Be It Till You See It

As February wraps up, Lesley shares an inspiring story about a supportive community standing in for those without affirming family members, celebrates a powerful win from a Cambodia retreat attendee, and reflects on her own transformative experience. Tune in for a reminder to embrace life’s adventures and boldly step into what’s next.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The heartwarming initiative by Zombie Dan to stand in for those without affirming family support.
• The power of investing in yourself and making space for transformative experiences.
• Ainsley’s journey from attending her first Cambodia retreat to embracing personal growth in her second experience.
• The joy of connecting with like-minded individuals and creating deep, meaningful friendships.
• How movement, reflection, and intention-setting shape a more fulfilled life.
• Lesley’s realization that playing small isn’t an option and her renewed commitment to big goals.

Episode References/Links:

• The Zombie Dan - https://www.instagram.com/reel/DCza8QXua8q/

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• The OPC YouTube Channel

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:05  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:47  

Hello, Be It babe. Welcome to the last Friday episode of February. How are you? How was February for you? Are you freaking out? It's like time flying by. Is it happening? My goodness, please be kind to yourself. Okay? You got to. If you're not kind to you, how are you going to get other people to be kind to you? Like how are we going to do that? It's an actual question. I'd love for you to tell me. So okay, I'm looking up my thing that inspired me, and I'm super excited about this. So there was this person, his name is Zombie Dan on Instagram. And I don't know a ton about Zombie Dan. I'm sorry I didn't do a ton of research, but I was obsessed with this reel when it came upon my feed. And so this person was like, my family didn't celebrate me when I got engaged to my girlfriend. And so obviously it's like a LGBTQ relationship, and she's not being supported. And Zombie Dan shares like, Hi, I'm Zombie Dan. I and this other group of people, we are going to be, we can be the father that walks you down the aisle. We can be the older brother. We can be the mother. We can go to dress shoppings with you. We can do these things. And they stand in the gap. They stand in place of anyone who's not affirming in your family. I'm obsessed with this. I think it is so cool. So the link to if you are someone who's I need someone to stand in place of a family member who's unaffirming of my life, I highly recommend checking out what Zombie Dan is doing. So it's the_zombie_dan and we'll put the link in the bio. I don't know who Zombie Dan is. We've never met, but I just am, I think people are so cool. And what I love about this so much is that people like him are so full of love, and they're like, how can I share this love that we have for others? Wasn't that cool? Isn't that amazing? I know you're like, oh, but it's not, people might be like, well, it's not their dad. It's not about that. It's about them having people surrounding them who appreciate and affirm who they are and whom they love, right? That's what it's about, that's about being surrounded by those people and not being alone at those significant times in your life. And so thank you, Zombie Dan, for what you created and for the people that you've brought together for this. I think it's so freaking cool, and it just blew my mind. Aren't people amazing? They are amazing. So that just truly inspired me. 

Lesley Logan 2:59  

All right. So now your win. Okay, so I chose a win from Ainsley. We've heard wins from her before, but I chose her win because it actually is from when she was flying home from the Cambodian retreat. And she has done our Cambodian retreat two times. And I thought, like, her win is so beautiful. This is coming out on the day that I'm ending my Cambodian retreat in the February one. And so I just wanted to relive her wins, but also share what is possible when you take a week for yourself. So Ainsley Walker, she wrote, I'm at the end of LL and Brad's stunning Cambodia retreat. I'm sitting at the Bangkok airport, letting all that's happened the past few days absorb and oh my goodness, so, so many wins. So here's a few, and I'll try to keep it brief. I gifted myself this trip for my birthday. I made it happen. I deliberately accepted the extra clients, knowing they were my way in. When they came, I felt even more excited to see them. This is my second time to Cambodia with LL and Brad. That's a massive win, right there. I got so much more out of it the second time. I'm in a much better place. The first time was wonderful, but the second time pure joy for me. I have absolutely loved the consistency of moving daily and found group energy so motivating. I'm committed to keep it up. Each and every person on the trip made it special. It was beautiful, hanging out with my gorgeous eLevate peeps, chatting and having fun. I loved in the last day, my body allowed me to take it into rocking. It showed me how much stretch and connection it has made in the last year, and allowed me to lift my leg in a leg pool front, I've been working on these all year. And after a lovely chat with Lisa, I'm inspired to find a new one-to-one classical teacher to keep progressing. Another amazing chat with Mandy, and we will move together and join her moving group when possible. This week, I fully realized how all my hard work and investment on myself, my goals, has paid off. I felt like a different person this year, calm and confident, happy, so happy. It took work commitment, but I am inspired to keep investing in myself, sitting under the waterfall where Lesley and I squealed and screamed out loud, but you could not hear as the rush of water was so loud, has to be one of the highlights, and so liberating, but so many more to list. Standing out in the warm rain with my gorgeous eLevate friend Nancy, we laughed so hard. My cup feels full to overflowing. I'm re-energized, excited, feeling strong, and also nourished with amazing fresh food and so many good memories. I'm now ready to get back to my family and clients and implement all the great workshop takeaways I have. Thank you, LL and Brad for taking me on this amazing trip. And then she finishes this up with, so I'm 10 days back from Cambodia, and jet lag has finally subsided. Not sure why it felt like it took so long. Since Cambodia, I've moved every day with self-practice at 6:30 am. I am taking time to implement everything that came up in our workshops. It's feeling so positive. I booked an hour with myself this weekend to look at all I wrote down to keep it in my life. One client who came to me for balance issues after a stroke was doing moves this week that I had in mind on their first session. This week, we celebrated him doing them, knowing we have far more to go. He left so tall and strong compared to when I met him. By Saturday and Thursday, my classes are full, and I will work on the spaces in the other couple. I've moved with the Wednesday eLevate group this week, too. I mean, my goodness, Ainsley, these wins, these wins. I love the follow up to this win with the 10 days later, because, you know, we come back from things and we're like, I'm going to do this and this, when I get home, I'm going to keep going with this. I'm going to do this. And then life happens. Things get real busy, and then we don't. We lose the momentum, or we lose this stamina, we forget we wrote down, and I love that she re-followed up with it, and she was so intentional, and her intentionality is why she is doing what she's doing. I mean, I saw her and Nancy standing under the rain in Cambodia just laughing. They were just like, loving it, and it was so beautiful to watch. I was like, I'll stand in the rain filming them, just because it's so fun to watch. And I just share all this with you, because every time I do a retreat in Cambodia, I am more grounded than I ever could and I'm so inspired by those that come. 

Lesley Logan 7:01  

This particular Cambodia retreat, so my win, was one of our smaller ones. We just started doing the February retreats again. And you know, it's not always the time of year that people think about traveling, but my goodness, I hope you do. You can actually sign up for our October one, but if February is a better time for you to travel, I hope you join us. So it's a smaller group, and so I got to really connect with some of our amazing people. So half the group I didn't know, and the other half the group I've known for a long time, either they've been OPC member for a long time, or agency, eLevate member for a long time. So it was really cool to connect people I've known for a long time to people I've never met, and spend a week just together. And when you're an adult, you don't often get to meet strangers, let alone get to know them in a deep level. And it was just so fun to get to spend a week with these amazing women and get to know them on a deep level, support them and hold space for them, because they are doing powerful things for so many people, and also because I'm someone who likes to observe myself and others as things are going on. Like I learned so much more about who I am and what I want out of this next year and this next life. And don't really celebrate or create new year's resolutions, I'm just like, here are my intentions for the year. And the thing that I missed, I didn't realize how much I missed it, is we used to go to Cambodia in Q1 all the time, and it was a great time for me to really see, like, did the intention I set for this year, does it feel like it sticks, or does it need some changes? And being able to go back and have that time to go, oh yeah, no, the intentions for this year are exactly what I wanted, and also I can tweak them and make them better. I can make them bigger. Sometimes we're afraid we'll fail, so we set the bar a little lower for ourselves, and that is not going to be this year. No way. I got things to do and people to support and lives to change, and can't do that playing small. So my win is just being able to absorb love and generosity and kindness and community of this last week on this retreat, and seeing, seeing this beautiful world through the eyes of those who have not been there before, and it was just really freaking fun. So anyways, I'll be back. I'll be back from Cambodia next time you hear me. 

Lesley Logan 9:07  

So, oh my God, what a mantra to pull. I just drew this. I pulled it out of a pile. And it says your mantra for the week. On to the next adventure. Ah, on to the next adventure. On to the next adventure. I hope you are on to your next adventure, and you can be right now in this moment to state that. You can actually start the day all over. On to the next adventure. Well, that's me, and that's you, too, because my loves, this episode has come to an end, and we are on to the next adventure. Until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 9:40  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 10:22  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 10:27  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 10:32  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 10:39  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 10:42  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Tap into your inner wisdom with Christina Deering, a shaman, healer, and intuitive business coach. In this episode, Lesley and Brad break down Christina’s insights on aligning with your highest self, overcoming limiting beliefs, and using intuitive tools like pendulums and tapping. Discover how to embrace daydreaming as a manifestation technique and reprogram your mindset for success.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Understanding your highest self as an extension of your soul.
• Breaking free from limiting beliefs and societal conditioning.
• Using intuitive tools like pendulums and tapping for clarity.
• The power of daydreaming as a manifestation tool.
• Aligning your energy with your goals for greater success.
• Recognizing and shifting emotional vibrations for better decision-making.

Episode References/Links:

• Cambodia October 2025 Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.com 
• Spring Pilates Training - https://opc.me/events
• Pilates Studio Growth Accelerator - https://prfit.biz/accelerator
• Accessories Flashcards Waitlist - https://opc.me/flashcardwaitlist
• Christina Deering Website: https://www.christinadeering.com
• Christina’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/iamchristinadeering
• Free Gift - 5 Min Energy Reset - https://beitpod.com/energyreset

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• The OPC YouTube Channel

Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

I think, also, to giving yourself permission to know that that was a possibility.

Lesley Logan 0:05  

It's not a waste of time. 

Brad Crowell 0:06  

Well, it's not a waste of time to daydream, letting yourself daydream, let yourself visualize, give yourself the spaciousness to connect with the things that feel exciting. But also, I think it's the counterbalance to this internal monolog that we have, that everything's gonna crash around us. It's all coming to an end.

Lesley Logan 0:24  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the intuitive convo I have with Christina Deering in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause us now and go back and listen, or stay here and then listen later. You can do both, because she's an intuitive so you're going to want to do both.

Today is February 27th 2025 and it's Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day, a significant day. Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day is marked annually at the end of February during engineering week. This year, it takes place on February 27th. This day was founded by the National Society of Professional Engineers (N.S.P.E.) in 1951. According to N.S.P.E., didn't you love that? I like to discover things as we're.

Brad Crowell 1:52  

That's news to me.

Lesley Logan 1:53  

I like, learn this as you're learning it, everyone.

Brad Crowell 1:56  

She clearly previews all the work that goes into these show notes.

Lesley Logan 2:03  

Oh my God. Engineering Week aims to ensure a diverse and well-educated future engineering workforce by increasing understanding of and interest in engineering and technology careers. I just want to say.

Brad Crowell 2:14  

That was written by an engineer.

Lesley Logan 2:16  

Totally wise and you can't say engineering week and describe it as a like a definition, and then use engineering in the definition of what the week is. You gotta, I don't actually think I know what engineering is so. Did you know since the origins of STEM fields in the 18th century (the Age of Enlightenment) have remained predominantly male? Yeah, we knew this. It’s a burgeoning issue calling for an urgent redress. One of the main ways that this is being done is through the creation of scholarships for women. So I think that's so cool. There was a model who had like, coder weeks. Is coding engineering?

Brad Crowell 2:56  

Yeah, we can, it's a form of engineering. Yeah. 

Lesley Logan 2:58  

Is engineering anything to do with computers? 

Brad Crowell 3:00  

Well, there are software engineers. But, yes, engineers could be structural engineers or mechanical engineers or, you know, aviation has engineering. 

Lesley Logan 3:11  

So this is not a niche week. 

Brad Crowell 3:13  

No, I think it's general. You could have software engineers who are developers. Sure.

Lesley Logan 3:17  

Here's the thing. Clearly, I wasn't introduced to engineering during Engineering Week when I was a child, even though it was started in 1951 so we have lots of work to do and.

Brad Crowell 3:26  

I wonder if architects are considered engineers, or how does that work? Do they work together? I mean, you know, they're building. An engineer would build a bridge.

Lesley Logan 3:35  

Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. So then maybe Meridith's partner is an engineer. So we know engineers.

Brad Crowell 3:42  

Well, he is, he's a mechanical, no, he's a structural engineer. Can't remember. Yeah, we know engineers.

Lesley Logan 3:47  

We love you. 

There's one in our family. We should know.

So anyways, I just thought this was a really cool holiday. When Brad was showing me the holidays, I thought it was a cool holiday because, obviously, when we expose people to different jobs that they could do, we actually bring in really cool experiences into those jobs. And engineers are, obviously, have a vast amount of things that they could work in and that are necessary. And so life experiences that are different than others are really important. And so here's to Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day. I too was just introduced. So there we go. All right, so as you listen to this, we are in Cambodia.

Brad Crowell 4:26  

Right now, as you are listening. We are so excited.

Lesley Logan 4:29  

Oh my gosh. And also, the people who are coming, I'm just excited for this week that we're having with them. So anyways, you guys have to join us in October. Seriously, I know that you've got a lot on your plate. You got a lot going on. October feels like, a far way away, but we, actually, it's not. And it's the perfect time to just have something in your Q4 to look forward to. So go to crowsnestretreats.com and join us, because we want to spend a week with you. We want to retreat from the chaos of this world and just sweat and do Pilates and breath work and see temples. And Lotus farms and eat good food.

Brad Crowell 5:03  

Yeah, it's, I mean, elephants, friends, make friends. It's, you know, explore a city.

Lesley Logan 5:08  

You don't have to come with a friend. You can come by yourself, because we, we'll provide the friends.

Brad Crowell 5:13  

Yeah, we do. You're guaranteed a friend.

Lesley Logan 5:17  

You are. You've got a friend in me.

Brad Crowell 5:21  

Well, in March, a month from now, we will be a P.O.T. in Denver, Colorado. P.O.T is Pilates on Tour, if you're not familiar, although I. 

Lesley Logan 5:30  

It's sold out. 

Brad Crowell 5:31  

I think it's sold out.

Lesley Logan 5:32  

Yeah, it's sold out. Can't come. Well, last time we checked, we were, I think they had a couple spots on Sunday, which we'll be there for. I'm teaching every single day. I'm keynoting.

Brad Crowell 5:42  

I know. Keynote speaker, Lesley.

Lesley Logan 5:46  

Oh my God. So anyways, you'll come if you can, and if there's spots, if not, we'll see you in Chicago. But also in March, Brad doesn't know this yet, March 18th through the 24th is the Accessories Flash Dard presale. See, Meridith and I just scheduled it right now.

Brad Crowell 6:04  

What?

Lesley Logan 6:06  

Yes and so the date has been set. Only those on the waitlist are going to get the invite. So you need to go to opc.me/flashcardwaitlist, opc.me/flashcardwaitlist, and that is going to get you the opportunity to get this, the latest and last deck, 30% off. And by the way, the Accessory Deck is for all the bodies, everybody. And we're going to have a lot of fun celebrating who got the cards, Meridith and I have a bunch of tricks and things planned up our sleeve, but you have to be on the waitlist to hear about it. So sorry. So opc.me/flashcardwaitlist.

Brad Crowell 6:40  

Yeah, but you get the hook up by being on it. So do it. Get yourself over there. All right, next up in April. Guess what, y'all? OPC is gonna be doing a spring training in April. This is gonna be April 27th through May. 3rd. Ten events across a week. You're gonna be able to join us virtually no matter where you are, whether you're watching them live or watching replays.

Lesley Logan 7:03  

You don't have to have Pilates experience to join us. You don't have to have equipment. There's going to be options for a mat only track, and then equipment plus mat track and Meridith and I did the math. Well, Meridith did the math. I'll just, why am I taking credit? It's like $6 per class if you have the mat ticket or something like that. So, you know, it's such a steal. Anyways, so opc.me/events gets you on to the waitlist, because those on the waitlist will get the early bird price. Those not on the waitlist will get to pay the full price, which is still a good deal, but on the waitlist, it's a great price.

Brad Crowell 7:37  

Yeah, it's a steal. It's a steal for the early bird. It's still an amazing deal.

Lesley Logan 7:41  

OPC members. Will get it for free. So if you want it for free, be an OPC member.

Brad Crowell 7:46  

Yeah, but to get on the waitlist for all that go to opc.me/events or just put it in your calendar right now, April 27th through May 3rd, just mark it off and be like OPC Spring Training. It's going to be super fun. We're doing spring training this year instead of summer camp. Okay? To be honest, people, I, we were getting confused between summer tour and summer camp. So we said this is dumb. Why don't we not make it a summer thing?

Lesley Logan 8:11  

We have a spring, summer, winter, and then, I guess, retreat in the fall. But it's not fall weather in Cambodia.

Brad Crowell 8:19  

So technically.

Lesley Logan 8:20  

But it's in the fall but it's not a fall event, so we're only doing three events.

Brad Crowell 8:25  

It's going to be amazing. It's going to be amazing. Anyway, go to opc.me/events. Okay, finally, if you are taking money from a client and teaching them Pilates or yoga or whatever, if you are a fitness business owner in that way, I want you to come join me for a free webinar. Lesley and I have been teaching, coaching fitness business owners just like you, for more than seven years now. I can't believe Agency is seven years old. I'm doing a free webinar called Studio Growth Accelerator. So if you want to learn the three biggest secrets that we have learned from coaching more than 2500 people, come join me. Go to prfit.biz/accelerator. That's profit without the O, dot biz slash accelerator and come join me for free.

All right, before we move on, here, we have an audience question from Jennifer Carbone. She asks does the Arkantos Pilates chair, Split-pedal stability combo chair with handles, does it work for your workouts?

Lesley Logan 9:28  

Here's what I appreciate. I appreciate how specific she told me.

Brad Crowell 9:32  

I think she copied the names off the website.

Lesley Logan 9:34  

I mean, clearly, I think so too. So I think that for anyone listening who's just like, what did he just say? Do split-pedal combo chairs work for my workout? 

Brad Crowell 9:44  

Is this one or two pieces of equipment?

Lesley Logan 9:46  

Well, it's, well, it's two. So most.

Arkantos Pilates chair is different from the split-pedal stability combo chair?

No, no, it's that chair. And then nope, that's not her chair. That's our chair. So it's like that, but it's a combo chair with handles. They're just using all the SEO terms to make the name of the thing. It's just, it's a bunch of marketing. So at any rate, yes.

Brad Crowell 10:06  

Oh yeah, she copied it straight off from Amazon. 

Lesley Logan 10:08  

So yeah, she did. Okay. So, wow, this is a very cheap price. Okay, guys, you're getting, like, real time. Oh my god, the marketing on it just grosses me out. So here's the deal. 

Brad Crowell 10:19  

Look, it does use springs. 

Lesley Logan 10:21  

No, no, it's fine. So here's the thing, if you have a combo chair, a high chair, Wunda chair combo that has the handles, take the handles off. So I don't really care about the brand, take the handles off. We won't use them on a Wunda chair class. But then you can use the chair as a Wunda chair. And I can tell from this split-pedal that it can be locked. So it's a single pedal, so just lock it in place. And then the thing about Wunda chair exercises is that the spring tensions, like this one has four springs, so I'm imagining it has a light and a heavy. Yeah, that has a little lock, so it has a light and a heavy. So what I'm going to say is I don't know why they call them gears on this guy, someone is copying a reformer and making a Wunda chair. So okay, ignore the gears on this chair, but I'm just gonna talk about Wunda chairs in general. If there's not a classical Wunda chair, if it has a split pedal, if it has handles, ditch the handles. Make sure you don't split the pedal. So it's a single pedal. And then you pick the spring that tension that actually supports your body. So meaning, if I say it's a top bottom spring for me, but your fun size, it might be a middle bottom. Or if you're heavier, it might be a little higher. So you always have to choose the right spring tension for you in a Wunda chair class. But my teachers at OPC and I always give suggestions that you can start moving with. And if you have, you're an OPC member, you can also take a video of you doing an exercise on your chair, and go, am I doing this right? And we can go, oh, you don't look like you have enough spring tension. Oh, it looks like you have too much. Oh, you might need a block to make the floor rise up. So we will give you personalized feedback. But in general, anything that's an actual Wunda chair will work. So if it's combo chair, knock the handles off. That is.

Brad Crowell 12:00  

Just knock them off. 

Lesley Logan 12:01  

Yeah, if they don't come off.

Brad Crowell 12:03  

No, they will. I'm sure they'll come off. 

Lesley Logan 12:05  

They look like they remove. 

Brad Crowell 12:06  

Yeah, they remove, yeah, they can just unscrew it to take them out.

Lesley Logan 12:09  

Yeah. I had someone correct me, not correct me, but give me more information, because I have a video about how I don't like folding reformers. And I said, I don't like them because all these different things. And people go, well, this company has a $900 one that folds, and it has all the things you want. And I looked at it, and it does. It uses springs. It has a foot bar that lowers down. It still has ropes with high I don't like that. And the thing that gets me concerned when things are made folding, that you're actually they will have springs and you're gonna stand on, is I get concerned about weight restrictions. I get concerned of when the person made this, did they actually know all the Pilates exercises are going to go on it? Because sometimes they don't. A lot of people, engineers will just.

Brad Crowell 12:51  

Engineers 

Lesley Logan 12:52  

Engineers will. Hey.

Brad Crowell 12:54  

Hey. 

Lesley Logan 12:55  

And this is not an offense to them. But they'll go, oh, we can make this cheaper by using this and this instead, and this instead. And all of a sudden, you take a piece of equipment that is heavy for a reason, because the moves you're going to do are rolling on it and moving on it and lifting your legs. And you need the piece of equipment to be durable enough, heavy enough to support your body moving around on top of it. So I cannot attest to any folding reformer that isn't going to come from a company that I've already worked with. I got to try things on because I don't want to get hurt. I also don't want you to spend $1,000 on something that might not be the thing you need, or might restrict you from exercises you really want to do. 

Brad Crowell 13:33  

Or it just might not be the same quality.

Lesley Logan 13:35  

Right. If the reformer isn't high enough off the floor, you cannot do pull straps, you know what I mean? So there's just exercise you get limited. If it's too high off the ground, it can affect things. So I get, like, equipment's expensive. We just place an order and we're just like, whoo, okay. But please, please, please, please, please, just consider what you're letting go of and do your research or save up for the thing that you need. That's what I would say. So anyways, I hope you take class with us. That's a great chair. We'll see. Here we go.

Brad Crowell 14:01  

Awesome. All right. Well, stick around. We'll be right back. We're gonna dig into this amazing conversation you have with Christina Deering.

Okay, now let's talk about Christina Deering. A shaman, healer, a business intuitive and the host of You Unlimited podcast, Christina is dedicated to helping spiritual entrepreneurs confidently grow their businesses. A former marketing professional for 15 years, she explores modalities like breath work and Reiki, which led her to discover her true calling in shamanism. Today, she blends deep healing practices with practical strategies, enabling clients to overcome imposter syndrome and step into their full potential. On her podcast, You Unlimited, Christina delves into personal growth and the transformative power of intuitive guidance.

Lesley Logan 14:45  

Yeah. So I think she was just so sweet. I just really liked her. Yeah. I was on her podcast, and so that was a lot of fun. We had a great conversation there. And I was like, well, I want to hear more about over here. We got to give away one of her masterminds on tour. She's just such a generous person.

Brad Crowell 14:58  

Oh yes, connecting the dots. 

Lesley Logan 14:59  

So I really love when she talked about turning into your soul's alignment. She said our highest self, based on what we channeled, that's our soul. So we are tapping into our soul. So what does your soul desire most to do? And she shared like, our goal is to live in alignment with our soul. And I actually think that this is so hard.

Brad Crowell 15:16  

This is the one you were talking about, like, what is the highest self? What does that even mean? And I thought it was good to help define that, because I really appreciated Christina's pragmatic approach to calling herself a shaman. Because I'm like, uh, the hell is a shaman?

Lesley Logan 15:31  

There are some shamans. And I'm like, are you a shaman? You know.

Brad Crowell 15:35  

Well, you know she was talking about at the beginning. She was like, yeah. So when I was suggested that I look into becoming a shaman, because I'm being called into being a shaman, she was like, let me Google what is a shaman? And I was laughing because I was like, I was Googling what is a shaman. That was pretty funny. So when she's talking about her, anyway, I appreciated her sincerity there. But you know, she's talking about what is the highest self, and she says, that's like, tapping into your soul.

Lesley Logan 16:00  

Yeah. So when people say, like, thinking about your higher self, or what would your higher self want to do? What is it you do here? That's what your soul is. And I think that's kind of a cool way to think about it. I never thought of my highest self and my soul being the same thing. And now that I say it out loud, it sounds pretty obvious. So, you know. I don't know. I just, you know, you just think of them as two separate things. I have a higher self. I guess I think of the highest self as my future. I've got my shit together self and my soul is like this deep, like, burning magic.

Brad Crowell 16:33  

Your higher self is like, who you hope you'll end up being one day? That's kind of how I've always thought of it, too.

Lesley Logan 16:38  

Yeah. But when she describes it like this, it's, oh, well, if my. It's like, what's happening now.

Brad Crowell 16:42  

It's like, what's happening now. 

