Breaking Free

Does the idea of speaking in public make you feel anxious? Do you worry about all the things that could go wrong? Are you scared people will find what you have to say boring?

So many people feel this way and wish they could develop more confidence to conquer fears that have been holding them back. The good news is that there are ways to develop your speaking/presenting skills and gain more confidence with guidance and practice.

My guest for this episode is communication coach, Jon Torrens. A former video-game developer and stand-up comic who uses his strong interpersonal skills to engage all kinds of audiences with spontaneity and humour. He shares some valuable tips and resources you can check out, and talks about his own experiences and feelings of insecurity with complete honesty.

Discussed in this episode:

• How Jon developed good story and delivery confidence doing stand-up comedy for 10 years alongside his job as a video-game designer (00:55)
• How to make your story unpredictable and break the pattern (6:00)
• The importance of defining what you want confidence in and to then give yourself permission (7.25)
• Vulnerability and showing your authentic self connects you with your audience (10:00)
• What to do when things go wrong and how it can become the funniest story ever (11:30)
• The chaotic TedX experience that turned out successful in the end (15:00)
• Don't let the negative inner dialogue ruin a talk that might seem to others to be running smoothly (20.00)
• How to deal with going dry (22:30)
• Dave Goggins' accountability mirror technique (24:18)
• Mel Robbins' High Five technique and power poses by Amy Cuddy (26:50)
• How Jon deals with his own insecurities and doubts (28.55)
• Susan Jeffers give advice in her book Feel the fear and do it anyway 'You will handle it'. (32:00)
• Understanding your own strengths is essential and I challenge Jon to list five of his own (33:00)

Connect with Jon:

Website: https://jontorrens.co.uk

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jontorrens/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jontorrens/

Let’s connect!

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Resources mentioned:

Dave Goggins: https://youtu.be/9mMbfJNoM9g

Mel Robbins : https://www.high5habit.com

Your body may shape who you are Amy Cuddy: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are

Rick Hanson Resilient: https://www.rickhanson.net/resilient/

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My first guest on season two of Breaking Free is Laura Marshall, an award winning aesthetics director who helps people feel more confident with medical tattooing and cosmetic injectables. We explore whether looking younger or more beautiful on the outside, helps you feel any more confident on the inside. I ask Laura how much is too much and discover some interesting facts about the human nipple !

As most of us usually feel confident in some areas and less so in others, I question with Laura why she feels more comfortable owning her success as a businesswoman but struggles to say the same about herself as a triathlete who participated twice in the 'Ironman' race.

Discussed in this episode:

• Why Laura feels guilty describing herself as an athlete, alongside her title of entrepreneur and Mum (3.50)
• Medical tattooing aureolas and the difference between a male and female nipple (11.00)
• Losing her father to cancer ten years ago was the drive behind why Laura found meaning and purpose in aesthetic beauty therapy (16.00)
• How cosmetic injectables are even more in demand after lockdown (17.45)
• Are social media filters creating bigger insecurities in young people? (19.00)
• Cosmetic injectables (23.00)
• Beauty targeting has shifted from the older woman to younger women and girls (25.00)
• Natural treatments that I have tried personally (28.00)
• Becoming part of a triathlon club, and completing 'Ironman twice', helped Laura gain confidence and inspire others (31.50)

Let’s connect!

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• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

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Do you feel pressured to create a whole new YOU and set challenging goals for yourself every new year ? Well I have found that it is much better for our mental health and motivation moving forward, to actually reflect upon the year that has past first. When we look back at the happy moments we had as well as the difficult parts, we can focus on how far we have come and decide better on what will help us moving forward. Big goals can leave you feeling like you have failed, so it is important to set achievable goals that take you closer to where you want to be one small step at a time.

