"We, as a society, do not talk about childhood abuse, and worse, many children between the ages of 5 to 18 go through some abuse."

— Deenah Patel [00:33:41 → 00:33:52]

Note: We don't share any details of the abuse; what Deenah shares is her path back.

Deenah Patel has twice joined me on Chatter that Matters to offer advice to help small business owners. When the microphone was turned off, Deenah opened up about her story of being sexually abused as a child, decades of deeply buried trauma and how it surfaced later in her life as severe physical and mental health issues.

I asked Deenah if she wanted to share her story and journey to reclaiming her life and identity, and she said yes in the hope it would help others. Deenah tells anyone seeking her advice, “You are worth finding the way to be better.”

Deenah offers many powerful lessons in life for anyone struggling with their identity and self-worth. 

1)Everyone is going through something.

2)Permit yourself to care for yourself; don't bury it.

3)Express yourself because you are worth it, and you deserve to be the best 

4)Learn how to believe in yourself and believe in your beliefs.

5)You are in control of your future. 

Thank you, Deenah, for sharing; I will be the first of many who listen to your story to give you a virtual standing ovation.

Speaking of ovations, at the end of my show, Amy Deacon, the founder and CEO of Toronto Wellness Counselling, joins the show to provide context on overcoming trauma. Amy never disappoints, and her advice is content for all and content that matters.

10 Moments That Matter

1. [00:16] - Introduction and overview of Deenah Patel's story and the topics discussed in the episode.

2. [03:42] - Deenah shares her belief that society does not talk enough about abuse, particularly childhood abuse.

3. [08:52] - Deenah discusses the therapeutic aspect of verbalizing and speaking about her experience.

4. [15:31] - Deenah talks about her fear of regression if she comes in contact with her abuser again but emphasizes her strength and growth since then.

5. [22:09] - Deenah shares her experience confronting her abuser through therapy and letter therapy, setting boundaries and asking to be left alone.

6. [28:17] - Deenah discusses the challenges of coming forward as an adult about childhood abuse, including shame, self-doubt, and fear of judgment.

7. [33:42] - Deenah talks about the need for society to be more punitive towards and address grotesque behavior from adults.

8. [39:05] - Deenah shares her personal journey of helping others overcome traumatic circumstances and the importance of not judging oneself.

9. [42:39] - Deenah discusses her adult-onset childhood sexual abuse, resulting in PTSD and a mental illness.

10. [49:13] - Deenah highlights the challenges of finding the right mental health care and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding a practitioner who understands one's needs.

We have a surprise twist in this week’s Chatter That Matters. Mark Ferrier steps in as guest host and interviews Tony Chapman on his journey.  Mark is a natural; the banter between them is like listening to two close friends, and you will uncover many parallels between their lives and I am guessing yours.

Tony shares a childhood where their family had to deal with emotional uncertainty and dire financial insecurities resulting from his father's failing mental health.

Tony promised himself that he would never put his family in a similar situation and that motivation propelled him into an entrepreneurial journey that has extended over decades.

Tony opens up about his successes and failures, the lessons he learned along the way, and how an unchecked ego cost people their jobs. Tony also expresses his gratitude for everyone who has helped him along the way with a special shout-out to RBC for investing in Chatter that Matters and sharing stories of positivity and possibility.

Tony closes the show talking about why Chatter that Matters, is his labour of love, and his passion for Canada and what must be done to reclaim our dream.

 Time Code:

02:02 Why family matters

03:09 Tony's journey, achievements, and lessons summarized.

06:37 Father's spending nearly bankrupts us, sparks change.

10:08 Grade 7 party, $20 payment, discovering radio.

14:35 Radio-inspired purpose: consumer insights, connecting, dreams.

16:48 Tony’s first agency - Communique

19:35 Help others is the best reward of all.

24:31 Letting people go is the worst failure of all.

28:36 More change and transformation

30:50 Innovative ideas presented, uncertainty about the future.

34:02 Mentor, moderate, lead, market, sell for attention.

