"How does Abby get to call him an ass like that and then acted shocked when he responds back," wonders Christi as things begin to go downhill fast on the second half of "Candy Apple Showdown". With the ALDC arriving at the Masters of Dance Art Invitational, Kelly preps for what remains one of her worst Dance Mom memories.

Things get off to a rocky start with Cathy and Vivi M.I.A., so Abby has to start taunting Cathy's Dance Dads instead. But Dance Dad Rick's aggressive response to these gestures proves to be the first of many heated confrontations. Not too long after, Anthony accuses Christi of touching Candy Apples's props and gets a little too handsy. By the time Cathy returns she's making loudly clear with Anthony how poorly she believes Paige is performing during the Kids With Guns group number. Abby, overhearing these jabs, decides to make a spectacle of the situation and informs Paige directly what they were saying about her, and encourages her to stand up for herself.

It's a sad state of affairs this week; certainly going to need more than three beers for this episode.

Quotes

• “I knew exactly what it was [that Abby was referencing] and I was like oh I get it! But then I was like, did they show that? I don’t think so. You and I got it but nobody else did. Yeah. Well, story of our lives!” (09:29-09:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do you feel we always say the same stuff in every episode? Yes. Ok. Yes, yes yes yes.” (19:41-19:46 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do [Abby and Cathy] both like get along now? Yeah, but they were not always best friends. That to me is insane that people have the nerve to say that and act like they have authority. How many times did we sit there and have Abby hold up production because she did not want to be on camera with Cathy?” (24:30-24:48 | Christi)
• “I say in my interview that Paige and I came back because I wanted her to sit in the audience and show the adults that they can’t knock her down. Production made you say that, but go on. Yeah.” (32:30-32:34 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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“This is a drinky episode,” says Christi as she announces drink four only three lines into the first page of the "Candy Apple Showdown" notes. Though Bitch #1 and #2 are both incapable of drinking along this week, unfortunately for them this hulking two hours of an episode was just too much for one sitting, so they best prep themselves for when things get really dicey because The ALDC is back up against Cathy's Candy Apples and things are already off to a bumpy start.

Abby's stint hosting The View was fun, but it cut into group rehearsal time with competition only days away. So Abby's focus is of course solos, no need to get that potentially controversial "Kids with Guns" group dance in order! With everyone focusing on solos, Kelly takes Brooke to a music producer to start getting a leg up on her career. Afterwards the moms take all the girls out for ice skating in the city, but ice skating is one of Abby's explicitly prohibited activities and the fallout is something none of the kids want, but comply after undue pressure from the moms (Melissa even makes Maddie cry!).

Meanwhile tensions are growing between Kristie Ray and the other moms. First she doesn't allow Asia to skate with the girls and then she starts picking fights with Christie?! Even Cathy's camp is getting into shouting matches with one another! There's only one outcome to all this and it ain't looking pretty.

Quotes

• “I don’t know if I would take Abby’s evaluation of what’s appropriate for children to heart if you’re a parent. I don’t know if I would use that as my barometer.” (09:34-09:42 | Christi)
• “I really look back on Kristie now with hindsight, because I think in the moment we’re always just so like UGH whenever there’s a new person. I think that you and I could have really befriended her.” (15:56-16:07 | Christi)
• “I don’t understand why she thought that it was so wrong for a seven year old to cry? I don’t know. Maybe she went to the Abby Lee Miller school of parenting.” (35:37-35:45 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If you guys had seen that contract you’d die. You weren’t allowed to open candy during a theater performance. You’re not allowed to ice skate, roller skate and god you weren’t allowed to ski. I get skiing, but you weren’t allowed to bike. You weren’t allowed to do anything but dance!” (50:27-50:45 | Christi & Kelly)

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"The foot is done!" exclaims both Christi and Kelly as the arduous Mackenzie's Broken Foot Saga finally comes to a close. After all, would Melissa let Mackenzie's foot stay broken if it meant not getting to dance on The View? On Season 3's "The View From the Top", the ALDC hits New York for a special appearance on The View that is being guest hosted by Abby, all the while prepping for Masters of Dance Art Invitational the following day. In short the group needs to learn and rehearse five routines in two days time while combating Abby's ever inflating ego (one of those days is for The View so technically make that one day).

