Bite Thy Thumb

You obviously like scams if you support this podcast; may we interest you in a 2 year old review of the docuseries about the McDonald’s monopoly scam? (0:03:30). Your regularly scheduling scamming resumes with audio content such as: Jarrett apologizing to Ime Udoka and the Celtics (0:12:56), MLB lockout thoughts and pocket watching minor leaguers (0:29:42), a troubling yet plausible Patriots conspiracy theory (0:46:47), analyzing the crimes against Russell Westbr*ck (0:56:35), and making plans to Tee off like Grizzley (1:04:20). Bonus footage: James the Human Eraser [skit] (1:08:46).

The boys are back and going international as Ethan takes a trip to Ireland and meets the rudest human being of his life (0:00:47). We have the collective attention span of a fly in this smorgasbord of an episode as we bounce from topic to topic, including your favorite hits such as: shoveling treasures of out of the snow while almost destroying someone’s snowblower (0:14:18), year old Super Bowl takes (0:21:38), Pokémon Arceus reflections Part II (0:31:14), The Antichrist presents: Steph & Ayesha Curry Dating Game (0:46:15), LeBron looking for more LeAttention (0:54:14), medieval axe throwing and a Viking cult conspiracy theory (1:05:22), officially denouncing Kanye West‘s musical works and actions after 2014] (1:13:00), and a short but significant James story ominously foreshadowing future podcast topics (1:23:25).

The boys are back after a brief hiatus, and we’re breaking news right away as Ethan returns to the Broadway stage 12 years after his Tony winning performance in Wicked [and by that I mean Wicked Pissah, the Boston based reenactment of l the Stephen Schwartz musical] (0:06:09). We get together to both complain about and reason with the NFL seasonal award results (0:13:48) as well as submit our 2 week old super bowl predictions for your entertainment (0:27:38). Should you kick the field goal, should you go for it, should you stop listening to this podcast altogether? (0:42:14). We get some DeflateGate venting off our chest 7 years later (0:48:30) and dive into the Olympic figure skating doping scandal (0:54:53). We dive all the way into our review of Pokemon: Legends of Arceus (1:12:28) which leads to an epic Ethan rant blowing up at Jameses controversial opinions (1:49:50). Our nightcap for the evening is a fine glass of Patriots propaganda with a chaser of Mac Jones love (2:01:10).

The civil discourse surrounding our successful Chinese food gathering before the failed Love Show quickly ends when the Trigger Warning debacle surrounding the Butt Cyst Story is rehashed [how’s THAT for a sentence] (0:08:18). James antagonizes the nation once again, this time in regard to Pokémon Legends: Arceus (0:19:11). We ask the important question: do fans of things always suck? We answer this and also pretend we are extremely smart game developers (0:30:15). Tom Brady’s 9 page retirement post somehow did not mention the Patriots OR the Bite Thy Thumb podcast (0:46:11). We keep James on mute just a little more with some general NFL rumblings (1:10:21) before shutting this bad boy down by spitting some game about Girl Scout Cookies (1:17:39) and the return of Fortnite (1:24:00).

Pain and tragedy. One man’s comeback. Podcast tension and a host determined to destroy all that is good. The Butt Cyst Story (0:03:50). We completely exclude James from the pod entirely to discuss the NFL playoffs and football current events (0:19:09) but we do allow him to participate in debating which NFL players age like wine or cheese as well as a little dynasty discourse (0:32:09). We stay in our Sporty Spice lane with a brief Superb Owl preview (0:46:04) as well as some NFL draft talk and how pro-scouts are basically weather people (0:52:31). Finally, we bring it on home with some very classy and thought provoking bidet talk (1:03:59) and previewing the new Pokemon: Legends of Arceus game (1:10:32).

Tragedy strikes again, and this time it’s not just another Bite Thy Thumb episode: The Impractical Jokers are dead (0:00:56). On the contrary, the man who submerses himself in bogs is alive and prospering (0:06:21). We talk SNL and insult comedy (0:16:42) before diving into a surprisingly deep conversation about the topic of Chappelle and the state of comedy (0:30:40). Wash that down immediately with Chinese buffets and cocktails (0:43:33), fixing major fast food chains (0:53:32), and previewing a new drinking episode while reflecting on our old drinking episodes [and maybe another love show?] (1:04:48). We wrap this baby up by crying about the Celtics (1:16:56) and presenting very accurate predictions about the year 2022 (1:23:48).

This episode time-traveled from 2021 into the future just to ruin your new year early. James hears the Bite Thy Thumb podcast for the first time and also discovers we’ve been doing a fantasy football league despite 3 of our 18 podcasts being centered around said fantasy league (0:02:56). We celebrate and criticize Ethan’s championship and discuss how we made out with our fantasy portfolios this year (0:11:23). We dip back into the world of [hypothetical] stealing and the supermarket giant Barket Masket (0:26:22), struggle through playing the Ultimate Dinner Plate game (0:45:32), relive some hall of fame Ethan v Jarrett meltdowns because we definitely didn’t edit one out of this episode (1:01:55), and finally, bring home this terrible year with the even more terrible Bite Thy Thumb: Year in Review (1:10:26).

The Thumb Elves are back with the Christmas episode and boy is it the worst gift under your tree. We talk about the existence of Santa Clause [warning: SPOILERS] as well as the existence of Chunky peanut butter [warning: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE] (0:04:16). We evaluate how poorly we’d perform in a $5,000 secret Santa grab (0:15:46), Christmas Day battle strategies (0:35:15), how pristine the original iPods were (0:43:19), and which Christmas songs deserve to be praised vs. which deserve to experience the ultimate dishonor… being sung by us on a podcast (0:54:13).

The Love Show begins with some late night relationship advice from Big Dr. D down in Georgia (0:01:12). We show the fan(s) some love on the love show (0:12:27) and also acknowledge the existence of music and sounds (0:21:06). We ride out the love wave wondering if Ben Simmons could hit a couple hundred threes to save his life (0:37:11), new music Friday review (0:41:20), enjoying various places we do not live in (0:51:59), a fruitful Hawaiian rock music review (0:57:10), some metacognitive podcast reflections (1:16:45), and finally, the topic that will dominate the conversation at your holiday table… what’s the deal with rock music from Wisconsin?! (1:20:35).

Oh yeah baby. We’re back again. We collectively launch ourselves out of a cannon by discussing the latest new music Friday offerings from artists both dead and alive, all of whom could use microphones better than us (0:01:07). Jarrett furiously re-enacts the guy who speaks the ESPN introductions before hyping up the Brady doc (0:07:59). Do you enjoy rappers saying funny things? You’ll enjoy it even more when we say them! (0:16:36). We send you home with all your favorite classics, including: Is everyone on earth popular? (0:22:05), Thumb biters origin stories, (0:28:36), the Month Draft (0:34:34), a Bite Thy Foot-Thumb fantasy football update (0:52:10), introducing a new music segment for Season 2 (0:57:54), and finally, you know we can’t end without talking a little Pokémon (1:04:54).