Carole Baskins Diary

Dear Peter Kent,  You asked me a question that I didn’t know how to answer, “If you had not been raped, who would you be now?”  There is no way to say with certainty, because a quarter of a century of other things have happened that brought me to where I am today, but if I could turn back time and pick up the night before that happened, I can imagine how my life would have progressed based upon the trajectory it was on.  I was in love with a man that made me feel like I was in the presence of God.  Mike Belcher was in college, studying to be a preacher in the Church of Christ, and was from Bowling Green, KY.  He was not an attractive person, but people flocked to him and you could just see his aura from all the way across the college campus.  I didn’t know what an aura was then, but to me it was like seeing a man surrounded by angels.

 

The college girls all just loved him, but I was the one he asked to marry him.  When he found out how young I was, (I was 13 or 14) he was willing to wait.  I knew that being a preacher’s wife would be hard because, as I explained to you earlier, we don’t pay our preachers much of anything so that we can be sure that their motives are pure.  I would likely need to learn a trade so that I could support the both of us and I wanted to be a Veterinarian.  It was my plan to finish school early and get into a good college on a scholarship.  I was a straight A student and in the 6th grade had taken the entrance exam to Florida College and passed with the highest score on record.  This was also true on my Real Estate and Mortgage License exams.  I am great at tests.

 

My grandmother had polished me for public speaking from the time I was six, so I was comfortable with people and felt like I would be the perfect preacher’s wife.  I was teaching myself the Grand Diplomat School of Cooking course at home and did all of my family’s cooking and cleaning and was raising my brother, because my parents were working all the time.  After school I worked in a gift shop (on N. Florida Ave in Tampa) that my grandfather set up for me when I was nine and later for my father’s lawn care business every day after work.  I was also responsible for keeping our 10 acre yard up for my family and for my grandmother next door.  I was loving and trusting and felt like the sky was the limit because all my life, my mother and grandmother had told me so.

 

I loved Mike Belcher and was in awe of his knowledge of the Bible and his ability to share that knowledge. I loved that he was so comfortable in his relationship with God.  I had always been that way, but even at that young age noticed that most people didn’t feel that intimate connection to their Creator. When he was in college here I was with him whenever I wasn’t working and I felt safe at his side.  When he was home in KY I wrote him love letters and poems and I longed for the school year to resume.

 

After I was raped, I quit writing him and wouldn’t take his calls.  I couldn’t tell him why.  I was so ashamed, I couldn’t tell anyone.  Later, after I had left home, my mother said  he came looking for me, but she didn’t know where I was.  I became an alcoholic and a chain smoker and even though my work ethic stayed strong, I was only a shadow of who I had been until I got pregnant with Jamie at the age of 19.  My husband locked me in a room of our house, for what seemed like weeks, but was probably only days, until I dried out.  I never drank again, except for the occasional glass of wine.

 

I wouldn’t allow a Bible in the same house and I didn’t talk to God for 13 years.  My first husband, also named Mike, who I hated, discovered that my parents really loved him for dragging me to church and I did it while we were married, but I was unfaithful to him and to God for the eight years we were married.  It was in the mid to late 80’s, after my divorce, that Wally nagged me back to church.  Wally just kept telling me he was praying for me and that God loved me and tha

I have only known Peter Kent for 2 weeks and last night I asked him to move in with me.  I was with Don for 8 years before we moved in together.  I was with Alan Schreier for 5 months before making such a suggestion and that had just ended rather badly.  I had no intention of getting involved in a monogamous relationship when I met Peter Kent and told him so the first night.  I had began to remake the island into my own private sanctuary, far from anything that resembled responsibility.  I was looking forward to just meeting some great people and enjoying them on a casual basis.  It is against God’s law that I have a man, who is not my husband and since I have no intention of getting married, it makes little difference if I sleep with a man because I love him or if I even know his name.  It is wrong, either way and neither is less of an infraction of the commandments.  I was instantly attracted to Peter Kent and wanted to know him sexually and maybe even get to know him better.

