Did you come here expecting to hear from God today? Do you expect to see him working in your life? Do you expect him to respond, to move, to deliver? What are you expecting from the one who holds the whole universe in his hand, the one who makes the sun to shine, and the earth to spin, and the one who fills your lungs with his breath giving you life? Yes, that one … what are you expecting of him?

Your expectations of him are creating your experiences in this life. I’m talking about disappointments and overwhelming awe alike. God is always working, but it is your expectations that create your ability to recognize his works.

Do you just expect God to do what you think is best? Do you want him to take orders … take your prayers like a literal to do-list and make it happen exactly as you wish? Is that what you’re expecting of the one who created this entire universe … for you now to tell him how he should run it?

Ohhhhh snap, are we ever disappointed in that complete and utter letdown. I don’t know about you, but I’ve figured out, 85% of the time, God doesn’t work the way I think he should work. Hey, if God would have listened to me … well I would have totally missed out on some of life’s sweetest surprises and the current unfolding of what I don’t even know to be excited about! God hasn’t followed my demands. He hasn’t shown up the way I expected him to. He hasn’t fixed things the way I want him to, and he never seems to work on my timeline of “right now” and “instantly”. Now could that possibly be because God knows what I do not know? Could it be because he sees things I do not yet see? Could it be that he has eternity in mind, and I’m sitting over here with my fickle feelings and a craving for right now?

Are you expecting God to make this easier? You know, smooth sailing, calm sees, sunny skies, and only incredibly delightful people on your boat? Do you ever feel like maybe you got in the wrong boat because nothing about this sail has been easy, and everyone seems to be generally disgruntled and difficult? Why didn’t God make this easier? Why didn’t he calm those seas? Why didn’t he make the sun to shine? Dang it, why are you once again rowing in a boat with people who only seem to row against you? Why can’t you make progress? Why are you still stuck here?

God doesn’t make things easier, now does he? That’s not generally his way. Just like he doesn’t make arrows shoot forward without first being pulled back, he doesn’t make diamonds without pressure and heat, and he doesn’t make seeds grow without first being buried, he doesn’t make your forward progress and growth without some hardship. When you expect easy, you get discouraged. When you expect instant, you get frustrated. When you expect perfection, you get disappointed.

Let me tell you exactly what you can, and should expect of God:

You can expect him to work in the unseen, and still not see what he is doing, while he is doing it.

You can expect him to work according to his timeline, which is never panicked or rushed, because he holds eternity.

You can expect him to do the impossible, which means all that seemed rationally possible may first have to fail.

You can expect him to use the most unlikely to do his miraculous works.

You can expect him to be in every detail, even when those details don’t make sense.

You can expect him to redeem every heartache, every hardship, and every failure.

And you can expect him to do all of this in ways you wouldn’t have imagined, sometimes wouldn’t have chosen, and didn’t see unfolding.

Paul taught us about having the proper expectations of God. While in prison, chained up and his very life being threatened, Paul had a clear expectation of God.

Today is one of those days on the calendar I generally like to avoid. If I could skip right over it, I probably would. It’s a reminder of a loss that still doesn’t make sense, a life cut so short and the void that has yet to be filled. Oh but it’s also a reminder of guarantees that have held true, sweetness that has returned, and the offering of life that has continued.

If you’ve listened very long, you’ve heard me talk about my best friend Catina. She changed the trajectory of my life because of a promise she asked me to make on her final full day of life. She’s largely responsible for this podcast being here today, because how do you turn back on a promise to someone who now sits by Jesus? Well you don’t … so here I am with episode #1088, getting ready to host BIG Life Retreat #60 something, because she told me at my weakest it was worth continuing. And she was right!

Catina’s life was only 34 years long. 12,782 of life that just didn’t seem like enough to us, but she packed a good 80 years of living into those days. I have her obituary posted on my personal Facebook right now (which includes some of the funniest dang videos ever), and a list of all the living she did in her final year of life. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe all she did in 1 year with being a stay-at-home mom, 4 kids, and very little money. She didn’t know it was her last year of life, but she sure lived it like it was.

When a life like that ceases to be, does it ever leave a hole. She left behind a husband and 4 young children. I’ve never seen eyes so sad or a heart so hurt. And in these 5 years that have passed since her final breath, I’ve never seen the evidence of God’s healing and restoration quite like I have here.