The Mackenzie vs Asia rivalry hits a breaking point for Melissa when it seems, even if just for a moment, that Abby might choose Asia over her daughter for The View performance. Setting aside the ridiculous notion that Abby would ever let that happen, the possibility does make Melissa feel momentarily that she too could be treated like a Hyland or a Lukasiak. Between Kristie Ray's thank you card, Abby's weird threatening speech to Mackenzie and Melissa's pleading, it's a lot of spilled milk in one episode for a conflict that as our Bitches have repeatedly made clear is very obviously going to end with Mackenzie performing on The View!

Meanwhile, Cathy is holding auditions to fill out her Candy Apples team in preparation for the New York Invitational. Her hopes to land a new boy on the team hit a snag when only one boy shows up for the audition!

Quotes

• “I really have dropped the ball on life lately, because I’m just constantly running to get a drink before we record.” (06:16-06:23 | Christi)
• “It was a little inappropriate for The View but GOD her body was bangin’.” (21:03-21:08 | Christi)
• “Abby bought these costumes on the streets of New York, and half of them we have on our own little booty tops or whatever that we wore to class. But it’s hysterical because I think she charged the production company $300 per costume! They were $10 each, maximum!” (35:04-35:22 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I will give Abby a compliment. I, to this day, love the fact that our kids know terminology and there’s a million people who do not, who are professional dancers!” (1:03:48-1:03:56 | Christi)

Links

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"Do you want to vomit on her, or do you want to vomit on her?” asks Christi as things are as painful as ever on "May I Have This Dance". After coming in second yet again, Abby is fed up with everyone (but Maddie) and is starting to get particularly cruel with her comments during Pyramid (of course except for Maddie). Paige's treatment of the flag was supposedly so bad that she did "a disservice to this country," meanwhile Maddie was so good that Abby dubs her "America the Beautiful". It's a new level of awful that certainly caused no psychological damage whatsoever!

Abby somewhat cheers up when she gets the call that she's been asked to co-host an episode of The View with an ALDC performance. The only person more excited than Abby about this news is Melissa, who franticly tries to make Mackenzie presentable as completely healed from her damaged foot and ready to dance. This strikes the moms and even Abby as suspicious, so Asia instead practices with the group for The View, but that won't keep Melissa from doing everything she can to get Mackenzie a spot in that line-up.

In the meantime the girls are set to perform at Energy in Ohio, and Maddie has been "promoted" to co-choreographer and won't be joining in the group dance. Abby claims this is to teach the group self reliance so they don't just follow Maddie, but the moms point out that the girls are always being told to follow Maddie's lead! It wouldn't be a Dance Mom's lesson without contradictions!

Quotes

• “Fun facts with Christi! A bunch of bullshit that no one really needs to know!” (05:24-05:30 | Christi)
• “The doctor said she had to wait two weeks [to dance again] and Abby said I’m not comfortable going against the doctor; it’s not been two weeks yet. Now Kelly, when Paige had a broken foot and you asked for two weeks off she was like: You know what? We’re going to have Paige jump round on the broken foot, with the cast, at a dance recital that we don’t need somebody in!” (15:58-16:23 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Every dance title that woman gives my daughter or your kid is a middle finger to the mother.” (19:40-19:47 | Christi)
• “I said Christi Ray has two sides. She has the perfect Dance Mom side and then the I’m a Stage Mom Bitch side. And I’m like wait no, I’m on her side.” (44:46-44:53 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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"Life is just a lesson," remarks Christi, "My Instagram bio literally says I make mistakes...some are on TV." At least she can be assured that on the second half of "The Politics of Dancing" the only one making mistakes as per usual is Abby, who is determined to pit the kids against one another no matter the cost.