 

When I offered to drive him to Jacksonville, I felt sure that by the end of the weekend, we would have known the excitement of two strongly sexual beings have come together in a passion that would far exceed any later encounters.  The first time is always the best.  Sometimes it is the only good time.  On the drive up, Peter Kent was quite entertaining and talkative.  He surely told me every bad thing he ever did or thought and I was puzzled why anyone who was hoping to get laid would bare his failures so shamelessly.  I can only speculate as to his reasoning.  Perhaps, in time, I will understand.

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet. 

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Un Answered Prayers

Carole, what a beautiful note.  I am enamored (sp?) in the gift God has given us both.  You would not believe the level to which you please me.  I love your ways, your demeanor, your words, your voice, your noises (that is sooo important, your passion noises), your mother, your love for family, your daughter and her feelings for you.  I am so lucky that you passed my way and that we are together the way and the depth that we are.  I have one regret; that my tongue is not long enough to caress the

inside of your naval from that place that you gave me two orgasms from last evening.  I wish to be intimate with you like that until I can no longer function.   You are so important and so right to me.

 

I love you, Peter Kent

 

11/15/01 12:12:19 PM

 

Un Answered Prayers

 

A dark, deserted, dreary place

Was, once upon a time, this heart

Where sorrow lived without a trace

That joy had ever been a part

 

My soul was cold and froze the tears

That otherwise would choke me sure

Engulfed was I with all my fears

And no longer could I endure

 

I prayed that God would send for me

And tend to those I'd leave behind

No longer did I want to be

In contact with the human kind

 

But thank God for un-answered prayer

Or answering and saying "No."

But rather sending one to share

The greatest love I'd ever know

 

He sent an Angel, kind and strong

A gentle man with laughing eyes

Who'd cause me to forget the wrong

Done unto me through other's lies

 

His warmth would reach my very soul

And spark in me eternal flame

Without him I was never whole

But with him I can Live again!

 

For Peter Kent A. Kent

By Carole Stairs Lewis

 

Thursday was the first night of one of my typically horrific periods and my head felt like it would just blow off my shoulders as Peter Kent was eating dinner.  He asked if I would be willing to try acupuncture and figured I wouldn’t notice any extra pain and said sure. He set up, what he calls the pleasure alter, a collapsible adjustment table in the living room and he began to work his magic.

 

When he was through, the jet engines in my ears had been silenced, and I felt like I was drifting in and out of my body.  When I drifted in the abominable cramps were so bad, I would almost jump out-of-body to escape it and that was working for me.  I told Peter Kent what I was doing and he asked me to lay on the floor.  He manipulated my abdomen and some pressure points on my feet and ankles and in seconds the cramps were gone.  I haven’t had one since and yet I am bleeding profusely, as always and passing clots that usually make me want to scream in pain.

 

He showed me how to do the acupuncture for his back and how to burn Moxa on the needles.  It was an incredible evening of giving relief and caring for each other.  It was unlike any love making I have ever known before.  He is a beautiful spirit and I want to be engulfed by him.

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet. 

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Peter Kent's Angel Arms You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I say this as you are in the next room playing with the washing machine, and I am about to undress to hit the hot tub to hold you near again. You have my total attention and I yours these days, it is wonderful - Peter Kent Peter Kent's Angel Arms Awaked with him, my heart does sing My lover reaches out to me His big, strong arms, enveloping Like wings of Angels, Heavenly. I'm safe within his warm embrace No fear of him, nor outside harm Can reach me in this happy place That he provides, so safe, and warm. He holds me close, and yet I know His Love's not the possessive kind And when it's time that I must go He'll let me out, my day to find Because he knows my Love is true And knows my heart, to him is reined These precious hours will carry through Until I'm in his arms again. By: Carole Lewis Carole, you cannot imagine how perfect you are for me. I am awestruck by what we have and what you done for me, what you think of me. I love you like I did not think it would be possible to love anyone, simply because NO ONE has ever filled me the way you fill me. You are a person like no one I have ever met; you are a miracle and I am very happy to be sharing all that we share. I love what we do each evening, and I know that it will not change. Last night was a one in a million and it will repeat itself over and over. It will be sooo terrific sharing the holidays with you, tasting you each evening. Thank you for this great poem, now get to work. Love, Peter Kent 11/14/01 Peter Kent had put in 12 hours of back breaking work and I came in late after church to join him in the hot tub. Sitting in his lap, and facing him, he was tender and oddly quiet for the longest time. When he spoke, he said, “I think I love you, Carole Lewis”, to which I responded, “In time you will know for sure.” He thought about that for a moment and said that he was sure, but he still didn’t sound sure. I was touched by his vulnerability and believed that the words truly came from his heart. I know with the love that I have to offer him, he will one day look back on this moment and be glad he took a chance.