Unspeakable joy has returned. Celebrations of milestones and ordinary days alike are once again normal. Not because we didn’t love her, not because we don’t miss her, but because God has healed brokenness and redeemed heartache. That’s what he does. Our God is a restorer. He renews that which has lost all hope and brings joy back to the souls of the brokenhearted.

My friend Bob Goff writes in his new book “Undistracted” that arriving to heaven will be simply like stepping from the boat to the dock, and Jesus yells “welcome ashore”! Catina was welcomed ashore. How beautiful is that? And my friend, one day each of us will complete our journey on this boat and we will pull up to the dock to step onto the shores of Heaven.

Just let that soak in for a moment. The dock is there, the shores await, your boat ride will not last forever. Ahhhhhh, how glorious the shores of Heaven must be! For those who got there before us, they’re not the unfortunate ones, they’re savoring Paradise! And in just a moment, we will be there too! It all goes so quickly, this boat ride is shorter than you think.

God gave me a scripture to wrestle with moments after Catina’s boat pulled up to dock. It was a scripture I had never really paid attention to before, but it sure helped steady my rocking boat in the days that followed.

Hey sis, is your boat rocking? Has your ride gotten a little wild for your taste? Are you struggling to find the sense in the journey? Are you wondering if you got carried away in the wrong current and you’re far from where you should be? Maybe you too are missing someone no longer in the boat with you. Or maybe you’re afraid of what happens when your boat does arrive to the dock. This is for you … all of you … all of us. We’re all there somehow or another.

This is the scripture God gave me 5 years ago, and he gave it to me again this morning. Perhaps this is perfectly timed for you today.

Deuteronomy 29:29 “The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them,

I’ve heard bad things happen in 3’s. I’m not superstitious, but I am also fully aware when the Poop Parade shows up in your life, things start to stink. You know, the Poop Parade. The Crap Circus. The Sh*t(aki) Mushrooms Show. It’s one thing after another, going wrong, falling apart, and piling up against you.

Why can’t things just go right for you? Why can’t life just calm down and be normal for a minute?

Ahhhhh, let me tell you why … God uses messes to make his masterpiece. And guess what Sis, you’re his masterpiece!

Some things simply grow better in the presence of crap. Some things only reach their full potential when the seemingly bad stuff is piled on high. Afterall, you do realize CRAP IS FERTILIZER, right?

Our family spent 1 year pretending to be farmers on a 200 acre hunting ranch in Arkansas. Occasionally the Poop Parade would show up and invade our land. Literally dump trucks full of chicken poop. One after another, loaded with the stinkiest, crappiest of crap you can imagine. And they would spread it all over our fields. And get this, that crap was requested. It was ordered. It was paid for!

The entire ranch would stink so bad you could hardly eat your breakfast. But eventually the smell would either pass, or you would just get used to it, and then you know what would happen? Yes, growth. Crazy, abundant, new growth. Our fields were transformed, and it was because of the Poop Parade a few weeks earlier.

Girl, could your life be in the process of being transformed right now? Look around. Has the Crap Circus invaded and you’ve been declared Ring Master? Is the Sh*t(aki) Show broadcasting live and you’re on center stage? The caca loaded dump trucks have arrived and they are dumping all over your life. Yip, seems to me you’re getting ready to GROW my sister!

I know you think you would have made the necessary changes without this crap, but the truth is, you wouldn’t have. Sometimes God has to smack us right on the forehead to get us to see the effects of what we’ve been doing and how we’ve been living. He has to wake us up, and God in all of his loving wisdom knows that girl isn’t waking up with a gentle nudge. It’s going to take a dump truck, and more than one!

This isn’t a punishment honey, this is preparation for your purpose. This is fertilization of the fields of your life. This mess is making a masterpiece. The Poop Parade marching through your house is not here to destroy you, it’s here to deliver you. Deliver you from what … from the easier, little life you would have settled for. Deliver you where … to your destiny! What is your destiny …. ahhhhh yes, a BIG Life!

