BindTortureKast

Greetings one and all, and welcome to Episode 95 of BindTortureKast.  For this episode, we were going to review "Contracted: Phase 2", but if you listen to the show intro, you will hear a completely uninteresting reason about why that didnt happen.  Thats ok though, as it has allowed us to make this an unoffical "Awful Mustery Show Of DOOM", now with 100% more Steve.  It'll actually be the usual B/T/K format, its just that you'll have no idea what the fuck we are reviewing.  Unless you are reading this AFTER listening.  In that case, I take that back, and I hope you enjoyed the episode.  If not...oh well, we apparently already have your download so you may as well just listen to this mess to see what we thought about the movie.  You dont need to get ALL THAT invested in it, as a matter of fact, you can perform any number of tasks while you listen to it.  Here are some examples of things that can be accomplished while listening to this, or any, episode of BindTortureKast;

1.) dust your dolls

2.) scan the newspaper for obituaries of your enemies

3.) choose a fantastical vacation destination, and then pretend you are driving there, instead of quietly weeping in your kitchen with the lights off

4.) talk on the phone with a close friend or family member, and when they ask "oh, do you have someone over there with you? I hear voices..." you can simply say, "oh, them? It's nobody even remotely important!"

5.) tell your animals how much you love them, and assure them that when you kill yourself, they are allowed to eat your carcass for sustenance

6.) porno

7.) you can write your boss a nice letter; it'll freak them out and really perk up your day

8.) watch public access TV and realize that our show is every bit as pathetic

9.) send Luke fan-mail

10.) and finally, and this is probably the best thing you could do with your time; search iTunes and Stitcher for a better podcast (I recommend Dead Air Podcast)

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance)

“Nocturna”-Moonspell

“Paralysis”-Frontline Assembly

“Mirror’s Paradise”-The Kovenant

"Waiting For Blood"-Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats

“A Letter To Elise”-The Cure

Greetings one and all, and thanks for bothering to check out the 94th episode of BindTortureKast.  We normally cover indie, underground, and extreme horror, but this episode is going in a slightly different direction.  Yes, words simply cannot begin to explain how much I have been looking forward to this episode because it means we can FINALLY talk about a movie I have been extremely excited for; "Tubo Kid".  It's a new film, set in the 80's, and based off of the trailer, we are in for one wild ride.  Dont worry though, while it isnt technically horror, there IS plenty of gore, so I feel its a worthy addition to the show! There is some other crap in the show, but really, who gives two fucking shits; "TURBO KID"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance)

“Division Ruine”-Carpenter Brut

“Perturbator’s Theme”-Perturbator

“Turbo Killer”-Carpenter Brut

“Humans Are Such Easy Prey”-Perturbator

“Le Perv”-Carpenter Brut

The following podcast is a mess.  This is a conceptual, metaphoric (and utterly embarrassing) digital slice of "entertainment", and is not meant to depict intelligence or educated thought as they could be perceived in physical reality.  It is meant to depict violent (but mostly just sad) delusions and fantasies that took place in the minds of two very disturbed losers, on a dark, hot Summer night.  If you are inclines or at risk to possibly subscribe to this podcast or recommend that others do so, please do NOT listen any further and seek professional help immediately. Thank you. Enjoy.

Hello, everyone.  For Episode 93 of B/T/K, we are once again cracking the Artsploitation vaults to bring you a review of their newest release "Cub".  This one has been a long time coming, and has a pretty sizable amount of buzz.  Will we be as blown away as the rest of the indie and horror community was?  Well, listen on to get your answer to that question that, to be honest, you never actually asked.  I am sorry to put such horrible words into your mouths.  Well, its better than what Luke puts in my mouth, but I have said too much... Only 7 more episodes to go everyone, and I can finally close the book on this chapter of my very sad life.  Thanks for listening.  Y'all be some rockin' muh'fucks!

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance);

“Bones Brigade”-Crosss

 “Cradle Of Forest”-Akira Yamaoka

“A Forest”-Clan Of Xymox

“Beyond The Great Vast Forest”-Emperor

“Third Law”-Leprous

Thanks for checking out Episode 91 of BindTortureKast, everyone.  For this one, we are reviewing the new film "Extinction" from "Kidnapped" director Miguel Angel Vivas.  Taking a break from the usual super-indie and extreme stuff, I thought this one looked promising, and decided to give it a go.  To be honest though, I watched the trailer, saw the "At The Mountains of Madness" marquee, realized this was as close as I may get to the doomed del Toro project, and said "Fuck it, we are doing it!".  Yep, it (and I) am just that simple.  Given the impending B/T/K implosion that is about to happen, the title seemed appropriate, as well.  Anyway, enjoy the show, folks.