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet. 

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

I am so sorry that I was not able to get back to you.

I got your message but could not call and have not been home to write a note.  You do not know how much I cherish you already.  You gestures and your thoughts are seemingly from another planet due to your gracious mannerism.   I long to know you much better.   Would you call me whenever you get up.  I do not want to wake you too early, AND, I know your 10:00 appointment that you must be preparing for.  I would think that calling me on my cell would be best, I may well be on my way to you when you do call.  God bless you abundantly, - Peter Kent

 

He didn’t get home until 1:00 am because he was in jail for shoplifting a $3.00 kitchen knife.  A pastor-friend down the street came and bailed him out.

 

I didn’t get the message because I didn’t have AOL at home.

 

8:45 am My intention at the moment, is to make contact with you earlier today.  I am off to get a drivers license address change and then I will be going the long way around to pick up some meds at Costco in Brandon on my way to you somehow.

 

I am excited about us launching something together, a relationship.  You seem to feel about me as I would wish my special person to feel.  I do not take that lightly, it is very filling and I could not ever say enough good about it.  What I wish to learn is to 'act' or 'be' as though it means the world to me, rather than playing safe and untrustworthy of relationship.   I think that going slow and talking about it a lot, as knowledgeable adults, is the way to go.  I have many worthy things to do. - Peter Kent

 

Dear Peter Kent,  I did not have access to a computer last night.  The old lap top that I carried to the island was having modem trouble.  I got it up and running, but it was too slow to bother with this morning.  I am glad you called.  As much as I dislike talking on the phone, it is still the most effective for two people on the move.  It is different when it is you anyway.  Perhaps you will help me to overcome this little problem.

 

I just got in to Easy Street and read your notes.  I do care about you and think about you throughout the day.  Being a woman, it is always easy to start over, because there is always someone who will take you in, make you strong and wish you well on your way.  I think it must be much harder for a man.  You would know.

 

I don't want you to try and argue with me about this trip.  I will pay all of the costs involved and don't want you to reach for your wallet in any part of the travel or food expense this weekend.  The only thing that I want from you is that you are well rested and prepared for your exam.  In some ways I think even the distraction of a woman is bad timing for this, but I don't know quite what to do about that.  Just know that I am patient (you will not believe how patient until you know me better) and I, too, want to go at this relationship slowly.  As much as I love the thrill of infatuation, I want something more lasting and ultimately, more satisfying.

 

We are having a chicken crisis right now, so I can't devote the time to that thought that I would like.  Brandon is very congested, so be careful.  If you get lost trying to get back to Easy St. most people know where the Citrus Park mall is and we are across the street.  I will send another letter momentarily that has the work list.  For the cats,  Carole Lewis, Founder

 

RE:  The only thing that I want from you is that you are well rested and prepared for your exam.

 

This exam is fairly simple, I already passed the hard part.  I had taken the exam in March at the University of Miami Law School, AND, arrived 93 minutes late.   The exam is two parts, point location (easy, and should take about 35 minutes of the three hours they a lot) and comprehensive.  They let me sit for the exam anyway but I missed the instructions for the point location procedure.  I thought I got them all correct because they were commonly used points.   I got a 35% on that part and pas

No problem on the license, and, I am a great driver for after hours.

