Bad Stories

When a real estate agent finds a treasure chest full of doubloons and peanuts, he befriends a Somali pirate and is whisked away on an adventure to find Atlantis, the city of gold. This mission is led by former president Jimmy Carter. This story involves gold, riddles, Niagara Falls, an amorphous pile of jelly, ancient civilizations, peanuts, sharks, making out, and lots of screaming.

Hrumpf, there it is.

Music:
Da Feelin by Nightmares On Wax
Ocean Man by Ween

A college freshman falls in love with a sorority girl who is a werewolf, and rushes a fraternity to win her heart. This fraternity is the same that his father joined years ago, a fraternity exclusive to vampires: Beta Alpha Theta. His father is the most famous vampire of all time. But our main character just wants to win his lady's fancy, which violates the fraternity's number one rule: vampires can't fall in love. This story involves skateboarding, a vampire who thinks bats are birds, blood, poison, Vamp Sandleman, a minotaur, Dudley, and lots of partying.

Music:
Parallel Jalebi by Four Tet
Da Feelin by Nightmares on Wax

In this, our first novel, an airplane pilot is so talented at flying planes that he himself learns to fly, which is helpful because he wants to become a superhero. Soon, his plans to save earth from alien invaders become complicated by an arch-nemesis: the Mole Man. But who is the real hero? This story includes the FAA, digging at high speeds, the White House, poetic literary descriptions, and terrible newspaper headlines. This is a book.

Music:
Smoke & Mirrors by RJD2
Dean Town by Vulfpeck

A family of art thieves wants to steal the Mona Lisa, but the world's greatest art collector stands in their way, and his name is Shaquille O'Neal, the last known descendant of Leonardo da Vinci. Eventually, it's revealed that Shaq is a demon with Horcruxes. Shaq captures the parents, and it's up to the kids to save the day with their best dunks. This story involves Coachella, long family lineages, deception, the Louvre, and a bunch of rats.

Music:
El Pico by Ratatat
Assorted music by Shaq