Breaking the Silence

We’re continuing the conversation from last week about how fearful and dismissive avoidants use deactivating strategies when closeness starts to feel overwhelming. For avoidants, caring too much or fearing rejection often triggers the instinct to pull back—because distance feels safer than vulnerability.

In this episode, Raynea and Kelli walk through 21 different ways avoidants create space in relationships, from slowing down texts and ghosting to picking fights, withholding affection, or downplaying the importance of the relationship. These patterns can be subtle, like surface-level conversations, or more obvious, like cheating or emotional withdrawal—but all serve the same purpose: self-protection.

If you’ve ever wondered why avoidants seem to back away just when things are going well, this episode will bring clarity, compassion, and a deeper understanding of what’s really happening beneath the surface.

If you found value in this conversation please be sure to subscribe, leave a comment, and share this with someone else that needs to hear it.

You can find me on IG @coachingwithraynea

Books on Attachment:

Attached by Dr. Amir Levine

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy Ho

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHC

The Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys

**You can find these books on Amazon**

Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:

Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.com

Mack (on TikTok)

Jbirdfit (On all platforms)

Natashavctoria (TikTok)

Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)

Have you ever been in a relationship where everything feels amazing one day… and then suddenly, the other person goes quiet, distant, or even picks a fight out of nowhere? Yeah, that’s what we’re talking about today.

In this episode, Kelli and I dive into the world of avoidant deactivation—what happens when fearful and dismissive avoidants start pulling back in relationships. We share:

• The real reasons behind why avoidants shut down.

• How fearful avoidants and dismissive avoidants deactivate differently.

• Real-life examples you might recognize in yourself—or someone you love.

• Better ways to ask for space without pushing someone away completely.

This isn’t about shaming anyone—it’s about shining a light on patterns that so many of us fall into and learning how to move toward healthier, safer connections.

So grab your coffee, lean in, and let’s talk about what really happens when we pull away.

If this episode reasonates with you please be sure to like, follow and share with someone that needs to hear it.

If you could sit down with your younger self, what would you say? In this episode, Kelli and I each share some powerful pieces of wisdom we wish we had known 10 years ago. From lessons learned through pain to truths that set us free, we open up about the insights that shaped our journeys. We end with an invitation for you to reflect on your own “lesson learned” and how it might guide your path forward today.

Kelli and I had such a real conversation today about that little dash between the day we’re born and the day we leave this earth. That dash is our one life—what are we doing with it? We talk about being intentional with our time and our words, treasuring the moments with the people we love, and making sure no one ever has to wonder how we feel. It’s about living full out, being bold, and not wasting the gift of each day we’re given.

If you found value in my podcast be sure to follow, share and leave a review. If you'd like to connect further you can find me on Instagram @coachingwithraynea.

Your identity isn’t up for debate — it’s already been spoken over you by God. But if we’re honest, the voices of others can feel louder than His sometimes. In today’s episode, we’ll dive into why we care so much about what people think, how to untangle our worth from approval, and how the Let Them mindset can help us walk in freedom. If you’re ready to stop shrinking to fit into other people’s boxes and start standing in who God says you are, this episode is for you.

Identity as a Child of God:

Child of God: Romas 8:16 and John 1:12 affirm that believers are children of God

Adopted Child: Ephesians 1:5 state that believers are adopted as God's children.

Heir: Romans 8:17 says that believers are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.

Friend of Jesus: John 15:15 says that believers are friends of Jesus.

United with Christ: 1 Corinthians 6:17 says that believers are united with the Lord

Complete in Christ: Colosians 2: 9-10 says that believers are complete in Christ.

Redeemed and Forgiven: Colosians 1:13-14 says that believers have been redeemed and forgiven.

Sealed by the Holy Spirit: Ephesians 1:13 says that believers are sealed with the Holy Spirit.

Temple of the Holy Spirit: Corinthians 6:19 says that believers bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.

Chosen by God: Ephesians 1:4, 11 sasys that believers are chosen by God.

Justified: Romans 5:1 says that believers have been justified.

New Creation: 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that believers are a new creation.

Free from Condemnation: Romans 8:1-2 says that believers are free from condemnation.

Citizens of Heaven: Phillippians 3:20 says that believers are citizens of heaven.

Blessed: Ephesians 1:3 says that believers are blessed with every spiritual blessing.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made: Psalm 139:14 says that believers are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Worth More Than Sparrow: Matthew 10:31 says that believers are worth more than many sparrows.

If you found value in my podcast be sure to follow, share and leave a review. If you'd like to connect further you can find me on Instagram @coachingwithraynea.