36:57 Overcoming circumstances, changing lives, powerful lessons.

40:29 Tony talks about the Canadian Dream

42:20 Tony talks about Education

45:41 Mark shares the three takeaways

Unveiling a Heartfelt Journey: Love, Family, and Resilience in Military Life. This week, we honour Remembrance Day by shedding light on the selfless commitment and sacrifice of military spouses. My guest is Vicki Cody, author of here memoir “Army Wife: A Story of Love and Family in the Heart of the Army,” Vicki shares her experience as an army wife as well as a leader to many in her community.

Our story begins in the summer of 1969 when Vicki crosses paths with West Point cadet Dick Cody. What initially began as a schoolgirl crush blossomed into a profound love story, spanning almost fifty years of marriage. Vicki's steadfast support accompanies Dick throughout his remarkable career, from lieutenant to four-star general and Vice Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army. Her memoir “Army Wife” not only delves into the commitment between spouses but also paints a vivid picture of unwavering dedication to the military way of life. While raising their two sons, Vicki learns to navigate the daily challenges intertwined with the Army's unique demands, including emotional roller coasters, extended separations and frequent relocations. Over more than three decades in an Army family, Vicki embraces her distinct circumstances and discovers joy, self-fulfillment, and pride while steadfastly preserving her identity as a woman, a leader, a successful author and a mentor to many others.

This poignant tale of love, honour and commitment is a unique and fitting tribute to Remembrance Day and the often-untold story of all who support those who serve.

At the 34:21 mark I end the show with my thoughts about November 11 and why this day matters.

Visit Vicki Cody's site to learn more and to buy her books:  https://vickicody.com

00:01:01 Admiring thought leaders, overcoming challenges, and a powerful love story. 00:03:25 Appreciating in-depth look at military life. 00:06:47 Dick Cody loved flying helicopters; no turning back. 00:10:50 Opposites attract strict military life versus college parties. 00:17:56 Time to settle down, he was ready. 00:22:28 Resentment over the military's indifferent and precise actions. 00:25:01 Inspirational figure brings an emotional connection to military families. 00:26:44 Army spouse not interested in advocacy role. 00:31:42 Trust, leadership, individuality, and embracing circumstances. 00:34:21 Tony talks about November 11 and why it matters.

Hello everyone,

With so much negativity flooding our feeds and, with it a growing sense of impossibility manifesting into a mental health crisis, I encourage you to listen to this episode to uncover ways in which you can help. This isn't a show about committing suicide; it is about preventing it from happening. 

Some sobering facts: for every death by suicide, there are 20 attempts.  And with every attempt, on average, 135 people are impacted including family, friends, peers, neighbours etc.  

Please share. 

Tony

                                                   Steve Phillip. From Pain to Purpose

I was on LinkedIn one morning and came across a post by Steve Phillip. It was titled: 'I could have done more.' As a father, it moved me to tears. Steve talked about a phone call on December 4, 2019, that changed his life forever. He found out that his son Jordan, whom he had exchanged texts with the day before, had taken his own life. 

Jordan had a fantastic network of friends, was loved and admired by many, and was caring and fun, but he also struggled with his mental health. Jordan had been diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression in 2015. As Steve says, a lot was happening beneath the surface we didn’t see.

Faced with the choice of either sitting on a sofa with a bottle or creating something to prevent other families from having to experience the trauma of losing a loved one to suicide, Steve chose the latter.  He committed himself to doing whatever he could to have an impact in terms of reducing suicides so other families didn’t have to experience the same pain and grief.

Leaning into the skills Steve had developed in his corporate career – public speaking, leadership, change management – Steve established The Jordan Legacy to provide hope, even a path for people who are feeling suicidal. Their mission is to engage others to move towards a zero-suicide community, which he defines as one in which everyone is willing and able to do all they can to stop preventable suicides.