Lesley Logan 16:42  

Yeah, well, if it's my higher self is my soul, then I actually don't have another thing I've got to figure out how to be. I could just actually tap into my soul and then I get to be my highest self.

Brad Crowell 16:51  

Because I am that right now. 

Lesley Logan 16:52  

Yeah, this is. 

Brad Crowell 16:55  

I think we just broke the world. 

Lesley Logan 16:57  

I think, I think. 

Brad Crowell 16:58  

We just, we just solved the riddle of the meaning of life. 

Lesley Logan 17:00  

I feel I've, you know, I, It's really great. So anyways, she advised tap into your soul by using tools like pendulums or intuition exercises. And we actually got to talk about like the pendulums and intuitive exercises. And I find just sitting down for me and for my red light can really help me and just breathe, can really help me get myself calm enough to actually go into thinking about a pendulum or an intuitive exercise, like you kind of have to calm down first and then use some tools. But I think that there's a lot of different tools that one can use. I also think I get the best ideas in the shower or on a morning walk, you know, like the sun is rising. So there's, I think maybe the thing that you all can do from this is, like, figure out, like, when do you feel like you're the closest to tapping into your soul or your higher self? And can you practice that so you can always use it as a tool when you need it.

Brad Crowell 17:50  

Yeah, she was talking a lot about spiritual-led entrepreneurialism, the distinction she talked about with your brain versus your higher self, I thought was interesting in that she said, often our brain starts us down these, what if problems or these I got to figure this out problem, or this problem, problem, problem, we're like creating all this unnecessary stuff that we have to think through. And she said, the mind is meant to serve the heart and soul. It's not there to create unnecessary problems, but we let ourselves go down that path. So I just thought it was interesting and but also she was talking about the pendulum thing, you know, holding the pendulum and asking questions. And I didn't quite follow that entire exercise.

Lesley Logan 18:29  

Okay, guess what? E-Squared. She has a, in the book E-Squared, we talked about many, many moons ago on this podcast, but she talks about taking a wire hanger and you twist it so it's at an angle, and then you're just supposed to hold it, and you can ask questions, and it will turn one way to answer yes or no. It's kind of crazy. So the pendulum is like that wire hanger. It's like something that is connected to the energy of your body, and it kind of will answer the question over your head. It's like, what you want. It's, okay, I know we just really got somewhere weird. I will pull the book out Brad, and we can look at the chapter.

Brad Crowell 19:06  

Hey, look, we're like a 1.75 woo here.

Lesley Logan 19:09  

I know (inaudible), I, but it's a really interesting thing. I even looked this practice up on because I was like, What is she saying? I don't think I'm understanding how to make this wire hanger, and also, who has wire hanger? So I didn't want to screw it up. I had one wire hanger, and I Googled on YouTube, and this woman did it on camera. She's just holding this thing, and then she's holding it away that her fingers cannot manipulate the wire so, like she's holding it, and the wire hanger is just like moving to, yeah, it's really strange. So we'll do it. We'll do it.

Brad Crowell 19:39  

Okay, I'm in. One thing I really loved was she talked about breaking through self-imposed limitations. Actually, now that I say that, I don't think they're necessarily self-imposed, it could be like societal limitations, parental, you know, limitations or friends or expectations that are just placed on us by our surroundings, environment, like the things that we're doing. And she said, when we are trying to pursue, you know, and connect with our higher self, our soul, it may be that we're bumping into these barriers, that this box that we put ourselves in, that's tough, you know. It's tough because, first off, it's hard to identify that you're bumping into these walls if you don't even realize that they're there. But also, how do we identify them? And how do we change that programming? You know, how do we walk away from something that has been ingrained in us for our whole lives? Whatever that might be, that could be a religious faith, or it could be, I don't know, just something where you're feeling trapped.

Lesley Logan 20:37  

It's interesting because you had said self-imposed, and you're like, actually, it's all these things. I think we impose things on ourselves based on what we've picked up is the right, in air quotes, the right thing to do, or the expected thing to do. And so you kind of learn like, oh, I get in trouble in class when I make this noise, so I'm not going to make that noise anymore. You tap your foot a lot teachers today, one of the girls we work out with, she has kids who need to dance while they're doing the work, so she has them in the back of the room so they can do their work. And they literally dance and do their work. And as long as they are in the back of the room, not distracting people, it's not a problem. But back when you were in school, they would be like in trouble for tapping. And that means that, first of all, you (inaudible).

Brad Crowell 21:19  

I bet I would have been considered a dancer, because I was not, I was flipping around in my chair.

Lesley Logan 21:24  

But the point is, is that when you're a kid, you learn, oh, I get in trouble. It's bad to do these things. And so then you start to change who you are. And then if you don't have anyone who gives you permission to be who you are when you're younger, it becomes this thing you take all the way to your adulthood, and you don't realize, oh, I've been posing all these rules and stories on myself, that didn't come from you in the first place.

Brad Crowell 21:45  

Brad Crowell 21:45  

 it's actually, yeah, yeah, or, that's right, or it's a learned behavior. One of the things we talk about all the time, and I just couldn't come up with the example a few minutes ago, was the way we see money.

Lesley Logan 21:56  

Oh, yeah. 

Brad Crowell 21:56  

Our money mindset is how we like to say, but the money mindset, the way that we are coming into that conversation, we are bringing with us a bunch of baggage that most likely we don't even know where it came from, you know, and we really have to truly sift back through our inner thoughts and childhood to understand, why do we act the way we act around money, or have this relationship with it. So it's interesting and it's challenging to identify these walls. So anyway, I thought that was really great. I think it's really important. When you start to ask yourself, why, I think, actually, that's a great way to start to identify, why do I hold why do I see this, the way that I see this? Why?

Lesley Logan 22:34  

Gay Hendricks would say, he would go, hmm.

Brad Crowell 22:38  

Hmm, I like that.

Lesley Logan 22:39  

I wonder why. And that's what he would always say. He always says, I wonder, I wonder. I don't even think I can see it, I wonder.

Brad Crowell 22:46  

He's got a tattoo that says it on her hand.

Lesley Logan 22:48  

But he says, the important thing is the hum, hmm, I wonder why. And he said, the hmm does something to the brain. I forgot. Gay, I'm sorry I forgot what it does, but it does something to the brain that turns on this part of where you think about things, and then the I wonder opens up curiosity versus, why do I do this? It's like, I wonder. You can't be mad, you cannot be angry with the wonder word, you have to, like, go I wonder. 

Brad Crowell 23:15  

I wonder.

Lesley Logan 23:15  

I wonder. 

Brad Crowell 23:16  

I wonder. All right, well, stick around. We'll be right back. We're gonna talk about those Be It Action Items that we got from your conversation with Christina Deering.

All right, so finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. Say it with me. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your conversation with Christina Deering? Christina explained that daydreaming is not just idle imagination. It's a way of tapping into future possibilities. She said, hey, when we can visualize it, we're actually tapping into future timelines.

Lesley Logan 23:50  

She is not wrong. I just learned a little bit about how to manifest in a different time, and so.

Brad Crowell 23:58  

We're like, multiversing it over here.

Lesley Logan 23:59  

Yes, she said this and I was like, okay, I get that. And then I heard someone else talk about it, and I'm like, oh, I get it. So when she talks about this, you're, the more specific you get, the more you live in the future with that idea, in that moment of that daydream, then you come back into your regular day life where you are in this time, but you have that in the future, and you've manifested it, and you've made it, and as long as you are taking actions that would be like, yes, that's gonna happen, even when things are saying no, it's not.

Brad Crowell 24:29  

Well, I think also, to giving yourself permission to know that that is a possibility. 

Lesley Logan 24:34  

It's not a waste of time. 

Brad Crowell 24:36  

Well, it's not a waste of time to daydream, letting yourself daydream, let yourself visualize, give yourself the spaciousness to connect with the things that feel exciting. But also, I think it's the counterbalance to this internal monolog that we have that everything's gonna crash around us. It's all coming to an end. The other shoe is gonna fall. We have the self talk that is like, give it three months and everything's gonna explode, but we can have a counter argument to that, and that's this is the Daydream. I think it's valuable. I think it's super helpful, and it helps you operate from a better place. Instead of operating from fear, you're operating from a place of expectation, hope, joy, excitement. So what about you? 

Lesley Logan 25:15  

So we got more into manifesting, and Christina highlighted the importance of aligning your energy to match your goals.

Brad Crowell 25:21  

Okay. 

Lesley Logan 25:22  

And she referenced David R. Hawkins' Map of Consciousness.

Brad Crowell 25:25  

I thought this was really curious. I'm not familiar with David R. Hawkins' Map of Consciousness.

Lesley Logan 25:29  

No, I feel like I need to put it on my TBR. I also know what a TBR is. So I'm super, I'm super on it. 

Brad Crowell 25:36  

Way to be so hip. 

Lesley Logan 25:37  

I'm on the book talks.

Brad Crowell 25:38  

What's a TBR, oh, to be read.

Lesley Logan 25:41  

To be read. I'm not on TikTok though. I'm just on the Instagram of book talks. So I wonder, if they call that the Insta book, what are they? Anyways, we were talking about the energy of the things you're manifesting, and so she asked you for your be it action items, she said, when you think about what you're manifesting, what would you feel when you're manifesting that thing? So she explained if you'll probably feel love or you'll feel peace, and she said that you want to make sure that you are in that vibration of the manifesting that you're wanting, because if you're in a lower vibration, like guilt or shame, it's going to indicate misalignment. And so you can actually make sure you're manifesting things you really do want based on if you feel that love or peace or that high vibration, if you feel low vibration feelings, then you might be manifesting something that it's not right for you based on what you think people think you should have, or what a friend or partner is putting on you. It's really quite cool, just to pay attention to the feelings that you're having in the manifestation of the thing that you want. It should be in a high vibration. Should feel really good to think about it.

Brad Crowell 26:40  

It's interesting. I was just looking at this map, and it helps you basically associate emotions with a level and an energetic number, like an energetic log. They have it. And so wherever your emotional state is, it connects with a specific number, and then that allows you to start connecting the way you're feeling like, oh, I'm feeling like a 20, or I'm feeling like a 700 or whatever.

Lesley Logan 27:05  

So a 20, just so you guys know, that's shame, and the predominant emotional state is humiliation. The view of life is miserable. The God view is despising, and the process is elimination. I don't know those last two really well, but I think we can all understand, shame feels really low, and if you're feeling guilt or shame, guilt is only above shame by a little bit. If you're feeling that in your manifestations or around manifesting, there's something misaligned. She also suggested use tools like tapping. We've had tapping come up a few times on this podcast.

Brad Crowell 27:35  

Many times, EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping, is that right? Emotional Freedom Technique, Emotional Freedom Technique.

Lesley Logan 27:42  

And like you can tap along your collarbones. 

Brad Crowell 27:45  

Your forehead. 

Lesley Logan 27:46  

Yes, yes, it's really it's, oh, look here we got Emotional Freedom Techniques. You could tap the top of your head, the side of your eye, the inner edge of your eyebrow, underneath your eye, underneath your nose, under lip, above the chin, sides of the center of the collarbone, under the arm, side of the hand, beneath your pinky, so all these different places you can tap on yourself. And I think, I think it's a great, even if you have no idea what we said about vibrations, you can tap.

Brad Crowell 28:12  

So, like, yeah, what EFT can do is create a sense of calm, and basically when you're daydreaming and forecasting and allowing yourself to believe what could be for you, and you're associating that with this sense of calm that you're gaining by tapping you're effectively reprogramming yourself, you know.

Lesley Logan 28:31  

Yeah. How cool. How powerful is that? 

Brad Crowell 28:33  

It's pretty powerful. 

Lesley Logan 28:34  

I loved it. So Christina Deering is really cool. And what she's been doing out there, she's really special. We talked about money mindset. She's really amazing as a coach and a shaman for people who are in the intuitive space, as either a life coach or yoga instructor or things like that. And so if you are struggling to shout out from the rooftops that you're amazing, you should talk with her. She's pretty great. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 28:57  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 28:58  

Thank you so much for being here today. We are so grateful to have you as a listener. Holy moly, this podcast has grown so much so quickly. It's compounding because of you.

Brad Crowell 29:07  

I mean, we're almost at 500 episodes.

Lesley Logan 29:09  

I know, it's really not and we're in the top 1.5% I checked again yesterday just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, and it's not. Thank you. It's not a fluke. It's pretty amazing. So thank you for being you. Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. Also on Fridays, we celebrate your wins, and we want you to send your wins in. It's like you think that your win isn't good enough for me to shout out to other people, and that makes me sad, because actually, the smaller wins are the best thing. So please send them in. You can DM to us on Instagram on the Be It Pod or to me, and just tell me, this is for the wins, for the FYFs, and we will shout them out because you might need to hear your win on the day it comes out, because you might be having a day that's not so awesome. So anyways, have an amazing day until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 29:51  

Bye for now. 

Lesley Logan 29:53  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 30:35  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 30:40  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 30:45  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 30:52  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 30:55  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

In this transformative episode, Lesley Logan sits down with Christina Deering, a shaman and business intuitive, to explore how to connect with your highest self, break through money blocks, and align with your soul’s purpose. Discover powerful tools like EFT tapping, pendulums, and energy-shifting techniques to help you step into abundance, stop self-sabotage, and confidently charge what you're worth.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to identify and clear subconscious money blocks.
• The importance of aligning pricing with your soul’s highest good.
• Using EFT tapping to normalize financial success in your body.
• How pendulums can help you make intuitive business decisions.
• Recognizing physical signs from the body that indicate misalignment.
• The power of shifting energy rather than pushing through resistance.
• How to remove, delegate, or shift draining tasks.

Episode References/Links:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamchristinadeering/
• Website: www.christinadeering.com
• Free Gift - 5 Min Energy Reset: https://beitpod.com/energyreset

Guest Bio:

Christina Deering is a Shaman Healer and Business Intuitive who helps spiritual entrepreneurs scale to 6 figures and beyond!  She’s best known for clearing more limiting beliefs and trauma in 1 healing session than decades worth of therapy - opening her clients up to receive manifestations in the form of quantum leaps. Host of the top 10% podcast worldwide: You Unlimited, she’s a trailblazer on all things wealth energetics, emotional mastery and unlocking your spiritual gifts for financial success. She’s been featured in Forbes and Goss Manifest Magazine, and is an international speaker on creating impact and legacy in alignment with your soul!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Christina Deering 0:00  

Sometimes we get really caught up when we're in our mind, when we're doing something new, and it feels really scary. So when we can start to really tap into our soul by using even like little tools outside of ourselves, this can help us, like a pendulum, or like you were just saying, using your body, it starts to actually allow us to get the validation that we already know.

Lesley Logan 0:18  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 1:01  

All right, Be It babe, get yourself a cozy space to sit in and listen to this. And if you can't, because you're driving or you're working or you're doing a lot of things, that's okay. You're going to want to save this episode, because I am so grateful for our guest today, Christina Deering. I was on her podcast, You Unlimited, and she's just a beautiful soul, and she's such a generous person, like, just generous in everything that she is offering and sharing the knowledge that she has. And in today's episode, I have a notepad of like, notes that I wrote down, either on a book I want to read or on a thing I want to try, on a reminder of a way to do something or a different way of doing something I've already heard about, like chock full of information to help us show up as our best versions of ourselves as a person we want to be of what our soul desires to be. And I know when people say soul or highest self, it's like, ah, this is a little woo for me. It is not. This is your episode, especially for my perfectionist, my overachievers, my people-pleasers. Here is Christina Deering. 

Lesley Logan 2:00  

All right, Be It babe. This is going to be a lot of fun, because I've already had an amazing conversation with our guest today, Christina Deering, and once I had that one on her podcast, I was like, well, you have to come over to mine, because we're not done having an amazing time chatting. So Christina, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Christina Deering 2:16  

Absolutely. Lesley, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to just deepen into this conversation that we had over on You Unlimited. It was so much fun on that podcast. So I'm Christina Deering. I am a shaman and a business intuitive. So I help people scale to six figures and beyond, doing what they love for a living. 

Lesley Logan 2:33  

So fun, but also for the people who have like, what? How do you become a shaman and do all this? Can you take us back a little bit. Where did this get started? Is this something you've always wanted to do? Is this something you fell into?

Christina Deering 2:46  

Yeah, you know, I joke. I'm like, the sorority girl turned shaman. Like, it makes no sense to me, too. Honestly, if someone had told me that five years ago, 10 years ago, I would have laughed and been like, I don't understand what that means. So essentially, what happened was I worked in marketing for 15 years, and I just kept climbing the corporate ladder and feeling more and more empty. And I recognized that there was just a huge part of me missing. I'm like I want to do something I love. Why don't I love this? I mean, I keep getting more money, promotions, but it doesn't feel good in my body. And so I recognized was there had to be something more. So I ended up kind of starting to follow the breadcrumbs. Like the first breadcrumb was like, what if you were a life coach? You've always been interested in that. What if you just started to work with a life coach and saw what that looked like? And so that was my first step. Was like, oh, working with a life coach that was really supportive. So then I became one and started learning the trade of actually, you know, holding really powerful coaching sessions. And then there was a year of just learning, where it just all these modalities just kept flying my way, where, like, breath work. Let's get certified in that. Reiki is actually a form of Japanese shamanism. So a lot of people are familiar with Reiki, and that is a form of shamanism. And so I was following all these breadcrumbs. And then one of my healers, she's a shaman, and she's like, you're being called into shamanism. How does that feel? And I was like, it feels good in my body, but I have no idea what that means. I don't know. So let's do it. But let me Google that. What is a shaman? And so there's so many different forms of shamanism. You know, you hear of the shamans that use plant medicine. You, you know, essentially, the way that I use and tap into shamanism is I'm just helping people connect to their highest self, connect to their soul. And so I do that through deep healing modalities, through sup porting people and unlocking their intuition and using their body as a tool to better understand what's in alignment with them. So lots of channeling that I do as well, which is like, I can channel your highest self, you know, channel your angels and guides, things like that. So that's the form of shamanism that I play in the most which is just so much fun because there's so much guidance that's available to us. We just have to know how to tune into it. 

Lesley Logan 4:53  

Yeah, it sounds like as a shaman, you can actually help people be it till they see it, because you are unlocking the things that are keeping them from being who they truly are.

Christina Deering 5:00  

Absolutely. Yeah. And we just need that clarity and that guidance, because for most of us, myself included, I was checking everyone else's boxes, and then I got there, and I'm like, why doesn't this feel good? This was supposed to be, like, the ultimate like, I checked them all what happened? And so it really is about tuning back into like, what do I want? What do I see who do I want to become, and then, oh, how do I get there? And a big part of that is heal what's in the way of what you want. 

Lesley Logan 5:01  

Oh, okay, okay, we have to tap into that. I completely understand. I think a lot of people listening can understand, like, checking all the boxes, climbing the ladder. I had to quit a job before they promoted me again, because I, like, could not stop taking the promotions. You know? 

Christina Deering 5:42  

For sure. Hard to say no. 

Lesley Logan 5:43  

I did two jobs in a row, and I was like, oh yeah. And I like to be helpful. I needed more money, so the promotion meant I could be helpful and get paid more. And then they were like, oh, but I have less time for myself. I'm not happier. I can pay my bills now, but I'm not happier. So this isn't helpful. So I totally understand that. Can you talk about heal what stops us? What are some things that you see are getting in the way of people unlocking their true potential?

Christina Deering 6:06  

You know, imposter syndrome. They're like, who am I to go after that? Am I allowed to have these big dreams? It's just a dream I can't actually have that. A lot of that negative self-talk that gets in the way of actually going for the thing that they want, because when we can visualize it, we're actually tapping into future timelines. I think people are like, oh, I'm just daydreaming, and it's no, you're tapping into a future timeline. Do you like that? If you do start moving towards it, follow the breadcrumbs and also heal what's in the way. Because the way that I see it is, when we have that visualization, we're tuning into what we want, we see beyond that barrier we've been living in. And then we're like, oh, I want that. We come back in the box we've been living in that barrier, and then we go to go after it, and we hit the wall. We haven't even noticed that we've been living in this self-imposed wall of all the stories we've been collecting from parents, friends, society on what it is that we're allowed to do or not allowed to do, and so from there, it's a lot of what is your unique wall that's here, and where did that come from? And let's start to actually break that down. Sometimes it's from childhood. Some of these codes that we receive from people that we just start operating from. You can either get paid to do something you hate, or you can be a starving artist. That was what I received when I was younger. Sure you can be a singer if you want to be on the streets, you know? And I'm like, well, wait, what? Or you can just get a desk job and be safe. And I had to really start to pull apart that programming. And a lot of it's generational. It's passed down, or, if you believe in past lives, it's even further beyond that. So there's just a lot there, and it's unique to every single person. But ultimately, I think a lot of it is imposter syndrome, and people have a lot of blocks around money, it's like a charged topic. And so I love teaching on wealth energetics for that reason, because I feel like as a collective, we've kind of gotten it wrong about money, and when we think about it as energy, it changes the whole game.

Lesley Logan 7:55  

Yes, oh my gosh. So all the Pilates instructors that work with us, I coach them on as like, if you under-charge because you think it's going to help you have more clients, you will burn out because you're actually giving the same energy like you're giving your value to them. The only way they can actually give you that energy back is through money. That's the only way. They can't teach you that's not who they are. And when you under-charge, they are paying back 70% of what your energy was. So by the end of the day, of course, you feel exhausted doing the thing that you love, because you set it up where they can't even replace, they cannot repay the energy that you put out like it's not possible because you set it up that way. Yeah.

Christina Deering 8:33  

Yes, yeah. That's such a potent way to look at it, you know. And I always think about it too, where the price point is an invitation for both of you, where it's an invitation for the other person who's saying yes to it to expand into. Because if the price point is totally neutral, I usually say that room is too small for you, like, if it's just like, oh, whatever, sure, I'll do it. Find a bigger room. As a consumer, you want to step into a portal that's going to expand you and help you evolve. So I, this price point should feel a little bit stretchy for you, because on the other side is a brand new version of you that I feel like we're all trying to get to. So it's really empowering for the person to say, like, actually, let me stretch into that. Let me step into something that's going to expand me versus keep me the same. Right? And then, as the person like you were just saying, as the person who's providing the service, you want to be able to show up with both feet in it. And if we're stretched thin and we're doing 50 different things, we can't serve the way that we know that we're meant to. So this is a way that allows us to really step in with both feet and fully serve the way that we desire to. 

Lesley Logan 9:35  

Yeah, yeah, it's true. I mean, like, I think a lot of people really have a money mindset, because people my age, their grandparents probably were in the Great Depression. So unless they were the rich ones, like my grandfather, wouldn't even wear jeans, because that's what poor people wore. When he was a kid, you're poor, so you wore jeans. So he, as a retired person, wore slacks every day in his house. These stories like money isn't growing on trees or oh, when people get rich, they become terrible people, all these different things that keep us playing really small. And there's actual studies that show that when women make money, specifically, the actual community thrives, because women put the money back into the community. They support other women's businesses. They support small businesses. They give money to people who have it. And so in order for us to have bigger impact. We have to make more money. And then also, like you said, it forces a step into, oh my gosh, if I'm going to charge something that scares me a little bit for that thing that I have to show up even bigger, I'm going to show up even more. I'm not going to just, like, phone it in.

Christina Deering 10:34  

Absolutely, yeah, and I love talking about that process of expanding your price point and how to actually normalize that in your body, because we have to get our body on board with new price points, and the second our body's on board, I call it normalized success in your body. Everything changes. 

Lesley Logan 10:49  

Okay. Can we talk about, can we dive into that? Because I think people are probably listening and like, in their body, hold on. Because you can talk about, you could write it down a bunch of times, but to say it like your throat kind of closes and you get sweaty palms like that, it's going to come out the wrong way to the person who's hearing it. 

Christina Deering 11:05  

100% because people buy based on energy. So if they feel your energy on the other end of the screen, or in person where you're, like, clenching your butt while you're giving the price point, they're like, I don't know, something feels off. And so what we have to do is it's a two-step process. First, we really have to find the value that we bring into every room we walk into, start to really connect to the value that you bring to life. Like at the end of the day, start journaling. What am I proud of myself for? You know, all the different things that we do every single day. What are the client testimonials? We have to really connect to the value of what we're offering. That's first. Second, this is like number one, the second you decide you want to expand your price point, we have to normalize that in the body. And what I do is I use EFT tapping. So I will tap while I visualize that thing going well, or I will say it out loud. So I'm witnessing this person coming on the call, and we're diving into what it is that she's desiring. And then at the end the call, I share the price point, and I'm tapping the entire time. I'm tapping on my body as I'm visualizing this happening, and what I'm telling my body is it's safe for this visualization to happen. 

Lesley Logan 12:08  

And are you tapping, like, on your your brows? What parts of your body do you tap? 

Christina Deering 12:12  

Yeah. So there's different parts of the body. You could literally go on YouTube and type in Emotional Freedom Technique, or just type in tapping, and you're going to be tapping on your eyebrow, the inside, the outside, under the eye, under the nose. So there's different spots that we're tapping on the body. These are energy meridians that when they're tapped, it brings a calming sensation in the body. So now what I'm doing is I'm coupling a calming sensation with the thing that I'm stretching into. So now I'm telling my body it's safe to do that thing. It's normal. I've already done it in my mind's eye. It's already happened. So when you do make the sale, it feels more like deja vu than it does like, oh God, I just said the price outside of my body, and I'm scared. It's not that. Now you're like, of course, of course. So when someone pays you, it feels like and of course, this has already happened. I do this with every single one of my clients, and it completely changes the game for them.

