My dys'fun'ctional relationship with porn. The porn I like. Addictive. Was hurting, still hurts but I use it less and now try to biohack for dopamine hits and to ease away from codependent thoughts/feelings on real people; but doesn't work, I feel bad still after. 

Also a listener reached out me to answer my October 12th episode question, when do men connect emotionally? He was also inspired to have his own podcast! Makes my heart happy :) And if you're also into ASMR, he has one of those voices! When I get his permission, I will update with a link.

ERE is where it's at..."I got two turntables and a microphone"

ERE established relationship energy. 

I'm in a trough. Experiencing sadness. Thoughts of inadequacy; I'm not enough and too much- the drama of it all. 

Yet through my experiencing sadness I will then place feelings into my body what soft cock growing hard under me having a shared experiencing of giving and receiving love feels like!

My visual: the key is in front of me but I'm so focused on 'finding' it under rocks, I can't 'see' it. 

ASMR...I get a little meditative like and relaxing!

While in isolation awaiting covid results, I am suffering a 'heavy' headache, chills, sweating, sore throat and extreme fatigue- I dialed down inward to read and meditate for about 12 hours. Little contact with others, but messaged my friend that brought my awareness of this book that I read from during this episode, a message to him I was in a beautiful self care day. 

I thank all of my teachers...I see your light (and our dark), I thank you for keeping me lit and my cup full!

No editing. Raw reading. Asmr style. A few chuckles and some tears, I pause to sob and pause to obtain pronunciations for words as to not distract from the asmr quality. 

I am sensing my sadhana is underway~

I'm not feeling well. The future, small communities. I'm seeking a new pod. I am a good 'home maker' as good girl conditioning has taught me. I am a master at nothing in home econ but....I got some worship skills. You: a piece of land on one side and Me: my 28 ft class A on the other side. we could send smoke signals when we want a visit! 

I could use a quarantine friend! Send email, messages, well wishes, a hello will do :) [email protected] 

Thank you for being here.