Chasing Brighter Podcast: Choosing Real Over Perfect

What happens when you stop doing your kid's homework with them? In this Superwoman Diaries episode, Jessica and Kelly start with snacks, fiber maxing, and the breakfast routines that keep the morning running. Then they get into something bigger: the growing trend of stepping back as a parent.

Kelly shares the exhausting reality of 16-hour days split between work and homework help. Jessica talks about the moment she and Justin realized they were reteaching sixth grade every night after full workdays, and what changed when they stopped. Spoiler: their son's grades are better than ever. Together they talk about why a little struggle now builds the self-sufficiency kids need for high school, college, and beyond.

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Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving

Ever been having a perfectly good morning, coffee in hand, and five minutes of scrolling later you're questioning your life choices? This week, Jessica and Kelly start November with the comparison trap: why we compare, what it's actually telling us, and how to spend less time measuring and more time living.

Social media shows us a dozen versions of a "successful" life at once. There's the homeschooling, made-from-scratch mom, the monthly international traveler, the fast-growing business owner and the picture-perfect marriage. Somehow we decide we should be doing all of it before 6 AM, while also hitting our water, protein, fiber, creatine and sleep goals. Jessica and Kelly talk about why we only ever see someone's outcome and never the help, sacrifices or struggles behind it. They also explain why comparison isn't a character flaw, and how getting curious about the feeling (instead of judging it) can show you what you actually want.

Jessica's Brighter Move: When you catch yourself comparing, ask one question: What specifically am I reacting to? Is it freedom, connection, financial security, adventure or organization? Once you name it, you can decide whether you actually want it in your life. Often you'll find that you don't.

Kelly's Brighter Move: Notice which social media accounts consistently leave you feeling worse, and give them a 30-day mute or snooze. Protect your peace.

Someone else's life can look beautiful without meaning something is wrong with yours. You can appreciate what someone else has without deciding you need it too.

Contentment vs. complacency: how do you know when you're genuinely content with your life and when you've gotten a little too comfortable?

Grab our newest freebie, all about fashion and chatbots, when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

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Chasing Brighter | Superwoman Diaries

Kelly recently attended a Chicago Humanities Festival event featuring Barbara Kingsolver, author of The Poisonwood Bible and Demon Copperhead, on the tour for her new novel Partita. The evening paired Kingsolver's readings with live piano performances of the classical pieces in each passage, so the audience could feel the music the characters were feeling. One line from the Q&A stuck with Kelly: Kingsolver writes about characters who struggle so much so that we all know we can get through it.

That sparks a conversation between Kelly and Jessica about why fiction is such a powerful teacher of resilience and empathy, and how book clubs, from Oprah's to Reese's to Read with Jenna to BookTok, have opened up who gets read and recommended. Jessica shares why she can read heartbreaking stories she'd never watch on screen, and how books help us understand someone else's struggle, not just our own.

The sisters then turn to parenting: how to get kids off screens and into the wider world through books, audiobooks, performances, museums, and festivals. Jessica shares her refusal to ever label a child "not a reader," and the moment her youngest got so absorbed in a new graphic novel that the whole car ride was silent. Kelly talks about wanting to bring more culture into her teens' lives, even if it takes a little pushing.

Holiday events coming up and no idea what to wear? Our November freebie shares the AI prompts we've been using to figure out outfits for the season. Sign up for the newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter to get it.

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We've spent all of October talking about friendship: the ones that last, the ones that change, and the ones we outgrow. To close out the month, Jess and Kelly take on the question so many women quietly wonder about: how do you actually make new friends as an adult?

When you're younger, friendships happen almost by accident. You share a classroom, a team, an office, or a preschool pickup line. Later in life, between work, kids, households, aging parents, and the relationships you already have, connection takes intention. In this episode we talk about why adult friendship can feel like dating, why we overthink unanswered texts, and why the "we should get together sometime" that never happens is something almost everyone does. We also talk about figuring out what kind of friendship you're really missing right now. Hint: the answer isn't always more friends.

Kelly: Reconnect Before You Add. Before you go looking for new friendships, think of someone you're already connected to who might just need a little rekindling. Send a text, tell them you're thinking of them, and ask if they're free for coffee.