The story of Joseph is one of my favorites. I love it so much because it perfectly shows the unfolding of God’s good plans in the middle of a Poop Parade that just wouldn’t seem to stop. If you know the story, then you know life was unfair for poor Joseph. First his brothers grow jealous of him and sell him off as a slave. He becomes a favored slave to his master, then the master’s crazy wife wants to hook up, and when Joseph refuses she claims rape and has him thrown in prison. He becomes a favored prisoner to the warden, then he is forgotten. Every time he gets a break, the next bad thing happens.

Joseph was a good man. He was faithful to his God. So why would God allow all of this to happen in his life? Why the continual struggle and set backs? Why the constant chaos and crap? Oh because, my friend, crap is fertilizer. All this bad stuff that was happening to Joseph was growing him into the man God destined him to be. It was allowed because it was aligned. Aligned with his future purpose.

Joseph had been set apart to become a leader. A leader that would save the lives of thousands, including his own brothers who had betrayed him.

As followers of Christ, we know our souls are saved. But does your life suck? You’re guaranteed heaven, but what about your life on Earth? Does it matter?

Are we supposed to just endure this life, somehow drag our miserable butt through our days here while we just wait on heaven? Does God care about not only the state of your soul but your heart and mind too?

YES HE DOES – Let me prove it to you. This whole thing isn’t just about someday going to heaven – this is also about having a darn good life right here right now too.

Jesus said in John 10:10 – “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

Yes, Jesus came to save your soul, but it was more than that. He came to give you a rich and satisfying life today. Right now. You are not intended to dread your days or be overwhelmed in your stress. What’s rich and satisfying about that? If your life sucks, you’re doing it wrong. That was never God’s plan for you.

Hardship, yes. Struggle, absolutely. Pain, sometimes. But defeat, never. Never, ever was God’s plan to make you a vessel for his spirit, to fill you with his power, then have you walk in continual defeat. Knocked down, yes. But to stay down? Heck to the NO! That’s not God’s plan for you. That’s not his purpose for your days.

A rich and satisfying life is Jesus’ purpose for you. It’s not a surface level kind of satisfying, it’s a deep down in your bones, all the way to your soul kinda satisfying. A satisfaction that comes from facing the hard stuff and moving forward. A richness you tap into only after digging deep and discovering all that’s really inside of you. Oh yes girl, go digging and find God’s power right inside of you, just waiting to be tapped into!

Don’t you know God has already overcome the world and that means he has made a way for you through your problems. You do not have to live one more day defeated. You can hold your head and your hands up high in victory because YOU ARE ON THE WINNING TEAM. For all eternity, and hey guess what – today is part of eternity. Think about that, today is part of your eternity. Eternity starts now. Forever includes today. This day is already part of the package of the eternity Jesus gave you!

Don’t save up your happy for heaven. Nope, you can celebrate the victory today. God has already told us the end of the story, so don’t stress over this middle part. Some of this is going to get messy, but you don’t have to get down and wallow in it. This is temporary and your victory is eternal.

What’s really interesting is when you begin celebrating your victory, believing that a way has been made even when you’re in the middle of the mess and don’t quite see it, you can find joy in the struggle. You begin to see the potential purpose in your pain. You can live the rich and satisfying life Jesus is offering, even when circumstances are a far cry from perfection. And you know what we call that – we call it praise.

Praise is honoring God for the guaranteed victory, even when the battle still rages. Praise is knowing joy can still be found here, and going on a scavenger hunt for it! For real, go on a scavenger hunt for your joy. Start moving stuff, and digging under some things to see if maybe there might be some hidden joy for you here. It won’t always be surface level, but Jesus’ purposes never fail. He came to give you a rich and satisfying life, then that means a rich and satisfying life is to be found my sister! Get out your shovel!

Perfect life is heaven – this side of heaven it won’t be perfect. But it can be rich and satisfying. And do you know when you find rich and satisfying? When you decide to look for it! When you set your mind to it. When you start digging for delight instead of digging for dirt.

Sometimes you’re afraid. Afraid you’re not good enough. Afraid you’ve screwed this thing up beyond repair. Afraid you’re in over your head and can’t make it work. Afraid you don’t have what it takes and this is as far as you will ever go. Afraid if your truth is told, bad things will happen. Afraid you will always be stuck here. Afraid this is the end.