As the ALDC arrives in Philadelphia for Powerhouse Dance Invitational, Abby is already setting the girls up for failure. The group number "Free the People" requires the girls to dress in American Flag regalia, which means the moms have to get creative with their costume sourcing as they know if they cut-up a real American flag the controversy the producers are hoping for will be unbearable. Plus Abby wants the girls to vote between Maddie and Chloe over who performs the best solo (like it's a democracy?). Abby believes this will encourage the girls to do better, but the results might as well be a foregone conclusion considering Maddie is always given the best choreography. It's just an excuse to make Chloe feel bad because Christi won't kiss Abby's ass.

Asia and Christi continue to be a thorny presence for the rest of the group since... well that's why they were brought on the show! Though the other girls clearly like Asia, she isn't reprimanded for crying or messing up choreography as every other girl would be. It's enough to rile up both Jill and Kelly, who call out the double standard but are framed as coming after a young child. It's just Abby's world and they're suffering in it.

Quotes

• “Well I will gossip about you on the phone. I’ll get you. I’ll call Kelly! I’m gonna call Kelly. We’re gonna say you’re an asshole on the phone…TO EACH OTHER! Cause we’re the cool moms.” (10:03-10:16 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Anybody who thought that this show was scripted, I can see why because nobody is really this insane.” (16:33-16:40 | Christi)
• “There are a few things that Chloe talks about as traumatic Dance Moms experience, and this is in her Top Two. Oh yeah, this still hurts her at 22 years old.” (29:11-29:22 | Christi)
• “Abby was talking about the fact that at that point I would not do meet and greets with them, like that we did our own stuff. And I’m like right but all the other kids do stuff and you’re not picking on them because you’r making money from them.” (44:47-45:02 | Christi)

Links

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"You are 15 you piece of shit," is not exactly what Abby said to Brooke, but Christi couldn't have summed up the mood better as Abby froths at the mouth after losing to Cathy. As "The Politics of Dancing" begins, Abby is already throwing everyone under the bus, except for newcomer Asia whom Abby claims is upstaging the rest of the girls and putting them in their place (despite the fact Asia took first with non-Abby choreography and the girls did relatively fine in competition). To showcase her new star, Abby designs a patriotic group number that will feature Asia prominently waving an American flag. But as any Dance Mom will tell you, nothing scares them more than the dreaded "prop". Could Abby's pro-Asia stance be one prop fumble away from ending?

Melissa meanwhile is focused on getting her children homeschooled, with the aim of letting the kids have more time to practice dance. While Holly preaches the importance of education, as far as the show is concerned it's dancing first and school second. It doesn't make much difference to Mackenzie, however, as she's still sidelined with a bad foot. How will her rivalry with Asia ever get off the ground if she can't?

Quotes

• “Chloe called someone a Fucking Bitch in like preschool… not to their face but to me. She’s like she’s a fucking bitch and I’m like oh NO NO NO NO NO No NO NO…no no no we do not say such things Cupcake!” (02:40-02:56 | Christi)
• “I say clearly the ALDC is not a democracy, Abby is a totalitarianist. I’d like to point out that I obviously knew that reading 1984 in 6th grade was going to come in handy cause that’s the only time I’ve heard or used that word in my life.” (28:07-298:25 | Christi)
• “At this point dance wasn’t really like a social thing. No, cause they were so isolated. Yeah, and it was work… It made my kids love school more. Like my kids couldn’t wait to go to school.” (43:54-44:15 | Christi & Kelly)
• “We are the two old men on the Muppet’s Show. That we are! 100%. No wonder why people think we’re idiots! Cause we are!” (1:00:34-1:00:44 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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“Somebody has to fight with her,” remarks Kelly as we go through the motions of introducing Kristie Ray into the mom group on the second half of "Watch Your Back, Mack". Even though the moms (and especially our bitches) are on their best behaviors, tensions still seem to mount as Kristie begins to try and push the mom's every button. Though the show implies Melissa should be the one worried as Asia is being held up as the Mackenzie replacement, Melissa could seemingly care less and it's up to the other moms to pick up the dramatic slack. From Jill getting technical about who gets to sit where on the bus to Kristie trying to share some welcoming advice, new Kristie is having none of it and seems to be here solely to stir up the pot.