Jess: One Small Invitation. Pick someone you enjoy being around, whether you just met or you'd like to know them better. Invite them to do one simple thing: coffee, a walk, a workout, lunch. Skip "we should get together sometime" and try "Would you want to grab coffee next week?"

This is your final chance to download October's free Friendship Audit. Sign up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter to get it.

Next month we're stepping into the comparison trap. That includes the friend group that always seems to be traveling, the family with the picture-perfect traditions, and the quiet "why doesn't my life look like that?" Follow along on social to see what's happening behind the scenes.

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Jessica and Kelly kick off the week admitting they're running on fumes. Jessica blames perimenopause, post-trip fatigue, and those workouts where you show up but just don't care. That leads into a conversation about teen retreats, sticker shock, and why a handwritten letter might be one of the most meaningful gifts you can give someone you love.

Kelly's son Wes is heading off on a Kairos retreat, which sends the sisters back to their own Catholic youth retreat days and how differently faith can feel depending on whether it's framed around guilt or around love. They talk about why retreats matter at any age, whether for teens building friendships or for adults who need time to reflect (and yes, they still need to book their own). Then the conversation turns to how expensive everything feels right now, from a $350 weekend retreat to restaurant quotes for a family Thanksgiving dinner.

The heart of the episode is the Kairos tradition of family members writing letters to the teen on retreat. Jessica shares how she wrote hers with a little AI help (and why you have to go back and forth rather than accept the first draft), and the sisters reflect on their grandmother's college letters, why we say things in writing that we'd never say in a text, and the idea of creating that kind of love-letter moment for every child.

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See.

This month's freebie is a set of easy AI prompts to help you use ChatGPT (or your preferred AI tool) as your personal stylist: build a capsule wardrobe, explore your style, and figure out what to wear to holiday gatherings. Get it by signing up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

Who in your life would light up reading a letter from you? This week, write one, whether on paper, in a card, or in a longer message than you'd usually send, and tell them what you appreciate about them.

Fan, Lisa See, book recommendations, connection, gratitude

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Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving

When was the last time you got curious about your partner, the person they are right now, not the version you memorized years ago? After a month of talking about friendship, Jessica and Kelly turn to the relationship where it's easiest to assume the friendship will hold on its own: your marriage or long-term partnership.

Jess and Kelly have each been with their husbands since '99, and they get honest about how long-term partnerships can quietly shift from romantic friendship to running a household together: schedules, kids, finances, logistics. They talk about what couples counseling taught them, why "if marriage is hard, you're with the wrong person" misses the mark, and why small, consistent moments of connection matter more than grand gestures. Whatever you call your relationship, this one is about tending the friendship at its center.

Jessica: Take a car ride with your partner, phones away, and focus on a real conversation full of curious questions.

Kelly: Ask your partner one real, curious question about what's going on with them right now. Make it something that isn't logistics.

Sort out your friendships with our Friendship Audit, the free guide that goes with this month's episodes. Get it when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter.

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Superwoman Diaries: Disco Nights, Builder Gel & Finding the Causes That Move Us

It's October in Vegas and Jessica is still pretending it's cozy season in a blazer. In this Superwoman Diaries episode, the sisters catch up on the little luxuries and the big-hearted moments of the past few weeks. Jessica shares her day of beauty before a disco-themed gala (complete with a surprise Vietnamese coffee from the salon's new beverage menu), and she and Kelly compare notes on builder gel, the joy of booking appointments online without ever picking up the phone, and how wildly manicure prices vary between Henderson and Chicago.

Then the conversation turns more meaningful. Jessica reflects on attending the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation gala in Las Vegas, the stories that stayed with her from last year's event, and how much she learned about the real, daily impact of these diseases. Kelly connects it to one of the core ideas behind Chasing Brighter: getting involved in a cause you care about is one of the most powerful ways to nourish your heart and soul. Jessica also opens up honestly about her involvement with Moms Demand Action, why one meeting felt too overwhelming, and why giving financially is a meaningful way to show up when you can't do it all.