Lesley Logan 13:02  

I love that you brought up the value, we have to know what our values we bring into a room. We have to acknowledge that. Because I think a lot of people, when they are figuring out what they charge for their services, or what or their products, whatever they're gonna do, they're thinking, like, what will people pay for this? And then they go, oh, well, in the area that I'm at, this is what people charge for these things. You know, like, I have flashcards, right? And on Amazon, we are very expensive for flashcards. If you look at there's like, stretchy, there's no Pilates flashcards, there's like, stretching flashcards. There's other kinds of things. And they're all like, $25 and ours are $65 to $115 and I have people go, can you maybe we should make a cheaper deck that doesn't have all this stuff. We could just take the picture and the QR code. We could put on a smaller card. We could put on thinner card, like all these different things to do it so we can fit into what the going rate on Amazon for flash cards is. And I was like, you know, I want people to save then for the cards that I have, because the value that my cards bring is more than what we're charging, and it's going to do X, Y and Z thing. So that's what I know, and I'm going to stick with that. But I think if I wasn't sure of the value, if I wasn't clear on what it does, it would be so easy for me to get swept up in that, and then I'd have this product that I'm not excited about, and that energy around is not gonna be great. I'm not gonna put energy behind it to sell it. I'm gonna hope it just does well. When people Google exercise flash cards, you know? Like, it's just gonna be this generic thing.

Christina Deering 14:23  

I love that, yeah, holding the value, and then it feels like a luxury experience too. Like, when someone's getting the flash cards, they're not just flimsy. They're like, these are really nice. Like, it's like an experience when they're using them, versus, like, let me make it as cheap as possible, so that someone can get it.

Lesley Logan 14:38  

And then not use it. 

Christina Deering 14:39  

Kind of like, devaluing the whole experience you have with the cards, you know what I mean? 

Lesley Logan 14:42  

Yeah, yeah. And then not use it, because they didn't have to expand to buy it, like you said before. So, okay, so value, tapping and visualizing, and then it feels like deja vu, okay, was it always easy for you to look at money, or did you have to go through this? Did you have to find this block as well? With the money.

Christina Deering 15:00  

I had to find the block for sure. We grew up where there was an envelope of money that was available for us for the whole week, and that included groceries and anything else that we need bills, and it was like we have $200 this week for the whole family. So be really specific about what you need from the grocery store. You know what I mean? So I just remember that was a big memory that I had to clear was like, the grocery store always felt like a no or like a yeah, you can have it, but now I'm gonna be passive aggressive to you for the remainder of the week, you know. And it was like, This just doesn't feel good, you know. So it didn't feel good to receive, it didn't feel good to ask. There was a lot of energy around that whole experience. So I had to do a lot of clearing around, making money, receiving money, feeling safe with it. And what I think is really actually very fun too, that I like to do for price points is I like to actually connect to my highest self on how to price. So that's something as well that I think one of my favorite things to do is to actually say, like, how does my soul want to price this? You seem really tuned in. You're like, my soul wants to price this deck of cards as XYZ. But for someone who's tuning in, that's, I don't know how to price it. I'm going off of the market. It might be a little bit low. What I always do when I'm thinking about expanding my price or changing my price, which you'll know, the energy will feel a little heavy. If your price point is too low, you'll be like, I don't really want to serve it feels a little bit like resenting doing all this stuff during the day. That's when you know you need to raise your price. I actually use a pendulum to better understand how to price my offers, and I'm happy to dig into that even more.

Lesley Logan 16:29  

This is so fun. Let's do it. 

Christina Deering 16:31  

Okay, let's do it. So what I do, you can use your body as a pendulum, or you can use an actual pendulum. And I will use the pendulum, and I will ask it two questions that I already know the answer to. So the first question I ask it is, my name is Christina, and then I see how the pendulum moves. So my pendulum will move in a circle. So now I'm acclimated to my pendulum when it's in alignment, to say, yes, is going to move in a circle? Okay, great. So now I'm going to ask it a no question that I know the answer to. So I say I live in New York City, and I don't, I live in Dallas, Texas. So then I see what my pendulum does. My pendulum moves back and forth, and I'm like, okay, now I know what my soul is telling me is a yes or no energetically with my pendulum. So then what I do is I will say, right before I'm going to ask a question, I will say it is for my highest good, and the highest good of all those connected to me, and of the highest vibration to price my offer between $5000 and $10,000. I start with a range and then you see if your pendulum says yes or no. And the reason we start the question that way is because we want it to be the highest good, of course, for everyone involved. But we also want it to be highest vibration too, because sometimes highest good feels like a slap across the face. It's like someone gets sick, but they needed to get sick to remember their health and remember the vitality. And it's kind of that slap across face. So it's like, okay, no, I want it to be both. I want it to be highest good and of the highest vibration. And then you'll just get closer and closer and closer into that price point. Then you'll lock into the price point. Maybe it's $7,777. Great. I've got my price, now I'm going to normalize that in my body, because my highest self wants to price it at that. My body is a little scared. My humanness is a little scared. Then I'm going to do the EFT tapping, normalize that price point in my body. Visualize it going well, and then there you go. 

Lesley Logan 18:19  

Okay, now I have to go buy a pendulum right after this call. I'm really excited about this. I love, so, I actually, if you take your non-dominant hand and you put the thumb and ring finger together and you ask it is my name Lesley Logan and it goes through on you, because that's not your name, it's because that's my name, right? So you have to, and you also have to be very specific. I can't say, like, is Christina here? Because you are on zoom with me, that would be confusing, but is Christina in Las Vegas? No comes right through. So you ask it a series of yes, nos, and you, that you know the answer to, same thing, and then you can actually go, my doctor taught me this because I could go, because I didn't live near her. And I was like, okay, do I need to be taking x supplement? And it will go yes or no, and then okay, so I can stop these today. I need these today. And it is crazy. I could ask myself, like, do I have H. pylori?And it will go no, like, it's, your body knows. So I love this pendulum. And you can use your body as a pendulum, too. It can do the yes, no in that same way. And I like that because you're going off of that. I think a lot of times you get a little heady. So we get out of our soul. We get out of our highest self. I do think we should dive into what highest self is, because I think it's a term that gets thrown around in the woo world. And it can be in the woo it can be in this planet too. We don't get distracted by the stories, because it's like something we feel so deeply called to do. Okay, when you say highest self, what are you thinking?

Christina Deering 19:38  

Our highest self, based on what I've channeled, that's our soul. So we are tapping into our soul. What does our soul desire most to do? And our goal is to live in alignment with our soul, like our mind is meant to be a humble servant to the soul, to the heart. Let the mind be the humble servant to the heart, to the soul. And so it's like when we come up with the idea, instead of having the brain create all these problems that it needs to solve, instead, let's use the brain to create something with it. Let's use it to create versus destroy. And so I think sometimes we get really caught up when we're in our mind, when we're doing something new, and it feels really scary. So when we can start to really tap into our soul by using even like little tools outside of ourself, this can help us, like a pendulum, or like you were just saying, using your body, it starts to actually allow us to get the validation that we already know. Another way that I talk about intuition is like, it's as simple as flipping a coin and then saying, okay, if it lands on heads, this, if it lands on tails, it's this. When you flip it and it lands, what's your gut response to the actual coin. It's not what the coin is saying. It's a ah, now I have to do that thing. Well, now you have your answer. You don't want to do the thing, right? But if it lands on the thing and you're like, yes, that's your answer. We're just looking for ways to validate what we already know. 

Lesley Logan 20:56  

Yeah, that's a wonderful, wonderful thing. It's kind of figuring out, oh, if you like, have an instant reaction, like, ah, that sucks. It landed on that. That means you didn't want to do it, so now you have your answer. Love it. 

Christina Deering 21:06  

You just need permission sometimes, yeah. 

Lesley Logan 21:08  

And to the perfectionist, just because you said you would do it if it land on tails doesn't mean you have to.

Christina Deering 21:13  

Right, exactly, right. Yes. It does not mean you have to actually follow your soul, because ultimately, we're placing our order with the universe. every time we say yes. We're like, when I say yes, I want more of this, and then if I say no, I want less of this. But if I'm saying yes to something I don't really like, the universe is like, cool. Let's send her more of it. We have to get really clear on what do we actually want, because the universe will send us more of it when we say yes.

Lesley Logan 21:38  

Yeah, I, it's really, it's really true. We hate, I hate admitting that, because you start to realize, oh, I have this calling and all that crap that I was going through. (inaudible) yeah, yeah. Oh, can we talk to the perfectionist who are listening? Because we have a lot of those, and they have a hard time. Like, if they told someone yes, they would do something, if they said they would, it's really hard for them to change course. What can we give them to kind of release some of that? My husband had to teach me, it's okay. We told someone to go to that party. They're having the party whether we're there or not. It's okay if we say sorry, something came up, and I'm like, oh my God, what am I gonna, how am I gonna break this to them like I had a hard time, and now, thankfully, we've been married for a long enough time that I'm like, okay, yeah, we gotta change those plans. Let's invite them to dinner on different night. So how can perfectionists let go of that stuff that's keeping them from being their highest self? Because maybe I'm wrong, but I have to imagine, if you are being in perfectionist tendencies, you're probably not in alignment with your soul all the time. Right?

Christina Deering 22:32  

For sure, absolutely. And recovering perfectionist over here, too. So I would say a couple different things. One, get ahead of the decision next time, be proactive. Tap into your soul. Use your pendulum. Do I really want to go on this trip with friends? Don't really want to go to this dinner and be in connection with your future self? Because sometimes we'll make a decision based on someone else's energy, like we're like, oh my god, they're excited about it. So I'm just going to say yes, even though I don't really want to do it. What would you want to do it in five minutes when you're saying yes to something. Would you want to do it today? Would that feel good to do today? Or is there a party that's like, oh, I actually wouldn't want to do it today or tomorrow? Start to tune in ahead of time. But let's say you've already made the plans. You start to recognize you're just not feeling good, or it's something you just simply don't want to do, the people that are meant to be in your life will understand that. This is what I've come to know is I've now surrounded myself with people where I can say I'm just not feeling good energetically, like I'm tired. I love you so much. Is there any way we can do a rain check? I just want the best of me to be in the space and just share that with that person, the people that are meant to be in your life will absolutely understand that, right? And those that don't have their own work to do around releasing things, letting things go, and sometimes we have to create boundaries around people that are holding us to an impossible standard to uphold. Yeah, right. And so I think that's important too, of just recognizing who's starting to siphon away your energy versus fuel your energy. And you want the people that you're hanging out with to really have it feel like they're fueling your energy. You have vitality when you hang out with them and when you leave, versus you're doing the thing and you feel depleted, and you feel even more depleted afterwards. That's feedback from your soul on what's in alignment and what's not 

Lesley Logan 22:32  

Yeah, yeah. It's really true. I love the idea of getting ahead of things. I think if you have to write them in a note, like of all the different ways, you can buy yourself time until you can get to a place where you can sit down and really, because sometimes we're busy, we got to get back, we feel like we have to get back to people, so we respond quicker, and we're not buying ourselves time. So you can have notes of things you can copy and paste into a text and it buys you some time. I said on the podcast before, we all know that we all have our calendars on our phone. We all know that you and I both that and I still say, oh, that could be really great. Let me check my calendar, because it does take some time to look at the whole calendar. Let me look what's happening before that, what's happening after that, how much is happening in that day. You know, my assistant's job is to make sure I'm not on camera seven hours of a day because that's too much, that's too much of me looking at a green dot. It's more draining than if I was with people for seven hours. I could teach in person seven hours beyond, it's a little bit different. So you've got to have that time. And so you have to buy yourself the time to sit down look at it. How excited are you an hour later when you do look at that? Oh no, actually, that all the efforting to do it doesn't sit well with me. I think that it's really important. And also you're right. You said about the people that were around if they can't understand that maybe they're not the right people, and we have to release ourselves on our job to teach them how to be okay with that. 

Christina Deering 25:29  

100% yeah, I love that and I always think about my to do list. I actually did this for a little while where I felt like I just had way too much to do. I actually created a document that said, okay, write down your task and rate it from one to 10, 10 being total flow state, one being you would rather just do anything, but this task, jump off a building, anything. And so I started recognizing the things that felt in total flow state. And then I recognized the things that were really low on the scale, whereas, like anything five or below, I did one of three things. I would either one, I would trash it, throw it away. Like, sometimes we have a to-do that we just habitually do, but we don't actually have to do it. Do I really need to do that today? Do people die if I don't do this? So sometimes you can easily just trash that to-do if you can't do that, maybe the next is, can you delegate it? Do you have a team member? Can you give it to your partner? Can your kids do it? Can you ask another parent to come up to the school and do the thing? Delegate it. And then the third is, if I can't trash it and I can't delegate it, change the energy in which I'm doing it. So for instance, for me, when I was first starting out my business, contracts, bookkeeping, things like that did not excite me. So what I recognized was, at that moment in time, I couldn't trash it. I couldn't delegate it at that moment in time, so I had to actually change the energy in which I was doing it. So what I did is I would take myself to a coffee shop, I would get matcha latte, and I would sit down, and I would listen to high vibrational music, and I'd be like, okay, I've got an hour here. I can knock this out. This is easy. And then I started training my mind and my body and my spirit like this feels good. This process feels good. So now when I do my bookkeeping and I do my contracts, I don't have to take myself to a coffee shop to do it. I'm like, This feels good. Feels good to be organized. It feels good to get it done. Let's just knock it out. And so that's a good way too, of just starting to kind of train yourself to if you can't throw it away and you can't give it away, start to change the energy in it. Because it's true, our day and the energy that we spend in our day-to-day matters. Let's honor it and let's kind of take a look at what we're doing right now to see how we can honor it even more.

Lesley Logan 27:32  

I really love that and people know I love it. We have one of our dearest friends, one of my best friends and coaches. When I first met her, the thing that she taught me was like a joy and drain list, and you have to write down everything you have to do. Everything you think you're responsible for in your life. That's personal, professional, all of it. You put it down, and you write on a scale of one to 10, similar thing, and you rate it. And then she's like, okay, if it's under a three, one, two and three, you either have to delete it or delegate it, or we have to figure out what it is. And when you do that, you start to realize, oh, some of the things I was putting as a four or five are really a two, but I just liked a little bit better than this thing over here. I love the idea of changing the energy around it. If you can't get rid of it yet, you can play fun music while you do it. You can change your scene. Like you said, I think that's really cool. It does make it easier. And I had another person I talked to, and I'm like, okay, let's talk about these millionaires. Are they doing the dishes? What's going on? He's like, everyone still has to at least pick up their law. Like, there's still things you got to do in life you don't like to do, but you can change your energy around it. You can change the approach, like, how does this allow you to do X, Y and Z thing? If you don't like contracts, well, contracts actually allow you to show up in your highest light when you go to work with clients and protect you so you're not resentful of the past self that said yes to the thing so you can change your approach around it. I think that's a really brilliant, brilliant tool. I love that. What are you most excited about right now? What are you working on or what are you excited about your life? What can we celebrate with you?

Christina Deering 29:01  

Yeah, so I just launched a mastermind called Transcendence, which is amazing. This has been on my heart, and it just was one of these intuitive hits where it was like, just go. Because I had a coach that was like, wait for three weeks. I want to guide you into it. And I'm like, my body is telling me you have to go now. Don't ask questions, just go for it. There's people here that you need to support, that are desiring to step into a portal, that they can make six figures and beyond in their business, just go for it. You don't have to ask for permission from anyone. So it was a very beautiful, intuitive process of launching Transcendence. There's so many incredible women who have stepped into the portal itself. And I'm so excited and grateful for these incredible coaches that are in the space and entrepreneurs that are in the space. It's a beautiful mix of entrepreneurs that are looking to scale. But what I really loved about this launch is I actually ended up doing it totally differently as well, where anything that felt heavy, I just put it down. So emails for me, I was like, it's 9 pm at night. I don't want to send out a bunch of emails, so I'm just not going to, and this was one of the best launches I've ever had in my entire business, because everything about it was in alignment. I wasn't pushing, I wasn't forcing. It was just like, what feels good? Follow the energy. Because there's a reason why it feels good. Your soul is giving you a ping to follow it. And so I just kept following the pings, and then it just was, like, creating itself and magnetizing in the women that are in the space. So I'm so excited to serve in that container. The women are incredible. And it just blows my mind that we launched two weeks ago and there's already, like, over 10 women in the space, and it's like, okay, let's go. 

Lesley Logan 30:37  

That's amazing. 

Christina Deering 30:38  

Yeah, it's really powerful. 

Lesley Logan 30:40  

What you've brought up a couple of times, and I think there's a push and a pull right? Like you can push, and sometimes we have to push, but really whenever we're pushing, it's all effort and it's just a lot. And when you're pulling, guess if you're pulling at the gym, you're like Lesley, that's a row. But actually the energy is pulling with you, like you're drawing things in with another way of thinking about the word pull. And so it's what you are doing is, is not doing the things that felt heavy so you could do the things you're being pulled to do, and that was drawing more people into that energy and that space. And I can attest, like, whenever I've done a lot of pushing in the business, some of the people that we attract are the people that let us push them into it and not necessarily pull them into it.

Christina Deering 30:40  

Yeah, absolutely, yeah, you're attracting a different client when you're pushing versus when you're just pulling, just letting it magnetize in, and then it just feels so good on all sides. 

Lesley Logan 31:28  

Yeah, I have one more question for you that just came up as you were talking. You know, for people who are, they're hearing us, they're like, yes, I want to be with my highest self. I want to be in my soul's alignment. But also that can feel far and away. They spent a lot of time kind of out of alignment, years even. And they've got kids or other responsibilities. Their parents are that they have to take care of them. Can you talk about some signs in the body that might be evidence that they are needing to get more in alignment? What are they might be feeling? Because sometimes we don't know what we want, but we can know how we don't want to feel, and we can address what they might be feeling that they're, there probably is evidence that they need to be moving towards themselves some more.

Christina Deering 32:10  

Oh, yeah. So the body is telling the story of the soul. So anytime we get pain, illness, anything that we're experiencing sensations inside of the body. Louise Hay has this incredible book Heal Your Body From A to Z. It's a good jumping off point of kind of connecting to what are the emotional reasons for the physical ailments that I'm experiencing. So, like, if you have an upper respiratory infection, you take the book, you open it, you see, like, oh, where am I not speaking my truth? Sore throat, where am I not speaking my truth? Interesting. Like, our body is trying to tell us things and the body is a really powerful tool, because it's loud. We listen when we're in pain, we listen when we're experiencing illness, right? It's making us slow down. So we're not doing 900 things a day. We're being called to lay in bed so that we can start to get into deeper alignment. So usually when the body is speaking really loudly, It's just simply telling us there's something that's out of alignment here energetically. So that book is actually a really great jumping off point of just kind of being like, you know, why don't I just see what nosebleeds mean? Or, why don't I just see what a sore ankle means? What does that look like? And does what's listed here resonate with me? If so, where is that from? And where can I start to shift that? Right? It's very interesting when she talks about that. So that, I think, is a great jumping off point of starting to tune in and say, like, okay, body, what are you trying to tell me? And sometimes, if it's not in the book, I'll just place my hands over the area of the body and just be like, okay, chest, what message do you have for me? And I just kind of tune in and just see if, like, an image pops up, like dad, or the argument I had with like spouse or and then I'm like, oh, it must be related. Let me start to forgive myself for tha, or forgive him for that. And then you'll start to notice physical sensations will actually begin to move the second we recognize that it's just wisdom, but we have to move the energy that's trying to get our attention that's in the way, there's always wisdom underneath the physical ailment, and all we have to do is move that energy through healing or just recognition or awareness, and then the wisdom comes to the surface, and then it can dissipate. Does that make sense?

Lesley Logan 34:14  

It does. It really does. I love both of those options. Thank you. Very helpful. Very, very helpful. 

Lesley Logan 34:21  

All right, we're gonna take a brief break and then find out how people can find you, follow you, work with you. 

Lesley Logan 34:27  

All right. Christina, tell us where you like to hang out. Where can they stalk you in the best way? Where can they, if they're like, hold on, this woman spoke to me so much. I feel her in my, well, how can they work with you?

Christina Deering 34:38  

I love it. Amazing. So you can find me on Instagram. My handle is I am Christina Deering, so it's C-H for the Christina, and then Deering is D-E-E-R-I-N-G. You can find me there. You can also find me on the You Unlimited podcast where we had Lesley on just recently. I mean, people absolutely loved that episode. The feedback I got from it was just like so many DMS from all the magic and wisdom that you brought into that space. So, You Unlimited, it's one of my favorite places to play, because incredible people are magnetized into that space, and my intention for it is that you receive the exact medicine your soul is desiring. So when you tune into it, just let your intuition guide you. Which one feels most exciting or juicy to listen to? There's medicine in there for you. Click that one. Listen to that one. 

Lesley Logan 34:38  

Oh, I love that. I love that. It's so brilliant. And what a great way to practice listening to what feels good, what you're drawing to. Yeah, you've given us so much already, actually, but we can't let you get away without the bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it. What do you have for us? 

Christina Deering 35:40  

Hmm, you know, I covered a little bit of that today. Again, our daydreams are just us looking into our future timelines. So let yourself daydream. Let yourself visualize. Give yourself the spaciousness to connect to the thing that feels exciting, and start thinking about it like it's a future timeline, instead of thinking, oh, it's just a dream, there's no way, or who am I to. Let yourself dream for a little bit, because it's going to start to get you into a higher vibrational state as you move towards it. The other thing that's really tactical that I love to do, that always really supports me when I'm going after what I want, is David R. Hawkins has this Map of Consciousness. So you could literally Google David R. Hawkins, Map of Consciousness. And what it does is it basically says, what is the vibrational level of emotions? So like, when I'm in a state of like, when you think about what you're manifesting, what would you feel when you're manifesting that thing? You probably feel love. You'd feel peace. If you want to manifest in a six-figure business, you're going to feel peace. You're going to feel love. So when you look at that chart, it actually is operating at a 600 on a vibrational frequency scale, right? So that's where I get to be more often, so that I'm in energetic alignment to the thing I'm calling in. So it kind of gives you, like an actual mental picture or an idea of what that means to be a vibrational match for something. Because when people would be like, be a vibrational match, I'm like, that is so conceptual. What does that even mean? That's subjective. I don't know what to do with that, but the second I stumbled upon David R. Hawkins' Map of Consciousness, I realized, okay, if peace and love is operating at a 600 and that's what my manifestation is operating at, then now I'm feeling shame for the thing that I just did, or guilt for the thing that I just did. What's the vibrational frequency of that? Thirty. Okay what this map is literally telling me is I'm out of alignment with the thing that I want. So what I always ask myself is, is my need to be right about this thing more important than what I'm manifesting, and if it's not change the energy in it, because so often we're like, I'm right, my husband's wrong, or my kid is wrong, or, you know, we just want to hold we want to be right so badly. But what we're not recognizing is it's keeping our frequency low, so it's blocking our manifestations. So the second we can start to actually see that on a scale and say, like, wow, I am in a lower vibrational state, so I am blocking my manifestations is my need to be right more important than what I'm manifesting, which is a six-figure business where I feel peace and joy? No, my need to be right is not more important than that, because this is going to deeply impact the planet, and I can give my husband a break and myself a break. So that's a very tangible and tactical way to start to think about vibration, to start to be t, till you can actually become it. You know what I mean? So this idea of like, your frequency matters, the energy that we're in matters, our emotions matter. So acknowledge them, let them be okay, but also choose to shift them into a higher frequency emotion. Does that make sense? 

Lesley Logan 38:36  

It makes so much sense. And I think what a great way to take a pause and get realigned. Go, oh, I'm so focused on this over here. I'm not. I'm way away from what I want to be on. Like, I think that's really excellent, excellent advice. Christina, you're so fun, and you guys do have to go listen to the You Unlimited podcast. It's so freaking great. It's so wonderful. You have such amazing guests and I love all the things you gave us today. I feel like I could take a workshop on each one of these individually. And yeah, you gave me some new readings. I'm so great. So thank you so much for being here. 

Lesley Logan 39:10  

Be It babe, thank you for listening. Please share this with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you need to have a few of your friends you can hold yourselves accountable on, you know, buying yourself time for your future self to decide what it wants to do, or figuring out what you're gonna get rid of or delegate or change your energy around. And please let Christina know. Tag her. Tag the Be It Ppod with your takeaways and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 39:32  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 40:14  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 40:19  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 40:24  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 40:31  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 40:34  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this Fuck Yeah Friday episode, Lesley shares an inspiring story about Japan’s Café of Mistaken Orders, a big win from a member's Pilates business, and how she turned a long layover into an exciting adventure. Tune in for a dose of motivation and a reminder to ask yourself: Why not?

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How one woman’s vision is reshaping dementia care in Japan
• A Pilates instructor’s win that proves consistency pays off
• How Lesley turned an inconvenient layover into an exciting adventure
• A simple but powerful mindset shift: Why not?

Episode References/Links:

• Cafe of Mistaken Orders - https://www.instagram.com/aijamayrock/reel/DBEII-6POmL/

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• The OPC YouTube Channel

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday.