I share what has worked for myself and my clients who I coach on developing more confidence and trust in themselves. Journalling, stillness, trying new things and surrounding yourself with positive people cheering you on are just a few of the tips. I also include four simple questions to ask yourself that will help you feel good about where you are now and motivated to create more of what worked for the year coming :)

In this episode I share :

• How focusing on what you are good at, will help you feel more confident (2:00)
• Confidence is something we can all develop (3:20)
• Trying new things makes life exciting and will help you believe in yourself more (4:10)
• An example of my own challenges and fears (6:00)
• How one brave step leads to another (8:00)
• Surround yourself with cheerleaders and risk-takers (11:10)
• The benefits of journalling daily (12:00)

Questions to reflect on and write down.

1. What were your happiest moments in 2021? (15:00)
2. What did you find challenging in 2021? (17:40)
3. What put you off from doing the things you had planned to achieve? (19:05)
4. What do you feel grateful for? (20:40)

• Remembering to find stillness and breath in your day, to slow you down and destress (22:20)

Let’s connect!

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• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

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I share an honest and intimate conversation with a group of single Moms who made the decision to leave a partnership or marriage that was no longer making them happy. It is never an easy decision to make, and it still has its many challenges even when it comes with the privilege of financial support or custody of the children. No-one enters a committed relationship and has children with the intention of leaving. So many women fear the consequences of leaving or literally have no choice. So I hope that sharing a few stories of my own and others, can help shine a light on some of the rewards and challenges involved in Breaking Free when a marriage is no longer working.

Topics discussed in this episode:

• Lucia raised her son on her own even though she was in a partnership for seventeen years before deciding to separate a few years ago and now shares custody (2:38)
• Dana divorced during the Covid epidemic after having time alone with her daughters to reflect on her seven year marriage (5:38)
• Lily explains how she felt like a single mother with an absent husband most of the time, even though he was an engaged father when he was present for short periods (9:50)
• Are there more fingers pointed at whoever chooses to leave the marriage? (18:50)
• Feelings of guilt (21:27)
• Choosing to stay in a marriage and deciding to separate emotionally and living a new dynamic instead (23:15)
• When staying in a marriage feels unhealthy and not an option or good example for the kids to see (26:18)
• Lucia is able to discover who she truly is now that she no longer lives with emotional abuse (29:15)
• How mothers not working in order to raise the kids and run the household, is rarely considered as an equal contribution to husbands earning an income (31:00)
• Judgement from others who assume things about a couple from what they see (33:50)
• What message are we sending our children when we stay in an unhappy marriage? (35:00)
• The vunerability that comes with being free and single again after years of emotional neglect (39:00)
• The challenges of living a single life within a marriage (41:20)
• The challenge of finding the balance of raising the children together apart (47:00)\
• The fear of being replaced by a step-mom (49:00)
• If roles were reversed and Moms had a new partner or marriage, there would be a risk of losing the kids (52:00)
• How the loneliness of being in an unhappy marriage or feeling isolated in the family can be harder than the loneliness of being single (53:30)
• The possible burden children may feel, thinking it is their responsibility to look after their single or unhappy parent (57:05)

Let’s connect !

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• LinkedIn
• Website

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I have a very interesting chat in today's episode with Hala Sabbah who is the founder of Healthy Feminist, a social business which works towards dismantling the patriarchy and other systems of oppression and fostering a just society where everyone receives various and equitable opportunities. Hala has extensive experience with coaching women, running healing circles and working with refugee communities in SouthWest Asia and North Africa (SWANA), additionally she ran an anti-Blackness in SWANA awareness campaign in 2020. Currently, Hala is running a DEI project with International Rescue Committee in SWANA with over 2,000 employees, where she is providing training in Arabic.

We talk about how Hala started her journey towards building her own business and the obstacles she faced. We also delve into how challenging it is to balance community work, while attaining financial stability in a social business environment and protect your own mental wellbeing.

Discussed in this episode:

How Hala developed a passion for women's health and started her business after suffering with endometriosis and polycystic ovaries (1:20)

Why an Anti-blackness awareness campaign was needed in SWANA (4:00)

Healing through dialogue, to foster a just society (12:00)

Equity versus equality (17:20)

How Hala tries to maintain balance in her own life (20:00)

Hala's past in corporate with entrepreneurial parents and brother, gave her the skills to set up her own social business (31:00)

Connect with Hala:

Website: www.healthyfeminist.com

Email: [email protected]

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hala-sabbah-683a343b/

Let’s connect!

