Chasing Brighter Podcast: Choosing Real Over Perfect

Not every friendship ends with a falling-out. Some quietly drift. Some go on pause. Some still exist on paper, with birthday texts and the occasional "we should get together!", while the emotional closeness has faded. In this episode, Jessica and Kelly talk about friendship ambiguity: the friendships that leave you unsure where you stand, how you feel, or whether anything needs to be said at all.

Jessica introduces ambiguous loss, a concept from psychologist Pauline Boss's work in the 1970s. It describes grief that has no clear resolution, no funeral, and no script for closure. It was first applied to dementia and missing persons, and Jessica explains why it also fits the friend who slowly drifted but never actually left. Kelly pushes back in her own way. Does drifting always feel like loss? Or can a friendship simply evolve, rest, or go on pause without anything being wrong?

The sisters compare their very different approaches. Kelly tends not to overthink it and lets some friendships fade on their own. Jessica wrestles with guilt, obligation, and a newer midlife phenomenon: the sudden "ick," when you realize you just don't have the energy for someone anymore, even though nothing specific happened. They also look at the other side of ambiguity: what to do when you miss someone and the time gap makes reaching out feel awkward.

Want to sort out where your friendships stand? The Friendship Audit helps you sort your friendships into thriving, resting, or maybe over. It's honest without being brutal. Get it free when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter.

Your relationship with your partner is a friendship too. Tune in next week as we explore what friendship looks like inside an intimate relationship.

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Jess and Kelly catch up on life as moms of almost-grown and newly-grown kids. Jess shares the college "white lies party", her plan to feed a team of hungry college athletes from 2,000 miles away, and the surprisingly emotional side of parenting an adult child in a different time zone. Kelly opens up about kicking off the college search with Wes, who just announced he might want to "work in nature," and how she's using YouTube "day in the life" videos (and a little help from AI) to help him figure out what actually lights him up. Together they talk about choice overload, letting kids explore, and why the path you picture at 17 rarely matches where you end up.

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Here are the show notes, built from the episode audio. The timestamps are approximate, so give them a quick check against your final edit.

Have you ever thought about a friend you used to be inseparable from and felt… nothing? Not bad, just not the same. In this episode, Jess and Kelly talk about friendships that run their course, why a fading friendship doesn't mean anyone failed, and how to tell the difference between real guilt and plain old obligation.

Some friendships are built for a specific season of life: work friends, the parents you bonded with because your kids were friends, the people who got you through a particular chapter. When that season ends, the friendship may have done exactly what it was meant to do. Jess, a licensed clinical social worker, explains why guilt and obligation feel so similar but work very differently, and why one lifts when you act on it and the other leaves you feeling hollow. The sisters also share how to honor what a friendship was without clinging to what you think it should be, and how letting go can free up energy for the relationships that are thriving now.

Some friendships are seasonal on purpose. When the season ends, the friendship completed its purpose rather than failing.

Guilt usually comes from inside you. It signals something feels out of line with your own values, and it tends to lift once you act on what you believe is right. Obligation comes from outside pressure about what a "good" or "loyal" friend should do. You can meet an obligation and still feel hollow.

You don't owe anyone a lifetime of obligation just because you share a history. You're allowed to grieve a friendship that ended well, and letting go can open space for the friendships you have now.

Both sisters admit to the same thing: something pops up on Facebook about an old friend, the guilt kicks in, the "we should get coffee" text never turns into an actual coffee, and nothing changes. The honest takeaway is that sometimes guilt is just guilt. It isn't a sign that something needs fixing.

Jess: The next time you feel a guilt ping about a faded friendship, notice it, and then consciously let it pass instead of acting on it out of obligation.

Kelly: Write a private note to yourself about a friendship you've outgrown, to honor what it was without reopening it. Think of it as journaling, with no action required.

If you're mentally sorting your friendships into the ones that are thriving, the ones that are resting, and the ones that are complete, this one is for you. The Friendship Audit is an honest, judgment-free way to assess your friendships. Get it free when you sign up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

outgrown friendships, friendships ending, seasonal friendships, growing apart from friends, friendship guilt, guilt vs obligation, people pleasing, recovering people pleaser, letting go of friendships, friendship breakup, mom friends, work friendships, adult friendships, women's friendships, friendship grief, honoring past relationships, friendship audit, emotional energy, relationship reframes, journaling, Becoming Not Arriving, Real Over Perfect, Chasing Brighter podcast, sister podcast, personal growth podcast for women

Superwoman Diaries: Fall Fashion Finds, TJ Maxx Jackpots & the Mystery of the Missing Mediums

It's officially fall, and Jessica and Kelly are talking wardrobes. After a school open house leaves Kelly second-guessing her go-to t-shirt-and-jeans look, the sisters swap stories about refreshing their closets for the new season without falling into overwhelm or overspending. Jessica shares her case for a capsule wardrobe built on intentional choices instead of strict rules, plus the shopping "relapse" that ended with a TJ Maxx jackpot (and 15 pairs of shoes donated). Kelly walks us through a surprisingly futuristic fitting room experience at Reformation, and a chat with a Trader Joe's cashier reveals why there's never anything "in the back." Real talk, real closets, and a few fall trend picks you can actually use.