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:05  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:48  

Hello. Be It babe. Oh my goodness. Hi. It is your FYF. It is time for us to celebrate some wins and be inspired by people's wins and what is possible in this world and with each other. And I'm just so excited to share with you what I've just discovered. So there's this place in Japan, and it's called the Cafe of Mistaken Orders. Okay, have you heard of this? So, a woman named Akiko created a cafe where her father, with his dementia, could work. And so the place has people who have dementia. You have to have dementia to work there, and then there's some volunteers, and you work two hours a day, and you maybe bring the correct order to someone, maybe you never bring an order, maybe you sit down and talk to people instead. But at any rate, the goal of the cafe is to help people with dementia stay connected to society, which has proven to slow down dementia. And because Japan is this aging country like they have a lot of elderly people, they've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to keep the people with dementia connected. They have a lot of dementia cases, and now they have 8000 dementia cafes in Japan. So there's 8000 places where people with dementia are working, and it's just really freaking cool. So, thank you. Asia may rock on Instagram for highlighting Akiko and the Mistaken Order cafe and what this is doing, because I really like it. And I don't know if you've heard, but one in six Americans will have dementia, and if you're a woman, your rates go up, I guess, estrogen stuff, blah, blah, blah. At any rate, I think this is really amazing, and I'm really impressed with people on the things that they can do on this planet with not a lot. What a great idea. You know, sometimes we're like, how do I change the world? Well, how do you change a person's life that you know, and you'd be surprised how that's a domino effect of changing the world, like she's changing a country with this. I'm obsessed. Thank you so much. 

Lesley Logan 2:36  

Okay, so now a win. We gotta celebrate more wins. So Akiko is winning in Japan with that. Kelly Nyhan out of Chicago, who actually, I have, the reason I picked her win is because I'm actually about to see her in a couple of days in Cambodia. So here it is. After two years of working with two different clients, they have finally decided to commit to a permanent day and time per week with the expectation to reschedule when they miss. I highly encourage versus enforced, but I think that my elevated teaching of the work and my intention at around working with them, perhaps has made the difference. I also am a high touch type of communicator, educating, motivating and celebrating along the way in the studio, but also through email, PocketSuite, her scheduling tool, and on social media. So yay. I'm feeling really great about it, and now I can count on the income each week. I also have a boundary, mostly in my head, that I don't work with people unless their intention is to commit to one time per week, no here and there, two times per month, et cetera. Just no. That sounds like a better fit for class for them. Kelly, I love your win. I love that it's kind of a unspoken rule. I love that you have these people who, now, after listening to you all this time, finally feel the importance. You did that. And also, you didn't stop reminding them of this possibility, right? Like you just kept doing it. You've just kept putting yourself out there. You kept being yourself more importantly, and that is so beautiful. So thank you so much for sharing that with us, and what an amazing win. And yes, now you can count on that income, and I'm so excited to celebrate in Cambodia with you. 

Lesley Logan 4:01  

So, my win. Well, Brad and my win. So, okay. Traveling to Cambodia is not always the easiest thing. There's not always a lot of options for us. And I have some airlines I love and some airlines I refuse to fly on. So at any rate, we had the option of having like, six hour layovers in the middle of the night in Singapore. So shorter travel, but like, $300 more a person, okay? Or we could take this really weird flight option, which would have given us 13 hours overnight in Singapore each way. And I decided, not only does that, not to save the money, but I did like the price. I was like, yes, finally, we're under $1,000 to fly to Cambodia, yes. But really, I've always wanted to see the Singapore skyline. I've just always wanted to see it. Just so excited to see it. And so I chose that one because now both Brad and I have an evening to go on a date in Singapore on the way to Cambodia and all the way home. And I share that with you because I think sometimes we don't travel or we don't do things. We're like, oh the time commitment, oh the thing. But what if you could find a silver lining in what is going on with that oh-thing and take advantage of it. So I am totally taking advantage of these ridiculous layovers where I get to leave the airport and see Singapore. I get to see it. I'm so, so excited. So it's just gonna be it's gonna be beautiful. I'm gonna post pictures. I'm calling this a win. 13-hour layover. That's a win. It's not funny. So maybe you can also have a 13-hour layover. Where would you lay over for 13 hours? I want to know. 

Lesley Logan 5:38  

All right, your mantra. Why not? Why not? How timely I just threw this from. How timely. Why not? 13 hours in Singapore. Why not? Why not? Why not start a book club? Why not go to dinner by yourself? Why not? Why not? What is your why not that you're going to use this mantra on this weekend. I want to know. Please share your wins with me. I love sharing them in. Send your questions into the Be It Pod, we answer them on the recap episodes. Share our interviews or our recap episodes, or this with a friend who needs it, needs inspiration. Now also, by the way, I've got to figure out how to go to Japan, because I do want to go to the dementia cafe. I mean, I looked at the menu. I can't have anything on it, but the tea. And I really love tea, but, you know, they probably won't even bring it to me anyway, so it doesn't really matter. I just want to experience what this cafe, the Cafe of Mistaken Orders. Like, how perfectly imperfect is that? Beautiful. All right, loves, take care of yourself out there. Okay? You are the only person who could do it to do the way that you do it. You're it. And you're probably working yourself really, really hard. So what breaks can you take? What things can you do to support yourself? Yeah, and ask yourself, why not? All right, until next time loves, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 6:51  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 7:21  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 7:27  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 7:31  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 7:38  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 7:43  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Lesley and Brad dive into an inspiring conversation with midlife health and fitness expert Heike Yates. They explore how to reignite your passions, overcome self-imposed limitations, and take action toward a fulfilling life. Learn how to stop over-researching and start doing, embrace change, and reclaim control over your future.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why midlife is the perfect time to rediscover what truly excites you.
• The importance of taking action instead of over-researching new interests.
• How to recognize and break free from limiting beliefs that hold you back.
• Using journaling as a tool to uncover your true desires and goals.
• How embracing failure can actually be the key to success.
• The power of surrounding yourself with the right people to support your growth.
• Why dimming your light for others is holding you back from your full potential.

Episode References/Links:

• Ep. 472: Traci Peterson - https://beitpod.com/tracipeterson
• One Voice L.A. - https://onevoice-la.org
• Indivisible - https://indivisible.org
• Cambodia October 2025 Retreat Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.com 
• Spring Pilates Training - https://opc.me/events
• Pilates Studio Growth Accelerator - https://prfit.biz/accelerator
• Accessories Flashcards Waitlist - https://opc.me/flashcardwaitlist

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• The OPC YouTube Channel

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

We start to go, I'm gonna research these different hobbies. I'm gonna try. And then we get overwhelmed in the researching of things, and not the doing of things. You're not gonna know if you like something. Just go do it. So just go, just jump in and go do it. 

Lesley Logan 0:13  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:55  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the revitalizing convo I had with Heike Yates in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened tothis interview, you should pause. Go listen to that one, or listen to this one, then listen to that one. Binge listen. They're so fun to listen to. 

Brad Crowell 1:11  

Binge in.

Lesley Logan 1:11  

Yeah. Today is February 20th 2025 and it's World Day of Social Justice. World Day of Social Justice is observed annually on February 20th. Internationally, the world is plagued with unfortunate issues that prohibit millions of individuals from living a fair life. Many of the world’s population, through no fault of their own, are deprived of basic facilities, such as homes, jobs, healthcare, education, nutrition, and more. It must be the responsibility of the privileged to ensure that we can create a just world where social justice is a norm. How can we contribute to a social justice around the world from where we live? So you know what loves? I think that if you listen to this podcast, you're similar to me and Brad, and you are aware of all the shit that is going on. And there's.

Brad Crowell 1:53  

Lots of it. 

Lesley Logan 1:54  

Fuck ton of it. And it can feel overwhelming, and it could be hard not to know what to do. And then it can feel like, if you're championing one thing, that you're leaving other people behind. And I think it's one really important to note that it's absolutely okay if you care about one thing, and you can still have feeling and sadness and wish for something different somewhere else, but you can also make a massive change on one area and if you don't have the money to donate to the help of that, then your education and your expertise can also be donated. Your time can be donated. You can leverage the networks that you have, maybe work for a company, and you can ask them to do their next donation drive for something that you care about. There's change you can make. There is, gosh, one of my clients today was telling me that there's a charity organizational website where you can actually see what different charities are doing and see how they rank, as far as like, where their money goes. 

Brad Crowell 2:49  

That's cool. 

Lesley Logan 2:49  

And that is a great way to, if you don't have a lot of money to give to in justices to make sure that what you have can go the furthest. We, Brad and I, did a fundraiser for those who lost their jobs due to the wildfires in Los Angeles. And I know that's not the world and justice, but it's something that's pretty terrible for those people going through it. And the charity that we worked with, One Voice LA, 100% of your donations go to those who need it. You can actually go to onevoice-la I'm sure it's dot org. 

Brad Crowell 3:18  

onevoice-la.org

Lesley Logan 3:20  

Yeah. So you can go there, but there's definitely websites that you can use to research charities you're thinking of donating to, your time to, money to or leverage. And so I highly recommend that, because I also know that you have a whole life to live, and we can't save people without making sure that you are also taking care of you.

Brad Crowell 3:41  

I just pulled up two organizations that help measure charities. (inaudible) One is called Charity Navigator. 

Lesley Logan 3:46  

That's exactly what my artist is talking about. Shout out to Meredith Bender. Hi, babe. 

Brad Crowell 3:49  

The other one is called up Metrics, where you can measure and maximize your nonprofits impact. So I think this one's actually not this one might be like the business itself is trying to measure its own impact, whereas Charity Navigator, it sounds like we assess the direct impact of a charity's program relative to the cost required to run it to help donors identify high impact charities. So, you know, like the age-old story of, oh, you get these things in the mail every year for the annual Turkey drive, and then you write them a check for 50 bucks, and they take 45 of it to run the company and get $5 to the thing. Hopefully there are no organizations that do that, but obviously there are. So, Charity Navigator. Interesting. 

Lesley Logan 4:27  

So use that on this World Day of Social Justice. And also please remember that it is really hard to herd kittens and so there's a lot going on. Educate yourself. Stay educated, stay informed. But also give yourself permission to focus on one thing that you want to change. And also, call your congress person if you live in the United States. 

Brad Crowell 4:31  

It's not only about money. It's not only about donating to charity. Social justice is also political, and it's about championing those who can't champion themselves, right? I mean to me, literally, goes all the way back to what my parents taught me about the kids in the playground. Why are people picking on other kids? Because they feel like they can for some reason, and standing up against bullies is one of the best possible ways to advocate on behalf of others. And we obviously have a lot of bullies happening in politics in the United States. 

Lesley Logan 5:20  

There's bullies all over the world. 

Brad Crowell 5:22  

And all over the world. 

Lesley Logan 5:23  

And they only have the room to grow because we let them. So call your congress person. You can call them every day. Did you know that? 

Brad Crowell 5:31  

You can call them every day. 

Lesley Logan 5:32  

People do. Also get involved in your local things, because apparently not many people go to like local city council meetings. And so the loud assholes, the bullies win because there's no one else there. Indivisible.org. They send a lot of emails, not gonna lie. 

Brad Crowell 5:47  

Indivisible.org. 

Lesley Logan 5:47  

Yeah, indivisible. And you can find the city near you, and then they will help you see all the different groups you can join that are about the causes that you care about.

Brad Crowell 5:56  

I just signed up for their newsletter about my zip code. 

Lesley Logan 5:58  

Yeah, oh. 

Brad Crowell 6:00  

indivisible.org

Lesley Logan 6:00  

That's great. I didn't find that option, and now I'm just getting a lot of emails. 

Brad Crowell 6:04  

Right on the homepage. 

Lesley Logan 6:05  

So there you go. So this is why we need Brad. Okay, let's go through this really quick. We are, while you're listening to this, we are in Cambodia, and you can join us in October, because it's for sure too late now, we're already here.

Brad Crowell 6:17  

It's for sure too late, unless you live in Cambodia. Then come on over. 

Lesley Logan 6:20  

Yeah, come on over. Come say hi. So go to crowsnestretreats.com to sign up for our October retreat. We really want you there. It's beautiful. It's amazing. We spend a week together at our home and it's a true retreat. Really special. 

Brad Crowell 6:32  

Yeah. It's magic. 

Lesley Logan 6:33  

When we come back, we'll be heading over to POT in Denver. 

Brad Crowell 6:36  

Yeah, we're gonna drive through Utah, Arizona and Colorado to get there. Not sure about Arizona. We might go the north part. 

Lesley Logan 6:42  

Yeah, we're not doing any pop ups, don't, so we're on vacation. 

Brad Crowell 6:45  

Yeah, no pop ups but we are, we're gonna drive and we're going to be there in the area for the whole event. We're excited about it. It's gonna be awesome. 

Lesley Logan 6:52  

I've got some great workshops at it. So you can definitely still sign up. 

Brad Crowell 6:55  

I'll be hanging out the merch booth. 

Lesley Logan 6:56  

I know that they were almost sold out the last time I got a numbers count. So don't wait. 

Brad Crowell 7:00  

Crazy, right?

Lesley Logan 7:01  

Then in April 27th through May 3rd, we have spring training, spring Pilates training, you guys. 

Brad Crowell 7:07  

That's right from OPC. Go to opc.me/events. That will put you on the waitlist to find out about spring training. What is it going to be? Really quick. Go.

Lesley Logan 7:16  

Oh, it's all the OPC teachers and me teaching mat, reformer, a tower and a Wunda chair. You'll be able to buy a mat only ticket or an equipment plus mat ticket. So if you don't have access to the equipment, there'll be plenty of classes for you on just the mat. There are going to be all different levels, all different body types. And we're focused on one theme, and to find out what that theme is you got to go to opc.me/events and sign up, because I got to break the news to them first. Can't, that's worth, that's what we said. 

Brad Crowell 7:40  

All right, if you are taking money to teach a client, if you are personally getting paid by the client, then you run your own business. Congratulations. Or if you have a home studio or a brick and mortar, I want you to come join me for a free webinar called the growth accelerator. We're gonna cover three big secrets that Lesley and I have put together after coaching more than 2500 businesses just like yours over the past seven years with our agency coaching program. Come join me for this webinar, prfit.biz/accelerator. That's prfit.biz or profit without the O slash accelerator, and join me for free. Finally, last up, we have the Accessories Deck, the Accessories Flash Card Deck with OPC. It is the sixth and final deck. We are so close to being done. I know that the first draft is done. It's being reviewed right now. 

Lesley Logan 8:27  

This is the first Cambodia trip in years that I'm not writing a flash card on. 

Brad Crowell 8:31  

That's so crazy. 

Lesley Logan 8:32  

I know. What am I doing with my time? You guys. 

Brad Crowell 8:35  

Oh, we're gonna do other things with your time. 

Lesley Logan 8:36  

I have other things to write. I have blogs to write. I have a bot to edit. There's plenty for me to do.

Brad Crowell 8:43  

There's plenty to do but that's not what we're talking about. For the Accessories Deck. You know, we already did the photo shoot. It's looking really good. Lesley and I literally got a chance to meet the people who produce our flash cards when we were on tour. 

Lesley Logan 8:55  

That was so cool. 

Brad Crowell 8:56  

It was really lovely. We didn't actually get a chance to film anything because the entire place was closed for the holidays. So next time, I don't know if we'll ever be there when we're not there for the holidays, but one day, I would like to actually go see the operations. Let their team show us all these crazy machines that they use to make these flash cards. I'm fascinated by the process. Anyway, we're stoked to produce the sixth deck with them as well. We'll be dropping the presale really soon. So go to opc.me/flashcardwaitlist opc.me/flashcardwaitlist. Get yourself on the wait list. You will be the only people getting a 30% off offer on this final deck. So don't wait on that. Before we move on. We had a question.

Lesley Logan 9:37  

From YouTube. 

Brad Crowell 9:38  

Okay, jasminesaif183 says hi, Lesley, would you say you teach classical Pilates, and if we wanted to learn the real Pilates, is there a playlist we can follow on your channel?

Lesley Logan 9:52  

Yeah, so I do teach classical Pilates. That's what I would consider I teach, and anything on my channel is classical. So there's no need to make a playlist, because everything is what I will learn from Jay Grimes, who studied with Joe Pilates, what I learned from the Taylor sisters who studied with Romana. So I am a classical teacher, and so you're good to go with anything there. We do have playlists that are like the mat or by equipment, but I'm not gonna create a playlist that's just because that would be the whole YouTube channel. 

Brad Crowell 10:24  

Yeah, yeah. So. 

Lesley Logan 10:26  

I also just want to say, in case, because she wrote real Pilates in here.

Brad Crowell 10:29  

I was gonna ask you to address that. 

Lesley Logan 10:31  

I refuse to get involved in a conversation about what's real Pilates and what's not real Pilates. I won't do that because.

Brad Crowell 10:38  

Unless it's not Pilates in the least. 

Lesley Logan 10:40  

Unless it's not Pilates in the least. Like a Megaformer. There might be some moves that are Pilates esque, but you I can't from their website 10 years ago. I cannot teach Pilates moves on a Megaformer and they cannot teach their moves on a regular reformer. It was from. 

Brad Crowell 10:53  

That's clearly not Pilates. 

Lesley Logan 10:55  

Yeah. So, so that being said, they might be telling people that's what they're doing. They might be telling their teachers or their trainers that's what they're doing. And I don't ever want to be the person who busts anyone's bubbles. So here's the deal. There's a lot of different Pilates styles out there, and most of them are all real Pilates. Now I teach what Joseph Pilates created with his intentions. 

Brad Crowell 11:14  

From the book that he wrote. 

Lesley Logan 11:15  

Yeah, from his book and from his teachings of his client, and I do the best I can to uphold what that purpose is. And if you were trained in a different way and you want to learn what I'm doing, great if you're training a different way and you don't want to learn the way I'm doing it, great. This world is a place where you get to. 

Brad Crowell 11:32  

You do you, baby.

Lesley Logan 11:33  

You do you and you don't even have to explain it to me. I have no judgment, but I think it's really important to not get bogged down by the semantics of it, but there are styles, just like in yoga, there's yoga styles, and so if you find a style you like, keep going. 

Brad Crowell 11:48  

Yeah, I agree. All right, y'all. Stick around we'll be right back. We're gonna dig into this fantastic convo that Lesley had with Heike Yates. We'll be right back. 

Brad Crowell 11:57  

Okay, welcome back. Now, let's talk about Heike Yates. Heike Yates is a midlife health and fitness expert with over 35 years of experience, and she's the host of the pursue your spark podcast with a rich background as a seasoned Pilates coach and former Ironman triathlete, Heike is dedicated to helping women in midlife build strength, confidence in health. Through her podcast and coaching, she empowers women to embrace new possibilities, overcome challenges and lead vibrant, fulfilling lives, and she's working on a book and everything. It was really fascinating to listen to her share her story about how she was not raised in a society that intentionally worked out, meaning, I'm gonna block off one hour and go work out. Because where she was raised in Germany, your life was a workout. You were walking everywhere. You were hiking up and down mountains. You were doing all this stuff, because that's she you did. And then she said, when she got pregnant, her body obviously went through a dramatic change, and she gained 50 pounds, and then had no idea how to lose that. And so that is what took her down this path. And I feel like there's a generational thing there, too, for sure, she got into all the different things, and she went down all these different modalities over the decades, which I thought was really amazing.

Lesley Logan 13:13  

Yeah, I also like that she's really inspired to help women find their spark again. So it's not just about the movement of it, which I think for women in midlife, I don't know why it feels old. It feels like we're making it worse. 

Brad Crowell 13:25  

Well, I think the reason. 

Lesley Logan 13:26  

Because I'm 42. I'm not at midlife, when's midlife?

Brad Crowell 13:29  

Well, I think the reason that she's not saying pre post menopause is because it pigeon holes her into talking only about menopause. And you know, when she was talking about her book, she said, yes, some of the publishers were coming to me and saying, like, great, you're a menopause author, and she's like, but I'm not, you know, so I think she's using midlife to encompass a little bit of a wider audience there.

Lesley Logan 13:30  

Yeah. So I really was drawn to more what she was talking about women in midlife and having lost touch with their true desires. I also think because, again, you brought up generations, I think that my friends today have had more people tell them to know what their goals are and what they want outside of being a parent. And I think 10 plus years women older than us, like it was, you're a mom, that's what you did, and it was really weird if you were more than that, if you did anything else. So I do think that it's necessary to talk with those women about how to figure out that it's because also our desires change, and so you might have known what they were before, but then life happens. You go through and the things that brought you joy don't bring your joy the same way they do, and you have to have new desires, right? So I really want to say that she encouraged listeners to look not at what you can't do, but what possibilities are there. Focus on what is possible. You know, we talk about that all the time at OPC, so you know, I'm gonna love that 

Brad Crowell 13:50  

Sure. 

Lesley Logan 13:52  

She also said, if you don't try anything, you will never find what it is that lights you up. 

Brad Crowell 14:38  

So take messy action. 

Lesley Logan 14:45  

Yeah and I thought that was fun, because I think we start to go, I gotta research these different hobbies. I'm gonna try. And then we get overwhelmed in the researching of things, and not the doing of things. You're not gonna know if you like something. Let's just go do it. So just go, just jump in and go do it.

Brad Crowell 15:00  

Yeah. And one thing I found like a through line, and she didn't explicitly say this, but she did explicitly say, when you're trying to understand your goals, don't listen to what other people tell you that your goals should be. You need to find your goals yourself. And she kind of said it and then brought it back up again later on in the conversation. And so, you know, she encouraged honesty about our own desires, saying, when we look at ourselves, we've got to be honest about what we want, right? And then you asked, hey, what if you don't know what you want? Because you were talking about the retreat in Cambodia where you're like, hey, what does a year from now look like? And then people got they found that as a roadblock. They couldn't do the exercise because, like, I don't know what I want to be in a year, right? And so you asked her, What happens if you hit that hurdle yourself? And she said, You need to start journaling and paying attention to the desires that you have during your journaling. But ultimately, that still lends itself directly back to knowing your goals, your desires, not letting other people define your goals for you. I thought that was really important. I also think it's hard. I think it's really hard, especially when we feel boxed in by the life that we have today. Maybe your goal was something that is just literally not even possible because you have a job that keeps you in one place all the time, and you can't travel, you can't leave, or, I don't know, you have young kids that demand a lot of time, and now you have to wait to accomplish your goal. So I think that it's hard to decide what our goals can be, that we're willing to let ourselves pursue without knowing that it will fail because of the boxes that we live in, right?

Lesley Logan 16:38  

Yeah. I also think that we if we fail, then it wasn't worth doing, or we weren't deserving of it, or whatever and it's like.

Brad Crowell 16:43  

Then we feel guilty because we let ourselves down or something. 

Lesley Logan 16:46  

I mean, how many times did someone fill the light bulb? A lot. And now if we fucking stop, we wouldn't have had light as soon as we did. So.

Brad Crowell 16:55  

Yeah and she did talk about failure, too. She said it's not failure. It's just, you know, it's the next step. It's the next baby step. She pointed out that many women feel stuck. They're either waiting for an answer to appear from the universe, or they're scared to fail, right? And her advice was, don't sit there frozen. Take action. Don't wait. It's okay to fail because we never actually do. It's something. We try something, we might not like it and then it's okay to change and shift your goal and reclaim control of your life. So she said, take action, and that's going to be the thing that moves you forward. And you know how much we're all about messy action. So, yeah. I think she's just also very kind. 

Lesley Logan 17:34  

Yeah, she's got spunk to her. I really like it. 

Brad Crowell 17:37  

Yeah, I think as a coach, she's just very warm, you know, all around as good vibes. All right, well stick around, because we do have some,Be It Action Items from Heike. We're going to find out about those in just a second. 

Brad Crowell 17:49  

All right, so finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Heike Yates? To find what lights you up, start journaling. I did briefly mention this before. She said write down your thoughts. Start thinking about the things that maybe you're envying your friends for which I thought that's interesting. Normally, I was raised where, like, don't be jealous, don't feel envy. And she's actually saying not that you should tap into that and lean into that, but understand what's happening. Notice that. What is it that you're feeling that about? Write it down and then say, I want what she has, whatever that is, and give yourself the permission to say, to be honest, I want that. Look around for inspiration. Ask yourself, what are my friends doing? What do they do? Try activities that they enjoy or explore something new for yourself. She said, even if you don't know what you want, trying anything helps you discover what lights you up and what you don't like, which helps you narrow down what you do. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 18:47  

Yeah. I love she had so many great Be It Action Items, and so I also want to highlight that she said stop dimming your light and move on and enjoy life. And I love this, because often, as women, we were raised, you're too loud, you're too bossy, you're too this. We talked about this with Tracy Peterson, like you're too bossy, you're too this, you're too, like, all these things that actually people telling you that it's like a little thing where they're saying, turn your light down. It's too much. And actually, Heike is saying it's bold to keep your light on, move on and enjoy your life. And I think that that is the best thing we can do, because we're not going to keep everyone with us all the time. We're just not. And so dimming your light to stay in the box that other people want you in, it'd be a real shame, and that is not what you're trying to do when you're trying to be it till you see it. I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell 19:32  

And I'm Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 19:33  

Please make sure you share your takeaways with Heike, the Be It Pod. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it. Share this with one of your midlife friends who needs to hear someone kind telling them things that might feel very familiar to them, and helping them enjoy their life more and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Brad Crowell 19:46  

Bye for now. 

Lesley Logan 19:48  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 20:30  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 20:35  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 20:40  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 20:47  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 20:50  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Midlife is not a time to slow down. It’s an opportunity to redefine what’s possible! In this empowering episode, Lesley Logan sits down with fitness and lifestyle coach, Heike Yates to discuss how women can embrace aging with confidence, take bold action toward their goals, and stop dimming their light. Heike shares her personal fitness journey, the importance of mindset shifts, and practical steps for staying active and strong at every stage of life.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How societal expectations impact women’s confidence as they age.
• The mindset shifts needed to embrace midlife with strength and joy.
• Why taking messy action, no matter how small, leads to transformation.
• The power of community and accountability in achieving personal goals.
• How to reconnect with your past dreams and take steps toward them.
• Practical fitness and self-care tips for midlife and beyond.