To find out more about the Jordan Legacy,  https://thejordanlegacy.com

To find out more about what RBC is doing to support mental well being with our youth: https://www.rbc.com/en/future-launch/browse-by-topic/mental-well-being/

Today's episode marks my 200th episode of Chatter that Matters.  My guest is the marvellous Myra Sable, who, in her eighties, continues to build her gourmet food company, Sable and Rosenfeld, while being a warrior for a better world. And stick around as I introduce her Grandson Julien Sable Alvarado later in the show. Julien is taking over the business.

Mark Twain once said that age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Many over sixty would agree, but what about people younger? Do many view older people like they view products in the grocery store marked past due?

One of my goals this year is to counter ageism by sharing stories like this. Myra has been an entrepreneur for over fifty years; work is still her passion and pleasure. We go back to her early days, the many industry tycoons she had to win over, and the shelves she sought worldwide for her delicious condiments and products to today. There are several life lessons in how to dream, do and build. We also experience a different side of Myra - the matriarch of her family, a fearless feminist, and an advocate for a better Canada.

We then shift to a love story between Grandmother and Grandson when Julien joins the show. Hearing them talk to each other is magical, and you will walk away with remarkable insights into building powerful relationships across generations.

 Grab some Scottie tissues, as you might cry for joy.

Thank you, Myra and Julien, for making my 200th episode memorable.

I then bring on Prashant Patel from RBC's Wealth Management Group. I wanted to know what is involved in a family business when the goal is to pass the torch versus sell.

To learn more about Sable and Rosenfeld. https://sableandrosenfeld.com

To learn more about RBC's My Money Matters: https://www.rbcroyalbank.com/en-ca/my-money-matters/

In front of a live audience at the Convenience Industry Council of Canada's National Summit, I sat down with Jean-François Archambault. JF is a beautiful human being devoting his life to fighting food insecurity.  It is also a powerful love story between Mother and Son and how her ten-year unsuccessful battle with cancer took JF to a crossroads, offering two very different paths. The first was to take away his sadness and darkness by ending his life; the second was to do something with it.

Thankfully for millions of Canadians, JF chose to dream big and do bigger.  Too many Canadians live paycheck-to-paycheck and rely on food banks, social assistance and the generousity of friends and family to survive.  JF dreamed of feeding people versus landfills with the massive amount of food wasted in the hospitality sector.

JF's story is inspiring and remarkable. He leaves his successful career in hospitality to form La Tablée des Chefs, a non-profit organization whose mission can be summed up in two ways. Feed today to fight against food insecurity and educate youth for tomorrow to develop their food autonomy.

What La Tablée des Chefs has done should be studied around the world. In twenty years, they have distributed more than 15 million cooked meals and contributed to the culinary education of more than 50,000 youth by developing their food autonomy through various educational programs.

And what JF teaches all of us is following your heart, understanding the fragility of our time, and dreaming and doing is what inspires change.

I close the show by offering my three takeaways, why being involved in our community matters, and then talking about a hub called My Money Matters that offers financial advice to help navigate the realities of today.

Have Scottie Tissues close at hand and be prepared to cheer for a human who almost said no to his life and is now impacting millions of others.

To find out more about La Tablée des Chefs, click here:  https://www.tableedeschefs.org/en/

My Money Matters.  https://www.rbcroyalbank.com/en-ca/my-money-matters/

Convenience Industry Council of Canada - https://convenienceindustry.ca/

I titled this episode of "Chatter That Matters" "Forever Young" and recorded it live at the Toronto Hunt Club. The idyllic setting alone adds a unique backdrop to a conversation that erupts with laughter and spontaneous applause. The man at the center of it is the master storyteller, the iconic Canadian editorial cartoonist and painter Andy Donato.

Andy Donato is not just an artist; he's a force of immense character, and his character is woven into the very fabric of who he is, from his distinctive appearance, with an unbridled shock of hair and a mischievous smile, to how he characterizes pivotal moments in time, to a handshake made with intent and integrity.

Andy shares hilarious stories of his journey, from his early days as a layout artist at Eaton to his pivotal role as Art Director and then as a world-renowned and decorated editorial cartoonist. Over the years, many Canadian Prime Ministers consider being a target of his incisive cartoons as a badge of honour.