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• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

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My guest Amal Al-Agroobi became a successful neuroscientist to please her family and then ditched the title of DR. to follow her passion of becoming a director, filmmaker, producer and writer.

Amal shares the challenges she was faced with as an Arab woman living in the UAE when she started off directing Arab-centric documentaries about identity and social injustices and then moved into genre filmmaking and writing for television. Amal chose herself by refusing to conform to what society expected of her and moved to England where she continues to create films with a passion.

This is an inspirational story of choosing purpose over prestige.

Points discussed in this episode:

• Why Amal decided to be a filmmaker after her success as a neuroscientist (1:00)
• As an Arab muslim woman, Amal was expected to marry and have a career that was accepted by society in the UAE (10:00)
• How Amal risked her family's reputation by not conforming (14:00)
• The success of Amal's documentary 'Half Emirati' in 2012 gained her family's respect and blessing (15:20)
• The theme of social injustice is at the seed of all of Amal's work (19:00)
• Documentary versus fiction (21:00)
• Amal shares her goal of becoming an auteur, to write and direct work that has a personal and unique stamp that becomes recognizable (22:45)
• The reveal of future plans to work with Amal in her upcoming short horror film (24:15)
• How an actor has the power to impact people on and off the camera(29:00)

Connect with Amal:

• Website: https://www.amalalagroobi.com
• Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/amalalagroobi/

Let’s connect!

• Facebook
• Instagram
• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

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Warning. This episode may be triggering for anyone with an eating disorder.

Today I talk to Magda Dawczak about how she transformed her body after having her daughter, earning herself the title of ultimate bikini pro world champion.

Magda moved to England from Poland when she was five months pregnant and didn't speak English or know anyone. She was nine stone heavier and could hardly do six press-ups on her knees.

Her transformation started with small steps like lunges whilst walking her baby and changes to her diet. Years later, she became a fitness instructor and discovered a passion for bodybuilding.

Magda shares the highs and low's of the process. The dedication and control it requires to lean down her body fat before a show and how to prevent the urge to binge once it's all over. We discuss eating disorders and how Magda suffered from anorexia as a young girl.

Discussed in this episode :

How Magda's mother encouraged her to do sports from a young age (1:00)

Overcoming shyness by becoming a Zumba instructor (2:10)

Does a parent's encouragement feel like support or does it feel like pressure? (3:20)

Magda wished she had been introduced to weightlifting earlier but it wasn't popular for women in Poland (6:00)

What is required for the bikini category (7:40)

How other categories are more extreme and unhealthy for the body (8:50)

The challenge of overcoming Stage fear (11:00)

Empowered or exposed as a female posing in a bikini (12:49)

How Magda lost nine stone after having her daughter, learned English and became a fitness instructor (16:45)

How less cardio and more weight lifting helped gain back elasticity in the skin (22:10)

Earning the title of pro world champion, first time competing, wasn't enough (26:00)

Having Endometriosis and needing surgery, has dictated when Magda can participate in a show (31:00)

Body building is not a healthy sport (32:00)

How hard it is to adjust back to a gradual and normal food intake instead of binging (36:00)

The danger of developing an eating disorder and how Magda had anorexia as a teenager (37:00)

Connect with Magda

https://www.instagram.com/happy_fit_uk/

Let’s connect!

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• LinkedIn
• Website

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In this episode, I talk about shame. Where it originates from and how to overcome it. Shame keeps us small and gains power when we keep our feelings a secret. Unidentified and unexpressed, shame can lead us to hurting ourselves with perfectionism, addiction, eating disorders or suicide. We also hurt others with bullying, aggression, blaming and sometimes violence.

We aren't born with shame. Society and culture create shame in us as a means of control. We can feel shame about our accent, colour, gender, feeling pleasure, negative feelings, height, weight etc..

