Body Counts And Beer

We were supposed to watch Passenger 57. Mistakes were made. Top men were put on the job. Top. Men. And those top men were Jackie Chan, John Cusack and Adrien Brody, stars of the surprisingly enjoyable DRAGON BLADE, the best last minute replacement movie we've ever seen!

This one starts strange, gets stranger, mellows out a bit, then goes off the rails, all by minute two! Jon still has a cold and his medicine has weird side effects, Mark spoils the beginning of Rocky IV, we nail an extended riff on piano-based rock and rollers from the 70s, the greatest Car Talk guys impression ever rears its glorious head, we got one shitty parrot, AJA!, and Jon forgets the name of the podcast he's currently recording.

NOTE: Sorry for the incessant sounds of summer behind us. It was too hot in the "studio" to close the windows.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, where your favorite wax museum is, your old family recipe for yoghurt with an "H," or literally ANYTHING AT ALL!

We're sorry. We can't believe it has taken us so long to get here: 36 episodes, 30 minisodes, 4 bonus episodes, and one weird, one-off audio sketch, and yet not until now have we taken the time to pay tribute to our FAVORITE MARTIAL ARTS ACTORS!

Not named Bruce Lee of course. Because otherwise we would have all picked Bruce Lee. And we can only talk about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's dope "Game of Death" sunglasses for so long.

Join us as we recount in awe the prowess of Tony Jaa, Jackie Chan and JCVD himself! Jon has a cold, which somehow make him forget the Konami Code! Patrick picks his favorite, which Mark basically hijacks because deep down it was his favorite too! Mark picks a guy who only made two good movies, but one of them has a thrown baby elephant, so it's okay! PLUS: Jon reveals his secret hip-hop crush!

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We failed. We sought to wash the bad taste of Street Fighter: The Movie out of our mouths with a superior Van Damme flick. Instead, we watched the Cannon Film Group hunk o' cinematic poo CYBORG. It's absolutely one of the worst films we've watched for this podcast, and we are not happy about that one bit.

Listen as we cover any and every base we can: the hubris of Cannon Film Group, the exact percentage of screaming in Cyborg, some jangling keys, the return of Coke Guy, the debut issue of the Pirate Gazette, Jon goes out of his way to anger all Final Fantasy fans, we elevate some Denny's cuisine in the name of filling time, and once again, we unleash the Bonus Bullet Point FAVORITE MALL RESTAURANT! Plus: Mark doesn't know how cocaine works and Jon somehow finds a way to bring up Star Wars.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what your favorite hot sauce is, what movie to watch next, how much you spent on your electric bill last month, more, or ANYTHING!

Next week we're watching the 1989 JCVD/Cannon Film Group junkfire CYBORG! As such, we're devoting this week's very special minisode to our FAVORITE MOVIE POST-APOCALYPSES! And, believe it or not, shit gets weird REAL QUICK!

We begin with a visit from our old pals Werner Herzog and David Bowie, then Jon wimps out and chooses the easy Post-Apocalypse, then Patrick goes insane and chooses the worst Costner Post- Apocalypse, then Mark laments Jon choosing the easy Post-Apocalypse because he wanted it. PLUS: a true cavalcade of stars stops by, including Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe and the famous cross-dimensional wrestling superstar Macho Man!

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HADOUKEN! SONIC BOOM! TIGER KNEE! Grab a roll of quarters and head down to the nearest arcade, because anything you play there will be better than the 1994 JCVD craptacular STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE! That's right: even Aerosmith's Revolution X is better than this hunk o' trash!

We cover everything even tangentially related to this "film": Mark's favorite Three Dog Night song, a list of fast food franchises, Jon debuts his new spinoff "Real Answers to Dumb Questions," a timely Music Man reference, a three-way M. Bison quotation, Jon does everything he can to derail Bullet Points and fails, Mark does everything he can to derail Bullet Points and succeeds, more, etc, the glory of Hammer + "Neon" Deion Sanders, and STILL MORE!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, why the Martin Luther King, Jr. estate would EVER give their consent to using his likeness in Street Fighter: The Movie, or what movie to watch next!

