Born Offside

Tacking all the tough issues like whether anyone really cares about tonight, if Sarri is bringing in new Roman practices to London, and how 'gentleman' Petr Cech swaps sides right when it matters.

We try to drink champagne out of the charity shield, preview the dance world cup, and wonder why Pep has no friends. 

There's nothing left to review, except Marcelo's bucket, so we spend far too long on that before briefly despairing about the cup final. 

Manchester City claim the Premier League title, Solkjear finally gets a tune out of Cardiff, and we go over our end-of-the-year awards.

Lady fate is here, as we revisit Ajax's misfortunes down the cruiser, and if anyone doubted Poch's fitness methods, just take a look at Luke Shaw now.

From Baku to Madrid, to Amsterdam and Liverpool. Lord knows where anyone ever is any more! What's going on?! We go through two of the most amazing comebacks in Champions League history.

You wanted drama? Well, you've already had it. The season is sadly sizzling out, but not before one last gasp from the Etihad. That plus more from Warnock... of course.

What a time to be alive. The French have taken over Instagram, and there is no way back for the rest of us. The bar is set and Dave & J can only but ogle and marvel at the splendour of it all.

G Nev goes all horticultural, Mustafi goes all kinds of terrible, and the title race goes on and on.