Carl and Heather Present

Does Your Spouse Really Know You? | The Power of Vulnerability in Marriage

You can share a home, a bed, a bank account, and decades of memories with someone—and still keep parts of yourself hidden.

So here's a question worth asking: Does your spouse really know you?

Most of us want to be deeply loved, but being deeply known? That's a little more frightening.

We hide our fears, our insecurities, our disappointments, and our struggles. Sometimes we call it being strong. Sometimes we tell ourselves we're protecting our spouse. But what if the very walls we've built to protect ourselves are keeping us from the intimacy we're longing for?

In this episode of Carl and Heather Present, we're having an honest conversation about vulnerability in marriage—why it's so difficult, why it matters, and how learning to lower your guard can change your relationship.

Heather shares a personal realization about years of suppressing her emotions, Carl opens up about a painful season of professional disappointment, and we share a deeply personal story about Carl's father that reveals how choosing mercy over self-protection can open the door to healing.

In this conversation, we'll explore:

• Why you can be married for decades and still feel emotionally disconnected.
• How hiding your feelings can quietly create distance in your marriage.
• Why vulnerability isn't weakness—it's courage.
• How to create a marriage where it's safe to be honest, even when life is hard.
• One simple, practical step you can take this week to build deeper intimacy with your spouse.

Because here's what we believe: You can't be fully loved if you refuse to be fully known.

And sometimes, the best marriage you've ever had begins with one honest conversation.

❤️ OUR CALL TO AFFECTION

This week, tell your spouse one thing you've been afraid to share. It doesn't have to be dramatic. Start small. Be honest. And if your spouse opens up to you, resist the urge to fix, correct, or defend. Just listen.

📖 PRE-ORDER OUR NEW BOOK: TOGETHER ON PURPOSE!

Our brand-new book, Together On Purpose: Why God Brought You Together—and What to Do Next, releases November 1, 2026!

Pre-order your copy before November 1 and you'll be entered to win FREE registration to a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, PLUS hotel accommodations in Nashville, April 30–May 2, 2027, where we'll be speaking!

Pre-order today at https://carlandheather.com

🙏 HOW CAN WE PRAY FOR YOU?

We believe in the power of prayer, and we'd love to pray for your marriage. Whatever season you're walking through, send your prayer requests to [email protected]. It would be our privilege to pray for you.

💬 LET'S KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING

What's one thing that makes vulnerability difficult in marriage? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

If this conversation encouraged you, please like, subscribe, and share it with another couple who might need to hear it.

The best marriage you've ever had could still be ahead of you.

Carl & Heather

Carl and Heather Present | Together ON Purpose

#MarriageAdvice #ChristianMarriage #MarriagePodcast #Vulnerability #EmotionalIntimacy #TogetherOnPurpose

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How do you know the difference between a hard marriage…and an unhealthy one?

This week, we sit down with Christian counselor and author Dr. Dave Ralston for a candid conversation about narcissistic patterns in marriage, emotional immaturity, manipulation, boundaries, biblical submission, and what happens when one spouse refuses to take responsibility for the harm they’re causing.

Dr. Dave has counseled thousands of women who describe remarkably similar experiences: blame-shifting, gaslighting, stonewalling, emotional manipulation, and slowly losing their sense of identity inside their marriage.

We talk about why Christian women can sometimes confuse biblical submission with tolerating destructive behavior, how Scripture can be weaponized inside a marriage, and why protecting your heart is not the same thing as punishing your spouse.

We also ask some difficult questions:

Can a narcissistic husband really change?

What does a healthy boundary actually look like?

What’s the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?

How can you tell the difference between an imperfect spouse and a repeated pattern of emotional harm?

And when has the cost become so great that separation may need to be considered?

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this just a difficult season—or is something seriously wrong in my marriage?” this conversation may help bring clarity.

Dr. Dave Ralston is the founder of Life Training Christian Counseling and author of The Five Life Languages. He helps individuals and couples pursue emotional and spiritual health through practical tools grounded in biblical truth.

Learn more at LifeTrainingCounseling.org.

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www.carlandheather.com
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Have we become so concerned about “over-spiritualizing” our problems that we’ve actually started over-naturalizing them?

The Bible describes a very real spiritual world. Paul tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, that the devil has schemes, and that followers of Jesus should put on the whole armor of God.

So what does that mean for marriage?

In this episode, Carl and Heather take an honest look at witchcraft, sorcery, spiritual warfare, manipulation, control, and the battle surrounding our marriages and families.

They explore what Scripture actually says about occult practices and spiritual opposition, including Galatians 5, Ephesians 6, Acts 16, and the broader biblical pattern of divination, sorcery, and seeking supernatural power or guidance apart from God.

They also turn the conversation inward. Our fallen nature wants control, and manipulation, intimidation, and domination can show up much closer to home than we might like to admit.

