Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast

We’re doing the London Podcast festival on September the 7th at Kings Place, Kings Cross! But Al never got round to mentioning it on Chart Music!

So – as a taster for those who have never experienced the thrill of people doing a podcast, but in front of other people – here’s the audio of our first ever gig, as Sarah Bee, David Stubbs and Taylor Parkes join Al Needham in a heroic attempt to squish a typical episode into 90 minutes.

Fortunately, the episode we covered – from the glory days of 1981 – has been truncated due to Spurs and Man City being unable to win the FA Cup the previous Saturday, meaning that it's only 19 minutes long as the replay is on after. Tommy Vance has been parachuted in from the Korean War, and he introduces a melange of late-period Eighventies curios. Thin Lizzy make their last-ever appearance. Sheena Easton's new bloke sounds like a right bell-end. Vaughn Toulouse recreates a porn DVD cover. Kim Carnes avoids a party of American Zoo Wankers. Tenpole Tudor actually play to some over-twelves for a change. And Adam Ant coats down some bloke in a coach for having a shit record collection.

Even though we're on the clock, there's still time for tangents, including a doomed stripping gig at a naval base in Portsmouth, the return of the Rock Expert, songs we lost our virginities to, Lewis Collins firing a shotgun in his own living room, and Basil Brush: Cock Nuisance. TUCK IN, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS...

Get your tickets for Chart Music Live, 7th Sept, 2pm, Kings Place, Kings Cross HERE

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Our mate Neil Kulkarni died in January. This episode is dedicated to him.

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Simon’s Quietus piece on Neil   |   Sofia’s Gofundme page

Special thanks to Lily Wilde for cover art.

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The latest episode of the podcast which asks; do we really have to hug? And rub-a-dub?

The Chart Music time sofa descends upon March of 1993, Pop-Crazed Youngsters – the Forgotten Nineties, if you will. A time where the only options available to The Kids were having their heads filled with rubbish by trampy Americans, or being exploited by Ian Beales in Hypercolor t-shirts who can’t play real music and want you to take loads of drugs. Your panel – ligging their way around London, ensconced in an Isleworth love nest and dealing with the misery of Gym Knickers, respectively – look back upon this strange perineum between Rave and Britpop, and have a tentative sniff at it

As for Our Favourite Thursday Evening Pop Treat, it’s currently weathering it’s 27th crisis under the stewardship of Stanley Appell, two years removed from its Year Zero clearout. The good news is he’s been given carte blanche to put on whoever he likes. The bad news is, he’s only a few months away from his 60th birthday, and there’s soon to be a new BBC1 controller in town who – according to rumour – is thinking about letting Janet Street Porter have a go. 

Musicwise, it’s a reminder that everything is still up for grabs in the post-Neightnies musicsphere: Right Said Fred get the wind of BBC Star Power at their backs, which can be a bit uncomfortable when you’ve cut the arse out of your trousers. Lenny Kravitz is SuperMuso. After Some Rap, Brett Anderson gets dragged to the front of assembly to explain why he’s let the school down by singing too violently. Then it’s over to Hawaii to drop in on the Lower-Case Canadian, before she gets a shave off Cindy Crawford. Runrig make their TOTP debut, then Rage Against The Machine, fresh from getting Bruno Brookes suspended for a week, kick off the run of blipverts that passes for the Breakers section these days, which also takes in Bryan Ferry, The Jesus Lizard and Dead Madonna. Diana Ross and a Sexy Saxman appear on the set of a school play of Escape From New York, and we end with some sexy Belgian pinball action, all hosted by Mark Franklin, who was probably younger than you at the time, and still is.  

Sarah Bee and Simon Price join Al Needham for a rummage under the sewn-on cushion on the Mastermind chair of 1993, veering off on such tangents as being mithered by members of Suede and Elastica at a student disco, why all snack wafers of the Eighties sound like Bryan Ferry LP titles, the Lesbian Elephant, Jonny Sex-Cat and the Accessible Gamesdog, Paintballing with Ride, and Al’s Secret Terror. SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR THERE’S SOME SWEARING.

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE

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Simon Price, Sarah Bee and Al Needham hit the final stretch of this episode of TOTP with the chance to hear 20 seconds of a Xmas Number One, Bryan Ferry going through the motions, some Americans who want to weld you into a chair and Dead Madonna, then Diana Ross gets all excited at the sight of an oiled-up saxman, and we continue our ongoing mission to praise the Belgians. REACH FOR THE SKIES, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS!

