The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller field this month's listeners' entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, where the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are identical wondergoals in the same match, the precise kind of player £6 million buys you these days, the dying art of strikers rounding the goalkeeper and the seemingly eternal, empty last five minutes of a half-time break.

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