I look up and share wikipedia's description of guilt and shame societies. In individuals, guilt is when you feel bad about something but shame is when you inherently feel like a bad person. It is okay to feel sorry for what you have done but not for who you are. Shame doesn't help you move forward as it only leads you into a spiral of hopelessness and self-hatred.

Shame researcher and author Brene Brown explains how empathy and sharing is the antidote to shame. I include her 5 steps towards shame resilience and the 8 types of people to avoid sharing with that do not have the empathy and compassion required as a trusted listener.

Discussed in this episode:

What wikipedia tells us about guilt and shame culture/socities (0:40)

Some of the many things we feel shame about (2:40)

Rejection is a significant threat (3:15)

Individualist and collectivist cultures (4:00)

What is shame? (4:40)

Shame researcher Brene Brown description of how we deal with shame (5:15)

Brene's five steps for shame resilience (6:10)

Sheila Kelly's talk (Let's get naked) talks about the first offense of shaming (11:30)

My own shame family cycle (14.10)

Sharing your shame with a compassionate person is healing (16:00)

The 8 people NOT to share with (16:15)

A summary on how to deal with shame (21:00)

Let’s connect!

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References:

https://brenebrown.com/about

https://www.shortform.com/blog/brene-brown-shame/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt–shame–fear_spectrum_of_cultures

Sheila Kelly ( Let's get naked) Talk : https://youtu.be/Lrdn4lazVBc

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This episode is a heart to heart between myself and my guest Muna Shakour as two Mum's reflecting on how we felt after giving birth. We were told about the joy's of motherhood. We read and prepared what we needed to do physically as new mothers but we weren't warned about the emotional challenges that effect so many women after childbirth.

Postpartum depression and baby blues needs to be talked about to expecting mums so we can deal with it and ask for support, instead of suffering with shame and guilt silently.

Muna is a stepmom to 2 boys and mom to 1 girl. She is a coach, trainer, speaker and a self-proclaimed Personal development junkie who helps other mums grow their business while staying deeply connected to their kids and families. Today on Breaking Free, she shares her experience with PDD and encourages us to offer help to new mum's who might be going through the same thing unknowingly.

Discussed in this episode:

Postpartum depression PDD and Baby blues (0:45)

Muna's personal story with PDD (2:15)

How guilt and shame keeps so many women from sharing how they feel (4:45)

Anxious feelings that led to panic attacks (5:05)

The clarity that comes with diagnosis (7:00)

Why aren't we warned about PDD before giving birth? (9:15)

Ask for help and offer help (13:00)

More extreme symptoms that come with postpartum psychosis (19:00)

Pressure and judgement from society when you need time alone (23:00)

Conscious and peaceful parenting (25:00)

How do we miss the signs that people close to us might have postpartum depression? (33:00)

Guilt is a learned emotion that prevents us from feeling joy (40:00)

Connect with Muna:

https://www.instagram.com/inside_out_with_muna/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9YyQnof-LA6EsyRqOdULVg/featured

https://www.facebook.com/insideoutwithmuna/

https://www.insideoutwithmuna.com

Let’s connect!

• Facebook
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• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

References:

https://www.postpartumdepression.org

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My guest this week is Portrait and Brand Photographer Elodie Giuge. She helps elevate personal and professional profiles through soulful and thought provoking photography. She specialises in helping women see and feel their true beauty, and she's currently running a project called “21 tales of real women” aimed at celebrating the strength, beauty, and perfect imperfections of everyday women. 

Discussed in this episode:

Why 21 tales of real women? (1:14)

The emotional side to photography (3:10)

Leaving behind a legacy (7:00)

Remembering joy (13:00)

The moment self-criticism transforms into self-love and acceptance (17:43)

My personal journey being photographed from a young age (22:30)

How Elodie took the leap and left behind her career as a biotechnology engineer for photography (24:30)

Connect with Elodie:

Website: https://www.photographybyeg.com/

More about "21 Tales of Real Women": https://www.photographybyeg.com/real-women

Instagram (portraits): https://www.instagram.com/elodiegphotography/

Instagram (brand photography): https://www.instagram.com/elodieg_businessphotography

Let’s connect!

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• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• Website

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