What are you afraid of right now? What worried you as you went to sleep last night? What weighed heavy on you from the moment you woke up this morning? Oh, we’re all carrying around a weight like that. We’re all facing scary and unknown situations which make us question what will happen next.

Name your fear. Go ahead and put it on the table and let’s talk about it.

Sometimes our fears are completely valid. Other times they are imaginary threats we’ve created in our own minds. Real or imagined, valid or never even going to happen, the truth is these fears impact us in the same exact way. They steal our peace. They rob us of our joy. And they render us incapable of taking the next step, when in truth, we are fully equipped for it.

God doesn’t want you to continue with this fear.

Did you hear that? This fear, the one you just identified, God wants to lift that from you now. And for my sister who just couldn’t bring herself to name the fear you’ve been carrying around, the one that wasn’t laid on the table, God especially wants to lift that from you. You are his prized girl, and He says that fear has no place in your life.

Tucked away in God’s word is a sweet and powerful promise to you from your Creator. A promise you were destined to be reminded of on this very day of your life. A promise over that exact fear you’re dealing with now.

Isaiah 43: 1-4 MSG:

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You are mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.

When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.

When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end –

Because I am God, your personal God,

The Holy of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you …

That’s how much you mean to me!

That’s how much I love you!

I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,

trade the creation just for you.”

And let me assure you sister, these words from God are FOR YOU. Don’t dismiss yourself from this promise. This covers you. When God spoke these words, you were on his mind. If you were the only person in the whole world, he would have done it just for you. Why? Because as verse 3 says, I am your PERSONAL GOD.

He’s not some white bearded wizard that sits on a throne with a big stick looking down at you. Is that the image you have of the Almighty? Angry, ready to strike, impossible to please, judgmental and temperamental? Dang it, where did that come from? That’s not who he is! God is love. He is the ultimate love in that he gave his own son for you. And y’all that’s a whole other level of love. I love you, in fact I love you wildly, but you’re not getting one of my kids! Nope, not happening! But that’s the kind of love God has, unstoppable, relentless love. And He’s YOUR GOD and you are HIS GIRL. This is personal. And he is personally invested in lifting your fears.

God makes it very clear, life is not a matter of if you ever get in over you’re head, it’s WHEN you do. You will be in waters so deep you can’t touch. You will be faced with impossible odds, but what are impossible odds when God is on your side?

Two scriptures to remember in your deep water:

Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Where were you on this day 2 years ago? Think back. Do you remember. You, like the overwhelming majority of us, were likely at home. The kids were home. Spring break plans were cancelled, and you weren’t going anywhere.

2 years ago was the beginning of the lock-down, shut-in, quarantine at home. Everything changed in an instant. Suddenly, for the first time ever, we were counting the squares of toilet paper and rationing. We were learning how to Zoom, how to be the teacher, and how to fill hours of days that passed ever so slowly inside. At the time, I lived in a downtown loft where on Friday nights we would open our doors to hear the live concert happening in our hall. We paid the musicians in rolls of Charmin. Heck, I was taking an online class on Happiness through Yale. (I can officially add that I went to college at Yale, because I did! And I was a Yale drop-out, so there’s that.)

Where were you? What were you doing? How were your days different? March 2020, when the whole world shut down and families stayed home.

Do you remember missing the simple things? The simple things like being able to go see Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa. The simple things like sitting down at your favorite restaurant. The simple things like seeing smiles and giving hugs, going to Church, dropping the kids off at school, having a reason to put on a bra.

And I remember, 2 years ago right now saying WE WOULD NEVER TAKE THESE SIMPLE THINGS FOR GRANTED AGAIN.

Oh but Sis, have we?

Have we allowed life to go back to the way it used to be without an awareness of how sweet it is to get to do all the things we get to do? Have we slipped back into old habits and routines without recognizing how good it is to do these simple things again? Have we neglected to do the things with intention we swore we would do once we could?

When’s the last time you counted the squares on your toilet paper roll? You’re not rationing anymore are you? Well, are you remembering to be grateful for that abundance now? Are you saying the same prayer of thanksgiving now when you see a stocked shelf at the store with what you need, or was that gratitude only during a crisis?

Girl, can you stay grounded void of a crisis, or does it require a global pandemic to keep you grateful for the simple things? Can you live intentionally with your priorities given first place here, or was that only during shut down?