I will be getting my license renewed with current address tomorrow.

 

It appears to me that instead of looking into pre-fab sheds, we can build exactly what you need.  I have all the tools and know-how.  The permit should be no problem. - pk

 

After sending first poem:  Nothing can compare

 

Father God, I thank you for Carole Lewis.   I ask that you bless us both, expand our territories.  May your hand be with us in all things, lead us from evil, may  we never cause pain.  - Peter Kent

 

Saltillo tile is easy to cut.... thicker but softer (like me).

 

I want to stay busy.  I finished the job in Clearwater this morning and the woman decided to deduct $50 for a chip I put in her formica when replacing her d/w.    I asked if I could fix it for her and she wants to call the man who did it in the first place, so that she can back charge me.   That $50 is sorely missed this morning.  (Looking back, this should have been my first hint)

 

I am ready to come up there whenever you say go.

 

I will be driving my truck there with my motorcycle/utility trailer and leaving it with your permission, to travel back and forth when necessary on the bike.

 

I do not feel the engineering drawings will be much of a problem.   I can communicate via e-mail to a draftsman person in Albuquerque, and he can send drawings via e-mail.   As long as it is drawn to code, there should be no problem other than I do not get my license until December after taking an exam. -

Peter Kent

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet. 

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Why I Don’t Like to Touch People

 

Dear Peter Kent,  Thank you for the best night of human interaction I have had in several years.  I appreciate the way you shared yourself with me, and I look forward to knowing you more fully.  If we find that we are not suited for each other, let me photograph you for your profile.  The one you have online is so obscure that I thought you weighed at least three times what you do and does not show off your gorgeous face.  If your photo did you justice, and I am an excellent photographer, you would have to empty your email box several times a day from all the women who would be clamoring for your attention.  In fact, I will do this for you even if we do seem to be going somewhere.  I am confidant in my ability to satisfy a man and if that were not enough for you, then you deserve to find someone who could.  It's not flowers, but I have a problem with cutting a perfectly good rose off of the bush that created it.

 

I would like to hear about Susan.  I would also like to know how you came up with your screen name.  There would appear to be a story there, or is that a figment of my imagination?

 

I couldn’t find any reference of David seeking the assistance of a fortune teller, but the following verse prevents me from utilizing one:

Mal:3:5: And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the LORD of hosts.

 

I don't doubt their ability.  I have a certain ability myself and I think all children are born with it, but we crush it out of them by ignoring it, or criticizing them or discounting it as fantasy.  When I was racing horses, Jamie was very popular at the track with all the old men as she was very good at picking the winners.  When I saw it in her I tried to nurture that ability because it can serve one very well.  I find nothing in the Bible that precludes one from having and exercising the ability, but rather the issue seems to be when people choose to seek out a spiritist rather than seeking out God.  Jamie and I are very different and yet almost always on the same wave length to the point where it is a common joke between us to ask, "Did I say that out loud?"  Sometimes we honestly can't tell.

 

I am particularly good at finding people and empathizing with them.  I could almost always get in the car and go straight to where ever Don was.  That became increasingly handy when he started getting lost.  I could just feel him.  I have even found him as he was driving down the Interstate;  a moving target!  I have had similar experiences with other people who were in grave danger, such as my brother who was lost in a snow storm and a former boyfriend who tired to commit suicide.  It was strongest with Don and that is why not finding him has been so hard for me.  It's what I do best and I can't do it.  I can't feel him.  For a couple of days after his disappearance I thought I could, but every where I looked was wrong and then I couldn't feel him any more.