Episode References/Links:

• Heike Yates Website - https://heikeyates.com
• Heike Yates Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/pursueyourspark 
• Heike Yates LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/heike-yates
• Heike Yates Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heikeyates

Guest Bio:

Heike Yates is a Midlife Health and Fitness Expert with over 35 years of experience. She makes wellness and fitness simple for midlife women, turning midlife challenges into easy, actionable steps that help them truly thrive. Heike’s approach goes beyond just fitness and nutrition; she focuses on helping women get out of feeling stuck or in a rut, guiding them to get stronger, develop a resilient mindset, eat better, and boost their energy. As the founder of ‘Pursue Your Spark,’ Heike also hosts a popular podcast reflecting her mission. Outside of coaching, she’s an avid triathlete and adventurer, always seeking new challenges in the great outdoors.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Heike Yates 0:00  

When I look around and I see us in midlife where we feel so defeated by what we used to be able to do. Oh, I used to play tennis and now I can't. Women feel so defeated and so sad about what they're no longer able to do that it's time that we, or I, step up to the plate and say listen, it is not that bad. There are choices, but it comes down to the choices that you need to make and you need to see yourself in a different light.

Lesley Logan 0:34  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 1:17  

Hey, Be It babe. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast. I've got a great interview for you. This is going to be a fun, uplifting, inspiring, take action, but all for you. And I'm excited for our guest today, Heike Yates, because she is you. Maybe she might be older than some of you, she might be the same age as some of you, but she is you. She is us. It's really nice and refreshing to talk with someone who has had all the obstacles. She's been through all the things, and is on the side where she's able to look at life in a way that allows her to live the life that she wants to have and really have fun with it. And so I'm excited for you to get to hear her and be inspired by her. And also I think you're gonna have some fun little one-liners to write yourself, write down and remind yourself that you freaking rock and that we're gonna talk about not dimming your light. So here is Heike Yates.

Lesley Logan 2:11  

All right, Be It babe. This is gonna be fun, ladies. I have been actively searching for guests that specifically speak to the age group that is pretty much listening to this podcast. And so I'm really excited, because our guest here today is an expert at that. So, Heike Yates, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Heike Yates 2:30  

Hey, I'm Heike Yates, and I have been a coach for 40 years and a Pilates coach for 20 of those, and I work specifically with women in midlife, and I hope you really feel better about yourself, feel stronger, healthier, more confident in your body, and not feel like you were held back. I want you to feel like you're thriving and not listen to all the other things you hear on social media that's are wrong with you. I want you to feel right in your body and right about the things that you think about yourself. In a nutshell, that's what I do. 

Lesley Logan 3:07  

I mean, isn't that what we all want? But why is it so hard?

Heike Yates 3:10  

Because we're told something is wrong with us. You look around in social media, everybody tells us that we're not skinny enough that we're not lean enough, that we're not pretty enough, that we should use all these products to make ourselves better in life, and so we start doubting ourselves.

Lesley Logan 3:33  

But I feel like that probably starts when we're very young. So by the time we're midlife, it's been years of doubt of ourselves.

Heike Yates 3:39  

And it's also, I think, particularly through perimenopause and menopause, as we're going through the shift, things are getting worse because our bodies are changing and life is beyond our control. You think about sleepless nights. How many women can relate to not being able to sleep, not even because of the night sweats, just because we can't. And you wake up in the morning and you're whooped and you're barely functioning. And so menopause is a big dip, in my opinion, when it comes to these doubts, even getting deeper and stronger, and we feel like we're stuck.

Lesley Logan 4:21  

So how did you get to where you wanted to focus on helping women with this? And how did you get to be this expert? Let's go on your journey for a moment. What led you to this? 

Heike Yates 4:30  

I'm a mom of two adult children now, and when I was pregnant with my first one, I had gained a lot of weight, namely 50 pounds, and at that point, I did not know what exercise means or can mean to a woman's body, or how to actually do it. I grew up in Germany and exercise is part of what you do. You walk to the butcher, you walk to the grocery store, you bicycle to the beer gardens because I'm from the south of Germany, in Munich area, and so exercise is part of your life. When I was pregnant and I gained 50 pounds, I had really no clue how to lose the weight and feel comfortable again in my skin. I mean, I love my son, I love my husband, but I felt out of shape. I felt yucky. And a friend of mine said, come on, let's go to the YMCA where we can take dance classes, because most women love to dance, and I'm no exclusion. We took this class, and it was so much fun. We did some dancer-cise, as it was called back. Then we did weights, and we did core work, and there was this group of women, and you can just picture this, we're in the basement of a church where you show up with your boom box and a yoga mat rolled up, and you had to bring your own weights into the room. Everybody, of course, had their little spot, so you had to make sure, as a newbie, that you didn't take their spot. And then the instructor hit play, and back then, we still had the tapes to pop the tape in, hit the go, and off we went, and the routines were pre choreographed. So as I learned later, over the period of time, you learned a routine

Lesley Logan 6:09  

Like a Zumba class, kind of. 

Heike Yates 6:11  

Like Zumba, exactly, but it was called dancer-cise, and that's how I got started, and I really loved it. And I was asked to become a teacher for the YMCA and their programs, and I wasn't sure if I could actually do this. Me, who's never exercised, hop around in front of all these people. I was like my husband encouraged me, no, no, you can do this. I think in the back of his mind he was just thinking, get her out of the house, get her away from the baby and the husband, and I started learning how to do these classes, and as I started to learn the routines, I felt really confident. I felt proud of myself. And I started to get to the point where I had to audition, because you just couldn't teach, you had to audition. 

Lesley Logan 7:01  

Right, right, right. You gotta get someone to say, like, yeah, you actually do know what you're doing before we let you do it for other people. Yeah. 

Heike Yates 7:08  

So I auditioned and I bombed, and I had no idea why I bombed. And she said, You know, I can't let you teach you don't hear the beat. And I said, What the heck are you talking about? I'm perfectly. 

Lesley Logan 7:21  

I've been doing it. 

Heike Yates 7:22  

I've been doing it. And she said, every now and then, you hit the beat. I had no idea what she was talking about. And she said okay, here's what I'm talking about. And I still didn't get it. Now she didn't know, and most people don't know, I'm deaf on one ear, and that affects my perception of sound. And so she took my hand and she put it on the speaker, and she said now, feel the beat. It was like a light bulb went off. That was the beat. And so I practiced my routine with the hand on the speaker, first to feel the beat, and then tried to remember where the beat was. And over time, I trained my one good ear to find where the beat was, and I passed the test. I was so, so proud of myself. And you know, it's a disability that is not visible, and it can relate to people with hearing problems. As we get older, we don't hear well. So with that said, once I passed that test, there was like no stopping me, Lesley. I just went for everything, pre post-natal classes, step aerobics, if anybody knows about step aerobics, then slide came along. We did slide, and then kickboxing, Tai Bo. So I did all of these classes and became a personal trainer, and then eventually started teaching yoga for three years, and then I discovered Pilates and fell in love with Pilates.

Lesley Logan 8:48  

I mean, we love Pilates around here.

Heike Yates 8:51  

We sure do. Who does not love Pilates? And so all of this was my career path, but along the way, I used everything I've learned, and I became a bodybuilder. So I was on stage with those big muscles, building muscles, and competing in body building competitions to running ultra marathons. So my longest distance is a 50-miler, JFK 50-miler here in in the area. And then I became an Iron Man triathlete.

Lesley Logan 9:18  

That is amazing. You do all these things and this is all part of the journey in kind of getting to where you are today, right? So you did Iron Man, those I can't do because I can't get in the water. I'll be real. I can swim, you guys. Open water swimming is not my thing. I can understand that. I just don't like when I can't, whatever's touching me, I can't see it. It's my own problem. You know, we all have our own fears. That's fine. So then what? How old is your kid at this point? Where are you at in creating your thing that helps women in midlife?

Heike Yates 9:53  

You know when you think about that as we get older, so now my kids are 32, one's 35 and I'm a grandma of almost three year old, so I want to stay fit for her as well. But in the meantime, it's midlife, past menopause, past all the hormone changes, so I'm postmenopausal, but what do I get? Arthritis in my knee. I have a bad knee. I have a bad shoulder, so I have to stop running because of that, I have some arthritis in my neck, and Pilates, of course, is perfect for all of this to help me strengthen my body and function. So now I'm looking for different things to do physically and so I can swim. I learned to swim just because I wanted to be an Iron Man. I'm not comfortable in the water. I'm a super slow swimmer, but I can do it. So I can, you know, do Aqua bikes. So I bike a lot. I do a lot of strength training, low impact exercises, and that helps when I look around and I see us in midlife where we feel so defeated by what we used to be able to do. Oh, I used to play tennis, and now I can't. Women feel so defeated and so sad about what they no longer able to do that it's time that we, or I, step up to the plate and say, listen, it is not that bad. There are choices, but it comes down to the choices that you need to make, and you need to see yourself in a different light.

Lesley Logan 11:28  

Okay, I agree. So how do we actually go about seeing ourselves in a different light? Because, for example, I have a client that I was teaching yesterday, I know we've been working on her strength, because she's had a bad foot that's been going on, we worked on her strength, and I was able to say oh, look, that's gotten so much better. And she's like, really? And I was like, yeah. We see ourselves every day and so we don't always see the changes that we're making. I feel like it'd be so hard to see ourselves in different light. How do you think we should go about doing that? Or how do you coach people on doing that? 

Heike Yates 11:57  

I tell them to take a really good look at what they really want, not what somebody else tells them they want. (inaudible) as somebody else tells them they should be, but what they really want. And really get clear on, you know, I know it sounds so cliche, but the why? Where do I want to be in where I am right now in my life? Look at this. Look at not what you can't do, but look at what possibilities are there. 

Lesley Logan 12:26  

Yeah, so I just got back from the retreat in Cambodia, and we did some breath work, and I had them visualize a year from the day of the retreat. And I was like, what do you want your life to look like? And Heike, the question of what do they want stumped half the women. They don't know what they want. They haven't been allowed to want things they have been raised or over time had to make so many compromises of themselves and what they want so to just even dream of what they want, you can't even get past the first question, then it goes to the spiral of, I don't even know what I want. What do you tell people to think about if they don't know what they want? What if they're just stuck on that one question? 

Heike Yates 13:09  

You know, I think that's a good time to start journaling. Start writing down your thoughts. Maybe you're envying your friend. Write it down. I want, what she has, whatever that is, if you can't think of it yourself, look around you, and I always say, oh, what exercise should I do? I'm like, what does your friend do? Do what they do. Try it out. Or if you go on an Insta and you see a cool workout, I did a cool workout the other day. I did a bungee workout. I've been wanting to do that bungee workout forever, and I finally signed up for it, and I took that class and say okay, taking action, no matter how messy the action is. Even if you don't know what you want, but if you don't try anything, you will never find what it is that lights you up. 

Lesley Logan 14:02  

Yeah, no, I agree. Like, even figuring out what you, trying things out and figuring you like, I don't want that, is actually very helpful. Helpful for getting closer to what you want and what you like and what you need and getting to know yourself. Okay, so we should change how we look at ourselves, and what was the other part of it? 

Heike Yates 14:18  

When we look at ourselves, we gotta be really honest with what we want, or, like you said, which is also a good way to look at it, is what we don't want. I'm like, try things, go places, but do take action. And don't sit there and wait. And I find so many women don't take action. They sit there all frozen and do nothing and hope that the universe will provide some answer. It's okay to, air quotes, fail because we never fail. We try something. We may not like it, we may not be good at it, but it doesn't matter. We need to take action to move forward in life, and especially in midlife where, as you pointed out, we've been imprinted with these thoughts and feelings and habits that we should have and should behave.

Lesley Logan 15:12  

I'm thinking about some of the amazing women who listen to this show, who are action takers. If they're listening to this podcast, they're clearly ready to soak up information to make changes in their life. No one would listen this podcast unless they wanted to. We're literally saying be it till you see it so you have to take action. And I also know, because I get to meet a lot of our listeners, you can take action and then there is an obstacle, especially for the women of this age group. Their parents are getting older, and their kids are growing up, so they're that sandwich generation where they're taking care of two different groups of people. And so it can be, if they have five minutes of themselves, sometimes that's all they have. And so sometimes it can just feel almost like they're actually failing, because they're they set up these things, and they took two steps forward, and then something happens that takes them out of it. Something happens medically, with their partners or with their parents or with their kids, and then it can just feel like you're being selfish. Just, you know what I mean? We probably agree at the same thing. Self-care isn't selfish care, but when there is an emergency, when there is these obstacles, it is hard to do that. What are the habits or the things that you lean on in those moments, because it can just sometimes feel like things are crashing around you? 

Heike Yates 16:24  

Have an accountability partner. Seriously, my clients that I see in person, they come in and say Heike, you're the only hour this week I allow myself to do what I want to do. And of course, they unpack all the other stuff that comes with it, like the aging parents and the teenage kids. You basically mentioned these two groups, which happened to me this week after I got back from vacation. It was like a tsunami of information, but it's the only time that they said no, you're there for me, you're waiting for me, and you make me feel important. You make me feel that I don't have to be feeling guilty taking the time. I don't have to fear the fear of repercussions, because I was selfish and took care of myself, and afterwards, they're like, I feel so much better. I'm so glad I came. 

Lesley Logan 17:23  

Yeah, no, I agree. Like, accountability can be so key. It's also just part of like, feeling like you're in community and you're not alone. You are past perimenopause and all that, looking back, because I think that's when we get to connect all the dots. How can more women in midlife really enjoy embracing that change? 

Heike Yates 17:41  

Again, it goes back, be honest with yourself. Start finding what your dreams are and your wildest dreams, I know it sounds so simple or difficult, however you want to look at it, I don't know what I want to dream of, but we all have dreams. We all have secrets that we don't tell anybody, because we feel that they're ludicrous. Why me? I shouldn't be wanting this. Keep that dream alive. I know when we started, before menopause, before the kids, before the marriage, the divorce, the whole mess that comes in the middle is we had a dream. My dream was always to travel the world and all through these years, and I've been where you just came from, your retreat in Cambodia. And I love, love, loved it. Angkor Wat was amazing. And I just came back from Japan. 

Lesley Logan 18:37  

Japan is a wonderful place too. I like it. 

Heike Yates 18:40  

Oh, my God, never been, so my dream from before all of this, when I was 23 was to travel the world. I took a little hiatus with being a mom, with building my career, with building my businesses, with doing all of that. But as the kids got older, also, the more I learned about how to care for my parents, we live both in Germany, and how to deal with that side of parents aging, I felt that it is really important to look back at that dream. It's like, what was it? And you'll figure out a way to do it. And the way I always think about is when you have a dream, I'm not going to tell your listeners, okay, pack your bags, go to Japan tomorrow. It takes baby steps to plan it all. I mean, it took me now two years to plan this trip. Even we had COVID, and we had all that, but I planned this trip with my husband, and I told my parents where we were, and my kids don't care, because they're all grown and but it's that dream that we have, and I know everybody has a dream, whether it's starting a knitting club or gardening the hearts out of your garden. It's not about the big audacious goals that we hear like, oh, she went to Japan. Look at her. No, it's about what it is that lights you up?

Lesley Logan 20:10  

Yeah, I think it's really, thank you for sharing that it took two years, because I think we can sometimes struggle with how quickly something should happen, and we can get hard on ourselves that the timeline isn't going as quickly as we think it should, or it probably should, giving ourselves permission to take three years to do something that usually takes some people a year, just because you've got other things going on. And that's where that accountability partner can come in handy, too. 

Heike Yates 20:37  

Yeah. And when you think about this, it's baby steps with everything, your body changes through menopause. Well, you can lose weight if that's your desire, which, personally, I don't like to talk about weight loss a lot, because that's like the number one thing on social media. Everybody wants you to do, is lose weight, but feel better, feel stronger, you know, be able to walk further, to do the 100 without stopping. It's like the little things that we can do. And it takes time. It takes time. 

Lesley Logan 21:07  

How do you get your mindset wrapped around the transformation that you're going to be taking? Because I do think that it can be, let's just say someone also had the dream of traveling the world, and they did take a break of travel because they were a mom. Now they're trying to do it again. How do they get out of the shame and judgment of I didn't use travel in any of these years, and I've got to start up again. And it can feel overwhelming, because to become the traveler again, be someone who can pack their bags, if you're not used to it, it's not the easiest thing to do. My mom traveled to Cambodia, maybe been 10 times or 12 times at this point, but my mom came for her first time. It was her first international trip. I got to watch what it was like to be a first time international traveler, because I do it all the time. I travel the world all the time. It's easy for me, but for someone, it's their first time, or they're just getting into it. I was like, wow, there's a lot more to think about for that. So how do we embrace that mindset, of that transformation that we're going to do?

Heike Yates 22:01  

I think a lot of times we hold ourselves back by saying that I'm not deserving of it. I think that's really the root of like, my mom just came to visit. She's 82 and she's really bad knees and a bad back. And I said, you know, come visit me here in the States. You haven't been to my new house, and she's not a world traveler by all means. Her travel is sort of like going on the bus tour. And we laid out a plan. She was so nervous. She's like, oh my god, do I have to sit there for eight hours? No, no, you have an aisle seat. So this goes into the how do I get out of? Plan it. We got an aisle seat. I said, you just tell the flight attendant that you need to get up every now and again, and then you walk around a little bit. And then at the airport, we made sure that she had wheelchair access, which she was adamantly not wanting to have, because she's strong and she's only 82 and she can do all this. And I said, Mom, imagine you have to schlep your suitcase. There's somebody that helps you, and they drive you around. And then she finally agreed to it. So she arrives in Washington, DC, with the biggest smile on her face while this dude is pushing her in the wheelchair, schlepping her suitcase. And she says, this is really great.

Lesley Logan 23:22  

I love that. I love that. 

Heike Yates 23:26  

So it's planning. You are allowed to have the things you want to. Then start planning. Start planning. Again, baby steps. What is the list that the thing that I need the right now that gets me to where I want to go. And I have another little story on that. I ran the marathon in the Antarctica. 

Lesley Logan 23:47  

Cool. 

Heike Yates 23:48  

It's a. 

Lesley Logan 23:49  

Okay, but hold on, don't forget your story. Is there a view, or is it the same for 26 miles? Do you know what I mean? Like, like, does the scenery change? Because that would be a, really, is it just penguins the whole time?

Heike Yates 24:00  

It's basically nothing. And the race is like from one research station to the next. We basically ran from Russia to China and back. 

Lesley Logan 24:13  

Okay. 

Heike Yates 24:14  

I don't know how many, how many times it was the most boring part of the race, really.

Lesley Logan 24:21  

All right, anyway, because I'm just like, wow. And then it's like, hold on, it's just ice, right?

Heike Yates 24:27  

There's nothing there. It's ice and gravel and snow. And you see a penguin every now and again. And that's, that's, that was the race (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 24:33  

That would be the hardest marathon. Because at least when I ran like, LA Marathon, at least every part of LA changes. I was like, oh, now I'm in Chinatown. Now I'm in Koreatown. Now I'm here.

Heike Yates 24:44  

Nope, nope, nope. Most boring marathon ever, and we're so glad we were done. But the package around it was super cool, because it was a whole trip. But the trip is very expensive, and when I told my husband that I wanted to do this he's like, we can't afford it. So I said, here's the deal, so for three years, I put away money every month that I comfortably could put aside towards the trip. Three years. And after three years, they said, here, sign up, pay the first down payment. And I had the money for the first down payment. I had the money, actually, for the second payment that was due a little while later, and then we chipped in the rest. And my husband's like, you have all this money? I said, "I planned." This is really what I wanted. So when you're thinking of I want to get out of the rut. I'm stuck in here and I want to follow my dreams. It's like, plan for it, and then follow through. Put your money where your mouth is. Yeah, you know, I saved my money and I said, we got there, and it was a trip of a lifetime. It was on freaking believable. 

Lesley Logan 25:54  

That's really cool. I mean, that's, I think I'm worried about the marathon, but I'm sure, like, the whole thing sounds even better than all of that, what are you the most excited about right now?

Heike Yates 26:04  

I am the most excited about on publishing my first book. 

Lesley Logan 26:08  

Cool. 

Heike Yates 26:09  

I wrote my first draft. I'm in the moment trying to find a publisher or somebody who can help me edit my book and get everything together. And I, just before this interview, I talked to another publisher, and I'm trying to make a decision of who I'm going to go with that helps me publish my book.

Lesley Logan 26:25  

Oh, cool. Are you self-publishing, hybrid publishing? Looking for an agent? 

Heike Yates 26:28  

I'm checking out all possibilities. And today was the agent that does a lot for the book, but it's also I talked to somebody today finally that understood what my book is about and could relate to the content. I'm trying to publish, again, a book for women in midlife. The book is all about getting out of the cages that hold us back and out of the rut and feel like ourselves again and tell us to do that. And not everybody gets that. I've talked to publishers who are like, oh, yeah, this is a menopause book for women. No. So even I, you know, like everybody else, I look around I see what's there. So that's what I'm most excited about right now. 

Lesley Logan 27:13  

Yeah, we had a guest on a couple years ago, maybe it's a year and a half ago. Anyways, she went through 100 rejections on her book before it got published, but it was published in multiple languages when it was published, and it was the best publisher, but she had to find an agent and a publisher who understood what she was trying to say, and thank you for sharing that story, because I think a lot of times we can have an idea, and if you put it in front of the wrong audience. That wrong audience, it could be a family member, or one of your best friends, but they're not the audience for that idea or for that thing, and they could still love you, and they could still be an awesome person, and they could still say something shitty that makes you go, oh, but we have to be, I loved your response, it's like, no, that's actually not it, because we have to be able to be discerning and like, actually, you're not hearing what I'm saying, and that's okay. I'm going to move on to someone else who's going to hear what I'm saying and celebrate that. Heike, we're going to take a brief break, and then we're going to find out how people can find you, follow you, or work with you. 

Lesley Logan 28:11  

All right, so if people want to follow the journey of this book, if they want to pursue their spark with you, where can they get more of you? 

Heike Yates 28:19  

Literally, Google my name. Heike Yates, H-E-I-K-E Y-A-T-E-S. You'll find me everywhere and anywhere on social media, or Pursue Your Spark, either way, you'll find me everywhere on social media. Super simple to get in touch with me. 

Lesley Logan 28:34  

That's awesome. Well, you know what? You have a name that no one else has, I think. I'm sharing my name, like my exact spelling and my exact name, with a lot of different people, and it's a little I'm like, how did that happen? I spell it differently than everyone else, but there was a travel author in the UK when I was a child that has my name, and I know, so very jealous. Okay, well, you've given us really, actually, some great little tips and takeaways, to be honest, people, if you're listening to this, you're probably like writing these things down. But because we cannot skip the Be It Action Items, bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted, steps people can take to be it till they see it, what do you have for us? 

Heike Yates 29:11  

Okay, as I said already, dream big, bold dreams. Take action with small, I like to call them baby steps. Break down those baby steps even into smaller steps, and connect to your why, to your core, to where you were before life happened, before things changed for you. What do you want to do and stop, which is what I love to say, stop dimming your light and move on and enjoy life. 

Lesley Logan 29:47  

Yeah, we don't have to dim our light. There's a lot of people out there trying to play with the dimmer as it is. Don't need to help anyone. Oh, gosh, Heike, this is such a pleasure, so fun, such an uplifting conversation. I am excited to hear how everyone else, what their takeaways are and how they use these tips in their life. Please let us know. Let Heike know. Let the Be It Pod know. Send this to a friend who maybe needs to hear these words, because sometimes, maybe we want someone to be our accountability partner or we want to be their accountability partner, but they may need a reminder first, and so I think maybe sometimes it's often easier to give your friend the advice through a podcast. And then, yes, they'll get to the end and they'll hear this, and they'll hear that we told you to share it to them, and then they're gonna know what the jig is. But you know what, they'll thank you for it, because they'll have stopped dimming their light because of this. So let us know. Share this with a friend until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 30:37  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 31:20  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 31:25  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 31:29  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 31:36  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 31:39  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

It’s Fuck Yeah Friday and Lesley Logan is celebrating wins, self-love, and the power of consistency. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, loving yourself is key. Plus, hear inspiring wins from the community, including a marathoner defying limits and an author achieving her dream. Tune in for motivation to stay consistent, embrace the journey, and celebrate your own progress!

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why self-love is the foundation of confidence and success.
• The inspiring story of Hannah Gavios and redefining limits.
• How networking can be easy with the right mindset.
• The importance of sticking with your goals even when progress feels slow.
• A powerful reminder: Don’t judge your beginnings harshly.

Episode References/Links:

• Hannah Gavios' Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/hannahgavios

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hello, Be It babe. Happy FYF. Oh my God, it's on the Valentine's Day, which, you know, we don't really celebrate around here, because it's just a day. But in case no one has asked you, would you be my Valentine? Do you want to be my Valentine? Oh my God, we're all Galentines around here. I know I think it's just important that it you are kind to yourself and you have love for you. That is my message for you today. Because I think when I was growing up, it was like, oh, do you have a Valentine's Day date? Do you have this date? No, I never did. No, I did not. And now that I'm married, my husband is wonderful, and he's lovely, and we really don't do anything about this holiday. Hopefully don't need a holiday to celebrate your love. But if you are alone and you are single, please focus on what you love yourself, because that, I promise you, is gonna be the sexiest thing about you. And you also don't need someone to be awesome, because you are awesome already. 

