#097 Roasting Saints 16: Thrilled

with special guest Skeletor Rusty!

Today we roast episode 16 of the Mormon Channel's "Saints" podcast. Their historian guest was Jed Woodworth Ph.D.

A man who thinks that Phebe Peck, and by extension other Mormon women, were so "thrilled" to be able to read the prophet's words semi-directly in the ye-olde Mormon newspaper, that they just had to evangelize by writing letters to friends exhuberantly.

A man who thinks these early Mormon women were excited to order their lives under Smitty's prophetic voice.

A man who summarised the story from Acts Chapter 2 so innaccurately, that if the first 2 points didn't make you question everything he said, this would.

I guess like most Mormons, he read Smitty's sequel 50 million times, and never bothered much with "Volume 1 - The Bible".

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#096 Mosiah 11: WTF is Ziff?

The Excitment of Dead Action Role Play in Mormon Temples

Brother Jones tells about a new "big fuck-all temple" being built near him, lit up at night with what sounds like a headache inducing amount of light.

Brother Benjamin and Brother Jones recall their personal experiences in Mormon temples. Jones specifically tells how when LARPing in a temple for the deceased (or is that DARPing?), the rituals are completed in sections, and done in batches. and the LARP includes sitting through a 3 hour video in one part!

Sister Gigi asks ChatGPT3 to improve The Book of Mormon. And, no surprises... It does!

Joseph Smith visits his iniquities. And the team try to work out what "ziff" is (Mosiah 11 verses 3 and 8).

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#095 Roasting Saints 15

Dying Alone on Video Chat

We're really treated this week on "Saints" episode 15. Elder J Devin Cornish, from the Quorum of the Seventy, lends his sleep inducing voice to the inane rhetoric. If only he'd let Sarah Eyring say more, instead of overtalking her. I mean, it still would have been rhetoric, but it would have sounded beautiful, at least to Sister Patience.

The Elder references the wrong scripture as inspiration for Doctrine And Covenants 76. He mentions John 5:39, but he mixed it up with John 5:29. One character different. Very different content though. Guess he was speaking "as a man" there and not "from God". Here are the two verses from the King Jimmy version:

John 5:39 ~ "Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me."

John 5:29 ~ "And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation."

Smitty and Rigdon invent group improvisation, and "yes-and" themselves to D&C 76.

William McLellin gets "dragged" by the "Saints" hosts for:

Questioning Joseph.

Leaving his mission early.

Marrying instead of completing his mission.

Accompanying (or leading?) a company of 100 Mormons to settle in Jackson County against Smitty's wishes.

Buying land from the Government directly, instead of participating in Smitty's Communism Scheme called "The Law of Consecration".

Rigdon literally gets dragged, and along with with Joseph is assaulted by a mob, in a disgusting display of vigilante "justice". The assaulted had been shitty; and in the absence of better law-enforcement, the assaulters felt permitted to punish them with emotionally fuelled violence. That's the wrong way to address grievances in ANY era. Shitty people on all sides.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#094 Mosiah 10: 2 Percent Hope

Your study guide to walking away from Joseph Smith's cult.

Mosiah 10 is so stupid. True believers have read this horseshit a billion times, but they're clearly not really READING it. It is its own worst enemy!

Key Stupidities:

In verse 6, Smitty incorrectly uses the word "rebellion". The ruling people cannot rebel against the ruled.

Zeniff dies, and his parting words to us in verse 22 include: "And now I, being old, did confer the kingdom upon one of my sons; therefore, I say no more."

If you were writing important history, that sentence should have read, "I confered my kingdom upon my son, Noah." It's even less words. Why would a king not tell us which son he crowned? Their lineage is very important to them!

Sister Patience calculates Zeniff's age at 54 when the "rebellion" happened. And there can't really be anyone in his "city", much older than him. So where are all these old men that he summoned to fight in verse 9?

Joseph was clearly having an absent minded day of "translating" because, the last two-thirds of the chapter is littered with the confusing overuse of personal pronouns.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#093 Roasting Saints 14

The Unprofound Guide to Revelating Coherantly

As we amuse ourselves with the 14th installment of the "Saints" podcast, we find ourselves reading a few passages from the first anti-Mormon book: Mormonism Unvailed. That's not a typo! Hear Lucy and Abigail Harris' opinion of Martin!

