panic. It’s not a catastrophe - just an inconvenience if you own one or you were planning on picking your new Outback over the next few days or weeks.   I’ll keep you posted.

Running your tyres at the correct pressure is guaranteed to extend their life. That’s an $800 investment (or more) for most people. Plus it makes a huge difference to your safety in an emergency. The only problem is: What’s the Goldilocks pressure for your car?

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This is a simple question with a not-so simple answer. 

I look at it like this: If you’re just an average driver with no real enthusiasm for driving, open the driver’s door, find the tyre placard (it’s on a sticker in the door frame) and run with the manufacturer’s recommended pressures.  

If you’re a bit of a leadfoot, you can bump the pressure up by 10-20 per cent. So, if the manufacturer recommends 32psi all round, 36-38 is gunna be fine. You’ll get better dynamic performance, and about the same wear rate, but possibly slightly less compliant ride. It’s a better balance for more assertive driving.  

For 90 per cent of people out there on the road today, this is sufficient to maximise your safety and minimise your contribution to the profits of Pirelli, Continental, Michelin, Dunlop, Goodyear, or Bridgestone, et. al. (And whatever you do, don’t buy cheap tyres from unknown brands. I’m convinced they’re just not as good at saving your neck when the chips are down.  

But if you’re a proper driving enthusiast, you might want to approach this a little differently. You'll have to watch the video for that explanation (as I ad-libbed it).

This report is a full review and buyer's guide for the new 2021 Kia Carnival (which is called a Sedona in North America). To prove a point on versatility, I jammed a full-sized refrigerator in the back and moved it to the new Fat Cave.

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The Kia Carnival you will see swallowing the fridge was a V6 petrol Platinum. And it’s, like, fully loaded. It’s not cheap, at about $68,000, but I would, frankly, drop the extra $2000 on the diesel.

I think the diesel is better value. It’s just more relaxed and less thirsty, and you don’t need to boot it that hard to get better performance in normal driving situations. And if you’ve got $68,000, you can probably find $70,000 if there’s a good reason.

Anyway, I’ve got this quaint philosophy that these media evaluation cars are supposed to have a hard life. There’s no point testing one like it’s a new baby, right? But at the same time, it’s not OK to damage one arbitrarily just because it’s not yours, and you do this all the time.

So my acid test is: Would you do ‘whatever’ with the vehicle if it were your own? And, yeah - I would jam that big fridge into my own Carnival, no problem.

And I get it that this is A) not a delivery van, and B) a reasonably expensive thing, but if the Platinum is too rich, there’s always the SLI, which is hardly ‘poverty’ - and it’ll save you about $8000.

With Carnival you essentially get eight seats for the price of a seven-seat SUV (ish) and the access for passengers is phenomenally better, thanks in part to those two huge sliding doors.

And if you only need seven seats, the middle seat of row two un-clips and you can store it somewhere in your fat cave. And when you do that, it means you can walk through to row three - which is kind of a big deal if you’ve got two child restraints installed for the kids, and you’re on your way to collect their septuagenarian grandparents so all three generations of you can argue on the way to lunch somewhere scenic.

If you want to do this in a seven-seat SUV (the ‘walk through’ thing) grandma and grandpa either have to do the whole ‘Seal Team Six’ bit and hurdle row two, or you get to work up a sweat removing and re-fitting those kiddie seats, every time everyone gets in or out, in the pouring rain...

I suppose you can also walk through to row three in a seven-seat Hyundai Palisade - but it’s about $3000 more expensive, and you have to tick the box for seven seats if you want to do this in a Palisade. You can’t ever fit eight people on board if you do that. And if you tick the box for eight seats, you can’t ever just walk through, because Palisade lacks Carnival’s ‘now you see it; now you don’t’ trick with the centre seat from row two.

Kia’s done a great job building a better mousetrap with this latest generation Carnival. It’s a real step up from its predecessor, which was also excellent before being let go. This Carnival is the best ‘not quite an SUV’ that a heap more SUV buyers should buy, but won’t.

Elon Musk has just crowned himself "Technoking of Tesla". Seriously. He did. I could not make this up.

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lon Musk, the 'real world's' Tony Stark, has a brand new title, officially filed with the Securities & Exchange Commission, in the USA. I’m not making this up.   