So I start these FYFs now with someone who's or something that's like, caught my eye or inspired me. Hopefully it'll inspire you. So this girl, Hannah Gavios, she, seven years ago, fell off a cliff. You'll have to go to her account on Instagram (inaudible) surname Hannah Gavios. She fell off a cliff in Thailand and she has a spinal cord injury, and so she is on crutches, and appears she can stand on her legs, but can't really use them. At any rate, she used to be a marathon runner, half marathon runner, before she had the spinal cord injury, and now she uses her crutches to do marathons, and they take like 11 hours. And now she's, at least from the last one I saw, she got them down to like nine hours, but nine hours doing a marathon, crutching her way on crutches, right? And I just love this because, to me, a spinal cord injury would just feel like my entire life would change forever. Because, I mean, I use my whole body all of the time, but seeing someone like her, who used to run these marathons, continue to do it with her crutches, she's not on five, at least, according to this last post, and do it in her own way, in her own time, and she travels and she does yoga. Guys like, how cool is that? How freaking cool. So Hannah, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being you, and thank you for allowing us to see what is so possible even with a spinal cord injury. I mean, it's pretty phenomenal. And I think too often we let ourselves get put in a box and a label on things, and we go, well, that's the life I'm gonna live. And my goodness, you are showing that there's no box around your spinal cord injury whatsoever. So thank you for that. 

Okay, a win of yours. Let's go with Melissa Capitano from Chicago, eLevate grad, Agency member, networking win. I had a coaching call with Brad and he gave me a networking pep talk. I walked into a neighborhood business and saw a woman that I had previously talked to at a networking event. She said she still wants to come in some time. Do I have any beginner things coming up? I said, I will send you an email, and I pulled out my contacts, clicked the plus button on the phone and told her to add in her info. She said, perfect. And did it. Bonus. I couldn't remember her name, and didn't even have to ask, because she put it in my phone. Yes, Melissa, oh my God, I love this so much. I love this so much. 

One more win, because I'm excited today. It's also just a day of love. So let's just like, love up on all these people. Okay, but before I go to the next one, I just want to highlight like. So what she's saying she did, you guys, is she and this is what Brad does all the time, and it's really helpful. You don't have to know that person's name. You just take your phone and open up the Contacts app, and you can just hand it to someone. So we have a new neighbor on the street, and the person introduced themselves, and they're like, oh yeah, that's amazing. We should definitely connect. And Brad just like, pulls his phone out, hands it to the guy with the contacts thing open, and the guy puts his first name in, last name in, phone number, what everyone puts in there. And then Brad can, like, add notes, like, neighbor down the street with great dane. And so it's really great, because we can search for him if we need to. And also, if you don't remember the person's name, no, you can't. Another fun fact that we like to do is we like to then take a picture of ourselves with the person. We learned this from someone else at another network. Maybe we take a pictures of ourselves with the person right then, and then we text it to them, so now they have our contact, phone number at least, so we can give them more if we want to. So thank you, Melissa, for letting us share all of that, and hopefully someone got a little tidbit on something they can use later. 

Okay, so Natalia from Germany, she wrote, I held my book, just coming out next week, in my hands for the first time today, and saw it live. I still can't believe it. If someone had told me the beginning of the year what was happening, I would have called them crazy. I've always wanted to write a book about Pilates, and I remember the agency webinar last year on this topic. And this year, a big publisher even approached me, and now I'm publishing my book about Wall Pilates. There's a lot of interest in media, and I really hope that the people out there like it too. Keep your fingers crossed, please. Okay, Natalia, I have your book now. This one is from a bit ago. I have your beautiful book. It is so cute, it's so fun, it's so special. You are adorable. And it's in German. So I have, I have not a lot to read there, but I could follow along the pictures, and you thank us at the end. I'm so pleased and honored, and I'm so, so grateful. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that. And congratulations on your book. And it's so cool when you get to see it in real life. And isn't that fun? I know we're in February, but like we're in the first quarter of the year, and we have no idea what's about to come up the rest of this year? We have no idea. In February, a year ago, Natalia had no idea she was gonna write a book, and then within a few months, she heard she's writing a book, and now she's holding a book, all within a year. So you don't know what surprises around the corner that are for you that is so cool. 

All right, so now we have a win, a win of mine. Okay, so here's the deal, Brad and I have been working extremely hard behind the scenes on a lot of stuff, and something we were talking with a friend about was like, when you start a business, you were like, I love this thing that I'm doing, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna start this business, and then I get to do the thing that I love all of the time. And then no one tells you wrong. That's not true. You'll do a lot of paperwork. You have a lot of paperwork to do, and then there's some more paperwork. And then did you know that there's this other paperwork you can do? And did you know that there's this other thing that you could do? And so in the last year, we've been working behind the scenes on just certifying our company and getting these things taken care of, so that in these certifications are just like, so that we're like women-owned, and honoring our ADHD-ness that we have and all this stuff. So we have been working really, really hard behind the scenes. And I'm the type of person that when I get working over here in this kind of category of things, I can get a little distracted from the other things that, you know, just hard for me to like, balance it all. So at any rate, I'm sitting here today. We've been home for more than a month, and we have really stayed on track with some of the things we wanted to do. In the last year, we have made changes into some programs, and we've announced those changes, and we've followed through with the access like, we've just stayed consistent. And if I can offer anything to any of you who are working for yourselves and you're tired of the paperwork, consistency is the thing that I promise you will grow your business. Just being consistent. Being consistent is why this podcast is so successful. Being consistent is why OPC is so successful. Being consistent. So if you are feeling like, completely overwhelmed with all the paperwork, there is an end in sight. I'm feeling that end for a lot of the things we've been doing paperwork for for over a year. I'm feeling that end. It's here. But also, if you can just stay consistent and not try to be like, let me do this 17 new ideas. Stay consistent. Things will grow. And then when you're done with the things that feel like they're bogging you down, you're done with the things that are bogging you down, you can get back to those ideas you have. You can get back to the ideas parking lot. You can. All right, so that's just my little tidbit, and my win. It's not really like a win that we could all mark, or, I can't say on this date we finished this, not yet, but we are close. We are so close. And my win is that with all of these distractions, of all the stuff we have to do to just have some things, let's not even just have something. There's actually a bunch of windows and doors that open once these things are done, but it can feel like you can lose sight of why you're doing something like this when you're just filling the paperwork all the fucking time. So be consistent in what you love, and have an ideas parking lot board for those ideas that come up that you can't take action on yet. Do the paperwork, whatever the obstacle is, and then I promise you, you can get back to those ideas. 

Okay, your mantra is don't judge your beginnings harshly. Don't judge your beginnings harshly. Don't judge your beginnings harshly. Please, don't ever do that. Oh my gosh, during the recaps of last December, you absolutely heard episode number one, and our audio equipment wasn't awesome, but that episode was great, and if we had stopped then and rejudged our beginnings so harshly, then we wouldn't be here today with this amazing episode for you. So my love, you're amazing. Take care of yourself, and you know what to do until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 10:16  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 10:21  

It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co. 

Brad Crowell 10:25  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 10:32  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals. 

Lesley Logan 10:34  

and Semana Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 10:38  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Building strong relationships requires intentional communication, but many couples struggle to connect emotionally. In this episode, Lesley and Brad explore the insightful conversation with Kristal DeSantis, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who shares powerful tools to improve relationships. Learn about the Heartbeat Exercise, the four positions of conversation, and how redefining masculinity can help partners understand and support each other better. Whether you're looking to enhance your current relationship or prepare for a future one, this episode offers valuable strategies to deepen your connections.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How the Heartbeat Exercise strengthens communication and emotional intimacy.
• Why the way men and women are socialized affects relationship dynamics.
• The four positions of conversation and how to navigate them effectively.
• How redefining masculinity can lead to healthier relationships.
• Why collaboration is more powerful than compromise in building strong partnerships.

Episode References/Links:

• Cambodia October 2025 Retreat Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.com 
• Pilates Spring Training - https://opc.me/events
• Pilates Studio Growth Accelerator - https://prfit.biz/accelerator
• Accessories Flashcard Waitlist - https://opc.me/flashcardwaitlist
• Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man - https://a.co/d/4tiDC0B

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
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Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Imagine it as a heartbeat, the ups, the downs and the points where you connect. How it works, point of pride, ask your partner what they are proud of, and then validate it. Point of pain, hold space for their struggles without fixing. Point of pleasure, celebrate moments of joy or connection. 

Lesley Logan 0:19  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 1:02  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the eye-opening convo I had with our guest, Kristal DeSantis in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that one, you should, especially if you're married or wanting to be married to a dude, because I think it was just a really, but if you want to be married to a woman, you know, also there's stuff in there. (inaudible) Communication is universal and I think we all can. 

Brad Crowell 1:28  

I feel like it's also like a social commentary on how we value ourselves, (inaudible) you know, or the stories that we've been told. How about that? 

Lesley Logan 1:36  

Oh, the stories we've been told, the stories we've been raised with. And, you know, we're all taught different things, and so you might be dating someone who's taught something different than you, and so you gotta get on the same page. 

Brad Crowell 1:46  

Yeah, honestly, I was a little concerned when I read the topic. I was like, oh, there's a doctor female who's coaching men. That just seems weird, but I really appreciated her approach to the conversation and the high level on both sides of the conversation about, you know, we're like, almost like two ships passing in the night from the way that we were raised. Anyway, I'm doing a lot of hinting at, you should go back and listen to the last episode if you didn't already.

Lesley Logan 2:14  

Also, she wrote a great book, so we are to give it out on our tours (inaudible) people. I feel like it's really great and I, too, was a bit concerned. I was like a woman coaching on what it means to be a loving man, but she wasn't condescending in any way. And it wasn't like they're wrong or you're wrong. It felt really welcoming. I just really enjoyed it.

Brad Crowell 2:19  

I am curious. I didn't read the book yet, but I'm curious because the conversation, at least, was more about the consternation that has been created by the shift in female empowerment, and then the messaging not being. 

Lesley Logan 2:53  

Delivered. 

Brad Crowell 2:54  

Yeah, I'm just trying to pick the right words here, because the messaging for women has been A but the messaging for men has not changed or been impacted or shifted, and so now there is a disconnect happening. 

Lesley Logan 3:09  

And well, let's just get into it in a second. 

Brad Crowell 3:11  

We're gonna get into it, y'all. We're gonna get into it.

Lesley Logan 3:11  

Because I have some other thoughts to say on that. So, okay, today is February 13th. It's happy almost Valentine's Day, and it's Self-Love Day. You know what? There's a really awesome sweatshirt that I'm not gonna buy, but it's about like Cupid was in a pissed off mood. I feel like that's where everyone is in 2025 right now. And that was just a dark satire, and I loved it. But anyways, it's Self-Love Day. And you should love yourself before you can love other people, just kind of how it goes. Because if you've been in a crappy relationship, you probably could tell that you weren't really loving yourself very much. That's what the therapist would probably say. So, at any rate, Self-Love Day is an annual celebration to preach and understand the importance of self-love. I feel like that's using the word in a definition, but we're gonna let that go. 

Brad Crowell 3:53  

Well, I decided to remedy that. So keep going. 

Lesley Logan 3:55  

Self-Love is one of the most powerful forms of love. It is something that we have coded inside us. Proponents of self-love believe that it could strengthen a person's feeling of being loved. Is there an opponent to self-love? Who is telling people not to love themselves? 

Brad Crowell 4:13  

Oh, maybe it's like the people who are like serve others. You're always last. 

Lesley Logan 4:17  

Oh, yeah, yeah, uh-huh. 

Brad Crowell 4:19  

They probably would argue that they're not arguing against self-love, but yeah. 

Lesley Logan 4:23  

Yeah. The date coincides with Valentine's week, and is celebrated so that people can be strong enough to love themselves by the next day and not need a romantic partner on February 14th. 

Brad Crowell 4:33  

It happens in a day, y'all. Just one day, you're good to go. 

Lesley Logan 4:35  

So Brad wanted just fill us in (inaudible) yeah, Brad wanted to fill us in on what self-love is exactly. Thank you, Brad, why don't you step in here? 

Brad Crowell 4:44  

That was a terrible question. Read it like a question. 

Lesley Logan 4:47  

Hey, Brad. 

Brad Crowell 4:47  

Hey. 

Lesley Logan 4:48  

Want to fill us in on what self-love is exactly? 

Brad Crowell 4:51  

Yes, I would be so excited about that. Self-love is the practice of valuing, caring for and respecting your self. It involves recognizing your worth and treating yourself with kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Self-love is not selfish or narcissistic. Rather, it is about fostering a healthy relationship with yourself which can positively impact your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Now. 

Lesley Logan 5:18  

I have some key aspects of self-love. 

Brad Crowell 5:20  

Yeah, I was gonna say, how do you practice self-love? 

Lesley Logan 5:23  

So, one, is acceptance. Embracing who you are, including your strengths, flaws and imperfections. 

Brad Crowell 5:30  

Yeah. Another is self-care. And I know we talk about this often on the pod, prioritizing yourself, physical, emotional, mental health, with activities like anything that actually lights you up. Could be sleeping an extra hour. It could be eating right. It could be getting your nails done. 

Lesley Logan 5:46  

Also, setting boundaries is a key aspect of self-love. Protecting your energy and time by saying no to things that don't align with your values or well-being. 

Brad Crowell 5:53  

Yeah, could be positive self-talk, replacing self-criticism with encouraging or kind thoughts. That's really hard to identify when you're berating yourself sometimes in the moment, but if you can catch yourself, great. 

Lesley Logan 6:03  

Forgiveness, letting go of past mistakes and treating yourself with understanding. 

Brad Crowell 6:07  

Yeah, that's a hard one. That's a hard one, especially with our generations of guilt that you just like slathered on children, and then we carry that into the rest of our lives. Forgiveness. Or if you did something in your past that you're shocked that you did. I have instances in my memory like that that I can't let go of, and that forgiveness has been hard to be like I made that decision. It wasn't a decision that I like or agree with today, and I'm moving past it. I am not that person now, but yeah, that forgiveness, that's tough. 

Lesley Logan 6:39  

And gratitude, appreciating, oh, I skipped one. 

Brad Crowell 6:42  

Yeah, growth. Being open to learning, improving or pursuing personal goals. We're all about that, of course. And then finally. 

Lesley Logan 6:47  

Gratitude, appreciating your journey and the unique qualities that make you who you are. Practicing self-love allows you to build resilience, maintain healthy relationships and live in a more fulfilling life. It's an ongoing journey rather than destination. 

Brad Crowell 7:00  

Yeah. 

Lesley Logan 7:01  

So let us know how you're loving up on yourself today and every day. 

Brad Crowell 7:04  

Yeah. How do you practice self-love? 

Lesley Logan 7:05  

Yeah. We want to know. Send it to Be It Pod so we can share them with people who need ideas other than these brilliant ones. (inaudible) 

Brad Crowell 7:09  

Yeah, and maybe it'll be on the wins.

Lesley Logan 7:11  

Yeah, we'd love that. Let's do that. We are almost to Cambodia again. So when this comes out, we're leaving, I think the Monday after this, so. 

Brad Crowell 7:11  

It will be a couple of days, yes. 

Lesley Logan 7:13  

Yeah, we're gonna go. So you should come with us on October, because it's kind of too late for you to come with us now, I'm just gonna be honest. 

Lesley Logan 7:22  

Well, look, you are welcome to fly straight to Cambodia. 

Lesley Logan 7:31  

Yeah, Brad will figure it out.

Brad Crowell 7:32  

(inaudible) We will make it work. However. 

Lesley Logan 7:34  

October is great. 

Brad Crowell 7:35  

More realistic. October this year, October 12th to 17th, we're gonna be back in Cambodia at our place. And by the way, we have been able to continue to work on our place, our property, the rooms, make it nicer, cooler, just more amazing. We've got some incredible partners. We have made some incredible adjustments to the trip that I can't be more excited about. We just got a new boat ride and the Lotus Garden. 

Lesley Logan 8:00  

Oh my God, I saw a reel of the Lotus garden. And I was like, that's so beautiful. And I was like, oh wait, we do that every time. Oh, my God, but it's so funny, because I'm like, look how beautiful that is. I'm like, wait, that's where we go. That's what we do. 

Brad Crowell 8:11  

Yeah, so we want you to come join us. Go to crowsnestretreats.com, crowsnestretreats.com. 

Lesley Logan 8:17  

In March, we'll be home for just a little bit, and then we get to go to Denver. Brad and I gonna drive into the POT in Denver, and you can come. It's a great for Pilates instructors to get CECs and connect with other Pilates instructors. It's really, really a lot of fun. We'll have a booth there. 

Brad Crowell 8:32  

Yeah, we'll be hanging out. Lesley will actually be teaching. I will be manning the booth and generally just kicking it. Yeah, that's gonna be super fun. We're really excited to be heading back to the Denver area. And then in April, mark your calendars y'all, April 27th to May 3rd, April 27th to May 3rd, we are doing. 

Lesley Logan 8:51  

Spring training. 

Brad Crowell 8:52  

Spring training. 

Lesley Logan 8:53  

Pilates spring training. Who knew? 

Brad Crowell 8:54  

What is that? 

Lesley Logan 8:55  

So it's a play on baseball spring training, but nothing to do with it. We're not doing anything with baseball. 

Brad Crowell 9:03  

It's gonna be a home run derby. 

Lesley Logan 9:04  

Yeah, assuming something like that. So basically, years ago, everyone loved that week long Control Your Balance challenge, and so this is kind of like that, but something for everyone. So there's myself and the six other OPC teachers doing live classes on the mat reformer. There'll be a tower and a Wunda Chair class during the whole week around the same theme. So there'll be different levels, there's gonna be several classes at different time zones. So no matter where you live, you'll be able to attend live. And if you can't attend live, there'll be access to the replays for a limited time. It's essentially so you can experience OPC without having to commit to OPC just yet. So you get to experience what it's like to learn from different teachers on the same theme. You need to be on different pieces of equipment. You get to have that community aspect and that Q & A without you having to go into the app. So we're basically like bringing the experience to you.

Brad Crowell 9:57  

Awesome. I love that. If you are a Pilates business owner. That's anyone, if you are taking your own clients and getting paid by them directly, that will be small business owners, medium, even large business owners with multiple locations. I want you to come join me for a free webinar that I've been hosting called the Sudio Growth Accelerator. Don't be thrown off by that. If you don't have a brick and mortar, it's okay. I want you to come join me. It's the growth accelerator. Go to prfit.biz/accelerator. That's profit without the O dot biz slash accelerator, and we're going to be covering three big secrets that Lesley and I have learned over the last seven years of coaching more than 2500 businesses just like yours. We've boiled it down to these three big things, and then we get a chance to talk and Q & A and do all sorts of fun stuff. Because these concepts, we didn't know them when we were getting started, we just kind of had to figure them out. And then over time, having had thousands of conversations with people just like you, it's really helped us create a path that you can take. And I want to share all that with you. So come join me, prfit.biz/accelerator. And then finally.

Lesley Logan 11:06  

The last and final deck of the flashcard series is the Accessories Deck. And this is something that anyone can have, because more than 70% of it is things you can use around the house or make yourself. And so if you want to get this deck at 30% off, you have to be on the waitlist, because that's where the presale price is going to be, soon. 

Brad Crowell 11:26  

And only, only there, we do not publicly post it. 

Lesley Logan 11:30  

And so if you are on our regular email list, you are not going to hear about the presale there. If you are on the opc.me/events for spring training, you will not hear about the presale there. You have to be on the specific, you raised your hand. 

Brad Crowell 11:45  

You did. 

Lesley Logan 11:45  

For this waitlist. So, opc.me/flashcardwaitlist. That's we're you're going to get the updates when that presale happens. As of right now, of this recording, we don't have a date picked, but I feel like we're going to be able to do March. The team is working really swiftly, so we're already on the editing stage as we speak, and so we're past the longest part of it. So, it's coming up, it's coming up quick. 

Brad Crowell 12:08  

It's gonna be good. 

Lesley Logan 12:09  

Okay. Before we get into Kristal's episode, we have an audience question. 

Lesley Logan 12:13  

Yeah, we sure do @goaltech_ontheroad asks on IG, hey, regarding the short box series on the reformer, should the legs touch the carrier or not? What differs? 

Lesley Logan 12:26  

When we were on tour, Brad, when we're at Virginia Beach, we did a post about the short box and how to use your legs and all that stuff there, and so this question came through there, and I thought that was really interesting, because for the teachers and Pilates-lovers listening, we have to stop thinking that things are so black and white, like, should the legs touch or not touch? I don't know. How tall are you? What box are you on? What reformer are you using? Where is the strap connecting on the equipment to? All these things matter, because if you're on a really tall box and you're a really short person, chances are your legs are going to touch, right? If you are a really tall person on a short box, like me, my calves touch carriage. They just do. Now, do my feet touch the frame? No, but depending on the equipment the box, if the strap is on top of the frame versus underneath, there's so many different things. I can't answer that for you, because it's going to depend. And the difference is. 

Brad Crowell 12:26  

It depends on the body. 

Lesley Logan 13:09  

Depends on the body. And so. 

Brad Crowell 13:21  

Depends on the box. 

Lesley Logan 13:23  

What I would just say is, are you connected to your center? Are your legs connected to your center? Or are you working in halves? Are you sliding around a lot when you're doing the exercise? That tells me you're not set up correctly. So if you feel like when you round back you slouch, you are. If you round back and your legs go with you, you're sliding. If you come up and your legs go forward, you're sliding. So the legs should be still on all the short box exercises. When you round back and up, or flat back and up, they should be still and they you should feel the hamstrings, the glutes, inner thighs, the outer hips. And so I would focus on that. Then what's touching what. 

Brad Crowell 13:56  

Yeah, I think it's good. That workshop, I remember it. And I think you're also, I think we were down in Huntington when you were talking about the. 

Lesley Logan 14:03  

Huntsville. 

Brad Crowell 14:03  

Huntsville, I mean, where the boxes were, like, people had them in the wrong position, and they were a little unbalanced. And then, the bodies were shorter and longer, and you were just talking about the general idea, the concept of it. Because, yeah, I mean, (inaudible). 

Lesley Logan 14:16  

We actually did a YouTube, we actually just did a YouTube video about where does the box go? It was a week ago, Sunday. Well, now that this is airing, no, it was months ago, but, it was a month ago. But if you're subscribed to our YouTube channel, that's where I answer questions about Pilates-inspired, I go way deeper into them. Unless you're an OPC member, then we get to go deeper on you and your practice on what you need. So thank you for this question. I hope that that helps. And.

Brad Crowell 14:40  

Yeah, subscribe to our YouTube channel and stay in the loop on all that stuff, and stick around. We'll be right back. We're gonna dig into Kristal DeSantis and her book and all the things. It's gonna be great. 

Brad Crowell 14:52  

Okay, now let's talk about Kristal DeSantis. Kristal DeSantis is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Austin, Texas. She specializes in men's mental health, trauma recovery and sex therapy. She is the author of Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man, a groundbreaking resource aimed at bridging the gap in relationship dynamics by redefining healthy masculinity. With a passion for helping individuals and couples create deeper, more meaningful connections, Kristal brings a fresh, compassionate perspective into modern relationships. 

Lesley Logan 15:25  

Yeah, picking up a (inaudible) conversation, you were clearly raised in a household where your mom was like, anything they can do I can do better, like, that's how your mom was raised. So you were, your mom was on the men's soccer team or whatever. So, you were raised in a household where your masculinity wasn't based off of you being better than your partner, and I think that makes a big difference where, in some households, what they're modeled is not that women can be independent and have their own things and have their own dreams and be in collaboration with their husband. I'm not saying every other male is like that. I'm saying I think a lot of males are raised like that, and I also know that there are a lot of women raised to be timid flowers that can break at any moment. So I think all these different things can be true, and we live in this really weird world where we get to see how you were raised made you an adult human being. And then also, I just want to give credit to there's a lot of parents out there who did the best they can, and their son still turned out to be some part of, dickhead, or their daughters turned out to be an asshole. So you could also do the best you can, and it didn't work out. But to what Kristal was saying that I really loved, in the podcast, she mentioned, it's not compromise, it's collaboration. And I thought her example, this is about marriage, I thought her, in relationships, I thought her example was actually really cool. She said, when artists, two artists come together to collaborate on a project or a song, they're always creating something better than when they were alone, because they're working together. So when Lady Gaga worked with that really famous blues person or soul whatever, I'm forgetting the name, and they're super famous, so don't attack, Brad's already looking it up, but people were like, oh my God, she's gonna ruin the music. Tony Bennett. She's gonna ruin the music. No, the music is amazing, and Tony Bennett's amazing, but what they created together was more amazing what the two of them could do by themselves. And so that's what a relationship is.

Brad Crowell 17:11  

Yeah. I think specifically with this point you were talking about how do you make a suggestion that somebody needs to go to therapy without it coming across as insensitive and commanding. She's clearly been through all of the conversations with people, and what she said is, like, how do you portray it in a way that doesn't sound like you're in trouble or you're going to see, you know, go sit in the corner. So I thought that was really good. And the way that she was talking about approaching it was, hey, together, we can do even bigger and better things. It's not a compromise, this is a collaboration. This isn't like an ultimatum or else kind of a thing, but I think that we will both be better if. 