 

The empathy comes in waves.  Sometimes when I touch someone, or even just get too close, I feel a surge of emotion that doesn't seem to be mine.  That is why I was so intrigued with what you felt when Marsa introduced you to Roseanne.  You are obviously receptive to this sort of unexpected input.  I can't usually make any sense of it.  I passed close to a woman once and was compelled to tell her to stay away from ladders and as you can imagine people don't take that kind of unsolicited advice well.  I didn't know why, but I could see a ladder and I could see her weeping, so it seems like the appropriate thing to say at the time.  It is not usually even that well defined.  It is just a gust of emotion that leaves me gasping for air.

 

The worst experience was one of my v

From Peter:

 

Carole, I have something to say that I wish for you to hear.   I say it with a beingness of mine, somewhat of a loneliness and a searching.   I love your words, and I have an attitude about notes.  People put the amount of work in them that they are willing to give to a mate, a counterpart.   I thank you for your contribution for your making me feel hope that their is a considerate, intelligent being out there for me that makes sense and has the capacity to love.   Thank you for the passion, for your love of purpose and cause that you live your life with.   I pray the prayer of Jabez several times daily; it's a small, rather popular name to a book at the present time.  I usually do not like books by preachers, but I like the simplicity of the prayer of Jabez, it is a hidden passage from (I think) Exodus.

 

Paraphrased: "Heavenly Father, Creator of all love, Power of the Universe, I ask you to bless me this day; expand my territories, may your hand be with me in all that I do, keep me from evil and let me cause no pain."

 

I ask you that you, Carole, see the wonder in that prayer, what else could one ask for.  In no area does it guide God or assist him in a direction that you feel your own "infinite wisdom" (tongue in cheek) knows.   I love that prayer, it allows for blessings without a request that your own input would screw up.

 

Three things please:

 

1. I know nothing about your husband's disappearance.   Because the English language does not differentiate between present tense 'read' and past tense 'read' (red), I do not no what you are saying when you say "If you read about my husband's disappearance...."    I have no knowledge of that.

2. I am re-settling because I have come to the end of my sojourn of introspection.   It has been a journey and now I am on my way to doing something worthwhile.  My intention was to be without things for a while. To play, to look, to watch, to learn.   Initially, I went to Colorado with my car and motorcycle to tour the mountains, to feel the majesty and simplicity of every small town in Colorado.   It was joyful living in a tent in various places but in only lasted for seven weeks.   I almost feel guilty saying this but YOU would probably suffer similarly:  I have such a strong work ethic that I could not do that task without feeling I was accomplishing something.

 

I also have this thing about learning something.  After seven weeks of playing, I enrolled in a master's program of Oriental Medicine in Albuquerque, where I spent the past 3,5 years.  I am now freshly out of school, taking my National Board Acupuncture exam in Jacksonville next Saturday.   My trusty car, which got me through those years out west, caught on fire the first of August and I am reduced to an old work-truck and my motorcycle.  I am broke beyond being broke, but filled with love and dedication to do something worth while.  I am working today, to finish a small tile job in Clearwater, to buy a bed, to prepare for my son's visit in two weeks.   I have learned so much in the past 10 years.   Re-settling is a gentle word, there is more to it than that,   What I was and what I am is not the same.

 

3. My daughter did not die, what she was died, and a large piece of me died but she lives with two children in Ohio.  There was lots of expense to save her life, to have her institutionalized, to heal her body and mind.  She is not to same, but she is good and strong in her own new self.  She isadopted, her mom is the mother of my son who is 11 years younger than she.

 

There is some mental illness on my wife's side; I cannot and don't wish to decide if my ex is of dual personality or the strongest woman on earth.  She took my son from me after this ordeal with my daughter and he and I are just now getting back together in life.  He is the strongest and most successful, best judgment young man I have ever known.  Much of his character was formed through these happenings; he is a cadet at VMI, in pre-m

Jorge Fernandez left word on my cell phone that he received my faxes and that they have determined that Danny could not have been involved because he was in a high security rehab, in Avon Park, with guards until the end of September in 1997 when he was transferred to jail for outstanding charges that were against him here.  I couldn’t find any arrest record for a Michael Spitz, but there was a Michael R. Spitzer.

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet. 

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.