In This Episode

Key Takeaways

Fall Trend Picks Mentioned

Mary Janes, penny and mule loafers, pointed slingback heels, slouchy boots, kitten heel booties, silver shoes and accents, plaid, chocolate brown, burgundy, and a structured brown crossbody bag.

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Grab this month's free download when you sign up for the newsletter, and follow along for our real-life shopping finds.

fall fashion, fall wardrobe 2026, capsule wardrobe, intentional wardrobe, women's fall trends, Mary Janes, penny loafers, slingback heels, slouchy boots, kitten heel boots, chocolate brown, burgundy, silver accessories, plaid, TJ Maxx finds, Nordstrom Rack, Anthropologie, Reformation, Aritzia, Trader Joe's, shopping overwhelm, decluttering closet, shopaholic, wardrobe refresh, budget fashion, style over 40, women's podcast, sister podcast, Superwoman Diaries, Chasing Brighter, Becoming Not Arriving

Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving

Some of the most important people in your life never came from a plan. They came from a park bench, a softball tryout, a Friday coffee table, or the spot next to you in a gym class. This month, Jessica and Kelly are talking about relationships that grow with us, and they're starting with the friendships that found us when we weren't even looking.

In this episode, Jessica and Kelly explore the psychology of "incidental closeness": how repeated, low-stakes contact builds trust without any performance pressure. They talk about why seeing people tired, distracted, and unpolished can build more accurate trust than a carefully planned girls' night, why some shared spaces spark friendship while others never do, and how hard life seasons can speed up closeness. Plus, Kelly owns up to a "real over perfect" moment about the friends she once judged from the sidelines, and Jessica shares why specific gratitude does more for a relationship than general appreciation.

You don't have to work hard to build every friendship. Showing up again and again in the same place lets trust build naturally, because you're trusting how someone behaves when the stakes are low, not just what they say.

Being open matters as much as being present. The same setting can lead to lifelong friends or no connection at all, depending on your mindset and whether you're there for yourself or out of obligation.

Hard seasons bond people quickly. Vulnerability speeds up trust, which is why "real over perfect" friendships tend to last.

Specific gratitude beats vague appreciation. Telling a friend exactly what they did and why it mattered signals that they were truly seen.

Send a specific, detailed thank-you message to a friend who found you unexpectedly (or who you found unexpectedly). Name exactly what they did and what they mean to you. Bonus move from Kelly: if there's a friend you weren't sure about at first, tell them what you originally thought and have a good laugh about it together.

Sort your friendships into thriving, resting, or complete, and be honest without being brutal. Get the Friendship Audit free when you sign up for the newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

unexpected friendships, adult friendships, how to make friends as an adult, mom friends, incidental closeness, proximity and friendship, friendship psychology, building trust, vulnerability in friendships, specific gratitude, gratitude practice, friendship audit, real over perfect, women's friendships, friendships in midlife, making friends at the gym, sports parent friendships, college friends, life seasons, connection, personal development, Chasing Brighter podcast, Becoming Not Arriving, Jessica Colarco, Kelly

Superwoman Diaries #4: Car Loop Chaos & the Case for Just Being a Good Human

It's 99 degrees, school is back in session, and the drop-off line has become a test of character. In this Superwoman Diaries episode, Jessica and Kelly vent about morning traffic, dog walkers who don't know the school schedule, and the car loop parents who turn a two-second drop-off into a full farewell ceremony. What starts as a rant turns into a real conversation about what we owe each other: American individualism versus community, what Lois Lowry's The Giver shows about rule-following societies, and whether kindness needs a religious label at all. Jessica and Kelly land on something simple: be a good human, for whatever reason works for you. Then they get honest about how hard that is when you're running late and someone cuts you off.

In This Episode

Key Takeaways

Being considerate is a shared responsibility. If you know you'll need extra time, whether in the drop-off line or on a busy road, plan for it so you don't slow everyone else down.

You don't need a specific faith to live by a moral code. Many traditions teach the same basic idea: be kind and look out for other people.

When someone's behavior sets you off, try telling yourself a more compassionate story about what might be happening in their life.

Nobody gets this right all the time. Jessica and Kelly are still working on it too.