This week we're taking a moment to discuss having your childhood ripped from your hands, folded into a paper airplane, and thrown into a fire made of snakes. That's right, it's time for the WORST VIDEO GAME MOVIES OF ALL TIME!

Next week we're talking STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE, so we thought we'd cover the Worst of the Rest when it comes to video game movies. We covered absolutely everything: Jill Sandwiches, best fast food milkshakes, FMV games starring Jeff Goldblum and Rolaids, the Deceipt of Fassbender, so much more, and etc!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what gave you the rockin' pneumonia and/or the boogie woogie flu, vaccinations for novelty song illnesses, or what movie to watch next!

What happens when one of the biggest filmmakers ever remakes a French goof 'em up with the star of Pumping Iron? Yes, we're finally discussing TRUE LIES, the 1994 James Cameron action comedy that gave us the one tolerable Tom Arnold performance of the 90s!

Joining us in the "studio" this week is special guest Chris Bashen (of the Nerd Outcast Podcast and web series The Studio fame!) and we pull out all the stops making him feel welcome. We also spend some time talking about True Lies! We got a little bit of everything this time around: Jon invents a Turing Test inspired by Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, Patrick somehow manages to slip in yet another Heaven's Gate reference, Chris explains international space property tax law, we investigate the origins of Bazooka Joe, and we release our sequel to Seal's "Kiss From A Rose." PLUS: the return of Paul Giamatti, who explains how movies are made!

If you want to hear more from Chris, check out the Nerd Outcast Podcast here: https://nerdoutcast.podbean.com/

Or watch his web series The Studio here: https://www.thestudiowebseries.com/

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what you missed, what your favorite D&D creature is (Beholder, duh) or what movie to watch next!

This week, we're joined by special guest Chris Bashen of The Nerd Outcast Podcast to discuss the seedy underbelly of our FAVORITE MOVIE SPIES! Surprisingly enough, nobody chose Robert Redford OR Brad Pitt from Spy Game. What kind of world are we living in!?

Listen as we cover all the pertinent espionage bases, while somehow skipping over most of the pertinent espionage bases! We speculate on Elton John's role in The Kingsman sequel, Jon chooses a spy from a movie he dislikes, we once again invoke the pleasure and pain of the Cenobites, Patrick and Chris make a date to watch The Kingsman, Mark nails his impression of Halle Berry in Monster's Ball, and we talk about Kingsman so much it's a surprise NONE OF US CHOSE ANY OF THE SPIES FROM IT AS OUR FAVORITE SPIES.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what made your teeth clench with sexual fury, your favorite Little Debbie snack cake, or what action movie to watch next!

What happens when you pit a barely coherent Matthew McConnaughey against a bored Christian Bale? Well, if it's directed by Rob Bowman, you get the 2002 dragonpalooza REIGN OF FIRE! Yes, Reign of Fire, the movie equivalent of a pot o' chili: it's better the second time you watch it!

Join us as we discuss any and all things related and unrelated to Reign of Fire: Matthew McConaughey - King of the Pretty Lawyers, Roblo the Rob Lowe Robot Who is also a Lobot, a surprise lesson in tauntaun anatomy, the great Reign of Fire/Prego tomato sauce ad campaign we never got, Mark's weird fetish, Jon's recipe for the Taco Bell/Little Caesars Sammich, and the debut of the Martin Scorcese Bit!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what monstrous fast food amalgamation you've been working on, what movie to watch next, or LITERALLY ANYTHING!

For this week's very special minisode, we're taking a moment to savor some of the smaller things in life. So buckle up, strap in, and prepare yourself as we discuss our FAVORITE GIANT CINEMATIC MONSTERS!

ROAR! Mark takes "full transparency" way too far. GNASH! Jon makes the rookie mistake of confusing Mon Mothma for Mothra. BREATH RAY! Patrick gets excited about all the Tremors films he's missed. STOMP! Jon makes the veteran mistake of confusing King Kong for Godzilla. ETC! Patrick gets excited about the upcoming Rampage film and we try to remember the names of the monsters within to no avail.

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Tell us what you liked, what you hated, what needed to be louder, what needed to be quieter, what needed a dash of paprika, what movie to watch next, or LITERALLY ANYTHING.