But For Real

If you’ve ever struggled with a rough inner critic, you’re not alone. While the judgments of the world can certainly get in the way of living your best life, we’re often our own worst enemies. But the good news is that Valerie and Emerson have you covered with a deep dive into the psychology of self-criticism and tips for how to navigate it. And, as always, we get into plenty of other fun stuff, like what “Queening Out” means 💁🏻‍♀️

This episode covers:

• 04:21 - Tea & Crumpets: Book Lovers by Emily Henry and Dense Bean Salad
• 07:41 - Step Into My Office: Navigating shame for not “being productive”
• 10:58 - The DSM: Let’s Talk About The The Inner Critic
• 37:55 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!
• 39:14 - Emerson Pick: "Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo
• 40:23 - Valerie Pick: "Grace" by Conventional Wisdom
• 45:50 - Wait...What? - Queening Out
• 47:19 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Cory Booker + Expanded Emergency Contraceptive Access in England

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• Book Lovers by Emily Henry
• Second Arrow of Suffering Principle 
• Leave (Get Out) by JoJo
• Grace by Conventional Wisdom
• @posterjournal on IG
• Cory Booker segment
• Morning after pill to be offered without charge in pharmacies across England

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

If you’ve struggled to build or maintain friendships as an adult, you’re not alone – and in this episode, we’ve got you covered!

This episode covers:

• 02:20 - Tea & Crumpets: Adolescence on Netflix + Lights On audio documentary
• 07:44 - Step Into My Office: Tips for a fizzling friendship
• 12:41 - The DSM: Seeking/Building Adult Friendships in these trying times
• 32:41 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY! 
• 34:16 - Val’s Pick: "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C
• 35:03 - Em’s Pick: "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars
• 35:12 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Gene therapy for sickle cell anemia + a trapped dolphin galvanizing a cleanup crew 

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

•  Lights on audio documentary
• “Math Lady” meme
• Adolescence on Netflix
• Intergenerational relationships article
• Graduation (Friends Forever) by Vitamin C
• Count on Me by Bruno Mars
• Ground Breaking Gene Therapy Treatment Cured Sickle Cell Anemia
• A dolphin trapped in a Florida waterway galvanized this cleanup team

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Today’s episode is so exciting as we have our first guest external to The Gaia Center – the phenomenal Jayne Mattingly.

JAYNE MATTINGLY is a disability advocate and eating disorder helping professional. She is also the Founder of the non-for-profit The AND Initiative, which aims to provide inspiration, advocacy, resources, support, and the gifting mobility aids to those with chronic illness and physical disabilities. Jayne lives in South Carolina with her husband and pets.Through her personal experiences and in sharing the stories from everyday people, Jayne illustrates that our body has not and will never be against us. Her new book, THIS IS BODY GRIEF is where we begin.

This episode covers:

• 02:17 - Tea & Crumpets: Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix, Structured app, and Kendrick Lamar at the Superbowl Halftime Show
• 11:10 - Step Into My Office: Puberty and all the feels it brings
• 17:57 - The Lore: Jayne’s experiences with menopause in her 30s
• 25:00 - The DSM: Body Grief
• 50:04 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY! "Supergirl" by Krystal Harris

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• Supergirl by Krystal Harris
• Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix
• Structured app

Connect with Jayne Mattingly:

• Website: https://www.jaynemattingly.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaynemattingly/?hl=en
• Buy THIS IS BODY GRIEF: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/740125/this-is-body-grief-by-jayne-mattingly/

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In this week’s episode, Valerie and Emerson are coming at ya live from the corner of a hotel by the Nashville airport thanks to some less than stellar weather before they head to a hypnotherapy training 🤓

The main event in this episode is all things parasocial relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And as always, we get into plenty more fun stuff, including what having “the ick” means and some hopeful headlines.

This episode covers:

• 05:29 - Tea & Crumpets: Nashville Public Library’s Out of County card + Wakes (Ada & Nathan Ketchie)
• 09:09 - Step Into My Office: What to do when you feel guilty for setting boundaries
• 12:45 - The DSM: WTF Are Parasocial Relationships?
• 38:50 - Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY!
• 40:53 - Val pick: "I Miss You" by Incubus
• 43:09 - Em pick: "Love Me More" by Sam Smith
• 43:27 - Wait... What?: The Ick
• 48:55 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Michael Jordan opens another clinic for underserved populations + Can an unlikely love story overcome divisions in Colombia?