Have you gone back to that old you with that old way of living, pre-2020? Are you no longer noticing the beauty of the smile now that it’s not covered with a mask? Are you no longer making time to go see Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa because you can always do that now? Are you driving those kids to school and dropping them off in a mad, angry rush, forgetting that this is exactly what you prayed for? Here we are living in our freedom and life that has returned to more of a normal than we thought possible, but have we forgotten?

The Israelites spent more than a few months in lockdown. They had greater concerns than homeschooling and toilet paper rationing. They were slaves in Egypt for 400 years. They had no freedoms. No luxuries. No comforts. They begged God to set them free, and guess what … he did!

God worked through plagues and crisis, hardship and turmoil, split seas and washed away enemies to bring them to freedom. They walked right out of the gates they had been held behind their entire lives. And in their freedom, something happened … they did what we all eventually do, they took it for granted. They began to whine about the luxuries they had in freedom that they could only dream of while in slavery.

Oh my gosh, isn’t this us? Here we are living in freedom again, free to do the things we were begging to do 2 years ago, and we’re now whining about HAVING to do it. We’re now walking in a reality we day dreamed about in quarantine,

Wherever you are and whatever you are going through, God is right there with you my sister. He is here with you in this. He is by your side, comforting you, guiding you, providing for you, and making a way through this. You are never alone. You are never without help. You are never, not even for one moment, without the power of the Almighty in your life.

Can you see him here? Can you feel his presence? Do you notice his fingerprints on the details as they unfold?

Oh it’s good when you do, but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you don’t hear him. Sometimes you don’t see him. Sometimes you don’t feel him. So, where the heck did he go? Where’s God now?

The truth is, sometimes it feels like you’ve been dropped in the middle of chaos like you’re Catness in the Hunger Games and you have to fight for your life with no lifeline in the fight. And maybe you’re just really tired of fighting.

Sometimes it’s just dark. Dark like the new Batman movie. Y’all the sun never shines in Gotham. It’s always dark and rainy, have you noticed that? No wonder those people are cranky and fighting, they are seriously Vitamin D deficient. But maybe that’s the way your life feels. Like the sun is never going to shine again. Like this darkness is always looming over you and it isn’t going away anytime soon.

What do you do when you can’t see God in your circumstances? Where do you turn when you can’t feel his presence in the middle of your problem? Honey, you turn to his promises.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

These are the words of God spoken through Moses to the Israelites and their future new leader, Joshua. Their reality presented them with insurmountable challenges, and God wanted them to know unequivocally that they could trust Him to lead them to victory.

Later, after Moses death, we read the same words in Joshua 1:9, spoken to the Israelite’s new leader Joshua. This time God says it directly to Joshua as a reminder of what he had already been told, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Now was his time to lead and God was reminding him, Joshua regardless of the challenges, I could be trusted to lead you to victory.

And now, these are the words of God spoken to YOU, in your present reality with all these challenges. Yes, God wants YOU to know unequivocally that you can trust him to lead you to victory. It’s time to insert your name into this scripture and receive your personal promise from God. Write it down with your name. The Lord himself goes before you ______, and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you _______. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

What does it mean to not be afraid and not be discouraged? It means stop worrying. Stop overthinking. Stop allowing yourself to be overwhelmed. Trust in God to lead you through. Receive his promise and claim it as your own over your circumstances.

You may not know the way, but Sis, you don’t have to know the way. You may not see how it’s all going to work out, but you don’t have to see it first. You may not understand it all, but your understanding was never a prerequisite for God’s power to be unleashed. Only your faith.

Will you let your faith in an unseen God and an unknown way lead you today? Will you allow your faith to rise up above these circumstances and declare you will no longer be afraid, and you will no longer stay down in this discouragement? Will you dare to courageously believe The Lord himself has already gone through this before you and he has made a way for you one step at a time, and your worry,

You have forgotten your power, my sweet sister. You have allowed past failures and current struggles to dim your light, now you’re not shining in the full strength you could be. Today’s message from the Almighty is the perfect and simple wrap up of a big week of God speaking directly to each of us.

On Monday we learned to not get our panties in a wad. Today is a gift, a gift that is under attack, and a gift that must be protected. Satan is continually trying to screw up our day, and he has been training us how to even screw it up on our own. Be a drop out in the school of screw up, get those panties out of a wad, and make sure as you get this day, this day gets YOU. The best of you.

