Chatabix

Joe opens a flat looking parcel, it is a present from the Battle Of The Chatabands winner Mezz Coleman. Mezz has sent Joe her album so he can play it on the retro record player his wife Petra bought him for Christmas. He goes downstairs to play it but things get a bit awkward because the cleaner is in the kitchen. Joe beats a hasty retreat back upstairs to his office. Then David takes Joe on some metal detecting forums and they realise that all metal detectorists either sound like proper metal detectorists or professional golfers. After wondering if women have hobbies, Joe looks at one of his Petra's interior design magazines. They decide it would be nice to use Mezz's song to play them out but after playing it they carry on nattering and the song doesn’t really play them out at all.

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At last it has stopped raining so David can take Joe metal detecting. David goes to his his usual field and fires up the kit. Joe is loving it but to say its a slow start is an understatement. They realise they don't really know how the Garrett Pro Pointer works so Joe tries to read out the instructions for David as they go. Excitingly they get a hit and David digs and digs and digs and digs and digs and digs but NOTHING. So they start again which feels like a step back. But eventually they get another hit and believe it or not they find something incredible (a nut and bolt with an Allen Key top). This is just the beginning of David's hunt for gold.

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Comedy actress Lolly Adefope is on the pod. Joe and David are delighted to see her and they talk about popping round to her house unannounced and what that would be like. After chatting about what it was like all working together on David and Joe's discontinued sitcom Rovers they ask Lolly what it was like working on Ghosts, a sitcom that did get recommisioned multiple times. Lolly tells them how she cried on the last day of filming Ghosts and how much she loved working on it. They talk about Lolly being in Mission Impossible (as a typist) and doing a scene with Tom Cruise slamming into the window behind her. She tells them she is the same height as Tom and what a lovely man he is as he gave her a compliment. They make her recreate her audition piece on the pod while they watch and give her direction. Lolly asks them about Paul Gorton and The Traitors connection. After telling them about her new Superhero's project, Joe asks her what it's like to be flown to LA for filming. They worry they haven't made the most of the time with Lolly and have asked her too many silly billy questions.

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David is 5 mins late for recording this episode as he's busy eating scrambled eggs so while Joe waits he chats to the listeners about Davids 50th birthday present possibly arriving live on the pod. When David turns up he is concerned that this episode is going nowhere, that is until the present arrives and the whole ep is turned on its head. Joe has bought him a Garrett Pro Pointer which is a tool to help with his metal detecting. David is over the moon with his new prober and is keen to try it out so he takes Joe with him to the field where he has been metal detecting.

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David has bought a metal detector and was going to take Joe out to experience his new found hobby but it’s pissing down and apparently the machine doesn’t work very well in the rain. So instead David tells Joe all about how much fun he had yesterday when he went metal detecting with the family. David tells Joe that he couldn't pluck up the courage to ask a farmer for permission to use the detector in their field so he got his wife Naomi to ask. They discuss why Naomi agreed to be the one to knock on the farmers door even though it's David's hobby. Continuing his story David tells Joe how they all climbed the fence to get in the field and within 5 minutes of firing up the dector found a Hay Rack Tine. David and Joe aren't really sure what this is.

The metal detecting series is to be continued... what will David find next ?

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David and Joe are delighted to chat to old comedy pal Alex Lowe. They insist he does some of his characters including Barry from Watford. David and Joe then give it a go themselves, trying to copy Barry's mad voice with not much success as they are laughing too much. They ask Alex where he gets his ideas from for his fantastic characters and then discuss his time on the brilliant Phoenix Nights with Peter Kaye and want to know what it was like doing a live show version in an enormous arena. Alex is great fun and divulges a couple of show business secrets which Joe and David obviously lap up.

Alex Lowe is an English actor, comedian and voice artist. He is the creator and performer of the character Barry from Watford on Steve Wright's BBC Radio 2 show and Iain Lee's shows, as well as also being the creator and performer behind the character Clinton Baptiste, originally seen in Phoenix Nights as whom he has since toured.

Get tickets for Alex's UK tour as 'Clinton Baptiste' in Rollercoaster http://clintonbaptiste.com/tour

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Joe shows David his magnet fishing set and David shows Joe his metal detecting apparatus. They are very excited about their new bits of kit. Joe imagines what it would be like to magnet fish a blue metal teapot out of a river and discovers there are regulations about where you can and can't use a magnet. They both worry about where they are going to do their new found hobbies and how embarrassing it is going to be. Joe helps David with some role play and pretends to be the farmer as David asks if he can metal detect on his land. They get a bit sidetracked when a bomb shell relevation hits them like a ton of lead. Nat Cassidy has a new podcast out and it sounds really good and its pushed Chatabix even further down the charts.

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Joe is off an adventure and zoom's David to show him where he is. It takes David a while to cotton on to where Joe is and what he is doing there. He's in the west country and near what looks like a big mass of water that isn't the sea. David thinks he can see canoe's in the background but Joe points out some waves and a wave making machine. After revealing where he is, Joe changes into what can only be described as a gimp suit. Joe is taken off by an instructor for a lesson while David watches on providing commentary on Joe's progress. It's cold, it's wet, it's exhausting but Joe's emerges from the water happy as larry, triumphantly punching the air, mid life crisis in full swing !

The UK's inland surf destination https://www.thewave.com/

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Joe and David chat with Tommie Trelawny (who they've nicknamed Puzzle man) about his new bonkers podcast The Worlds Hardest Puzzle which follows his year long investigation into the complex and mysterious Cicada 3301 puzzles. He tells the lads all about the mad adventures he went on trying to find out who was behind the cryptic post that appeared online seeking 'highly intelligent individuals'. They also discuss other rabbit holes he’s been down which include looking into alien hijacks and trawling the dark web which scared Joe and David.

Tommie has investigated some fascinating stuff including The Southern Television interruption of 1977 and is the creator of the Hochelaga channel on YouTube which is dedicated to exploring obscure topics that deserve more attention.

The Worlds Hardest Puzzle follows Tommie and co-host, Nicky Anderson, on their year long investigation into the complex and mysterious Cicada 3301 puzzles.

https://lnk.to/archivepodcast

Hochelga channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/hochelaga

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David tells Joe about his flirty window cleaning client that he had to deal with in the 90s who kept stroking his hands. They discuss whether this was appropriate behaviour for a client and what they would do if their wives held hands with the window cleaner. Then they introduce a new section called 'Leg Up' where they help promote a new venture or anyone that needs a leg up. Joe's friend has just started a jock strap business called Sticky Beard and secretly sent David a sample so they talk about this and how David thought it was someone else who had sent it to him. Joe has to restart his computer because he can hear his voice echoing in his own head. Because the echoing is doing his head in he decides he can't go on so they agree to talk about their new metal detecting and magnet fishing kit in the next episode.

This weeks leg up is for Sticky Beard https://www.stickybeard.co.uk/

If you want to be considered for a leg up please email [email protected]

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