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• http://wakes.life
• Incubus - I Miss You
• Sam Smith - Love Me More
• Michael Jordan opens another clinic for underserved populations
• Can an unlikely love story overcome divisions in Colombia?

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Conversations about ADHD (some helpful, some the complete opposite) are practically everywhere in our current world. In this episode, Val and Emerson take a deep dive into what ADHD really is, beyond what short form content often misses. Whether you have ADHD, think you might have ADHD, love someone with ADHD, or are just curious about WTF it is, this episode is for you!

This episode covers:

• 01:17 - Random recent hyperfixations
• 03:30 - Tea & Crumpets - Reading ambience music on YouTube + technology boundaries/the joy of missing out
• 08:38 - Step Into My Office: Struggling to read an adult despite reading for hours on end as a kid
• 14:43 - The DSM - All Things ADHD
• 46:39 - Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY!
• 47:42 - Em Pick: "ADHD" by Mae Stephens
• 50:36 - Val Pick: "Where Is My Mind?" by The Pixies
• 51:18 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix - Stories to Unite Bangladesh + Cats with arthritis wearing beanies

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• JOMO app
• The Comfort Book by Matt Haig
• Stolen Focus book
• ADHD by Mae Stephens 
• Where Is My Mind? by The Pixies
• Stories to Unite Bangladesh
• Cats with arthritis are wearing beanies!!

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Ahhhh, sleep. The thing we spend a third of our life doing and that many people don’t get enough of – grab those jammies and eye masks and let’s talk about sleep!

This episode covers:

• 01:59 - Tea & Crumpets: From Here to the Great Unknown + Activations App
• 06:25 - Step Into My Office: When work struggles seep into our personal lives
• 11:13 - The DSM: Talking about all things sleep
• 40:48 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAAY!
• 41:50 - Em Pick: "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus
• 43:58 - Val Pick: "Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt
• 44:24 - Wait… What?! (~the sleep edition~) - wild, viral bedtime routines
• 46:32 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix - A retired bishop transforms guns into garden tools to help youths envision peace and an entrepreneur in Tanzania transforms cement bags into solar-charged backpack to help children read at night

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• Brain Basics - Understanding Sleep
• Study from NIH National Library of Medicine
• National Sleep Foundation
• Adore You by Miley Cyrus
• Dante’s Prayer by Loreena McKennitt
• A retired bishop transforms guns into garden tools to help youths envision peace
• Entrepreneur in Tanzania transforms cement bags into solar-charged backpack to help children read at night

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Whether you’re currently in therapy or have been exploring finding a therapist, you’ve probably wondered, “How do I get the most out of therapy?”

In this episode, Valerie and Emerson share their top tips for making the most out of your sessions…and Emerson also shares a real therapist moment of ripping her pants at the office 🫣

As always, there’s so much more, including great song recommendations and some hopeful moments to get you through the chaos and heaviness of living in this world.

This episode covers:

• 00:06:34 - Tea & Crumpets – KINRGY and updates on Em’s Project Panning!
• 00:11:09 - Reminder for Step Into My Office submissions (no segment this episode)
• 00:11:42 - The Lore – Emerson ripped her pants at the office 😳
• 00:19:16 - The DSM – How to get the most out of therapy
• 00:51:57 - Now That’s What I Call…. OKAAAAY
• 00:53:22 - Val pick: Veruca Salt - “Volcano Girls”
• 00:55:07 - Em pick: Ed Sheeran - “I’m A Mess”
• 00:56:10 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix – How a restaurant owner is helping feed survivors of the LA wildfires + an aid worker helping South Sudanese residents with disabilities create disaster preparedness plans

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• KINRGY
• Project Panning
• Volcano Girls by Veruca Salt
• I’m a Mess by Ed Sheeran
• Marissa Hermer’s restaurant burned down in the LA wildfires. Now she’s feeding families in need
• Article about Daniel Anyang 

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

2025 is officially here, and in this week’s episode, Val and Emerson are talking all about how to kick off the new year with compassionate self-discipline, instead of the often toxic #newyearnewme mentality. 