Lesley Logan 17:48  

Yeah, she also mentioned in the relationship thing, she said, it's multiplication, not addition. So be a whole person, do your work, and then find someone who's also whole, so you can create a whole, healthy relationship. And I thought that that was really cool, because my dad was really big on, like, no one completes you. You're not finding another half. You're a whole, right? Your life should be amazing, and then they just add to it. But I like how she takes it a step further, where it's, like, it's multiplication, actually it's compounding. When you're a whole person and they're a whole person, you compound, like, together, it's a compounding effect. And I thought that's really cool. 

Brad Crowell 18:21  

Yeah, I dig that. I always said one plus one equals one, which isn't logical, you know, it's not a half plus a half equals one. It's one plus one equals one, you know? 

Lesley Logan 18:28  

I'm glad it worked for you. 

Brad Crowell 18:30  

Maybe it should have just been better if I did multiplication, because one times one is one. 

Lesley Logan 18:34  

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Brad Crowell 18:36  

How about that? 

Lesley Logan 18:37  

Yeah. But also, like. 

Brad Crowell 18:38  

So, it's not addition, it's multiplication. 

Lesley Logan 18:40  

Yes, yes. 

Brad Crowell 18:41  

I love that. That's a better way to say it. 

Lesley Logan 18:43  

And we all need to stop watching the movie where he's like, you complete me. That is the.

Brad Crowell 18:47  

Yeah, yeah, I know you. You mentioned that in the episode. What connected with me a lot was when the two of you were talking about, and this is what I was alluding to at the beginning of this pod, when you are raised as an empowered women, the stories of how we were raised, what we were raised to go after and accomplish, or how we are told to get purpose, they're now two different paths, right? I'm a strong, empowered woman. I can do everything myself. I don't necessarily need a man, whereas the storyline for men has always been she had three P's, and I can't remember what it was, provide, protect and procreate. Those are the three P's that she said. It is possible for those provide, protect and procreate to still happen with the storyline of the strong, empowered woman, but the expectation is what's shifted, right, of like, how do I provide, what she must be in need in order for me to provide, how do I protect? She's got to be weak for me to be strong. How I procreate, well, you know, that better be a collaboration. 

Lesley Logan 19:50  

But I also, that better be, I also do think that like, it requires both people to redefine what those definitions are. 

Brad Crowell 19:57  

Yeah, when she started to talk about that, she's. Like, hey, look, women, Butespecially women who have been raised with this new philosophy, we still have to understand that there's now a disconnect in the language and in the mentality, and so that's where I thought it was good to have empathy and also to redefine for men, I think she's right on the money, you know?

Lesley Logan 20:20  

Yeah, I really, I really liked it because it wasn't about us as empowered women compromising and going, oh, okay, I'll do these things so that they can feel empowered. No, it's actually if provide isn't them making more money than you, can provide be that they actually make the meals and they take care of the household, they take care of the kids. Can that be providing? 

Brad Crowell 20:39  

Yeah, or she her, example was creating a safe, emotional space to thrive. I think it also comes down to, y'all didn't talk about this, but there's a ego with like, machoism with men, and I feel like that's where things get confused, because you can still be going after the three P's, that protect, the provide, the procreate, and not have the machismo that goes along with that. 

Lesley Logan 20:39  

Yeah. And also machis, I feel like that is where everyone is getting it wrong, like. 

Brad Crowell 21:12  

Somehow that's become the definition of a man. 

Lesley Logan 21:14  

It is. 

Brad Crowell 21:14  

I disagree with that. 

Lesley Logan 21:15  

It's so weird, because it's not how you are. It's not how any of the male friends you have in your life. 

Brad Crowell 21:19  

There's nothing alpha about that. 

Lesley Logan 21:21  

No, oh, no. Also, if you have to say you're alpha, you're not, just so we're clear. But then I follow several really amazing dudes online who are very healthy forms of masculinity to me. It's just really interesting, because I'm like, what is going on with this disconnect? And it's just, it's actually very sad. It's almost like people are, they're afraid if the world changes, then they won't have a place. So if there's not dangerous men out there, then there's no one for them to protect us from. Is what's going on on social media, right? And it's like, actually, we can get rid of dangerous men who can still protect us from scammers, like you, my husband, makes sure I have a VPN on wherever I go, I can translate that as protection, right? Like, it doesn't have to be that you beat someone up at a bar for looking at me the wrong way. You know what I mean? Like you can actually protect by just making sure your partner's passwords are all created on a way that can't be taken. There's so many different ways we can translate this, and I feel like people are unwilling to be creative, but also maybe they were never raised enough, way that there was a spectrum or a possibility. Yeah. And so really, how do we re-educate an entire generation of people? I don't know. But I think what we can do, as everyone listening to Kristal, is go, okay, who's in my world? Can I have this honest conversation with, with just like one person. I can't change neighbors. I don't know, but I can, you know, we can certainly talk to people in our life around (inaudible). 

Brad Crowell 22:47  

Yeah, I was gonna suggest her book is maybe beginning to the education of a entire generation, both men and women. 

Lesley Logan 22:54  

Yeah, let's get it in libraries, let's get it in Boy Scouts. 

Brad Crowell 22:57  

Yeah, all right. Stick around. We'll be right back. We're gonna dig into those, be it action items we got with Kristal. 

Brad Crowell 23:04  

All right, welcome back. So finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Kristal DeSantis? She talked about something called the Heartbeat Exercise, which it was for emotional connection. She also mentioned that people have done this when they're dating. She explained, it's three points. It's a point of this is a conversation that you would be having with someone, but it's three points, a point of pride, a point of pain and a point of pleasure. Imagine it as a heartbeat, the ups, the downs, and the points where you connect. How it works. Point of pride, ask your partner what they are proud of, and then validate it. A point of pain, hold space for their struggles without fixing. Point of pleasure, celebrate moments of joy or connection. 

Lesley Logan 23:49  

I like this. 

Brad Crowell 23:50  

Yeah, I think it's pretty cool. The Heartbeat Exercise. She said we normalize talking about pain, checking in about it, and also about pleasure. Like, did you discover something new during our last walk or experience together? So, you know, it helps with communication, it helps with talking about feelings, it helps with going deeper. So it's kind of cool little exercise. I think it's neat. 

Lesley Logan 24:11  

Yeah, so I loved the four positions of conversation. 

Brad Crowell 24:15  

Oh, yeah, this is neat. This is kind of cool.

Lesley Logan 24:16  

Yeah. So this is to improve communication. So there's four positions. Position one is listening. 

Brad Crowell 24:21  

Yeah, this was the four positions of conversation. 

Lesley Logan 24:23  

Yeah, yeah. So position one is listening. 

Brad Crowell 24:26  

Okay. 

Lesley Logan 24:27  

Position two is offering empathy. 

Brad Crowell 24:29  

Okay. 

Lesley Logan 24:30  

Position three is fixing. 

Brad Crowell 24:32  

Okay, listening, offering empathy, fixing. 

Lesley Logan 24:35  

Position four is debating. 

Brad Crowell 24:37  

Debating. 

Lesley Logan 24:38  

So the way you use this is, first of all, you both need to know what these positions are. And second, she said, even put it like on the fridge, where you can see it. And then whenever you feel like you're not in the same conversation, you can say, can I ask you to move to position one, which is, just listen to me. 

Brad Crowell 24:53  

Yeah, I think one thing to point out, just to help, because people can't see this right now, she said traditionally, it's been understood that women are focused more on positions one and two, which are listening and offering empathy, while men are focused more on three and four, which are fixing and debating. She said, so we often are passing each other in this because we're on the wrong communication track or position. So, one and two, listening, offering empathy. Three and four are fixing and debating, yeah, and, and, bless you. Hey, if you could just shift back to position one instead of sneezing. That'd be great. No more position four. 

Lesley Logan 25:32  

You've been too much in the position three right now. So I'm gonna ask you to offer some position two (inaudible).

Brad Crowell 25:38  

Okay, okay. So that's actually exactly how you use it. 

Lesley Logan 25:46  

That's exactly, we just did it. We're excellent. I really like this because I think here's what ends up happening in a relationship, someone says to calm down, which is mistake number one, never tell someone to calm down unless you want to be murdered. It's like, the most annoying thing, just calm down. You can't tell someone you don't want them to do. You have to tell people what to do. Like, that's just the way that it works. It's like that in Pilates, by the way. So if you can get each person on the page of what these positions are, and you can say, hey, I feel like you're really in a position three, and I just really need to be in position one, and if you can just take a beat and then the other person can understand that you're not correcting them, you're asking for your needs to be met. 

Brad Crowell 26:27  

Yeah, I feel like we need, like, live action stick figure body symbols for this. Like, what if position one was like, okay. 

Lesley Logan 26:33  

Oh, you want to do it like, the baseball team? 

Brad Crowell 26:35  

You are in a position. 

Lesley Logan 26:37  

No.

Brad Crowell 26:37  

And I need you in a position. 

Lesley Logan 26:40  

I think, I think, at best, hand signals, but maybe magnets. I don't know. 

Brad Crowell 26:45  

If there's ever a reason to watch YouTube that would have been it. 

Lesley Logan 26:47  

That would have been it, that they missed it. I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell 26:50  

And I'm Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 26:51  

Get Kristal DeSantis' book. It's great for both men and women to read, and then also check her out, because she and her husband actually do like couples retreats, and really do an amazing job working with couples. I also think it's important to state that you don't have to be in a state of need to go in and develop yourself as a couple. 

Brad Crowell 27:10  

Sure.

Lesley Logan 27:10  

You can also do this when you're on upswing, there's always more to learn from each other, because we're always growing, right? So how are you gonna use these tips in your life? We want to know. 

Brad Crowell 27:17  

We do. 

Lesley Logan 27:17  

Tag the Be It Pod. Tag Kristal DeSantis. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Brad Crowell 27:21  

Bye for now. 

Lesley Logan 27:24  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Lesley Logan 28:01  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 28:03  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 28:04  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 28:10  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals. 

Brad Crowell 28:16  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Lesley Logan sits down with marriage and family therapist Kristal DeSantis, author of Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man, to discuss healthy masculinity, relationship communication, and how to create strong, lasting partnerships. Whether you're single, in a relationship, or married, this episode offers actionable insights into understanding and improving connections with the men in your life.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why men and women often struggle to communicate effectively in relationships.
• The impact of societal messaging on men's mental health and self-worth.
• The difference between needing vs. wanting a partner and why it matters.
• How women can invite—not force—men into self-growth and therapy.
• The 4 communication styles and how they impact relationships.
• The 3 P’s of traditional masculinity (Protector, Provider, Procreator) and how they shape men’s identity.
• The power of collaboration vs. compromise in a partnership.
• Practical steps to create emotional safety and trust in a relationship.

Episode References/Links:

• Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man - https://beitpod.com/strong
• Kristal's Website: https://www.strong.love
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/atxtherapist
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/strongloveatx
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristal-desantis/

Guest Bio:

Kristal DeSantis is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Austin, Texas, specializing in men's mental health, trauma work, and sex therapy. She is the author of STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man, which offers practical guidance on building healthy relationships. Kristal’s expertise lies in helping both men and women navigate the complexities of modern relationships, with a focus on intentional partnerships, emotional resilience, and balancing traditional masculinity with emotional sensitivity.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Kristal DeSantis 0:00  

It's not I'm half a person out here searching for my other half, and then, oh, you complete me. We're soul mates. No, be a whole person, do your work, and then find the person that also is a whole person that does his work, so that together you can have a whole, healthy relationship.

Lesley Logan 0:16  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:59  

All right, Be It babe. I can't wait for you to hear today's episode. When I met with today's guest Kristal DeSantis, I was like, okay, this is an interesting topic. And I asked her some questions, and I was like, oh my God, I love you. I really love what you're saying. So she is actually a marriage and family therapist. She is the author of Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. And I was like, well, most of my listeners are women, so what about this is something you can take away. And ladies, here's the deal, we talk about this in the episode. We have been given so much messaging on how we can be strong, independent, amazing, do things, and unfortunately, our male counterparts did not receive that same messaging growing up, and so there's some miscommunication going on. And I really love her approach. We do not have to play small. We do not have to make ourselves smaller. We don't have to change or compromise. It's actually a really great invitation for us to have better relationships with our partners. And so I really think this is an excellent episode. I think you're gonna really love it. I hope you do. And this is for you, whether you're single or married or have a great marriage, but have sons or daughters like I really found this to be very fascinating. And her book is Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. Here is Kristal DeSantis. 

Lesley Logan 2:17  

All right, Be It babe. I am really, really excited for today's conversation. When I met our guest today, I was like, this is a topic we haven't touched on and, I think, impacts us all in so many ways. Kristal DeSantis is our guest today. Crystal, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Kristal DeSantis 2:35  

Sure. I am a marriage and family therapist and author. I specialize in men's mental health and trauma and sex therapy, and I wrote a book for men. And, yeah, I'm really passionate about relationships, healthy relationships. 

Lesley Logan 2:51  

I can tell you're passionate about it. And I actually, I think people are like, what? Lesley, but I'm a woman, and listens to this podcast, and I was like, yeah, but something that you touch on as a marriage counselor is really helping us understand what is going on with the men in our lives. And I think that that can be heated topic depending on like, where we are in this planet and what your life experience is. But as much as we want them to understand us, I think especially as the understanding of mental health with them is happening, and more and more people are diving into that, and also the topic of masculinity, we've had people come on and talk about what healthy masculinity looks like, I think us being able to understand a different perspective can be really helpful. Am I on the right track with what you want to do?

Kristal DeSantis 3:31  

Totally, totally. And I really specialize in healthy masculinity in the context of a healthy relationship, right? So I always want to say, like, you know, I'm not here to tell men how to be men. I am here to talk about what that looks like in a healthy partnership, how to be a strong, powerful, empowered adult in a healthy relationship. 

Lesley Logan 3:52  

How did you get into this? Is this something that you thought you were going to school for? Is this something that you just kept finding couples and you started to go, wow, I'm the only one talking about this. What was the journey? 

Kristal DeSantis 4:03  

Yeah, so it actually is really interesting is I had no interest in dating or relationships when I was growing up, like my parents, they had a very traditional marriage, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom, and my dad was the breadwinner, and it was just this very traditional setup. I have a lot of siblings, so you know, my mom was very much a stay-at-home wife and mother, and I, you know, was like, I don't think that's for me. I wanted to grow up and be a woman about the world, a career woman, boss babe and jetting off here and there. And I was like, who has time for a man and all of that, right? And so I was just focused on being a strong woman, just myself. So I went to college. I went to an all women's college. I was surrounded by these, like, fabulous, strong women. And so I was like, boys, come on. Like, the last thing on my list, I have no time for them. And then, as I started to, you know, go out in the world, my younger sister ended up getting married, and she married this really lovely man, and it started to make me realize, like, oh. Huh? Well, I haven't even thought about this. And also, you know, in my culture, my mom is Asian, and so in Asian culture, like the oldest daughter gets married before the next one, and then there's, like, a, you know, a rule to follow here. So I think that's also where I was like, well, shoot, I guess I should probably start to think about this. So I just kind of did what, you know, most women would do, I just went and put myself on a dating app, and it was a horrific and terrible experience, like it was, you know. 

Lesley Logan 5:29  

Sounds about right. 

Kristal DeSantis 5:30  

Yeah, exactly. It was like, wow, this is awful. I don't want to do this at all, but then I ended up in a relationship that it was just, it highlighted so much, how I did not have any relational skills, and it started to make me think that, you know, in the back of my mind somewhere, I guess I thought maybe just buying into the narrative, a little bit like you're a woman, you know, at some point when you decide you want to get married, it'll happen. And again, it wasn't that I was looking for marriage, even dating. I didn't know how to do this. I didn't know what I was looking for. I had a relationship. We couldn't communicate. And so I was like, oh, maybe I actually need to work on this a little bit. And then I met my husband on a dating app, and then it was like, okay, here's somebody that you're actually really interested in having a relationship with, and you know, you want to get your act together, girl. So I took my butt to therapy, I worked and I found a marriage and family therapist, and that's when I realized, like, oh, there's this whole field of learning about marriage and family therapy and relationship skills, and these are things you can learn. So yeah, so I went to therapy myself, and then I started going to school, and then eventually, 10 years later, here I am.

Lesley Logan 6:40  

Oh my God. (inaudible) What a journey. Okay, so here's what comes to my mind, though. When we think about working on ourselves, we work on ourselves, and we hope that our partner, our future partners, are working on themselves. But then there's also the marriage, right? And the relationship skills that you brought up. And I think it's really easy as women for us to think we have to do all the work to work on the relationship, but actually, it takes two people to work on a relationship.

Kristal DeSantis 7:05  

Absolutely, yeah, and that's part of what I realized when I met my husband is he had already been divorced, and so he did a lot of therapy at the end of his relationship. And so that's what really showed up for me, is that here is this man who was ahead of me in the relational skill game, and I was the one who had to catch up. And so that also really kind of showed me that, oh, wow, you know, what is it like for men to go to therapy? And it made me curious about his experiences, and that's really where then, when I started to go to school to be a therapist, I realized a lot of people talk about women's therapy needs and what women need. And like you said, the women doing all the work of the relationship. And I was like, well, what about the men out there that want to do the work? Who's speaking to them?

Lesley Logan 7:50  

Yeah, I mean, and is anyone speaking to them? Because, you know, I have a lot of single friends, and it is tough out there. Obviously I'm only hearing one side of the story, but what I'm hearing I'm like, oh yeah, you should run from that. But also, if there are people out there with good intentions, there does need to be a, not a give and, I don't like the idea of a give and take or a compromise, because I think that it's really easy for one side to compromise more or to give more, but there does need to be an understanding of, how do we actually move forward together as a we without losing the me that is part of it. 

Kristal DeSantis 8:26  

Exactly. And that's why I always want to talk about collaboration, right? It's like when you hear about two artists coming together to collaborate on a project or on a song, it's always about they're creating something better because they're working together. It's not, okay, this is going to be worse material that we're hearing from both of them, right? It's not compromise, it's collaboration. So I always like to think about that (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 8:48  

Kristal, that's brilliant.

Kristal DeSantis 8:51  

Like, a strong woman needs a strong man, right? And a strong, healthy man needs a strong partner by his side so they can have strong relationship. I put it in the book. It's multiplication. It's not addition. It's not I'm half a person out here searching for my other half, and then, oh, you complete me. We're soul mates. It's like, no, be a whole person, do your work, and then find the person that also is a whole person that does his work so that together you can have a whole, healthy relationship. 

Lesley Logan 9:17  

Oh, I love it. I love it so much. Because I really hated Jerry Maguire. I hated the whole sentence, everything about that. I was raised by parents who are like, you're not looking for your other half. You need to have a whole life. And they add to your life. They don't take away from your life. They're just really, really big on that, which I'm really grateful for, because I think I could have ended up in a really lousy relationship and divorced at a young age. Had I thought I needed to be completed in my life. But I love the idea of multiplication. I love the idea, the visual of like, we should be making better art together. Yeah, that's super cool. Okay, you wrote an amazing book. What made you want to write this book? Who is this book for? Can you tell us a little bit about it?

Kristal DeSantis 9:55  

Absolutely. And so I wrote the book for men, because what I otniced is, again, there's this gap in the field when it comes to self-help, messaging and therapy, messaging and self-improvement and trauma healing and all of that. It really does tend to skew really heavily towards women (inaudible). 

Lesley Logan 10:12  

We have the most work to do. That's what it feels like. We have the most work to do, and they have nothing to do, which is not true. 

Kristal DeSantis 10:20  

But also I saw like a huge resource imbalance, because even what you just said about the message that you got as a young girl is a message that young girls have been getting since feminism is, hey, you can do anything, you can be anything, you can have a whole life. Don't fall for a guy that just wants to make you a part of his. Right?

Lesley Logan 10:40  

You're right. And they didn't get. 

Kristal DeSantis 10:42  

They did not, men are not getting that message. They're still getting the message that look for someone who needs you, because that's your job. 

Lesley Logan 10:50  

Kristal, this is what's going on in the world. This is the problem. Yes, they're all wanting someone who needs them, and these women don't, and they're like, hey, (inaudible) I don't need you. Isn't that cool? And they're like, but I'm supposed to be needed. That's the love language. Okay, I'm getting it now. 

Kristal DeSantis 11:05  

Yeah. I mean, that was really, like, the first quote that I put in my book is one that I found because I was on Twitter and I was seeing this pattern in couples where I'm like, you know, the women are working really hard and the guys just are not getting it. But I'm not getting this sense from these men that they don't want to get it. They want to get it really bad. But there's something that's like, hugely missed in translation here. And this quote that I found on Twitter, it was, everybody's out here empowering women, but who's preparing men for these empowered women? And that's really what it is, is that the guys are hearing, we don't need you anymore. And they're like, well, then what are we? Chopped liver? And then they're getting all angry and spun up.

Lesley Logan 11:47  

Well, and that's, so that's the thing. As I have tried to listen to some decent male masculinity experts, and I will say decent, because they're not the ones that are like, telling terrible things about women. But even then, I left confused, going, I don't understand how we're not on the same page. And you just nailed it. The women are empowered and are excited to meet someone who wants them to be empowered, but also wants someone who is at the level of them, like they're looking for that. And unfortunately, the people who are there to be there for these men who are looking for research and looking for help, are actually making it worse. I feel like they're making the division worse. They're making it seem like masculinity is this, like, tough, hard thing, and it's really, it's really sad, and I see that because I have a brother, I have friends with younger brothers, and I'm listening to them talk about women, and I'm like,who raised you? You weren't even raised in that house. So you wrote this book for men, is this something that women can read or gift to a male in their life? Is this something that they give to a son or a brother or husband?

Kristal DeSantis 12:47  

Yeah, I would hope so. And I've heard, you know, from my clients, that reading it together as a couple has been really enlightening, because part of what I talk about in here, which, again, what I was seeing, is the disconnect, is women are saying, like, how do you guys don't get it, because women don't realize that the messages that we've been getting the men haven't been getting. Right? And so for us, it's just common sense. Of course, everybody should be independent and self-sufficient and all of that, and look for somebody to improve your life. So how come you guys are so behind? And so I think hopefully if women read this book, they can also start to understand some of the messages that men get about what it means to be a man because in the prologue, I talk about how, for so many generations of men, their worth was tied to what I talk about as the three P's, you're a protector, you're a provider, and you're a procreator. If you can't do one of these things. You're useless as a man. You can't protect, you can't provide, you can't give your wife babies if she wants them, you suck.

Lesley Logan 13:48  

This is really, really fascinating, because it's true. I think the single women who are listening and in my friendships are like, why wouldn't they want someone like me who is independent, who wants to be a partner, and not as someone who needs them or as a drain on them. And yeah, it's because of the messaging, and they're still getting that. And so for my married women listening, I think that there can be friction or miscommunication. What is your advice for them to or for us? I should just, I should include myself there, to understand our husbands. I will say, I'm like, you, my husband was divorced when I met him, and I was like, oh, I love the work you've done on yourself, and I love what you know that you don't like. And I also love that she was a little crazier than me, so I got a long runway. But like, what can we, and I say this, I really want to say this intentionally, I'm not saying that we back off from our independence or we, but I want to say, like, what can we be doing to understand, again, this is gonna sound terrible, how to make them feel that they're worthy in their relationship, too? I guess this is without making ourselves smaller. 

Kristal DeSantis 14:50  

Yeah, well, and I think this is an important piece of the puzzle as well, is that a lot of women also grew up with internalized messaging about what men should be and what men should provide. The kind of internalized expectations that, you know, sometimes we don't even realize we have because we don't want to have them. For example, we don't need a man who's a provider, like, I have my own job, I have my own money. But then, if he doesn't have a job, do we look at him as less of a man, right? Or if he chooses a job with less income, do we also then get a little bit frustrated that he's not, quote-unquote, on our level? And so, this is part of what I talk about in my book of like, how can we start to encourage that men can still be protectors, they can still be providers, they can still be procreators, but let's make it more adaptive to what the modern relationship actually wants, right? So maybe a man is not the primary financial provider anymore, and maybe women need to start looking at okay, so then what else does he provide? Maybe he provides a sense of emotional safety. Maybe he provides a place where I can be vulnerable. Maybe he provides emotional support and a vision for our family that helps me just feel alive and supported and all of that. And the same thing with protection. Well, do I really need a guy who's gonna be the biggest six foot football player type otherwise I see him as less of a man, which, again, that's also something that women kind of also kind of objectify men in that way, right? 

Lesley Logan 16:15  

Yeah. Oh, every woman wants a six foot tall man who's super vulnerable but ambitious. They want all those things.

Kristal DeSantis 16:22  

Yeah. And so this is also where I can hear from the men, they're getting so frustrated. They're like, you want us, you're saying that looks don't matter, and you want us to be people. And then you have these TikToks that are like, I want a six, five guy in finance. Which one is it? So I think that's also where the women, us, women can do our own work of is it really true that we would value personality, that we do value a man who is able to protect us emotionally, even though he's not the biggest, strongest guy that could fight every guy on the block? And so those kinds of things are really important for us to also come to a reckoning with. Same thing with the procreator. Can we be with somebody who wants to prioritize being a parent? I've seen sometimes with this in relationships, where, you know, women are frustrated that their husband is not being an equal parent. But then when I actually look at, well, where is there room for him to be a parent? Because if it's your vision of what you want your parenting style to look like, and there's no room for him, well he's kind of stuck in a rock and a hard place here.

