Breaking Free

This is a juicy episode where I had the chance to ask Gillian Harper about her book 'Feed the Tiger,Free the Dragon' which looks at an energy-fueled system that assists you in creating and maintaining a more powerful, passionate, and fulfilling existence with your partner.

Gillian is an author, speaker, coach, and entrepreneur. Gillian helped build Australia’s number one franchise, served as an executive for a US Inc. 500 business, and has practiced as a finance attorney with an Australian top three firm.

She shares how her own foundation crumbled in her marriage where she almost lost everything because of the blurred boundaries that divide our careers and our home life. The little-known Law of Polarity brought her life back from the brink and she shares all the valuable insights she gained that is now helping others with their own relationships.

Discussed in this episode:

• Explaining the natural law of polarity where opposite sexual energy creates a powerful force between people (1:30)
• Dragons and Tigers are the masculine and feminine energies without the confusion of using gendered terms (3:16)
• Being aware of what you are feeling so that you can articulate your needs clearly and choose who is best to share with according to the situation (8:25)
• Examples of how the dragon energy craves freedom and the tiger craves to be seen and loved (13:15)
• How creating solid foundations in your relationship can save a marriage (15:05)
• After having children, Gillian craved a different energetic space and the masculine dragon energy no longer served her (18:35)
• We are brainwashed to think that tiger energy and surrendering is ‘less than’ when in fact it has a different beautiful power versus the doer dragon energy which is encouraged more in society (23:30)
• How understanding these energies can help in your business to know which one you feel more dominant and confident in. (26:55)
• Ways you can switch your energy (31.05)
• How we need to focus on the primary role with our partner which is intimacy (40.07)

Connect with Gillian:

• https://www.gillianharper.co
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/gillian-harper-5811b142/
• https://twitter.com/_gillian_harper
• https://www.instagram.com/_gillian_harper/

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Today’s episode is about an issue that so many people struggle with on a daily basis PEOPLE-PLEASING . 

I will discuss how you can know if you do it ? how it effects your confidence and holds you back, and most importantly ….what you can do about it ?

The good news is that you can change and the advantages of changing will definitely outweigh the disadvantages of staying stuck in a cycle where you constantly ignore your own needs and desires in order to please others.

Discussed in this episode:

• Why I used to be a people-pleaser and almost donated my kidney to someone I hardly knew (1.05)
• Signs you are people-pleasing (1.57)
• How doing things with the intention of getting approval can lead to you feeling resentful (4:30)
• The negative outcomes of people-pleasing (5:03)
• Why do so many of us people-please? (6:10)
• People-pleasing Arabs versus People-pleasing Brits (7:05)
• from polite to passive aggressive (9:10)
• How requests are often phrased as attacks (10:15)
• We are taught to lie about our feelings from a young age (12:18)
• Reconnect with your desires and inner signals (13:25)
• Things you can try in order to break the pattern (16:30)
• How ADHD can ignite something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria RSD (19:00)

References:

https://ahoy-stage.healthline.com/health/people-pleaser

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51205436-unbound

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/

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I have a very interesting discussion with CEO ,co-founder and visionary of MUSE, Ariel Garten about the amazing brain sensing headband that tracks your brain as you meditate to aid with better sleep and lessen anxiety. We talk about how she managed to raise $18M to found MUSE from Silicon valley investors as well as actor Ashton Kutcher. And how the band is now used by MAYO clinic.

Ariel is an inspiring neuroscientist, innovator and entrepreneur who has been on CNN several times and featured in magazines such as FORBES, FORTUNE, GQ, O Magazine, and she is described by Bloomberg as “an innovator who completely remakes reality”.

Points discussed:

• How Ariel's artistic and scientific sides as a former fashion designer and psychotherapist, neuroscientist tied together to create MUSE (1:55)
• What MUSE does while you meditate (4:15)
• Raising $18M to found MUSE from Silicon valley investors even though women getting funded in technology can be a challenge (6:28)
• MUSE helps you understand and observe how your mind works and lessen anxiety (10:07)
• Creating technology with the intention to help that teaches you how to disengage with stressful technology (15:00)
• Muse used by Mayo clinic in studies to help women going through breast cancer, pain and burnout (16:50)
• How the headband can help us stay calm with our partners and children (18:00)
• How Ariel was raised with positive reinforcement and felt safe to fail (27:00)
• Why some people are effected more than others by anxiety (30:45)
• MUSE S (The digital sleeping pill) tracks your sleep (35:40)

Connect with Ariel:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/arielgarten/

https://www.facebook.com/choosemuse

https://www.instagram.com/choosemuse/

https://twitter.com/ChooseMuse

https://youtu.be/8rzlrItooG4

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I enjoyed a powerful conversation with my guest Dawn Kohler about how even the most successful people struggle with feeling not good enough and are actually coming from a place of trying to prove themselves rather than express themselves from a more confident and authentic self.