More distressing to our moms however is that Cathy's team has come more than prepared to wipe the floor with the ALDC at this week's competition. Mackenzie is still out of circulation due to increasingly absurd foot problems, and the group dance doesn't offer much in the way of innovation or pizzaz. In fact the theme of the group dance theme reincarnation still comes off as confusing at best, indecipherable at worst. With Cathy's team running a well oiled machine under the tutelage of Abby's friend John, it might not be obvious to Abby quite yet but this is not going to be the best week for the ALDC.

Also enjoy Christi and Kelly's attempt to go full Zapruder-film breakdown as they try (and somewhat succeed?) in studying footage of Abby's in-real-time breakdown towards the end of the episode.

Quotes

• “I’m the only one that said something nice and she says I’m a bitch, with you! I don’t get it. Last time I’m saying something nice.” (04:32-04:38 | Kelly)
• “The fact that everyone of the kids on the show were fantastic dancers, because she made them be. If our kids had danced anywhere else, I don’t they would have been as amazing as they were. Cause it wasn’t like these seven kids were the best of the best from around the country that she hand selected. They were kid who went because they lived in the neighborhood.” (16:09-16:30 | Christi)
• “It’s a big smile. It was just pasted on there the whole time! Somebody needs to get that man a crest ad.” (27:21-27:28 | Christi)
• “Brian loved to bring on moms that made us feel ugly.” (34:40-34:43 | Christi)

Links

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"You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to postmates a drink," Christi jokes as she's booze-less going into what may be one of the strangest episodes of Dance Moms yet. Season 3's "Watch Your Back, Mack" is most notable for the introduction of Asia Monet Ray, the newest member of the ALDC and a former competitor on Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. But to these bitches it will always be best remembered for one of Abby's truly unhinged decision to get her dearly departed Broadway Baby stuffed and displayed! Where was Abby storing the body for so many months? Why does she not think this is creepy and insane? Why did Melissa recommend it to here?!

But Asia's presence, and by extension her mother Kristie's presence, is of more concern to Jill who is worried about the outsiders coming in (getting a little taste of her own medicine). Abby is setting up Asia to directly compete with Mackenzie in the hopes their rivalry will encourage them both to improve. Will Abby's method of trial by fire work out in the end? Has it ever?

Abby better hope it does as she'll be facing off against Cathy once more at Energy Dance, and the Wicked Witch is feeling extra wicked this week. Cathy is prepared to make Abby eat her words and hires one of Abby's own choreography friends as a ringer to put the ALDC in their place. Mackenzie might not be the only one who has to look out for her competition.

Quotes

• “I’m just not a cat person. I know. I wasn’t a cat person until we started finding them in dumpsters and bringing them home. You found me in a dumpster and you didn’t take me home!” (02:34-02:46 | Christi and Kelly)
• “And also, Chloe came out of my vagina, so clearly…actually that’s not true she came out of my womb, she was a C-section baby. This is untouched in case anybody’s worried. OH GOD STOP! You’re always talking about that area!” (29:05-29:21 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Abby really and truly believes that competition makes you better. Because Maddie and Chloe were head to head, that made them better. She wanted Mackenzie to get better, so that’s why she had someone Mackenzie’s age come in.” (20:23-20:40 | Kelly)
• “There’s many times that we’ve filmed this show that I’ve been like: Ok, now we’ve officially gone off the rails….NOW we’ve officially gone off the rails.” (36:25-36:33 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

Follow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.