Beyond the realm of editorial cartoons, Andy's "Bent Realism" painting style has been featured in one-man exhibitions worldwide. And to this day, Andy in his eighties continues to create a weekly cartoon, paint, and golf, a testament to my title, Forever Young.

Deenah Patel returns to Chatter to Matters to talk about how small business owners can remain Forever Strong.

The story begins when Mark Ferrier's father robs a bank, is arrested, and, in his sxites is put in Millhaven Maximum Security Prison to serve a five-year term. For decades, Mark buries this reality and wraps himself in a veneer, masking his insecurities and imposter syndrome with a persona of confidence and swagger.

Mark gets married, raises two beautiful daughters, and is wildly successful as an entrepreneur. His path led him to the Young President's Organization and to Harvard where he earned his Executive MBA at Harvard University. In a moment of sharing with his classmates, Mark reveals the truth about his dad, and instead of encountering shame or judgment, he discovers the magic of humanity.

Mark realizes that wrapped inside his stigma was a gift to understand acceptance and the distinction between mistakes and failure.  

Mark shares many more lessons from his life, unpacks some powerful thoughts on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur, and what he is doing with his latest endeavour &Capital. 

We also discuss what Canada needs to do to compete and stay relevant.

From Mark, you will hear many powerful insights on life and livelihood and overcoming circumstances to free yourself from the past to own your present and pursue your future.

I then invite Deenah Patel, Senior Director of Merchant Experience & Loyalty, to share her insights on successful entrepreneurs' attributes. She talks about how RBC works hard to support owners with intellectual, emotional, and financial Capital.

Time Codes

00:02:30 Mark shares his childhood - white picket fences might have framed the neighbourhood, but what was inside was something very different.

00:04:44 Dad: successful car dealer, struggled emotionally/mentally.

00:08:34 World changes for Mark at age 25, when he learns from his Mom, that his Father has robbed a bank, and is in jail.   00:13:27 After fighting the charges for years, at age 68, Dad goes into a Maximum Security Prison. prison 00:16:23 Dad finds purpose and joy with his grandchildren but is diagnosed with a brain tumour 00:22:02 Mark - understanding who you are as a son requires understanding your father's story.

00:22:46 Sharing experience, fostering connection and confidence. 00:27:43 @Capital-Mark's latest entrepreneurial business 00:32:02 Attributes for future entrepreneurs: humility, non-traditional structure. 00:34:12 Believe, support, lead, rewrite. The economy needs alignment. 00:37:21 Tony's Takeaways 00:39:23  Mark: "You need a soul to succeed in life." 00:42:35  Deenah. Various ways to help entrepreneurs start businesses.

Step back in time to 1984. It's a pivotal year in the history of Canadian television — it's the year Much Music was born. In this episode of Chatter that Matters, we look at its fascinating journey and Canadian content that competed with the best in the world.

Much Music was one of the first Canadian specialty channels; this ground-breaking concept emerged from the vision of two trailblazing individuals, Moses Znaimer and John Martin. Against all odds, with limited resources but boundless creativity, they created a cultural phenomenon that captured Canadians' hearts and took on the mighty MTV.

I recorded the show at 299 Queen Street West, where it all came together, and sat down with two of Much Music's iconic VJs, Erica Ehm and Rick Campanelli. Erica takes listeners on a nostalgic journey as she recounts the early days, what it was like to interview legendary figures such as Kurt Cobain, and how what she learned there enabled her to become a successful entrepreneur. Meanwhile, Rick shares his remarkable journey of securing his dream job through a contest and turning that win into his phenomenal broadcasting career.

Together, Erica and Rick transport us back to an era when Canadian content reigned supreme, and Much Music was at the forefront of this cultural revolution. Discover the untold stories, challenges, and sheer passion fuelled this channel's meteoric rise. A moment in time that will stand the test of time.

Alan Depencier, the CMO of RBC, joins the show and puts on a master class on what it takes to create content that engages your audience in an era of infinite choice and discerning tastes.

