Body Counts And Beer

It's finally happened. It took two years, but it's finally happened. The moon and the stars and the sun and the planets have aligned, and given unto us our greatest blessing: Nic Cage as John Travolta and John Travolta as Nice Cage! This week, we're taking on the 1997 John Woo classic FACE/OFF!

Grab yourself a peach and creepily savor it for hours as we cover all the bases on this one, including: Proper weight gain technique for those that have been Face/Offed; We get sidetracked naming all the G.I. Joe characters, and there are way more than you thought; Mark savagely defends the honor of Christopher Cross; the extensive and intensive therapy all the characters in Face/Off will need to endure; Sex Calzones; tips and hints to win Supermarket Sweep; and the secret to airplane flight (HINT: it involves ritual sacrifice!).

Dear Bowling Alley Owners: Patrick Bromley has ALL your shoes.

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Strap on your magnetic boots! Bust out your striped onesies! Gather all the cigarettes and ramen you can get your hands on! This week, we're discussing our FAVORITE MOVIE PRISONS!

We holed up in the "studio" until we finished this minisode of minisodes, and along the way discovered some things about ourselves: Klingons need rocks for reasons! A community service reminder that Service Merchandise was a very real store some people went to! Mark tells a convoluted tale about his visit to a Planet Hollywood! We deny Alien 3 a spot on the honorable mentions list! PLUS: some of the surliest life hacks you've ever heard!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite prison tattoo, your least favorite bread-in-a-can, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

OOH YEAH BROTHER! This week, in apropos of absolutely nothing, we're throwing down a standalone minisode celebrating our FAVORITE WRESTLERS...and some other stuff too!

We begin by casting the MCU Avengers as professional wrestlers, then pick our favorite wrestlers, then honorable mentions and in between there's a whole lot of weirdness, including: Paul Bearer as Mjolnir! Jon tells us the Legend of Kenny Omega! Macho Man drops by! And other things! PLUS: More!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite late night taco joint in Chicago, your favorite Bushwacker, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

For the first time in our long and storied existence, we're on time to capitalize on a current action movie event! With the release of Avengers: Infinity War tomorrow (or tonight, for those lucky few like ME!), we've decided to go all the way back to 2012 to revisit the first superhero team 'em up: Joss Whedon's THE AVENGERS!

Aside from all the blastin', shieldin', hammerin', sky laserin' good times we've all seen millions of times, we also cover the little things: Patrick and Jon attempt to explain Minecraft to Mark...again! We build our own Avengers-like squad of TV judges! We discover the spiteful final resting place of the "lost" Wu-Tang Clan album! Mark staunchly defends Dungeons and Dragons! We lament the lack of orgies in the MCU! PLUS: we get sidetracked by Tom Bombadil talk WAY TOO EARLY!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what 16-bit JRPG Mark should play after Chrono Trigger, what temperature you prefer your gin at, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

In honor of our 50th episode, we felt it was time to reach all the back into the distant past of 2016 and revisit an oldie but a not-so-goodie. This week, we FINALLY make good on our lost pilot and take on the 1985 Schwarzenegger rampage-in-movie-form COMMANDO!

Listen in as we discuss every salient point COMMANDO has to offer, as well as ANYTHING ELSE: We meet Trash Doctor MD! We take a minute to shit all over Generation X AND Fosters beer! We attempt to answer that age old question: what does California do for donuts? Patrick and Jon try to explain Star Trek's Federation of Planets to Mark and he DOES NOT GET IT! Once again, Mark and Jon torture Patrick by butchering nautical terms. BONUS: Jon's operating system crashes during Bullet Points!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your least favorite direct-to-video Disney sequel, how many late fees you've incurred at your local library, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

*BLEEP* *ZORP* *OTHER 8-BIT NOISE* This week we're celebrating the ACTION MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE VIDEO GAMES, because we're creatively bankrupt and nobody took Mark's suggestion for BEST MONTAGE JAMZ!

Listen as we cover a little bit of everything: new ways to experience throat ripping! A debate over VHS board games! Michael Madsen drunk sleepwalking through movies AND games! People suits! Some kind AND harsh words for Kevin Smith! More! And SOME more! PLUS: etc!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite coin from another country, why your favorite coin from a foreign country is Canada'a Tooney because it's a big coin with a little coin inside, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

What is the only thing better than one Van Damme? TWO VAN DAMMES! What is the only thing better than two Van Dammes? A MOVIE STARRING TWO VAN DAMMES! This week, we FINALLY take on the 1991 martial arts/property rights actioner DOUBLE IMPACT!

We cover SO MUCH this week, including: the Ins and Outs of bridge ownership! Patrick dies on the hill of nautical terminology! How the Trump administration has drastically changed how we measure things! Mark highly recommends Magic Mike XXL! Another dynamtie drop-in by Paul Harvey! We try (and fail) to figure out what exactly VSOP means! PLUS: another special guest appearance by Dee Amaral, who tries to explain Canadian politics to three dumdums!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite gelato flavor, your least favorite yogurt flavor, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

Like most things we do here, we're a little behind, but who cares? WE DO! It's finally time to hunker down and celebrate with our (Mildly Belated) TWO YEAR PODVERSARY SPECIAL!

We're going over our Favorite and Least Favorite Movies of the last year! The movies that surprised us the most! Some Honorable Mentions for good measure! And a glimpse into the future for movies we want to cover! PLUS: Mark tells his sad Chris Claremont story that may have a happy ending AND we reserve harsh words for Billy Corgan for no real reason whatsoever!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, where to procure precious prosciutto, your favorite Short Circuit 2, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

BAM! POW! ZAP! These are the onomatopoeias that could have saved an entire cinematic universe! Instead, we were served the flabby, dry, crusty slab of trash meat called JUSTICE LEAGUE! The latest in a brief line of apathetic turds thrust upon humanity by Warner Bros!

Listen as we absolutely excoriate this cinematic cracked toilet bowl: Jon finally defines the antithesis of action movies! We learn that nobody gives a rat's ass about secret identities! Mark goes HAM at the end! Flash and Cyborg: Casual Grave Robbers! We try to determine who lowered the frame rate on all the CGI! The uncanny valley pays an unfortunate visit to Henry Cavill's face! BATCRAB! Flash's Mjolnir arms! PLUS: we attempt to figure out the maddening geography of Metropolis, Gotham City and Chicago!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Bat-Gadget, your ATM pin number, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

This week, on a very special not-so-mini minisode, we're finally banding together and pumping out our very own COMIC BOOK MOVIE PITCHES! After sitting through the grueling boredom of Justice League (next week's show!), we shrugged our collective shoulders, said "Meh, can't be any worse," and vomited out our own pitches for comic book movies.

Listen as Jon explores the crazy world of Grant Morrison! Patrick chooses the weird, redheaded, British stepchild of the X-Men! Mark takes the easy way out with a story that's already been partially cannibalized by Hollywood! PLUS: turns out Matthew Vaughan is just Guy Ritchie with standards and taste!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite obsolete internet search engine, the story of your first traffic ticket, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!