This episode covers:

• 03:42 - Tea & Crumpets: Emerson is getting creative with her iPad and Val finally started watching Nobody Wants This.
• 08:03 - The Lore: After extreme stress due to caring for aging parents, a woman had a bizarre immune reaction that showed her very tangibly that she needed a fresh start.
• 11:50 - The DSM: The #NewYearNewMe culture historically isn’t working for the vast majority of people, why doesn’t it work and what CAN work instead!
• 32:56 - Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY
• 34:01 - Em Pick: “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift
• 36:32 - Val Pick: “Yes and More Please” by Fia
• 37:32 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix
• Val’s pick: Minnesota Summer Camp for HIV-Positive Kids Closes Down— [dramatic pause] Because There Aren’t Any More” 
• Em’s pick: Woman collects and reunites families with their photographs lost to Hurricane Helene

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• The Practice of Groundedess: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds--Not Crushes--Your Soul
• Brad Stulberg
• Kristin Neff’s self compassion work
• New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift
• Yes and More Please by Fia
• Minnesota Summer Camp for HIV-Positive Kids Closes Down— [dramatic pause] Because There Aren’t Any More
• Woman collects and reunites families with their photographs lost to Hurricane Helene

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In this week’s episode, Val and Em take a deep dive into two topics that are relatable for pretty much everyone in today’s society – anxiety and stress 😅

From basic definitions, to stats, to practical tips for how to actually manage anxiety and stress, this episode is a must listen.

And, as always, we get into so much more – including some of Val’s lore 🤪

This episode covers:

• 1:00 - Thoughts on the end of the year/new year reflections
• 02:47 - Tea & Crumpets: Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates & Buy Now, the Shopping Conspiracy (on Netflix)
• 08:52 - The Lore: Some of Val’s most memorable moments from her old job
• 13:50 - The DSM: Navigating stress and anxiety
• 40:23 - Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY!
• 42:24 - Em Pick: “American Teenager” by Ethel Cain
• 44:35 - Val Pick: “The Parting Glass” by The Wailin' Jennys
• 46:20 - Wait…What?: What does “unaliving” mean?
• 52:47 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: How two grandparents are selling Christmas trees to fund their grandchildren’s college education & a positive rat experiment related to anticipatory savoring

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates
• Buy Now, the Shopping Conspiracy (on Netflix)
• Statistics and insights from the APA’s 2023 Stress in America Report:
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• American Teenager by Ethel Cain
• The Parting Glass by the Wailin’ Jennys and by Hozier
• Grandparents planted over 5,000 Christmas trees a decade ago to help fund their grandkids collegiate careers!
• @thatgoodnewsgirl on IG

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

This week’s episode is very timely – from exploring how influencer culture and hyperconsumerism intertwine (we’re lookin’ at you, post-Black-Friday-buyer’s-remorse 😅), to the wild ride that was Emerson acquiring her new “happy light”, the sweet story of two friends that met through an accidental text message, and so much more – this episode has something for everyone!

This episode covers:

• 03:34 - Tea & Crumpets: Outlander is BACK and Wicked is AMAZING!!!
• 07:57 - The Lore: How Emerson got her happy light
• 13:53 - The DSM: Influencer Culture + Hyperconsumerism
• 47:02 - Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY
• 48:11 - Val’s Pick: “Paper Bag” by Fiona Apple
• 49:46 - Em’s Pick: “Happy & Sad” by Kacey Musgraves
• 50:23 - “Fire Dumpster Phoenix”: Two friends that met through an accidental text message spend their 9th Thanksgiving together + rural goat “nurses” in India

Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:

• State of Kait’s video “The Most Out of Touch 2024 Influencer Trends”
• Paper Bag by Fiona Apple
• Happy & Sad by Kacey Musgraves
• Friends meet for 9th Thanksgiving together
• “The kids are all right: How rural India’s ‘goat nurses’ help animals – and themselves” - By Sushmita Pathak for The Monitor
• Droughtlander Diaries

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] 
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co 

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.