Resources Mentioned

This Month's Freebie: The One Thing

September's free download is The One Thing. Sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter to get it: https://chasingbrighter.com/newsletter/

Keywords & Search Terms

Superwoman Diaries, Chasing Brighter podcast, school drop-off, car loop, carpool line, back to school, school zone traffic, moms podcast, sister podcast, being considerate, community, kindness, be a good human, individualism, The Giver, Lois Lowry, reading with kids, faith and morality, morals without religion, Greek mythology, Prometheus, The Four Agreements, Brené Brown, Tara Brach, road rage, compassion, traffic, Las Vegas traffic, shopping local, valuing your time, nobody's perfect, Becoming Not Arriving, real over perfect, women's podcast, personal development

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Let's Get Honest: What We've Been Waiting to Begin

All September long, we've been talking about beginnings: self-sabotage, the stories we tell ourselves, and the "not yet" that keeps us stuck. To close out the month, Jessica and Kelly get honest in a free-flowing conversation. Instead of focusing on what they haven't done, they share what they're actually doing to begin, messy parts included.

Jessica opens up about wanting to hire a stylist as her body has changed in her 40s and through her 47-pound weight loss journey. She names the fears that kept her stuck (What will it cost? Will they judge my closet? Will they make me buy more?) and shares the small step she took instead: using AI as a collaborative style assistant to build weekly outfit inspiration from the clothes she already owns. Kelly talks about her perfectionism around creating social media content, the videos she films but never posts, and how she's using simple coaching steps to start showing up anyway.

The sisters also get real about AI itself: its limits, its "glazing," why encouragement still matters, and why it's a tool and an assistant, not a replacement for human connection, friendship, or mental health support.

In this episode, we talk about:

Episode Highlights:

Free Resource: The One Thing Starter Worksheet

Coming in October: Relationships. Trust us, it's worth showing up for.

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Until next time, keep chasing brighter. 💚

Back to school looks nothing like it did when we were kids. Jessica and Kelly compare the back-to-school shopping of their childhoods (the planned outfits, the double socks, the once-a-year wardrobe refresh) with what it looks like now: uniforms, reused backpacks, digital textbooks, and teenagers who carry their entire lives around because nobody uses lockers.

Then the conversation gets real. They talk about the mental load of the school year, why middle school is such a big transition, how much of it is really the "noise" around the coursework, and what it means to let your kids figure things out without tying their achievements to your worthiness. If you're a parent trying to be more chill than your instincts allow, this one's for you.

In This Episode

Timestamps (approximate)

Reflection Questions

Freebie of the Month

Grab this month's The One Thing worksheet by signing up for the newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

Join the Conversation

How are you doing with back to school? Send us a DM on Instagram at @chasingbrighter and tell us what's working, what isn't, and where you're trying to let go.

Keywords & Search Terms

back to school, back to school stress, back to school shopping, back to school then vs now, parenting middle schoolers, sixth grade transition, middle school parenting, executive function in kids, letting go as a parent, micromanaging school, parenting teens, parenting tweens, mom life, mental load, working moms, sisters podcast, women's podcast, lockers, backpacks, school supplies, reusing school supplies, back to school budget, ebooks vs textbooks, teacher communication, planners and organization, grades and worthiness, achievement and worthiness, raising independent kids, intrinsic motivation, rule followers, 90s nostalgia, Superwoman Diaries, Chasing Brighter, Becoming Not Arriving, personal development for women, self-care, lively living, connection

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Do you have high standards, or are you sabotaging yourself and calling it perfectionism? This week Jessica and Kelly dig into the sneaky ways perfectionism disguises itself as a virtue — and why it can be one of the most sophisticated ways we keep ourselves safe. They unpack the real clinical difference between standards that move you forward and self-sabotage that quietly keeps you stuck, share personal examples (hello, unposted Instagram drafts), and offer a few honest questions to help you tell which one you're actually dealing with.

The One Thing Starter worksheet — a simple, no-pressure tool to help you name the one thing you've been putting off and take the one small step toward it. Grab it when you sign up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

No framework, no teaching — Jessica and Kelly sit down and get honest about what they've each personally been putting off, including the things they haven't said out loud yet.

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Jessica and Kelly dig into the viral "2026 is the new 2016" trend — the exercise of looking back a decade and asking who you were then, what you miss, and what you don't. The conversation quickly turns into a heart-to-heart about parenting through transitions: Kelly reflecting on missing her kids' toddler years, and Jessica processing the very fresh experience of dropping her oldest daughter, Gabby, off at college. They talk through the emotional whiplash of watching a child thrive without you, the mental load that shifts (and doesn't) once a kid leaves home, and how far "away at school" really feels in 2026 versus a generation ago.

2026 is the new 2016, sending kids to college, empty nest, college drop off, parenting transitions, letting go of your kids, college orientation, freshman year college, mental load parenting, Gen Z college life, meal plan college, Life360 parenting, empty nest grief, college move in day, sisters podcast, midlife motherhood, parenting older kids, college readiness, letting your teenager grow up, nostalgia trend, women's mental health podcast