In this episode:

Mentioned in this episode:

Grab this month's freebie: The Friendship Audit is yours when you join the Chasing Brighter newsletter. It pairs perfectly with our October episodes on friendship, so sign up at chasingbrighter.com and take a fresh look at the connections in your life.

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Not every friendship ends with a falling-out. Some quietly drift. Some go on pause. Some still exist on paper, with birthday texts and the occasional "we should get together!", while the emotional closeness has faded. In this episode, Jessica and Kelly talk about friendship ambiguity: the friendships that leave you unsure where you stand, how you feel, or whether anything needs to be said at all.

Jessica introduces ambiguous loss, a concept from psychologist Pauline Boss's work in the 1970s. It describes grief that has no clear resolution, no funeral, and no script for closure. It was first applied to dementia and missing persons, and Jessica explains why it also fits the friend who slowly drifted but never actually left. Kelly pushes back in her own way. Does drifting always feel like loss? Or can a friendship simply evolve, rest, or go on pause without anything being wrong?

The sisters compare their very different approaches. Kelly tends not to overthink it and lets some friendships fade on their own. Jessica wrestles with guilt, obligation, and a newer midlife phenomenon: the sudden "ick," when you realize you just don't have the energy for someone anymore, even though nothing specific happened. They also look at the other side of ambiguity: what to do when you miss someone and the time gap makes reaching out feel awkward.

Want to sort out where your friendships stand? The Friendship Audit helps you sort your friendships into thriving, resting, or maybe over. It's honest without being brutal. Get it free when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter.

Your relationship with your partner is a friendship too. Tune in next week as we explore what friendship looks like inside an intimate relationship.

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Jess and Kelly catch up on life as moms of almost-grown and newly-grown kids. Jess shares the college "white lies party", her plan to feed a team of hungry college athletes from 2,000 miles away, and the surprisingly emotional side of parenting an adult child in a different time zone. Kelly opens up about kicking off the college search with Wes, who just announced he might want to "work in nature," and how she's using YouTube "day in the life" videos (and a little help from AI) to help him figure out what actually lights him up. Together they talk about choice overload, letting kids explore, and why the path you picture at 17 rarely matches where you end up.

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Here are the show notes, built from the episode audio. The timestamps are approximate, so give them a quick check against your final edit.

Have you ever thought about a friend you used to be inseparable from and felt… nothing? Not bad, just not the same. In this episode, Jess and Kelly talk about friendships that run their course, why a fading friendship doesn't mean anyone failed, and how to tell the difference between real guilt and plain old obligation.

Some friendships are built for a specific season of life: work friends, the parents you bonded with because your kids were friends, the people who got you through a particular chapter. When that season ends, the friendship may have done exactly what it was meant to do. Jess, a licensed clinical social worker, explains why guilt and obligation feel so similar but work very differently, and why one lifts when you act on it and the other leaves you feeling hollow. The sisters also share how to honor what a friendship was without clinging to what you think it should be, and how letting go can free up energy for the relationships that are thriving now.

Some friendships are seasonal on purpose. When the season ends, the friendship completed its purpose rather than failing.

Guilt usually comes from inside you. It signals something feels out of line with your own values, and it tends to lift once you act on what you believe is right. Obligation comes from outside pressure about what a "good" or "loyal" friend should do. You can meet an obligation and still feel hollow.

You don't owe anyone a lifetime of obligation just because you share a history. You're allowed to grieve a friendship that ended well, and letting go can open space for the friendships you have now.

Both sisters admit to the same thing: something pops up on Facebook about an old friend, the guilt kicks in, the "we should get coffee" text never turns into an actual coffee, and nothing changes. The honest takeaway is that sometimes guilt is just guilt. It isn't a sign that something needs fixing.

Jess: The next time you feel a guilt ping about a faded friendship, notice it, and then consciously let it pass instead of acting on it out of obligation.

Kelly: Write a private note to yourself about a friendship you've outgrown, to honor what it was without reopening it. Think of it as journaling, with no action required.

If you're mentally sorting your friendships into the ones that are thriving, the ones that are resting, and the ones that are complete, this one is for you. The Friendship Audit is an honest, judgment-free way to assess your friendships. Get it free when you sign up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com.

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