Mr Musk is now officially (quote) “Techno-king” of Tesla. And Tesla Chief Financial Officer Zach Kirkhorn is (according to the same SEC filing, quote) ‘Master of Coin’. We are officially living in fictional times.  

In a separate filing to the SEC, former president of Tesla’s Automotive division Jerome Guillen has officially (quote) "transitioned". He now identifies as president of Tesla Heavy Truck - which must be the easiest job on earth, seeing as there are no Tesla heavy trucks, and there won’t be any, any time soon.  

These developments seem to me to be a grand old time to put Tesla's grip on reality - the company's promises and their achievement (or otherwise) to the test.

Do you remember, a year ago, when the boss of Jeep Australia boldly told us all he was revising parts prices, in the spirit (I’m paraphrasing) of being less extortionate? I don’t think this worked out all that well.

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Time flies, doesn’t it? It’s virtually the first birthday of the announcement by Jeep 'Straya boss Kevin Flynn that the company was fixing its sky-high parts pricing.  

“On parts, we have taken nearly 17,000 part numbers we sold during the course of last year across Chrysler Jeep and we have done a full analysis on the pricing. We have taken a number of key points as a reference and we have changed our price points wherever it was necessary.

“So we set a parameter and anything that was above that parameter (was cut). Ninety per cent of the dealers’ parts revenue was from those parts so that was the area that was causing concern and that was the area we needed to (fix). That is done, live in the market now. All the pricing infrastructure has been changed and all the dealers are up to speed.” - Kevin Flynn

And then Wrench-wielding Jeff handed me the Red Pill - once again.

See, WWJ gets this 2013 Grand Cherokee rushed into his surgery. It’s only got 116,000 kays on the clock. Grieving owner in the waiting room. WWJ masks up, and whips out the tools; does an emergency fuel tank-ectomy, right there on the floor of the trauma centre.

WWJ tracks down the bleeder. It’s on the proximal aspect of the fuel tank, where a cheap, plastic artery rubs on the body over time, becomes a ticking time bomb, before one day, without warning, going poopy in its trousers.

Here’s the thing, right? Jeep doesn't sell the hose as a replacement part.  You have to buy the whole fuel tank. And it’s ‘only’ $4050.

So, this turns into a $5400-ish repair bill, overwhelmingly because those leopards just can’t change their spots. And this is after the alleged ‘parameter reset’ and getting the dealers (quote) ‘up to speed’.

I don’t know about you, but I find that emphatically disgraceful. A naked rip-off, not to mention a gross waste of resources. I’ve seen the official repair quote - it’s hilarious/shocking … depending on whether or not you’re the owner.

Anyway, Wrench-wielding Jedi is an old softie at heart, and he locates a transplant from a donor vehicle at a wrecker nearby. A used tank from a Grand Cherokee that had gone poopy elsewhere in its trousers.

There’s plenty of those around, unsurprisingly.

Used tank: $400. Still more expensive than a new plastic hose would be, had Jeep just designed the tank to be serviceable. But $400 is somewhat less of a heart-stopper than $4000.

To Big Kev, sitting on the Golden Throne in the Jeep Oz boardroom, encouraging the other executives over another job well done, I would humbly say: Dude, you seem to be venting credibility into space. Again.

How are those sales going, by the way? That turnaround? Still on track?

In this report, I answer the following question:

“How is that possible if snorkels don't increase air flow? PS my 4WD is fitted with a snorkel, and besides that fact that I've done Cape York, Arnhem Land and the Victorian High Country in it, it makes me feel really tough when I pull up to the Woolies carpark to pick up my supply of toilet paper, YEEEEESSSSSSS” - Sam

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If a MOTOR Performance Car of the Year 2021 falls in a forest, and nobody watches … did it actually happen?

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Five renowned geniuses nobody’s ever heard of, statistically - the creme de la creme of ‘Strayan motoring journalism - recently concluded an irrelevant half-million-dollar three-pronged suppository supercar car goes rooly, rooly fast. Who knew?  

In related news: Sky remains blue. Trees: definitely still green. Water: Wettest substance ever (that’s verified), and the Pry Mincer: Still a complete waste of self-promoting space.