Bad Book Bash

Season 3's new book is by far, the WORST book I've ever read, even for this podcast. It's so bad that this is the only time I'm drinking during a podcast recording. Enter our 'protagonist', Violet Lee, who gets kidnapped by 6 emo-Justin Bieber-looking vampires and still gets turned on even while her life is being threatened. Then we have our 'romantic lead' Kaspar, a 197 year old man who regularly assaults and murders girls without guilt. God I hate my life sometimes.

We've finally reached the end of the book! The ending is boringly predictable, with the only exciting fight scene taking less than 5 pages. Also, Aislinn spends half of the episode wearing sexy renaissance clothing to boost her confidence, Seth brags about his STD test results, and Keenan basically whines long enough to get what he wanted.

In this episode, Aislinn literally pepper sprays Keenan to get him to stay tf away, but like the "romantic" protagonist he is (gag), he just laughs and follows her around more. Seriously what kind of weird indoctrination is this author getting at? Also, Jack and Alex come up with a creepy little Christmas jingle for Keenan

The episode starts off with Keenan having a weird faerie orgy with all his exes in his faerie harem. Jack wishes he had the ability to travel through time to stop this author from writing this trashy novel, and Alex's puns have reached new levels as he is trying to emotionally cope with this hell-hole book.

Keenan infiltrates Aislinn as a high school student, and Aislinn seems to be the only one who sees him for the creep he is as even the nuns start swooning over the hella old faerie king. We also learn about Keenan's faerie harem, which is what Aislinn will be forced to join if she does not want to do the Summer Queen test. Messed up, I know. Again, this book is meant for 13 YEAR OLDS!!

In this episode, we learn about the "Summer Girls", aka Keenan's faerie harem composed of 50 of his ex-girlfriends that he pimps out to his royal faerie court. Jack explains losing his "friginity" in Ireland, and Alex explains the magical properties of Fairy Soap

In Episode 3, Keenan's mother, the Winter Queen, brags to her son about murdering his father and then randomly unleashes a storm upon him. Keenan ponders to himself how his dad was able to get a boner for his mom. Meanwhile, Aislinn confides to Seth about how she can see faeries, and then he decides to go hang out at a tattoo shop.

We are introduced to our main character Aislinn, another shy, skinny, teenage girl who is constantly stalked by some sort of supernatural old man. Keenan, said man in question, won't stop following her around town and even tries to sniff her. Jack and Alex try to keep their shit together, much to their dismay, and make loads of train jokes.

"Wicked Lovely" is a book about the creepy Summer King faery named Keenan, and his quest to bang as many human high school chicks as possible; specifically, our main character Aislinn who just wants to live a normal fucking life but of course that's never an option for these YA novels. Episode 1 reviews the prologue, where Keenan tricks an innocent girl named Donia into "touching his staff"

FINALLY some shit actually goes down! The Dark Daughters, aka the bitchy vampire sorority, accidentally summon a bunch of dead people and it's up to Zoey and her rag-tag team of weirdos to stop them. Also, Brian shares a weird story about a girl he saw touching herself in public, and we all discuss the idea of Braille condoms

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