Dawn was an award-winning entrepreneur herself, when she was abruptly summoned to take a life-altering course. What followed was an extraordinary healing journey that gave her profound insights and a deep understanding of the human dynamic and how it plays out at home, work, and in our communities. Combining these insights, and her business experience, Dawn became a sought-after Executive Coach helping leaders understand and enhance their impact on others and their contribution to the world. Her clients have included many of the most influential women in entertainment, as well as senior leaders at such companies as Sony Pictures, NBCUniversal, Lionsgate, DreamWorks, Fox, Snapchat, Disney, and Amazon.

I talk to Dawn about her recent memoir, The Messages, which is a prophetic journey she experienced 25 years ago and how it has become relevant today. I also ask her about her role in the Board of Step-Up, a non-profit organization to help mentor teen girls in low-income areas.

Points discussed:

• How the self that Dawn had created was hijacked by the one she was born to be when she felt her body couldn't even get out of the car. (2.27)
• The messages brought up feelings of abandonment in therapy which led to memories of sexual abuse as child. (5:37)
• Handling the challenge of raising three young children while releasing painful repressed memories (10.46)
• How understanding the feelings of transference during therapy, led to Dawn's true awakening.(18:08)
• How an awakening allows us to feel an expansion of our true self (14.42)
• Even the most successful of people have the 'Not good enough' wound. (16.16)
• Experiencing a Kundalini awakening before Dawn's encounter with the Divine, preparing her to receive the main messages. (23:20)
• Dawn's clear calling to WRITE (30.00)
• Messages to not follow those who 'judge' and how healing the world is still possible. (33:00)
• 'What do you need to do, to be who you already are' ? (40:10)

Connect with Dawn:

•  www.DawnKohler.com
•  https://www.facebook.com/dawnkohlerauthor
• https://www.instagram.com/dawnkohler_/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-kohler-1ab6494

References:

The Messages available on  Amazon

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In my previous two episodes of Breaking Free, I discussed some of my favorite books and talked about how reading can increase your confidence in many areas. Well my guest this week shares how reading helped him follow his heart and find his purpose in life.

Mostafa Salameh grew up in a Palestinian refugee camp in Jordan and found a way to reach England. He taught himself English by watching Sesame Street which eventually opened up a whole new world for him when he started to read inspirational books. The Alchemist, The Prophet, The Celestine Prophecy were the stepping stones to him becoming a great Explorer, Inspirational Speaker, Fundraiser and Author himself. His memoir DREAMS OF A REFUGEE is an extraordinary story of faith, bravery and perseverance with a foreword written by His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan.

Mostafa is the only Palestinian-Jordanian and one of only 20 people to climb the Seven Summits and reach the South Pole and the North Pole - known as the ‘Explorers Grand Slam’ . He skied Greenland from north to south and his next big goal is to run 7 marathons in 7 continents in 7 days. 

Mostafa is the amazing proof that you can dream big and make anything happen if you open your heart with full conviction. His passion is changing people's lives and he has found it through climbing

for charity, raising awareness about causes that are close to his heart and giving others the opportunity to experience adventures alongside him.

His courage to commit to climbing Everest and ask for King Abdullah of Jordan's support to do so, when he had no prior experience or the required fitness levels, is astounding to say the least !