So before we start identifying “witchcraft” in somebody else, maybe we need to look in the mirror.

Most importantly, this episode is not a call to fear. It’s a call for husbands and wives to become spiritually awake—to pray, forgive, bless one another, establish healthy boundaries, resist evil, and stand confidently in the victory of Jesus.

Because Scripture tells us to put on armor—not pajamas.

And sometime today, check in with your spouse and ask:

“How are you really doing—and how can I pray for you?”

Together On Purpose: Why God Brought You Together—and What to Do Next is available now at CarlandHeather.com.

Send us Fan Mail

Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
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What does it actually take to write a marriage book…with your spouse?

In this special behind-the-scenes episode, Carl and Heather take you inside the story of their new book, Together On Purpose: Why God Brought You Together—and What to Do Next.

Recorded on location in Tampa, Florida, while speaking at a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, Carl and Heather interview each other about the process of writing the book—and share some of the stories, ideas, and surprises that shaped it along the way.

Why does the world need another marriage book? Who did they picture sitting across the table while they were writing? What do they understand about marriage now that they didn't understand when they said “I do”? What does it really mean for a couple to have a purpose? And did writing a marriage book together actually make being married easier…or harder?

They also pull back the curtain on some of the details behind Together On Purpose—including the hardest parts of writing it, the meaning behind the cover, the “Call to Affection,” and what they hope happens when a couple reaches the final page, closes the book, and looks at each other.

If you've been curious about Together On Purpose, this is the episode that tells you the story behind the book—and why Carl and Heather believe God didn't simply bring you together to stay together. He brought you together on purpose.

TOGETHER ON PURPOSE — AVAILABLE NOVEMBER 1

Pre-orders are open now at CarlandHeather.com.

And there's a pretty great reason to pre-order early:

Everyone who pre-orders Together On Purpose before November 1 will be entered to win a FREE Weekend to Remember getaway PLUS hotel accommodations in Nashville, April 30–May 2, where Carl and Heather will be speaking!

Pre-order your copy, then share this episode with a couple you'd love to experience Together On Purpose with.

Send us Fan Mail

Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
@heather.cartee

Technology isn’t just changing how we communicate. It’s shaping our marriages, our parenting, our attention—and even the way our kids are being discipled.

In this episode of *Carl and Heather Present*, we sit down with Jesse and Sarah Siegand of **Preserve the Church** to talk about what technology is doing to Christian families and how parents can respond with wisdom, courage, and intention.

This isn’t just a conversation about screen-time limits.

It’s about a much bigger question:

**Who—or what—is discipling your family?**

We talk about:

• The hidden ways phones can create distance in marriage
• What parents should consider before giving a child their first smartphone
• Why our own technology habits matter more than we may realize
• How algorithms, entertainment, and constant connectivity can shape our children’s values
• What “digital discipleship” actually looks like in a Christian home
• Practical boundaries Jesse and Sarah have used with their own family
• How Scripture can guide the way we think about attention, wisdom, self-control, and technology
• What families can start changing this week

And ultimately, we ask:

**If the goal isn’t simply less screen time, what are we trying to make more room for?**

More connection.
More conversation.
More presence.
More prayer.
More Scripture.
More attention to the people God has placed right in front of us.

Technology isn’t going away—but we can become much more intentional about the kind of marriage, family, faith, and legacy we’re building in the middle of it.

If you’re trying to raise kids who can think biblically, recognize the pressures of the culture around them, and carry their faith into adulthood, this conversation is for you.

**Watch to the end, then ask your family this question:**

*What is technology helping us become—and what might it be keeping us from?*

Subscribe to *Carl and Heather Present* for honest conversations about marriage, family, faith, and how to build a life together on purpose.

Important Links:
Technology and Spiritual Health Course: https://learn.seu.edu/course/technology

Next Gen Tech Reset Conversation:
https://youtu.be/wifJKzI_7cI?si=VsMban4SCEj1i6uj

PreserveTheChurch.org
Parentswhofight.org

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Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
@heather.cartee

In this episode, Carl and Heather talk about five red flags that may be telling you it’s time to pay attention to your marriage: negative words, disappearing sexual intimacy, unforgiveness, spiritual apathy, and isolation from community.

But this isn’t an episode about declaring your marriage broken. It’s about noticing the warning lights before unhealthy patterns simply become “normal.”

What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of your words? What happens when physical intimacy disappears? Can unforgiveness keep the past in control of your present? Can two Christians have a marriage that isn’t actually Christ-centered? And does anybody outside your marriage really know how the two of you are doing?

Carl and Heather look at each of these questions through the lens of Scripture and talk about the healthier things God invites couples to pursue instead: blessing, intimacy, grace, devotion, and community.

If you want a marriage that doesn’t simply survive but continues moving toward God and toward each other, this conversation is for you.