On Tuesday we learned to number our days. Life is brief and it’s passing ever so quickly. Most of us are not content with life passing as it has been, so we recognize our God-given alarm within that wakes us up and says ‘this doesn’t feel good’. If the way we’re living doesn’t feel good inside, then we have to change how we’re living. We start by honoring each day as the stand alone, individual day of potential it is. We don’t wait for a crisis to make time stand still, we stop in the beauty of the ordinary and we choose to stand still and capture the moment in this numbered day.

On Wednesday we learned to stop stressing over all we cannot understand and make peace with the things we question. We’re not dismissed from the good plans God has for us just because we have doubts along the way. God wants to use those of us who still wonder how it’s all possible, those who still pray but sometimes question if God is going to answer. Understand we’re in spiritual PROGRESS here! Perfection comes on the other side of this life. While we’re here we won’t be reaching it, and that’s really okay. It’s okay to question. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to believe and still have unbelief. Jesus will help you with that unbelief, now keep moving toward the life he has for you here.

On Thursday we learned to forgive ourselves and put the self-sabotage to a stop. The unforgiveness towards ourselves for anything in our past is really a dangerous disobedience. When Jesus taught that we must forgive everyone to receive the full power of his forgiveness, everyone includes OURSELVES. When we hold things from our past against our own selves, we block the full redemptive power of Jesus. We fail to walk in the grace given to us, and this not only hurts us, it hurts others. God declared you worthy of redemption, go ahead and walk fully in it Sis.

And that brings us to today … how do we wrap up a week like this? How do we step into this precious and priceless numbered day of life, with our new found self-forgiveness, unwadded panties, and permission to just be a work in progress? What does God want to tell us next?

This was the sentence He gave me for you right here, right now:

YOU ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE THE GOD WHO MADE IT LIVES IN YOU.

All this time, God has been pouring his truths and his promises into you, carefully ensuring those old wounds are healed, and the past is left in the past.

He’s been teaching you the value of each day of your life, because he’s been bringing you to this day, the day every other day has brought you to. Your whole life has been building up to this.

He’s been showing you your role in this partnership between Him and you. Ahhhh yes, you’re not a puppet on a string, just here playing out days that have already been pre-determined in a life you have no say over. No, you’re here as an active participant, creating with the Almighty! He has given you choices, and the choices are yours to make. He has set paths before you, and with his guidance, you get to walk down the right path. And when you screw that up,

Jesus forgave you, why haven’t you forgiven yourself? Jesus deemed you as worthy, why have you demoted yourself to unworthy? Woman, what are you hanging over your own head or dragging around as a dead weight behind you? Why is that thing in your past being brought into your today? It’s time to let it go. (Come on Elsa, help me out with this one, “let it go, let it go ….”)

Why are you still punishing yourself for that thing in your past? You may think it’s humble to play little under this offense of yours, you may even think it is necessary to honor the severity of your offense, but let me be real clear what it really is, it is dangerous disobedience. Yes, dangerous disobedience. This unforgiveness and continued punishment against yourself is a disobedience to God’s word, and it is dangerous in your life.

Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “And when you are praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Well have you ever thought about all you hold against YOU? What is this unforgiveness of yourself doing in your life? Is it blocking God’s forgiveness from getting to you? Absolutely not. But let me assure you, your unwillingness to forgive yourself is blocking the full redeeming power of God’s forgiveness.

God’s forgiveness can do miraculous work in an ordinary person’s life, but if that person can’t forgive themselves, then they continue to live in the condemnation Jesus already died to clear. Girl, you have absolutely NO RIGHT to be dragging this around with you still. You have no right to look at yourself in the mirror and only see that past sin and continue to punish yourself for it. Jesus is saying to you “my daughter, I have forgiven you, you MUST forgive yourself.”

I know of a woman who made a mistake in her past. I know, I know, you’re pulling back thinking “wait, she’s talking about me now.” Yes, isn’t that because we’re all women who made mistakes in their past? You’re not alone in this sister. It’s ridiculous to think you are. But this woman knows and love Jesus. She has received the forgiveness of Jesus over and over again, and she doesn’t doubt that. However, after all these years, she just can’t forgive herself. So she punishes herself. It’s self-sabotage at it’s finest.

