Cerise And Vicky Rank The Movies

Cat Fitzpatrick joins Cerise and Vicky as they stare into the heart of American corruption and find it to be a bit drab!

9:49 - Bad Education (2020) Hugh Jackman robs a wealthy school district, and Cerise encourages listeners to follow suit.

30:06 - The Bank Dick (1940) WC Fields slurs and stumbles his way through 70 minutes of movie about as well as a drunkard could.

44:20 - The Apartment (1960) Jack Lemmon is gay, and Vicky encourages listeners to follow suit.

1:02:42 - The Candidate (1972) One of the most slept-on movies of the 70's runs headlong into Cerise and Vicky's cinematic insomnia.

1:18:39 - Election (1999) The shocking origin of history's greatest monster

Claire Diane joins Cerise and Vicky in their undersea base to talk about some underwater horror movies! Nothing goes wrong at all!

9:35 - Underwater (2020) Kristen Stewart goes to work for an undersea mining company and leads an uneventful life beneath the waves.

25:49 - The Horror Of Party Beach (1964) A company dumps radioactive waste yards away from teenagers having wholesome fun. Everybody gets a nice tan.

41:45 - DeepStar Six (1989) A group of undersea engineers bonds over their shared love of ichthyology. Miguel Ferrer soothes his nerves by flipping random switches, which proves to be a completely harmless activity.

1:02:48 - Deep Blue Sea (1999) Super-intelligent sharks bond over their love of gristly humans until they get stabbed in the eye by a rapper with a crucifix. The ensuing lawsuit is successful.

1:24:01 - The Host (2007) Throwing formaldehyde into the river is as fun and wholesome an activity as throwing garbage at sea monsters. Good times are had by all.

Join Cerise and Vicky as they stare into the blue, furry face of late capitalism and live to tell the tale! (And the tail!)

8:10 - Sonic The Hedgehog (2020) The fondest memories of your childhood are but grist for the mill of a dying movie industry, fit only to be processed and repackaged in soulless trim. Eat at Olive Garden.

25:20 - Super Mario Bros: Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach (1986) The fondest memories of your childhood were, in fact, packaged and processed all along. Eat Mario's Ramen Noodles.

43:40 - Mortal Kombat (1995) When your childhood memories are screamed at you in the middle of a jump kick, it's easier to distract yourself from their commodification.

1:01:10 - House Of The Dead (2003) Uwe Boll doesn't want to commodify anything about your childhood memories. He wants to celebrate them, and even though he doesn't know how, it's still something.

1:21:17 - Ace Attorney (2013) Takashi Miike doesn't give a fuck what he's commodifying - he's gonna make a banger and you're gonna have to deal with it.

Lily H gangs up with Cerise and Vicky as they break bottles, raise hell and rank some movies!

6:40 Birds of Prey (2020) Birds of Prey; or the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn; or Why Harley Is Totally Better Than The Joker; or No, Seriously, Fuck The Joker.

26:09 Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965) The boobingest movie of the boobingest genre of the boobingest decade in boob history.

39:58 Born In Flames (1983) Who would win: An army of U-Haul lesbians, or two steel beam bois?

54:20 Set It Off (1996) We are mere inheritors of Queen Latifah's world, to be embraced or discarded at her pleasure.

1:08:09 Blue Crush (2002) Cerise and Vicky argue for seven minutes about a barely-remembered surfer movie from 1996, in their most typical fashion.

Berry Grass joins Cerise and Vicky as they vanish without a trace amongst this week's movies!

9:26 - Lost Girls (2020) When Lifetime movies are better than Sundance entries, you know the world's been turned upside down.

23:54 - Hardcore (1979) George C Scott is MAD, MAD, MAD! About pornography. ;)

40:00 - The Vanishing (1988) Apparently, neckbeards *are* the worst people in the world.

1:01:46 - Gone Baby Gone (2007) Pronounce your Rs, you Southie shamrock motherfuckers. Love, Philadelphia.

1:20:36 - Under The Silver Lake (2019) Andrew Garfield plays older than he is for once in his life, and the entire world is confused.

Cerise and Vicky attempt to stave off encroaching madness by talking about cabin fever movies. They fail, but they have a good time nonetheless.

7:05 Freaks (2020)- Prepare for a future where every entertainment option is a pilot for a superhero tv show masquerading as a movie - the Netflix future.

18:50 The Exterminating Angel (1961) - All the worst people in Spain get exactly what's coming to them, no matter how many rules of nature have to be broken in the process.

29:39 The Shining (1980) - Cerise and Vicky get into a good old fashioned Movie Fight. Two podcasters enter; two podcasters leave, because they're not barbarians.

50:10 Ravenous (1999) - What if we kissed? While eating each other's flesh? And we were both dudes?

1:05:23 Dogtooth (2010) - Family is its own form of quarantine, but with more violence.

Cerise and Vicky distract themselves from looming disaster by ranking some classic (?) superhero movies.

Bloodshot (2020) - 7:23 Vin Diesel stars in the last movie ever released - the cinematic world ends not in a bang, but with a sullen grunt.

Flash Gordon (1980) - 23:30 Flash will save every one of us, but apparently not from yellowface.

The Rocketeer (1991) - 37:34 The NBA might be cancelled, but at least we get to watch every actor in this movie dunk on its star.

Spawn (1997) - 53:45 Honestly, an apocalypse of clown farts is starting to sound pretty fun right about now.

The Spirit (2008) - 1:07:42 Frank Miller would like you to know that he fucks, and will not stop reminding you until you're convinced that he's never had sex in his life.

M. Tellez joins Cerise and Vicky as they argue about movies they both like.

7:43 - Bacurau (2020) Turns out the most dangerous game is trying the patience of insurrectionary peasants.

26:35 - Black God White Devil (1964) Mamas, don't let your sons grow up to be members of a bandit cult.

44: 14 - The People Under The Stairs (1991) The most powerful documentary ever made about life under Reagan.

1:06:12 Hostel (2005) Eli Roth packs all the homophobia of the 2000s into 90 minutes. Queers who were closeted in the 2000s are not amused.

1:19:32 Burning (2018) In which Cerise and Vicky launch enough hot takes to torch all the greenhouses in Kprea

Cerise and Vicky confront the Universal Monsters. Some of them are worthy; some of them are not.

7:21 - The Invisible Man (2020). Elisabeth Moss proves herself superior to all bros, invisible or not.

23:19 - Frankenstein (1931). Ol' Vic builds a child so he has an excuse to get away from his wife, then abandons it when he gets bored. He somehow avoids the guillotine.

38:17 - The Mummy (1959). Peter Cushing goes all the way to Egypt to dig up racism when he could have found it at home.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992). HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS MOVIE IS GREAT...Wait, what do you mean it's not 25 minutes long?

1:06:17 The Wolf Man (2010). A goddamn Wolf Man's on the loose and everybody manages to look bored anyway.

Our first episode! Max Wilde joins Cerise and Vicky as they begin their mission to rank every movie.

3:00 - Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Is this the first movie on our list and therefore the best movie of all time? Can it turn you gay? Is casting your ex in a movie like this the biggest lesbian move ever? Probably.

18:12 - The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant. Rainier Werner Fassbinder cranks out a masterpiece in two weeks. What did *you* do in the last two weeks?

40:32 - Forbidden Love. A documentary about lesbians with a softcore sex scene at the end.

49:12 - Blue Is The Warmest Color. Abdellatif Kechiche is a creep, and so on.

63:57 - Liberty's Secret. On Earth 3, evangelicals can learn to love gay people if you sing them a song. Also, Jesus is co-dependent.