#077 Roasting Saints #09

Obadiah Dogberry Esq narrowly escapes the audacious power of Joseph Smith Bum-Leg Jr

The team also discuss the strange LDS economics

of New Zealand. To which the correct response is,

"Isn't it all strange?"

In lighter banter:

Sister Gigi tells how she came into posession of Camilla the El Camino.

Brother Benji prepares for a Burning Man style "Regional Burn".

Sister Patience loses patience with the Mormon Stories podcast. Sister Gigi defends it (1) as a sleep aid and (2) as background chatter while doing chores.

Theme parks and immersive artwork installations.

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#076 Words of Mormon

Limited Intelligence Model

The end of this 1 chapter book is a

giant sentence including: 4 verses, 172 words,

2 em dashes, 15 commas, and 4 semicolons.

Smitty now has so many plates flying around this story,

he can say anything. In confusion, he wins.

Sister Patience learns that Utah has a Jordan River

so it can pretend it's Palestine.

Sidetracks include a nine legged horse, and

a fake Southern California punk band called

The Tijuana Girly Show.

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#075 Roasting Saints #08

(I|Mo)ronic Priesthood

Smitty takes his boy-toy Chowdery out into the forest,

and hypnotically convinces him they were both visited

by John the Baptist. Naturally they both get wet.

Back in the real world, disharmony in Harmony

provokes Smitty to find a sweet gig elsewhere. He

and Mr Slave (Chowdery), get free lodgings and food,

just to write fiction all day. They didn't even need to do

chores!

Upon completion of his amazing new golden plate prop, Smitty

convinces his dad to try it out on Mary Whitmore. It worked

so well, he eventually used it on 8 other people! He had

surpassed Moses, because sometimes the sacred items in

his hefted box could be inspected! And he really enjoyed

inspecting boxes.

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#074 Melting Room, Angry Ferrets

Omni 1

Smitty triple-downs on the whole Arabs in ancient America

thing. We buy a vowel and meet Coriantumr, a dating app for

coriander lovers. God makes the people of

Zarahemla "chink" into rock

rather than fancy metal, which is at least more durable

than the silly gold the Nephites were using. The people of

Zarahemla breed like tribbles (impossible) and become numerous.

Sister Gigi gets sprayed by a skunk who's diet included,

"a hellish kind of basil grown by Satan himself".

Brother Jones explains why he dislikes ferrets!

Memorable Quote:

Sister Gigi: "The book of Omni is just men who finish too quickly."

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#073 Roasting Saints #07

I Saw Mommy Fisting Santa Claus

Oliver Cowdry has a go at translating.

But was it with the Urim and Thummim,

or Smitty's pet rock?

So, "heft your box", get "innoculized", and try not to look

"old like Skeletor".

Memorable Quote 1:

(re: crazy arguments of the faithful,

who then call sane people crazy for not "getting" it)

Sister Gigi: "Jesus Christ stop pissing on my leg and telling me it's rain!"

Sister Patience: "It's a spiritual golden shower, Gigi!"

Memorable Quote 2:

Sister Gigi: "He put his head into a hat, and pulled shit out of his ass, and that is the Book of Mormon."

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Join the Blasphemy

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#072 Holland and Oaks try to save England

Jarom 1

So Enos (pronounced like "penis"), spawned

Jarom (pronounced like "share 'em").

Smitty knew he had to skip some centuries in his

silly story, and Jarom was another of his non-sensical

lack-lustre stepping-stones.

This one chapter book is so badly written, that in verse 4,

Brother Jones messes up regurgitating Smitty's

double-reformed-Egyptian 3 times in a row.

And then conceeds to let Sister Patience read it, by saying,

"take it away, Gigi!".

We also discuss a few other things, like WTF is this

"second annointing" horseshit? Which inevitably leads to

the fateful tale of hippy-dippy performance duo "Holland and Oaks".

Memorable Quote:

Brother Jones (reading verse 7): "And it came to pass that they came many times against us - gross!"

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#071 Roasting Saints #06

Lucy Harris is Rad

Lucy Harris was a wonderfully sane person,

but the hosts of "Saints" make her sound crazy.

Gaslit from the grave.

Her arch nemesis - Lucy Mack (so many Lucys) -

posthumously retconned Harris as a witness

to the divinity of the Silly Book,

when she wasn't alive to contradict

the scam. And she knew it was a scam!

Even Lucy Harris' gravestone, which was

clearly made by Mormons, is a travesty. Gravestones

are supposed to have the date of death,

but they didn't know when she died!

They would have known, if she was a loved member

of their community, but she was likely not in contact with them much

after leaving her husband Martin, 6 years earlier.

Unfortunately, the only people to really record any of

Harris' history, was Lucy Mack and Co. Who had invested

interest in twisting this awesome skeptic into a

witness of The Book of Mormon.

The artwork for this episode is Sister Patience's

attempt to fix Lucy Harris' gravestone, while

still containing most of the biographical info (which

was largely about her descendants and husband because

they didn't know her at all).

This bonus episode from the "Roasting Saints" series

is in the regular feed, no pay-wall. If you'd like

to enjoy the 5 earlier episodes, they're very cheap,

on Patreon:

https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

Memorable Quote:

Sister Gigi describing the feedback loop that occurs when mormonism creates communities:

"It's like Lord of the Flies, but with really ugly underwear."

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Join the Blasphemy

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#070 Flocks of Cattle

Enos 1

It's 420 BC. Enos lights up,

and smokes a peace-pipe with God.

Then in a haze of insight, Enos

discusses amazing topics, including

"flocks of cattle".

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#068 Sherem And The Masters of The New World

Jacob 7

Preachers die. Doves cry. Sherem says truth, then thinks it's a lie.

Koalas have STIs. In this last chapter, we bid Jacob adieu!

Memorable Quote:

Sister Gigi: "Everybody's gotta put something down, man. It's like a chain letter that never ends."

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#066 Gun-toting Chicken Little

Jacob 6

Gigi, Jones, & Patience read Jacob 6, while becoming distracted

with better conversations - full of meaning, laughter, song and even sadness.

Real life has the full range of emotions; the Book of Mormon flat-lines.

Memorable Quote 1:

Sister Gigi: "It's not all cucumbers and tomatoes, people! They're planting a seed of Jesus in you!"

Memorable Quote 2:

Brother Jones: "They didn't want to show Jesus as a vege!"

Sister Gigi: "Yeah what would they make him, an eggplant?"

Highs & Lows:

Sister Gigi corrects some information from bonus episode "Roasting Saints #02" regarding nerve endings in bone. Thanks Dr. Brad!

We hear more about the "Visionary Man" that is Brother Jones' father.

Magical thinking and it's unfortunate consequences.

Spontaneous Vege Tales sing along!

Church missions that retired couples can go on together.

The tone deaf way the church handles tragedies.

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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Join the Blasphemy

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Patreon (Bonus Episodes)

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.