New Year and my time will be spent with others that match or lift my vibration. Less time associating with those that zap my energy because they remain at a lower vibration; this is work for me to lower my frequency. 

Look at you brave enough to take the human experience of suffering with the memory loss that we are love and we are connected; we can never not be this.

I want to be filled with like minded individuals, having soulful deep hearted discussions, this makes me horny! Now, interactions with lower vibrational people, I will consider it a transactional relationship and attach some form of currency to the dynamic so I am not left feeling and sensing an imbalance. Continuously observing.

I'm outside of sex while in sex, maybe too much porn and masturbating rather than in body with another body.

An almost cry for an almost birthday card given. Over low frequency vibrations. Celebrate not tolerate!

High sex drive, low braking system but being demisexual sucks for high sex driving, seems like a waste unless I can emotionally connect with someone and then all we do is fuck!

Spitroast fantasy?! Do tell!!!!!

 A reading of an unpublished poem "Twisted Object" 

I see why some profiles attracted me, to confirm negative stories about me. And if my subconscious mind is leading me to confirm negative stories than why do I project a hope? 

My spread- card reading and chakra mistake my solar plexis  is blocked not sacral as that is very open almost always ;) State of false sense of control, letting go, face denial and sort what baggage I continue to bring to the table.

ASMR style

Talk of an "800" number and going back to fantasy writings and reading.

Temperature of this episode: solitary confinement with a thermal throw set to low and some deep sleep

Been super stressed by bp is up experiencing a touch of anxiety with a close call of depersonalization which has me now thinking about my past worship sessions to help ground me. 

5.4.3.2.1, Send Conscious Cock! Two posts readings and poems: "Simplicity Over Scene S.O.S", "Merry Meet Again", "My Name is Mud Reluctantly Crouched At The Starting Line Or is This Love Or Is It Luck?", "Slow How I Wanted It To Be"

Also 102 listeners, wowie, really 101 because I listen. Message me, please! It's hard not interacting with others this way so if you listened or are a regular let me know I may send you something! Tell me you are "in my box to deliver conscious cock"! Hahaha

Thanks for being here! 

Dopamine drops means Taylor Swift songs, ugh I need oxytocin another way! Missing someone isn't suffering nor does it mean I want to absorb or be absorbed, just fucking means I like your person, settle down. Also never have I ever been in a 1.5 year dynamic and can say my sex life with this person is getting better. I don't like templates, anywhere, including after care, his is to rub his feet; it keeps me in his car long enough for me to calm down to drive home safely. He knows what he's doing, and I see it. I had a flash memory of him smacking my ass as I was cumming. Oh my! Some quick thoughts on emotion regulation and body sensations. My introspection has me learning so much. 

Appreciation for the penis, men after my play partner will have to silently give a prayer of thanks to him for his healing of my views with the penis. I am having thoughts about what my sexual healing will look like, yet I am unattached to whom will provide me the sexual healing space. Almost at 100 sessions with Him. Conditioning thoughts about monogamy, long term, and ever afters. Lost in translation- two people trying to remain together that don't speak the same language will have a frustrating time. 

A weird dream, we are nothing. A transition has begun, motorhome settling, lessons learned about filters, and learning about judgement. I cried after a session and I wasn't the one that had the orgasm- crying, the other orgasmic release. 

Lots of growth past 2 weeks. Wondered if an all opened chakra sex connection leave without wanting more? And without wanting more I'm free from attachment and suffering. New chapter and play partner returned early. I promise no crying this episode.

No 90 day experiment. Play partner? He messaged but I'm feeling too fragile to read, I need self care and grounding. How I respond is how I take care of me. How I react is how I keep myself safe. Ex even hugged me. The Universe says to be alone? Celibate? I. Surrender. Discomfort is growth?

My cue, my heart she keeps beating despite the amount of times I have her broken; I don't even own her so keep loving others! 

Another post. I had more thoughts in light of current event(s). My higher self placed me 'here' repeating cycles but at a higher vantage point to move into more of my authentic self. 

My anxious attachment triggered- ego hurt, my human form- body, emotions, mind everything hurts. Becoming undone wasn't just about undoing sexual issues from society and religion my undoing is to 'me'. Becoming undone from 'this'- I am just a human experience, observing.

...my headphones in the background says, "power off" at the right moment 

Manipulating myself kept me in my fear but the side effect was me exposing self to my authentic self. I needed someone to 'not' see me.