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance)

“Frozen Lakes On Mars”-Ihsahn

“Extinction Level Event”-The Devil

“Psalms Of Extinction”-Pain

“Cold Damp Day”-Clan Of Xymox

“End Of The World”-Blackfield

Disclaimer; this is NOT a new episode of B/T/K.  The previous cut of Episode 45 has been bothering me for quite some time now, so I decided to re-edit it.  I think that its far more listenable now, though you may (and probably will) disagree.  No need to re-listen if you have already endured it, but if you are new to the show; I present to you "The Ultimate Sad Jerk-Ass Editor's Cut" of B/T/K-Ep. 45, where we review the absolutely flawless movie, "Excision"!

Music on this episode (in order of appearance);

“28 Days Later”-Screamerclauz

“Lecher Bitch”-Genitorturers

“Wargasm”-L7

 “Jungle Train”-Babes In Toyland

“Taste You”-Melissa Auf der Maur

Hello everyone, and thanks for giving Episode 90 of BindTortureKast a listen.  That was really quite nice of you.  For this episode, we are checking out the new film "Dark Was The Night".  It's been turning more heads than a naked, lubed-up Luke at a NAMBLA convention, so tune in to hear our reviews of this little creature featuriffic film.  You're still picturing Luke, all glistening, being eye-fucked by older, overweight, balding men, arent you?  It's ok, it's what he deserves.  Please be sure to hang around after our reviews, as we will no doubt be delighting you with news stories that may involve films that may never actually get filmed, calendar releases for things that are so far away that you will probably forget about them when they DO finally come out, and music that 99.9% of you listening probably hate.  We really are the full package, here on B/T/K.  Speaking of 99.9% of you, for the .01% that DO actually read these show descriptions; you warm the cockles of my wretched heart.  Thank you.  I did not mean anything pornographic with that "cockles" statement.  I was merely refering to how you reading these things makes the saltwater clams that live in my heart muscle extremely warm (in temperature).  That was all I meant.

Anyway, only ten episodes left til the end, kiddies. 

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance);

“Nightmare Heaven”-Arcturus

“The Dark Eternal Night”-Dream Theater

“Dark Of The Sun”-Arch Enemy

“Darkness And Death”-Watain

“The Dead Of Night”-Depeche Mode

Hey everyone, and thanks for checking out BindTortureKast's 88th Episode!!! For this one, we are reviewing a film that was directed by Franck Khalfoun called "iLived".  It's a brand new movie from the director who absolutely impressed not only ALL of BindTortureKast, but MUCH of the horror world, with his last film, the remake of "Maniac".  You remember "Maniac", right?  We covered it over two years ago, on our very first episode of B/T/K!  It's hard to believe that it's really been this long since he's released something new, but join us to see if, 87 episodes later, BTK still has a bunch of deep, man-love for the fantastic director. Other than that, we find new and exciting ways to waste your time with our often-incoherent babbling about things that make very little sense.  We do this all in the name of "integrity", and because we care.  Enjoy this wretched show, you fabulous bastards

 Music On This Episode (in order of appearance)

“Slaughter Of Elysium”-The Electric Hellfire Club

“Spasmolytic”-Skinny Puppy

“Humanoia”-Red Harvest

“Wrong”-Croc Shop

“Outbreaker”-Encephalon

Welcome, welcome, one and all.  Welcome to the most ridiculous excuse for a podcast in all of Podcastia, BindTortureKast.  For this utterly pointless and kind of sad 86th episode, we will be reviewing a little film from 2011 called "Alyce Kills".  I personally loved it, so will Steve and Luke feel the same way, or will they point their filthy little fingers at me in admonishment, cursing the day a certain handsome would-be podcast host approached them and said, "So I was thinking about doing this show.  It would be awesome if you wanted to join in".  The former, or the latter-which will it be?  Well, you've already done the easy part by downloading or streaming it, so now comes the excrutiatingly difficult part; LISTENING to the show to find out!  Other than that, the usual padding we like to parade as actual "segments", all in an effort to bolster our sad repertoire of bad jokes, lack of insight, and Luke's ego.  Thanks for listening everyone. Regardless of how awful this show is, YOU make it tons of fun!

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance)

“White Rabbit"-Born For Bliss

“Alice”-Clan Of Xymox

“All Your Friends (Are Going To Kill You)”-The Dogbones

“To See You Bleed”-Watch Them Die

“Rewind”-Leprous

Hello everyone, and welcome to episode 87 of BindTortureKast.  We are thrilled you dropped by, because we are just all rainbows and cat farts tonight as we review the ultra-upbeat and not-at-all-depressing movie, "Nothing Bad Can Happen".  Its yet another whimsical story about togetherness, love, and sheer cruelty (from Germany, no less).  Yes, the country that gave us 'wursts, warm beer, and great industrial music have delivered another slab of family-rated fun that will thrill the kids for years to come, make you dig in for snuggle-times, and NEVER make you want to end it all as quickly as possible.  We promise. Of course, we're liars, so....

ugh.  Just try and enjoy this mess.

Music On This Episode (in order of appearance);

“God Is God”-Laibach

“Your God”-Project Pitchfork

“Sol Invictus”-Faith No More

“Act Of God”-Fear Factory

“Bad Devil”-Devin Townsend