If this episode encouraged you, don’t just move on—join us.

Subscribe and turn on notifications 🔔 so you don’t miss conversations that are helping couples fight for what matters most—their marriage, their family, and their walk with God.

If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment 💬 and tap like 👍—it helps more couples find this message.

Need prayer? We’d truly be honored to stand with you.
📧 [email protected]

And if you’re looking to invest in the health of marriages at your church or event, we’d love to serve you.
⛪💍 Submit a request at carlandheather.com/booking

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Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
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Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling book "The Five Love Languages," sits down with us to share what he has learned from a lifetime of working with couples and helping people express and experience love.
If you're stuck and you need something to help you better touch the heart of your spouse, this is the episode for you.

If this episode encouraged you, don’t just move on—join us.
Subscribe and turn on notifications 🔔 so you don’t miss conversations that are helping couples fight for what matters most—their marriage, their family, and their walk with God.
If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment 💬 and tap like 👍—it helps more couples find this message.
Need prayer? We’d truly be honored to stand with you.
📧 [email protected]
And if you’re looking to invest in the health of marriages at your church or event, we’d love to serve you.
⛪💍 Submit a request at carlandheather.com/booking

Send us Fan Mail

Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
@heather.cartee

Can you have genuine faith and still experience genuine doubt?

When Christian leaders fail, prayers seem unanswered, life doesn’t make sense, or something you’ve always believed suddenly feels uncertain, questions can begin creeping in: Is God really who I thought He was? Can I actually trust Him? What if I’m wrong about all of this?

In this episode, Carl and Heather have an honest conversation about doubting your faith—and why doubt itself isn’t necessarily the problem. Thomas doubted after showing extraordinary courage and devotion to Jesus. John the Baptist found himself sitting in prison asking whether Jesus really was the Messiah. And in both cases, their questions were brought toward Jesus, not away from Him.

So when is doubt healthy, and when does it become dangerous?

We’ll explore how to recognize where your doubts are coming from, the difference between wrestling with God and becoming double-minded, and five practical things you can do when your faith feels uncertain.

You don’t have to be afraid of your questions. Don’t waste your doubt. Let it drive you toward prayer, Scripture, truth, and ultimately back to Jesus.

Please let us pray for you and with you. Send Prayer requests: [email protected]

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Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
@heather.cartee

Love or Respect?

Does a woman need love more than respect? Does a man need respect more than love? And what does that actually look like in a real marriage?

After our recent conversation with Shaunti Feldhahn, we wanted to circle back to one idea that really resonated with people: many women have a deep need to feel loved and cherished, while many men have a deep need to feel respected, capable, and believed in.

This week, it’s just the two of us talking about how that has played out in our own marriage.

We unpack the seemingly small things that can make a husband feel disrespected or a wife feel unloved—even when that was never the intention. We talk about criticism, correcting one another, disagreement, emotional distance, and what happens when both spouses start waiting for the other person to go first.

Can you respect your husband when you disagree with him? Can you love your wife when she’s distant or frustrated? What if you don’t feel like your spouse deserves what they’re asking for? And how does following Jesus change the way we answer those questions?

Ultimately, this isn't just about learning what men want or what women want. It’s about becoming a student of the person you married and learning to communicate love in a way they can actually receive.

Because sometimes the thing you’re trying to communicate isn’t the thing your spouse is hearing.

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Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
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Do you ever wish you could get inside your husband’s head and understand what he’s really thinking?

This week, we’re joined by bestselling author and social researcher Dr. Shaunti Feldhahn for a fascinating conversation about her book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men.

Shaunti’s research has helped millions of women better understand the men they love—including one finding that can be especially surprising: many men would rather feel respected than loved.

But what does that actually mean in a marriage?

We talk with Shaunti about the inner life of men—the pressures and insecurities husbands may not know how to put into words, why respect carries so much weight, and some of the things your husband may desperately want you to understand about him.

Because sometimes loving your spouse well begins with understanding them better.

If you’ve ever thought, “I love this man, but sometimes I just do not understand him,” this episode is for you. Our hope is that this conversation helps you see your husband with fresh eyes and gives you practical ways to build greater connection, affection, and trust in your marriage.

If this episode encouraged you, don’t just move on—join us.

Follow the podcast so you don’t miss conversations that are helping couples fight for what matters most—their marriage, their family, and their walk with God.

And if this episode helped you, consider sharing it with a friend or another couple who might need it too.

Need prayer? We’d truly be honored to stand with you.
📧 [email protected]

And if you’re looking to invest in the health of marriages at your church or event, we’d love to serve you.

⛪💍 Submit a request at carlandheather.com/booking

Send us Fan Mail

Looking to connect with Carl and Heather? Start here...
www.carlandheather.com
@carlcartee
@heather.cartee