It is a beautiful story, a proud moment for Canadian creativity, and some outstanding takeaways.

Time Codes:

00:01.      Tony's opening

00:02:16  Erica and Rick recall their time at Much Music. 00:06:33  Moses Znaimer reinvented media, inspired entrepreneurship, encouraged creativity. 00:08:33 Leaders in the corporate world should embody the flexibility, creativity, and fluidity exhibited by Moses, challenging the traditional thinking of "my way or the highway" embraced by old white men. Erica suggests that Tony should run more businesses or coach individuals, as he has demonstrated the ability to inspire and empower others in the past, much like Moses. 00:12:15 Erica Ehm and Rick Campanelli discuss their favorite interviews and an upcoming interactive tour based on the Documentary 299 Queen Street West. 00:18:25 Rick dreams of being like Erica and Steve, but it seems impossible. Enjoyed watching the interviews and VJ's behavior. 00:21:33 Rick - I wanted to win the contest tied to the movie "The Temp" in 1993. 00:24:10 Rick sits at Erica's desk.  Never again.  00:28:15 The lesson: Find your own path in life, don't follow others. 00:32:03 Erica on her role with 299 Queen Street West. It was an nteresting experience meeting new and old people for a documentary. Initially skeptical, but became a consulting producer. The finished product exceeded expectations. 00:35:05  Rick flies to Austin to be there for the premier. . 00:37:30 Rick's humility and talent were exceptional, inspiring a lesson for everyone. In a world focused on validation and self-promotion, we should embrace humility. Canadians can produce world-class content, even with limited resources. 00:42:44 Alan Depencier joins the show.  Music is returning after COVID, with live events sponsored by RBCX featuring renowned artists and supporting lesser-known ones. RBCX offers profile, support, and guidance for artists' careers. 00:44:03 Grateful for Alan's presence, future endeavours mentioned.

As a father of two wonderful girls, I have always asked - Why aren't more women in power? Only 10 percent of CEOs at Fortune 500 companies are women, and only 27 of the 193 countries in the world are led by women. I believe that if more women were in power, there would be less conquest and a dramatic shift in spending from the military to what matters - healthcare, humanity, education, fiscal responsibility and the health of our planet. My guest this week is Claire Shipman, a world-renowned Emmy, DuPont and Peabody Award Winning Journalist and co-author of several New York Times bestsellers Katty Kay. Their latest is titled The Power Code. More Joy. Less Ego. Maximum Impact for Women (and Everyone). Claire shares behind-the-scenes stories from her illustrious career, and then we dive deep into her new book and her ground-breaking insights on gender equality and power in the modern world.   You will learn that that power, as it stands today, is inherently flawed. It's not about breaking glass ceilings or climbing corporate ladders; it's about redefining, remaking, and modernizing the very essence of power.    In doing so, we depart from the traditional understanding of power, defined by the men who wield it as a hierarchical force and infers control over and competition with other people, to a new code where power becomes a tool to focus and collaborate and to improve the current conditions of our world dramatically.   Erica Nielsen, the EVP of Personal Banking and Investments at RBCjoins the show. We discuss Claire’s work, and then Erica shares some personal stories of finding her voice and what RBC is doing to close the gender gap and create a more inclusive culture.

00:00:00   Tony shares why this episode on power and gender disparity matters.

00:05:54    Claire talks about her early life.

00:07:07    Struggle with people pleasing, finding own voice.

00:12:21 Women's work and leadership, confidence gap and risk-taking.

00:17:04     Confidence code flows, power code complicated.

00:18:35     Massive shift underway; need more women in power.

00:21:47     Surface power men, women's power behind the scenes.

00:26:43   Valuing essential work, resistance to change.

00:28:30   Men must value time and share responsibilities.

00:34:06   Redefining work for broader values, gender equality.

00:36:32  Writing books is humbling and stressful.

00:40:16 Tony's three takeaways. 

00:43:12  Erica: Societal norms impact behavior in organizations.

00:46:10 Erica: Unconscious bias in coaching and mentoring explained.