Lesley Logan 17:19  

Yeah, you're (inaudible) like, I'm not perfect everyone, which you should know that already. And I can even say in my own marriage, when Brad came on to the team, my business, I had to really learn how to say we instead of I, because I'm so used to being my business. I'm doing X, I'm doing Y, and I still fuck it up. Like, I still say I don't want to spend on that, and it's hold on, if I want him to be the CEO of the company, and I believe he is the better CEO versus me because I'm the visionary and I do all these things, then there has to be a we and I also have to let him be him. And so it's not about making myself small. It's about going, okay, going back to what you say, where is there room, and what are the strengths that he brings to that, that I can go, okay, that's actually more beautiful than what I could have done by myself and then communicating that. And I think that's the hard part.

Kristal DeSantis 18:09  

Yeah, and this is again, where maybe we focus on women don't need men, but we need to start thinking about where do we want them? If you don't need someone, that's fine, but he's got to feel wanted, at least. I want your input. I value your vision. I value what you bring to the table. That's always something I want to encourage is like, you know, we don't have to be co-dependent on each other, but you do have to have some sense that you're desired here. You know?

Lesley Logan 18:33  

Yeah, I think that's a really important distinction, because when Brad and I first started dating, he was like, I don't want to do everything together all the time. And I was like, yeah, so that would be a no for me, too. I need my private time because what he has seen, and I don't think my in-laws listen, but as they hang, they're always together. They're, they do everything together. They are on sports teams together. They're on all these things that I am like, oh, I'm gonna get people are surprised that I get an Uber and leave a party all the time, and that's like, no, I'm done now. So we had to do a lot of what does that look like? What does a relationship together look like? What we're still, what are we sharing with each other, and what aren't we sharing with each other? And I think communication up front is really can be difficult, because some people are afraid they'll say the wrong thing, or they'll offend the person, or the person will feel not needed, and it's like we have to also probably be able to let people explain things and then maybe follow up with questions. If we are, like, hold on, where am I in that that sentence, it feels like you said, this is that what you said. And I think we're not taught those communication skills 

Kristal DeSantis 19:35  

Absolutely. I mean, that is such a huge thing that has shown up. I realized for myself as like, oh, I don't know how to do this. I think there's some magical thinking going on when it comes to relationships that, like, when you find the right person, it'll just happen. Love conquers all. You'll get this, like, magical like, no, you don't. You don't get the the download of relationship skills the minute you fall in love. And so, like you said, just like recognizing, where could I be more curious? This, where could I be less sure that okay, they're doing it because they're a jerk, and instead start to maybe look at if we're working together here, how do I ask about this differently? How do I invite them into this conversation? Rather than start with an accusation. 

Lesley Logan 20:15  

Let's talk about the invitation, because I'm also thinking about the women like I'm doing this work, ladies, I am trying this, and my partner isn't participating in this conversation. It feels like I'm doing the work on the relationship, and they're not. How should they be setting the conversation up or what should they be doing? Should they be inviting you into it? What does that look like, if the woman listening is wanting to flesh all this out so that everyone's on the same page about how they're valued and how they want to be valued?

Kristal DeSantis 20:38  

Yeah. And that's where I would say, you know, part of the reason I wrote this book for men as a woman is also giving them insight into what, typically women are looking for when it comes to a strong man, right? And so again, just redefining what strong means. A lot of men think that it still means, like, strong, physically, strong financially. And really, what I'm saying is, no, I break it down into the first S of strong it stands for safety. Women look to feel safe in a relationship. That's kind of that in sometimes where women are like, I would love to feel safer and more secure in this relationship. Here's how I found this book that really resonated with me about ways that I could feel safer and more secure, because that would help me trust and respect you more, right? Or that could help us with our intimacy, that would help us feel more connected, help me feel more connected to you. You know, that's what I want, and so inviting it not as a here's a book on how you're screwing up and all men suck. And I was like, that's probably not going to go over very well, but really an invitation to I want our marriage to be the best. I don't want to just phone it in. I don't want to have, you know, what, maybe my parents or my neighbors, or, you know, these people that are just like, I think, the old trope of the boomer, miserable ball and chain thing, like, I want us to have a relationship that we can be proud of, that we can really look forward to coming home to. I want to have that. So will you work on that with me? And often for men too, it's like the conversation can be so high stakes for men, because often, again, with the idea that if you're a real man, you're supposed to be good at everything, you're never supposed to need help. You're never supposed to ask questions. This idea that for a man, you're just supposed to know, and so for a lot of men having this conversation, really come from a place of, I think we're great, and I would like us to be even better. Or I've noticed that we started out great, and here's a place where maybe I've noticed we started to fall off, like maybe our intimacy has not been as fulfilling as we'd like, or I don't. I noticed that we don't connect the way we used to. I'd like that kind of strength-based approach. 

Lesley Logan 22:47  

Yeah, yeah, not the we need to talk approach which, oh, no one, no, by the way, you guys. I say this to people who have employees like, never say we need to talk. Tell people what it is so that, like, ease in, because you're gonna put people on defensive as opposed to an invitation to have a conversation. I really like all of that advice. I think that is helpful. You know what? You, and forgive me if you hate this comparison, but when I broke up with my ex, I read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, which you have to take some of the advice, and not all the advice, everybody. And one piece of advice that I took out of the whole book. It was like, he needs to feel needed. We know you can pick up the box. We'd like to pick up the box for you. And I was like, okay, so when my husband, we weren't together yet, we actually had a little bit of a we weren't dating, but we broke up anyways, he broke up with me, just further clarification, but he texted me. He's like, hey, I'm on my way. We had this mutual thing that we both knew we're going to and I was too stubborn to not go. And he's like, hey, I picked up some sparkling water and some hummus and carrots. I know you're gluten-free, is there anything else? And I was like, this is my opportunity to need something. So even if I don't really want him to get me anything, I should try this out. And that was that opened up an invitation for us to actually hang out at this thing and not to have something in between us. And it was, that was a fun piece of advice. But I feel like your book, written for men by a woman and a married woman, is really cool, because it gives them advice from the perspective of the gender of their spouse. And I think that that is, you know, kind of we can, we could all learn from the other person's perspective in a different way. I don't know if you, that's (inaudible), you know, and that and the (inaudible) into you. Like, I read that, and I was like, okay, that was really helpful. Thanks, guys, for the advice on what you want.

Kristal DeSantis 24:38  

Absolutely. And again, like, the distinction between needed and wanted is, I think that's where sometimes people get really hung up. But it's like, you know, I didn't need something for the store, but I know you'd want to feel useful, so I'll throw out a want. Can you just grab a, I don't know, chocolate almonds or something, same thing, like, could I open the jar by myself? Absolutely. If it was me and this jar on an island, I could do it. But do I want to just hand it to my husband to help him feel like, yeah, she might not need me, but she sure wants me, because I feel like I play a role to improving her life. And that's really the thing that I noticed is, of course, there are men that have no interest in contributing to relationships, but they've totally phoned it in, and they don't want to improve. They don't want to do any of that. But again, maybe that's not the best relationship to be in, but there are lot more men that are like, I desperately want to make my wife happy. I just don't know how. And again, I'm not saying like, oh man, they just don't know anything. I'm saying that a lot of times they aren't getting the messages, because society hasn't started to tell them those messages yet. It's kind of been the message of, you should just know. And they're like, I sure don't. You know? 

Lesley Logan 25:48  

Yeah. Because I see some of the that my my clients are like, oh my gosh, Lesley, look what they wrote to me in a DM on this dating app. And I was like, okay, I really appreciate the people know what they want. But maybe not the second line that you say. You know? But also, what messaging are they getting? They're getting, like, women know what they want now, well, this is what I want. So I think it is true. There is a lack of information and support. We have plenty. And I even think about my friend Vincent. He became a first time parent, and he was looking for support for dads and he's like, there is nothing. There's nothing out here for me. There's no, I'm gonna have an infant daughter, and I have no idea what to do. So he had to create the stuff to guide dads. And there are, of course, dads who want to phone it in. There just are people who want to phone life in, I don't get those people either and we can't help people who don't want to help it, but there is a huge fraction of people who are like, hold on, educate me, and there's a lack of education. And so I do love that you provided this with this book, but also I think this is a really amazing opportunity for all of us as women to go, okay, hold on, where have we been so supported? And they haven't. I think it's really important we don't have to be the ones that fix them or educate them, because that's not what they want. That's your job. That is your job. So for the woman whose husband or partner is going through some sort of crisis, maybe they lost their job, or their mental health is having an issue, what is the best thing that they can do to support that person? Because it's not that they have to fix them. 

Kristal DeSantis 27:14  

No. That's the thing, is that I do see that pattern of women then work too hard to try to fix, to try to solve, or they're like, I've called five different doctors and I'm setting up his appointments, and then they're resentful, because then it's like, well, now it's that parent-child dynamic, which is, ick, right, not that sexy at all. And so that's again, is coming at it from a place of concern, like, I've noticed that you've been kind of depressed lately, or your drinking has kind of escalated. I'm concerned. And as your partner, who cares about you, I'm concerned for you. Like, how can we get past this? What do you need to feel supported? And that's really where, again, a lot of men, and I know it sounds maybe a little bit ridiculous, but even the idea that they would call somebody doesn't quite enter their mind until it's been presented. Do you think you might want to talk to somebody? I'm noticing that you're pretty depressed or that your drinking has been escalated, or that you're having a really hard time finding a job. Do you want to do something about that? Would you like my help? Or do you think you got it? And that's really where sometimes the conversations can be just slightly different than if it's fine, you're useless. I got it. Where then a lot of women end up in that over-functional role that then ends up burning them out and then leads to a lot of resentment against the men that they're with. 

Lesley Logan 28:28  

Yeah. That approach leads me to this question, and maybe it's the same answer, but if she's listening, and she's like, oh my gosh, actually, you know what, Kristal, or a marriage therapist like Kristal is the best thing, what is the best approach to making sure it feels like an invitation and not like you have to go to marriage counseling?

Kristal DeSantis 28:46  

Yeah. You know, it is kind of a tricky one, because, for unfortunate reasons, right, going to therapy can sometimes just already be seen as, like, the stigma of like you're being sent to the principal's office. And that's part of why I wrote this book is that men can actually do research on me before even coming to see me, so that they can, you know, be like, all right, I checked her out, I looked at her stuff. I feel like I know what I'm going to get walking in there. Because that's always why, I mean, that's why I said this book is for men. Is because so many men are worried that when they go into therapy, they're going to be one down that, you know, the wife and the therapists are both women. They know all this, like, jargon about therapy and there, I'm just going to be sitting there, like, being told I'm an asshole. I'm like, you know, and I'm going to pay for it. That doesn't sound like a good time. And so really showing them that, like, no, there are therapists and coaches out there that specifically work on helping men feel more empowered in their role, in their relationships, as husbands, as fathers, and the more you can kind of have it be like, no, this is about helping you activate your strengths, right? As opposed to we're going because I'm pissed at you, and this is the last straw, and so that's always where I would always say, you know, go proactively, frame it as a this is an additive for our relationship. It's like, I talk about this, like going to the emotional gym, you know? It's like, how do you invite your partner to go to the gym with you? You do have to talk about it as like, this is for our health, because I want to have a long life with you, you know? And that's exactly the same. I'm asking you to come to therapy with me, because I think that maybe there are some things that we could be healthier on, and I want us to be doing it together. Will you come with me?

Lesley Logan 30:29  

Yeah, that's so good. This is really great. I do love it, of course. Like when you say it, Kristal, it sounds like, oh, duh. That sounds like, that's how I want someone to invite me. But when you're in it, when you're in something with your partner and you're feeling like it's not going the way you want. Sometimes you just get defensive. So you guys, we transcribe every podcast so you can actually just copy from the website, memorize it and say it. You know?

Kristal DeSantis 30:54  

Yeah. Invitations versus accusations. That's (inaudible) all day. Turn it around. 

Lesley Logan 31:02  

I love it. What are you most excited about right now? 

Kristal DeSantis 31:05  

So in the new year, my husband and I are going to be teaming up to run some couples retreats, but we're doing it, again, because one of the things that a whole therapy thing, it feels really heavy, and sometimes it is, and that's really important to go do the hard work, but what I also see is couples don't have a lot of fun together these days, right? It's like the fun happens when you're dating, and then you start getting married, and then suddenly you're talking about bills and kids and logistics and diapers and in-laws, and you lose the fun. And that's often where I see couples just be so drained, is they don't have that bank of, you know, playful, pleasurable experiences that can get them through the hard times. So we're doing little bonding boot camps, where it's just a weekend, and we help couples work through some bonding skills, communication exercises, but in a fun and playful way. So it's not, you know, sitting in a conference room. We're big outdoorsy people, so, (inaudible). 

Lesley Logan 31:58  

That's cool. That's so fun. I love that. I really do. I think it is needed. And, you are correct, especially if you're listening and you work with your husband like I do, you know, one of the things I had to do this year, well, for 2024 I told my assistant, I said you have to go through our calendars, and you have to find a weekend every quarter and block off Friday to Monday. And we're not going to plan anything. It's just blocked off. So we can have a trip, even if we just go two hours away, we've got to do something. Because, you know, you buy the house, you got these things, there's all these deadlines, and Friday can bleed into Saturday, and then you feel like you're together all the time, but you're actually not together as a partnership, yeah. So what a great invitation. And also, when I think about my parents' relationship conferences. It was in a conference room. And, like, we went to a hotel, sat in lectures all the time, and. 

Kristal DeSantis 32:46  

Yeah, yeah. And then also it, what I noticed with my husband and I is we both had very busy jobs, and then we would look forward to the once a year big vacation that we would take. But I was like, I am dying in the meantime. And so, like you said, just these little tiny bursts of gosh, we can look forward to the one weekend, one weekend a month, that is just gonna be us. We maybe not even go far. We go an hour away, but like our little mini staycation vacation, where we get to re, pretend like we're on vacation, even though we're at Buc-ee's or something. 

Lesley Logan 33:17  

Yeah, no, I think it's so creative. And also, if people don't want their parents' marriage, then they don't want their parents' marriage counseling retreat either. 

Kristal DeSantis 33:28  

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Lesley Logan 33:32  

All right, we're (inaudible). Yeah, I agree. I love it so much. Okay, we're gonna take a brief break, and then we're gonna find out how people can work with you, get your book, and more. 

Lesley Logan 33:39  

All right, Kristal, where do you hang out? Where can people do marriage counseling with you via Zoom? Do they have to live where you are? Like, how do people work with you and where to get your book?

Kristal DeSantis 33:46  

If you are in Texas, I can work with you as a therapist. But if you are not in Texas and you just want to work with me, I have some courses, and then I do some coaching through the coursework, through my website, strong.love and then my book is on Amazon and on Audible, Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. And then, of course, I'm on Instagram @atxtherapist. 

Lesley Logan 34:12  

Atxtherapist. Oh, you're in Austin. 

Kristal DeSantis 34:14  

Uh huh, yeah. 

Lesley Logan 34:15  

We're gonna be in Austin, you guys, it's too late once you hear this, because, but I'm gonna be there on January 4th, I think. Yeah, all right, we'll talk offline about that. Okay, so you actually, I feel like you've given us so much already, but it's a segment people love, because it's where they can take some action, bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it. What do you have for us?

Kristal DeSantis 34:35  

I have two. They're from my book. The exercises. One is, if you want to have more emotional connection with your partner, what I do is called the heartbeat exercise, and I honestly, I've seen people use it when they're dating. It's just as a way to kind of get beyond some of these surface-level conversations. So it's three points. It's a point of pride, a point of pain and a point of pleasure. So I like to imagine it as a heartbeat of the ups, the downs, and then the points that you can connect with. So asking your partner, you know, what is a point of pride, and then validating them, and then a point of pain, and then being practicing just holding space for that, and then offering care and then pleasure. Because even, again, with the dating period, is starting from the very beginning of normalizing, checking in about these three points will allow you to then set up in your relationship that we normalize talking about pain. We normalize checking in about pain. We normalize checking in about pleasure, and we check in with did you discover anything more pleasurable about our last sexual encounter? Or, you know, when you went on a walk today, did something special happen and you saw the first butterfly of the season, whatever. And so just normalizing some of these deeper points of connection.

Lesley Logan 35:44  

I love that. That's a great, that's a great one. That's so great. 

Kristal DeSantis 35:48  

Yeah, and then the other one, if we have time for another one. 

Lesley Logan 35:50  

Yeah, we totally do. 

Kristal DeSantis 35:52  

The differences between the way that men and women have been socialized to communicate. This is one of the things that I think a lot of people just makes so much sense when they work with me, or they do read my book, there are four positions of conversation. So position one and two are typically the way women are socialized to communicate with each other. Positions three and four are typically the way men are socialized to communicate with each other. And when we get you know one of each in a relationship, this is where I so often see people clash when it comes to communication. So position one is just listening. Position two is joining, offering empathy. Position three is fixing, and then position four is debating. So you can see how so many women are like, I just want him to listen and then empathize. And he's like, well, I'm fixing and I'm offering you a reframe. Come on. And so I think one of the big things, if you want to take an actionable step, is in my book, or there's the four positions of conversation, you can download it from my website as well and just put it on your fridge. And anytime you feel like you and your partner are like, not in the same conversation, just point it out. Like, can I ask you to move into position one for a second? Or I need position one and two before I'm going to be ready for position three. 

Lesley Logan 37:06  

Okay, Kristal, you are amazing. You're so great. All the Texans are so lucky to have you, and then those of us who aren't are just going to have to get your course, because, like, I learned so much, and these feel like common sense, but also no one, no one talks. And it's true, you hear so often, like, I don't want you to fix this. I just want you to listen. But that's if you're not trained to do that. If that's not the conversation skills you have, it's not that they're trying to do anything against you. That's what they think, that we're supposed to. Yeah. 

Kristal DeSantis 37:34  

You're trying so hard, and it's just not landing. So you know, again, this is where people can work together to help each other out. I love that you're offering a fix. What I'm really looking for is some empathy and listening right now. 

Lesley Logan 37:44  

Yeah, you are so fabulous. Thank you so much. I hope this was really helpful to all my listeners. I really thought it'd be an excellent way, because, also, if you want to be married for a long time to your partner, things are going to evolve. There's gonna be ups and downs on both sides, and the more we can understand the other person's perspective, the easier it is for us to be a partner without being a parent or being resentful, and we can grow together. So thank you, Kristal, for letting us have this amazing conversation. You guys. Go get her book. Strong:

Kristal DeSantis 38:15  

A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man 

Lesley Logan 38:17  

Perfect. Get her book. You can read it. Give it to your partner, and also for the parents out there, I think this can be a really great conversation, and for understanding like, how are you parenting, both if you have daughters and sons, and what does that look like? Because it is true, I think we can be doing a better job of helping everybody, so we can have these partnerships that really last and they're supportive, and everyone can be stronger together. So thank you so much, Kristal. 

Lesley Logan 38:41  

You guys, share this with a friend who needs it and tag Kristal. Tag the Be It Pod with your takeaways and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 38:50  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 39:32  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 39:37  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 39:42  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 39:49  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 39:52  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this inspiring Fuck Yeah Friday episode, Lesley Logan dives into the importance of celebrating wins, handling setbacks with grace, and planning ahead for success. From an uplifting client story to lessons learned from unexpected challenges, this episode is your reminder that there is always a way to overcome obstacles.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• MacKenzie Scott’s inspiring response to criticism.
• Celebrating Christine Bowen’s story of transforming her client’s outlook through Pilates.
• The power of re-prioritizing when unexpected challenges arise.
• How to adjust your planning process to accommodate unforeseen setbacks.
• The importance of grace and self-compassion in times of adversity.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
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• Profitable Pilates

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:46  

Hello, Be It babe. Hello, welcome to the FYF. Welcome to the Fuck Yeah Friday where we celebrate wins you had, wins you might have had, a mantra, we celebrate someone who's inspired us. So I came across this article about how Elon Musk said that the donations, the hundreds of millions of dollars that MacKenzie Scott, I hate this part, they say like Jeff Bezos' ex-wife. So MacKenzie Scott is her own person, and she has lots of money, and she has been donating hundreds of millions of dollars a year to charities that are devoted to women services and women's health. And he said that that hundreds of millions of dollars is destroying Western civilization. That's literally his quote. And her response was that she doubled her donations. And I just love that. I love that. I freaking love that she did that. I hate that she is getting attacked for the generosity that she has because, holy frickin molly, are we kidding? What are we doing here? Come on. I love that that was her clap back. And I think more and more, those of us who come across someone who's just trying to tear you down because you make them look bad, clap back in a really elegant freaking way like that. We should call that a MacKenzie Scott. So anyways, MacKenzie Scott, love you, obsessed with you. Someday I want to meet you, because I would love to learn your ways, but also you are inspiring me, and you just put a smile on my face on a really busy day. And I just so appreciate you for that. 

Lesley Logan 2:18  

All right, now we do one of your wins. And this one is from Christine Bowen. She hasn't been an Agency member for many, many years, and she lives in Ireland, and she here's how it goes. So a lovely new client started with me this morning and just purchased a five-pack. He's had a lot to deal with the last year with multiple surgeries related to cancer. So he sent this message to me, and this is why I teach. So this is from him. Thank you for this morning sessions. It exceeded my expectations and gives me a real sense of excitement that physically things are going to improve myself in the not-too-distant future. So Christine goes on to say it makes the challenges of running your small business worthwhile when teaching people Pilates can help people feel that there is hope and they can help themselves to feel good in their body and get out of pain. Right, Christine, that is beautiful. What a great way to like start your day, but also what a wonderful human that you guys get to do this life together. It's so amazing what you teach him, but also that energy that's gonna come back to you. I mean, it's just so wonderful. So thank you for sharing that win, because it's your win, it's his win. We all get to win because of it. 

Lesley Logan 3:22  

All right, a win of mine. So I'm recording this obviously from the past, from the very past before we went on tour. So one of the wins that I have had this week, just back in the past, is we are way behind on recording because I had a cough and I thought I should (inaudible) because, like, maybe I'll just push through and we'll just, like, stop recording whenever I cough. That just was not an option. Even on, like, in the beginning of the week, I couldn't get a sentence out without coughing, so we just bumped everything. And as I sit here with behind on filming a bunch of things for our YouTube channel, I decided I was like, I can't even stress about it, because, to be honest, what is the most important thing that has to get done this week, this week, this instant, what has to get done? Okay, this is what has to get done. If that gets done, yes, it is important for how our business goes, and how our YouTube video's released, and all those different things. But when it comes to priority number one, two and three, is it this? And to be honest, no, making sure people are, get all their stuff for the tour, making sure that the van is packed with everything that is, making sure that I am healthy to be on this tour is the best thing that I could do. Those are the top three priorities. And you can't have more than three because then you don't even know how to take actions. So, hopefully, there'll be YouTube videos for you all in January and February. And if there's not, it's not personal. It's not personal at all. I got a cold, and we had to make some changes and make some adjustments. And here's what I will tell you, that I like to do whenever something comes up that I can't control, and it causes something negative, in air quotes, to happen. I go, okay, how could we prevent this in the future? So in the future, I can't turn back time and not get this cough, right? So what could we have done? Well, honestly, maybe we should have actually been recording January and February's content in October and November, and not end of November. So what does that mean? It means my team will have to have the stuff ready for me to record early, so they'll have to work a little earlier on things. So how does that look? Well, that means making those adjustments today, because they're already working on the two months after that. So now they're going to have to start like not doubling up on their work, but like making some tweaks that they're even a little bit more in advance. And so what used to be good enough with two months in advance is no longer good enough. I think we have to be more like three months in advance and or on the end of Q2, early Q3, recording for Q1 already, so that we don't have this rush at the end. Now, some things can't be helped. We cannot batch more podcasts than we do, like we can't do that. So I recognize that this rule won't affect everything, but it can affect some things. And so I share that with you, because if you are sitting here listening to this, behind on stuff already and going, how am I already behind? It's the beginning of the year. It's only the first Friday of February. Stop, pause, get that thought out of your head. Ask yourself, what would I need to do so that I wouldn't be so rushed that I'm having this issue right now? Right? So that's the changes that I made, and I'm really proud of that, and I'm proud, I'm just like, I'm not gonna get mad about it. I'm not being harsh on myself. I'm not even gonna waste another minute thinking about, oh, maybe I should have done it on Saturday instead of doing x, y, z. No. No. Other things had to get done. And so this will get done. And obviously running a business can't be on like the whims of my cough, but there are things we can do to plan in advance so that there can be time if someone gets sick, and that is the most important thing. 

Lesley Logan 7:01  

So y'all, I hope that this little, little bit of like, badassery, amazing win and musings on how to do your schedule so you're not rushing around if you have a cough, helps you with this Friday. Now, I must leave you with a mantra, how about that? Okay, well, get this wow, I just picked this one up. I did not plan this one in advance. And it says there is always a way. There is always a way. So at the time that I'm recording this, maybe we figured out a way to record those episodes, I don't know. But guess what? We're not going to stress about it, we're not gonna be mad at ourselves, because there is always a way. If there's something you want in this world, there's always a way. Always a way. And if you can just remind yourself of that, there's always a way, there's always a way, there's always a way. I bet you, I bet you my love that that way will reveal itself, and it might come from a place that you weren't even thinking about. So thank you so much. You are amazing. You are wonderful. You being a listener. Please share this with a friend who needs it, and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 8:01  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 8:43  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 8:48  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 8:53  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 9:00  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 9:03  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.