Discussed in this episode:

• How King Abdullah II of Jordan generously offered to write the foreword of Mostafa's memoir (4:00)
• How life in a Palestinian refugee camp with strong family bonds shaped his personality (5:45)
• Life in London starts in the basement of The Jordanian Embassy in Belgravia (8:30)
• Learning English from Sesame Street and The Sun newspaper while working in the restaurant kitchen (12:00)
• Watching Mel Gibson in Braveheart inspires Mostafa to study in Edinburgh (13:45)
• The dream of climbing Everest happened in 2004 and turned his life around (16:00)
• The steps Mostafa took to make his dream a reality even though he had a fear of heights (20:00)
• Inspired to help others with LOWEST to HIGHEST for CANCER after meeting a young cancer patient (35:40)
• Follow your heart and the 777 challenge (40:00)

References:

The Prophet by Gibran Khalil Gibran

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

Dreams of a refugee by Mostafa Salameh

Connect with Mostafa

https://www.mostafasalameh.com

https://www.instagram.com/mostafasalameh/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mostafasalameh/

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In part ONE of "The power of reading", I shared excerpts from two books that helped me better understand the world and myself and I have chosen three more that have stood out as favorites to share in this episode. Each one of them gave me valuable insights on what it is to be human. How we try to avoid pain, how success when driven by fear leads to unhappiness, how vulnerability is wrongly described as a weakness when it is in fact the strength that allows us to experience and live life fully.

I explain and read parts that I hope can resonate and be helpful in some way. I also share a favorite application that I use to find out about good reads ;)

Points discussed in this episode:

• A great app to use when you want to choose books to read or keep a note of what you would like to remember to read in the future (2:00)
• The untethered soul by Michael Singer (3:00)
• The two choices we have when dealing with emotional pain (4:10)
• How do we truly answer the question 'WHO ARE YOU?" (7:40)
• What it's like to NOT SUFFER? (10:00)
• Will Smith's memoir and why I think he slapped actor Chris Rock at the Oscars (12:30)
• Reacting versus responding (15:10)
• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (22:00)
• Debunking the myth that vulnerability is a weakness (24:30)
• Others share the things that make them feel most vulnerable (29:00)
• The three important lessons learned about joy and light from those who have spent time in sorrow and darkness. (32:00)

References:

The untethered soul by Michael Singer

Will by Will Smith

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

https://www.goodreads.com/

Indian Hindu sage Ramana Maharshi

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I believe there is a strong link between reading and feeling more confident. Books and stories introduce us to characters and more introverted protagonists that we may not have seen or heard from otherwise in a world that tends to celebrate extroverts. It helps us gain empathy for ourselves and others as we begin to understand the differences and similarities in people. I have read books that made me laugh out loud, cry, helped me discover something about myself and change some destructive habits to healthier ones.

In part ONE of this episode I share excerpts from two books that helped me better understand the world and myself, 'Notes on a nervous planet' by Matt Haig and the other is Mindfulness ( a practical guide to FINDING PEACE IN A FRANTIC WORLD ) which has scientifically grounded techniques you can apply in the midst of your day to day challenging lives. I also share a ten minute guided meditation that will help calm your mind and connect more deeply with sensations in your body.

Discussed in this episode:

• Matt Haig invites us to feel calmer happier and question the habits of the digital age in one of my favorite books NOTES ON A NERVOUS PLANET (3:23)
• Understanding how technology contributes to our state of continual partial attention and how it can be addictive. The World Health Organization now classifies video game addiction as an official mental disorder (6:55)
• We can see why we get distracted so easily when we look at all the things that have come into our lives since the year 2000 (8:40)
• Another favorite book of mine is MINDFULNESS / a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world, which helped me live better in the present moment (10:50)
• A chapter on how to escape the vicious cycle (12:12)
• Ten minute guided body scan meditation (15:00)
• How changing our thoughts is the key to changing our actions (24:40)

References:

NOTES ON A NERVOUS PLANET / Matt Haig

Mindfulness ( a practical guide to FINDING PEACE IN A FRANTIC WORLD ) / Professor Mark Williams and Dr. Danny Penman

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It's Pride 2022 but many people still continue to question why gay people need to express their sexuality or speak out and share their authentic self. Perhaps It is hard to imagine how it feels to have to hide parts of yourself when you are in a position of privilege. However, I believe that everyone has a responsibility to listen to others who do not have the same privileges and join them in the fight for equality in this world.

My guest shares very honestly and openly what it feels like to grow up without a voice. What it feels like to not be seen and expected to follow unrealistic rules in a culture and family that follows traditions strictly. What it feels like to be loved conditionally and how hard she has been trying to be loved for who she actually is.