What do you do when the last child leaves the house—and the quiet sets in? And what if you're still raising kids, but you've already walked five out the door?

In this heartfelt episode, Kelli shares what it’s been like watching her stepdaughter—the last to leave—step into adulthood, officially making her a new member of the empty nest club. I (Raynea) reflect on the journey of launching five grown kids, while still in the midst of raising two at home. Together, we explore what it means to let go, redefine our roles, and grieve the shifting identity that comes with each stage of motherhood.

Whether your home is quiet or still full of noise and needs, this episode will remind you: you’re not alone in this in-between.

What does it actually look like to feel secure in love, in friendship, in parenting—even in your relationship with God? After talking through the different attachment wounds, today we’re shifting the focus to something so many of us are craving: secure attachment.

In this episode, Kelli and I are unpacking:

💡 What secure attachment is (and what it isn’t)

🧠 The mindset and nervous system of someone who feels safe in love

📱 Real-life examples of how secure people respond to triggers and conflict

🌿 How to begin developing secure traits—even if you weren’t raised with them

Healing is possible. Security is learnable. And love doesn’t have to feel like a battlefield. 💛

Books on Attachment:

Attached by Dr. Amir Levine

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy Ho

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHC

The Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys

**You can find these books on Amazon**

Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:

Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.com

Mack (on TikTok)

Jbirdfit (On all platforms)

Natashavctoria (TikTok)

Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)

Have you ever felt torn between craving closeness and wanting to run the moment someone gets too close? Or maybe you’ve loved someone who’s hot and cold—chasing connection one minute and pulling away the next? In this episode, Kelli and I are unpacking the fearful avoidant attachment style, where the need for connection and the fear of being hurt exist side by side.

We’re diving into:

⚡ How fearful avoidant attachment forms
💔 The inner push-pull that can feel like emotional whiplash
👣 How trauma and betrayal shape this style
🔄 Why relationships feel intense, unstable, and hard to trust
🌱 And what healing looks like when you’ve never felt truly safe—either with others or with yourself

Let’s talk about it. Because it’s not about being “too much” or “too broken”—it’s about survival patterns that can be unlearned.

Books on Attachment:

Attached by Dr. Amir Levine

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy Ho

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHC

The Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys

**You can find these books on Amazon**

Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:

Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.com

Mack (on TikTok)

Jbirdfit (On all platforms)

Natashavctoria (TikTok)

Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)

Do you ever feel like you're too much in relationships? Like you're constantly overthinking, needing reassurance, or afraid someone might leave—even if they haven’t said a word? If that sounds familiar, you might be navigating anxious attachment. In today’s episode, Kelli and I are pulling back the curtain on this deeply emotional and often misunderstood attachment style.

We’re talking about:

💔 Why anxious attachment forms (and why it’s not your fault)
📱 What it looks like in day-to-day life: the texts, the spirals, the second-guessing
🧠 How it plays out in love, parenting, and even our walk with God
🛠️ Tools to move from anxious to anchored
💬 And the truth: your need for connection isn’t too much. It’s human.

Let’s talk about it—because when we understand the why, we start to change the how.

Books on Attachment:

Attached by Dr. Amir Levine

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy Ho

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHC

The Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys

**You can find these books on Amazon**

Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:

Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.com

Mack (on TikTok)

Jbirdfit (On all platforms)

Natashavctoria (TikTok)

Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)

Why do some people seem so emotionally distant—even in relationships they care deeply about?

In this episode, Kelli and I are talking all about the dismissive avoidant attachment style—what it looks like, where it comes from, and how it quietly shapes our closest relationships. Whether you've been on the receiving end of someone's emotional walls, or you're realizing you might be the one who pulls away when things get too close, this conversation is for you.

We’ll unpack:

• What dismissive avoidant attachment actually is (spoiler: it’s not coldness—it’s self-protection).

• The key traits that often show up in real life.

• Why dismissive avoidants do care, even if it doesn’t always look like it.

• What it’s like to love or live with someone who keeps their heart guarded.

• And yes—what healing can look like, with time, safety, and grace.

We’ll also share a few “This might sound like you if…” moments that may hit close to home, along with gentle reflection questions to help you go deeper.

If you’ve ever felt like emotional closeness is overwhelming—or if you love someone who seems to push you away—this episode will offer clarity, compassion, and a little hope that change is possible.

Books on Attachment:

Attached by Dr. Amir Levine

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy Ho

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHC

The Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys

**You can find these books on Amazon**

Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:

Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.com

Mack (on TikTok)

Jbirdfit (On all platforms)

Natashavctoria (TikTok)

Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)