The book is from 1834, and can be read online here:

https://archive.org/details/MormonismUnvailed1834/

The book was referenced in the episode, and contains a side of the story that even ex-mormons may not have heard.

Other Topics:

Ezra Booth, the tenacious ex-mormon who was a thorn in Smitty's side! Letters that he wrote are included in "Mormonism Unvailed".

What will Sister Wendy do when Rusty dies?

Incase anyone is interested, the music played under the reading is from a Gilbert and Sullivan Comic Opera called "Patience". The artwork for the episode is a photo of Lillian Russell who played the title role in an 1882 production in New York. Sister Patience has not seen this musical yet, but while searching for something spritely it stood out.

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#092 Mosiah 9 Isn't Fine

Joseph Smith makes us seasick as he jumps around in time.

Smitty decides to go back and tell us another implausible story about Zeniff: a man who still seems to get lost in the wilderness after being lost in the same wilderness before. What a leader.

Brother Jones and Sister Patience discuss Karianne Lisonbee, the Utah House Rep (and Mormon) who trusts women (to limit their intake of semen). Something she never did as she polluted the world with her 6 homeschooled spawn.

https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2022/11/10/heres-who-utah-senate-democrats/

We get some figures to backup Prophet Nelson's Potempkin Temples: he's announced 118, only 2 of those are open.

https://www.deseret.com/faith/2022/11/6/23411363/how-many-lds-mormon-church-temples-announced-by-president-nelson-open/

El-duhhh Christofferson wants the believers to pump their spiritual muscles, and try really HARD not to read the entire article as a euphemism.

https://www.thechurchnews.com/leaders/2022/10/27/23426589/elder-christofferson-ysa-devotional-cedar-city-institute-muscular-christians/

Rusty says "We will build temples. You will build people prepared to enter them." Ahaha, really Rusty? The photos are hilarious. Everyone looks so depressed. Rusty talks about the internet, and he really shouldn't.

https://www.thechurchnews.com/leaders/2022/11/13/23457052/president-nelson-nevada-devotional-temple-preparation-president-ballard/

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#091 Cooking the Silly Book

Just add chalk and cheese.

Sister Patience hosts a watch party for the 60 Minutes expose of Australian LDS tax practices titled "Cooking the Book of Mormon".

60 Minutes managed to say very little in 19 minutes of presentation, but what they did say was noteworthy. We probably have not heard the end of this story!

Want to be part of a watch party in the future? Let us know! Our DMs are open.

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#090 Mosiah 8: Lesbian Wedding Cake

Lost in a land which had been peopled with a err... people.

Brother Jones and Sister Patience tackle crunchy Mormon related news stories. Then they relax with the silliness of Mosiah 8. How did Joseph Smith not feel embarrassed, with the conspicuous way he wrote himself into this chapter? Astounding!

Highlights

Should horrible people be allowed to be horrible if they're not hurting anyone?

The Hilarious Modern Mormon Myopia with Monogamy. Hmmmm.

Brother Jones tells how he met Jesus (well, the actor that played him anyway...)

Smitty warns his followers to stop trying to play with his "interpreters".

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#089 Roasting Rusty Nails

Temples, Temples, Temples!

Today we make fun of LDS church president/prophet/seer: Russel Nelson. Based on his speeches at the October 2022 LDS General Conference.

Highlights

The sound of Silky Misogyny.

The Temples-Temples-Temples song!

The hilarious confusion of Rusty's speech on "Rest".

The preview Rusty showed at General Conference of Season 4 of the Book of Mormon video series. Too funny!

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#088 Mosiah 7

Friendship isn't General Conference

Ammon and his "strong and mighty men"

become lost in the wilderness. After 40 days without

women they realise: it's not gay

if they're underway (Mosiah 7:5).

Smitty takes innane analogies to the next level

with his Whirlwind of Poison (Mosiah 7:30).

Sister Patience is surprised to learn that the

Mormon General Conference is held twice a year.

The Exmos tell her tales of how their families

survived these sleep inducing events.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.