Discussed in the episode:

• How feeling unseen as the youngest growing up in a large family and constantly compared to older siblings, led to making life choices that were very different and may not have been made otherwise (1:35)
• Beginning to question on what basis past decisions were made (5:10)
• Trying to be different and stand out was seen as rebellion (8:23)
• Moving away to study at the age eighteen was eye opening and developed a new awareness and confidence (10:00)
• Daily calls from back home with a 7pm curfew to abide by, started to be challenged and questioned (14:20)
• Explaining the family dynamic of perpetrator-victim-rescuer (16:45)
• Growing up in a family where girls and boys are separated until it is time to marry (17:55)
• Exploring what it is to be gay and the need to escape from arranged marriage (23:45)
• The relief that followed after expressing her needs for the first time at the age of twenty-four (31:00)
• Not wanting to lie anymore and speaking her truth to family and friends, gave her more confidence regardless of the outcome (32:30)
• Explaining the benefits of healing past traumas with therapy and the power of recognizing personal triggers (37:30)
• The power of language and how rephrasing what we say can change how we make others feel (42:00)

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Today's episode differs from previous ones on Breaking Free, it is special in the sense that it is an actual introductory coaching session with a client. It is a rare opportunity to hear what the experience of being coached is like and perhaps gaining some clarity through hearing the client's experience and discoveries. The client wants to discover why he can't make decisions lately with regards to his career choices and love life. Issues can not be solved in one session but some clarity and understanding can be gained which will help in moving forward.

Points discussed:

• The issue that the client requires help with is moving forward and making decisions about his career and love life (3:00)
• Realizing that after years of being told what to do and how to do it, making decisions in the last few years after living away from home is scary (5:50)
• How lack of trust in the self can be a result of parents not allowing their children to make mistakes (7:00)
• Growing up in a conservative family with an abusive father resulted in a fear of making mistakes (8:08)
• A recent example of struggling with a decision is shared (10:00)
• A pattern of relationships with dependent partners emerges (13;25)
• Discovering a trigger and the best way to deal with it (17:00)
• How to respond in Adult instead of reacting with a child-like or parent dynamic (19:10)
• Codependency (24:00)
• Unlearning what we learned is a big step forward (26:00)
• Learning to love your inner child instead of bullying and numbing the self (28:05)
• Realizing we don't know what we don't know (33:00)
• Where to look for support (37:00)
• Takeaways and summary of what the client gained from the session. And a hint of how he can begin to make the decisions he wants to make with support in further sessions (38:25)

References:

Codependent no more by Melody Beattie

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The term 'Daddy issues' is thrown around lightly but it really does have a seriously negative impact on your romantic relationships.

My guest Danielle Robins, who is a certified coach and the founder of Be You Unlimited, works specifically with women who are experiencing a father wound.That includes any woman who has grown up with an absent or available / unattached father and experiencing what is called 'the fatherless daughter syndrome'.

Her passion to work and specialise in this area was driven from her own personal wounds that needed healing - Danni grew up with with a physical father who was emotionally unavailable, abusive, dysfunctional and now absent.

We discuss how the fatherless daughter syndrome can show up with a full range of emotions and characteristics like low self worth, low confidence, trust issues, anger, resentment, unhealthy boundaries, promiscuity, unhealthy drive to succeed or toxic relationships. Danielle transforms the pain from the past into a gift in the present and coaches women to build healthy boundaries at home and at work and become unlimited. 

Gaining more confidence is something we can all do, so developing more awareness about our childhood wounds is the best place to start.

Discussed in this episode:

• Danielle speaks honestly about how her father's absence impacted her and led her to numbing in order to cope with her emotions (2:00)
• How Investing in a coach changed her life and became her calling to help others in the same position (5:50)
• What is a fatherless daughter and what are the common traits of behaviour (7:35)
• Co-Dependency - relying on your partner for your happiness or to save, fix and heal you (12:35)
• The fear of facing your past traumas and admitting your childhood wasn't perfect (14:30)
• How resentment and guilt can be shifted into empathy (18:00)
• Danielle's relationships transformed from hysteria in the past, to a place of better communication. "If it's hysterical it's HISTORICAL" (22:10)
• Respecting and understanding your partners triggers (26:30)
• How a healthy relationship can feel passionless to a person who is used to drama (29:00)
• Numbing versus sitting with your feelings and pausing (32:00)
• Attachment styles and a quiz you can take (34:00)

Connect with Danielle

https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-robins-fatherless-daughter-coach/

https://beyouunlimited.global

https://www.instagram.com/beyouunlimited/

Connect with Rania

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References:

Brene Brown

Attachment styles quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

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