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE

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Sarah Bee, Simon Price and Al Needham end up having a massively deep dive on Suede, before being whipped over to Hawaii to watch the Lower-Case Canadian sit on a box for a bit. Oh, and Runrig!

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE

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Simon Price, Sarah Bee and Al Needham begin their slog through an early-Nineties episode of The Pops with an examination of the changes Stanley Appell wrought upon our fave Thursday Evening Pop Treat. Then we’re immediately assailed by the sight of someone grabbing one of Right Said Fred’s arse as they do a bit for Comic Relief, followed by SuperMuso and Some Rap. STICK IT OUT, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS!  

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE

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#73 (Pt 1): 4.3.93 – Frank Bald

Sarah Bee, Simon Price and Al Needham gird their loins for a plunge into a TOTP from the early Nineties, but before all that there’s a comprehensive leaf through that week’s NME. a heartrending discussion about the misery of gym knickers and hair loss, and a massive plug for our live show in Birmingham…

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE

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The latest episode of the podcast which asks; so how do you set fire to a trophy?

Like a man in a cage, we find ourselves trapped in the mid-Eighties, imprisoned in a lurid enclosure of neon and rolled sleeves and appalling Number Ones, with Gary Davies – fresh from a birthday party in a garage in Cumbria and looking well Bisto – in the Mr McKay role. Oh, it’s a grim time to be young, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, when the only thing the youth can look forward to is a Giro, a chance to see the frontwoman of All Her Looks in concert and – if you’re really lucky – landing a plum YTS gig, like Paul Jordan has. He’s making his debut tonight, and we try to work out who he actually was.

Musicwise, hmm. Colonel Abrams pops up to deliver a telegram which reads HOUSE IS COMING STOP. Bruce Dickinson paints Paul D’Anno out of history. A pre-codpiece Cameo make their ‘first-ever television debut’ (thanks, Paul). Then the BBC runs an advert for a film made by someone from the Cradle Of Pop, followed by a double-whammy of Our Bands. The best duo in Pop history whose name begins with ‘Rene And’ pitch up and pretend to be Prince. The Top Ten gets fisted by Billy Idol. Red Box asks us if we’ve heard the good news about Jesus. A Success Coat containing Midge Ure receives its sympathy #1, and The Kids (and City Farm) have a sensible jig to Five Star.   

Simon Price and Rock Expert David Stubbs join Al Needham for a good snuffle around the crotch of 1985, pausing along the way to shill their new books, followed by frank discussions about sexual awakenings under a massive poster of Pete Burns, the lamentable tale of Stubbs The Sap, the Great Top Valley Pupil Insurrection of 1985, Fetish Sporrans, being stared at by Morrissey at Chippenham Goldiggers, Quincy Punks, a comprehensive breakdown of the Chicken Dance, and a disgraceful run-in midway through the episode. SWEARING.

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Get your tickets for Chart Music at the London Podcast Festival HERE

Order Different Times by David HERE

Pre-order Curepedia by Simon HERE

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Simon Price, Rock Expert David Stubbs and Al Needham hit the final stretch of this episode of TOTP, and pick through the ‘delights’ of the Top Ten. It’s a meaty fist in the air for Billy Idol, King of the Quincy Punks, before being subjected to a cult indoctrination video. We savour Midge Ure’s Sympathy Number One, and then it’s on to the dancefloor for some well-supervised fun with Five Star, before your Mam finds out who’s got Meeeshell in the club…  

 Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon

Get your tickets for Chart Music at the London Podcast Festival HERE

Order Different Times by David HERE

Pre-order Curepedia by Simon HERE

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Simon Price, Rock Expert David Stubbs and Al Needham plunge ever-onwards into a post-Live Aid episode of The Pops, and it turns out that 1985 is SKILL – well, it is when Cameo are slinking about on TOTP stage. Then we’re reminded of the dark times when John Parr pitches up to do a film advert. But then! It’s a double-barrelled blast of Our Bands, as the Smiths are forced to do a video, and Lol Tolhurst stinks out a wardrobe. And them some bloke starts going about thinking he’s Prince. GO FOR IT, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS!

 Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon

Get your tickets for Chart Music at the London Podcast Festival HERE

Order Different Times by David HERE

Pre-order Curepedia by Simon HERE

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.