And sadly, she’s made peace with her self-sabotage. She’s reasoned it out in her head and told herself she’s not deserving of better, she’s not trustworty to handle better, so she continues the punishment for a sin that was forgiven the moment she asked for it. The result is, a life short of the goodness God has planned for her. And it’s eating her up. She doesn’t love who she is, or how she’s living.

She’s doing this to herself. It’s her long-term punishment for a sin she’s unwilling to fully forgive herself of. It’s maybe why she overeats. It’s maybe why she makes promises to herself and breaks them. It’s maybe why she willfully chooses again and again to let herself down, and dig this ditch deeper where she has been stuck for so many years. She cheats on herself because she feels like that’s what she deserves for what she did in the past. And if she keeps herself in this ditch, she won’t hurt others again. She created this mess, so she feels it’s her mess to dwell in. But where does that stop?

Let me tell you, it stopped with JESUS!

This woman I know, a woman a whole lot like you and I, SHE IS HOLDING HER PAST SIN AGAINST HERSELF. And when she won’t forgive, she blocks the full power of Jesus’ forgiveness and redemption. He wants to strengthen her to NEVER ever make that past mistake again. To never feel those feelings again. To never return to that darkness.

Do you have God all figured out? Do you understand the way he works? Do you know exactly how he is going to answer your prayers? Do you even know for sure that he will? Are you shelfing the life you could be living and the purpose you could be walking in, waiting until you understand all of this? Do you feel like you’re disqualified because you don’t know everything yet?

Bob Goff puts it this way “We’re following a God we can’t see, for a lifetime we can’t measure, to a heaven we can’t comprehend, because of grace we didn’t even earn.”

Doesn’t that just sum up your life? Can’t see it, can’t measure it, can’t comprehend it, and didn’t earn it. And yet, this is exactly God’s design for you. He never wanted you to understand all of this. He never expected you to know everything. And he never thought for one minute you could earn it, that’s why he paid the price in advance for you.

I don’t know about you, but I thought after seeking God since I was 15, I would probably be like professional level Christian. I would have answers. I would know things. And I would be more certain. But y’all, I still question. I still wonder. I still read things in God’s word and feel conflicted by what I read the day before. When I pray, I still have a little part of me that speaks logic and says “for real girl, you think the creator of the Universe is actually listening to you right now?”

So, God prompted me to speak today to the one who is seeking, but not sure she is really finding. To the one who believes, but still really internally struggles with some unbelief. To the one who questions if her unbelief disappoints God and dismisses her from his promises. To the one who has been praying, but really isn’t sure God has any intention on answering.

Is that you? Is it okay if I tell you, that’s me. That’s me on most days. Some of the things I believe, I still question. Some of the things I’m counting on, totally don’t add up. Sometimes I feel 100% guided, and other times I feel like I’m trying to fly this thing alone. I don’t have it all together, and the truth is, I have no clue how to get it all together, now I’m wondering if God even wants me to get it all together, or does his Glory shine best in my scatteredness?

Yesterday I watched a video of one of my prized BIG Life girls share her testimony. It was her first time putting her story into words. A story of a life absolutely ruined by alcohol, and she knew she was to blame. Over and over again, she wrecked her own home and family, looking for something to fill her at the bottom of a bottle. This woman is now healed, restored, redeemed, and on her way to unleashing the good God always planned to do with all the enemy’s attack of evil in her life. I’m telling you there will be a book of the story of Catherine Cody one day. She will stand on stages and speak to crowds, and she will be used as the key to unlock the prison of many.

Catherine shared she did not know anything about this greater power than her, but she decided to fully turn her life over to his care. She didn’t know who God was, she didn’t know of the love of Jesus, she didn’t know how his redemption could possibly work over her sins and transgressions, but she just decided to lean in and trust it. She couldn’t name it, but she knew she could feel something. There, in a rehabilitation center, with a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous in her hands, she committed to spiritual progress over spiritual perfection.

Y’all THAT is it. We need to commit to spiritual progress and not get caught up in spiritual perfection.

You’re not dismissed from a personal relationship with Jesus just because you don’t understand how he works.