We live in an age where people are more connected than ever through social media and email, yet loneliness is rampant in all age groups. It’s easy to feel lonely even when we’re surrounded by people both online and in our own lives. We’re not the only ones who feel this way.

Mother Teresa once said, “The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love.”

In this post and podcast episode, I’d like to talk about how to cure loneliness if you’re a Christian. We’ll begin with asking the question, “Is it normal to feel lonely?”

I would answer that question with a resounding “Yes!” Even Jesus felt lonely. In the Garden of Gethsemane He wanted his disciples with Him yet they were asleep.  I’m guessing He also felt lonely at the cross when so many of His disciples had deserted him. And I can’t imagine He didn’t feel lonely in ministry at times. Over and over, we see Him leaving the crowds and going off to be alone with His Father where He was strengthened to once again do ministry.

We also see King David who had both friends and followers feeling lonely. In Psalm 25:16, he prays, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”

And we see Elijah, hiding in a cave in 1 King 19 feeling lonely. God says, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” And Elijah replies, “I’ve been zealous for you, Lord, but I’m the only one left!” Elijah was feeling alone in ministry. God basically tells Elijah, “You are not alone, Elijah! There are 7000 others besides you who haven’t bent the knee to Baal.”

So why does God allow Christian loneliness? Well, the simple answer is that God is not a micromanager! He lets us do our own thing, and often the things we do lead to loneliness. Technology also contributes to loneliness. Think back to the day before television, the Internet, and even the radio weren’t invented yet. My guess is that people were less lonely in those days because they spent more time visiting with each other.

I think God also allows Christians to feel lonely sometimes for things He wants to accomplish in our lives. I remember when several of my good friends moved far away when my kids were young. I was super lonely and unhappy in that phase of my life, but God used my loneliness to draw me closer to Him and also to mature in ways He wanted me to mature.

That said, God doesn’t want us to stay in our loneliness! The two greatest commandments, love God and love others, both speak to relationship. God wants us to be close to Him and others. And He wants us to love well. The more we do that, the less lonely we’ll feel. Loving others involves effort. And the interesting this is that working on breaking free from loneliness will lead toward loving others well. The first step to overcoming loneliness is to find out what is causing it.

I can think of four different causes of Christian loneliness.

The most obvious cause is that we don’t have enough friends or family. Or we have friends but they’re not close friends. Or we have friends in our regular life, but we’re currently someplace else where we don’t have friends.  We may also feel lonely if we’re with a group of people who know each other well, yet we’re not part of their group.

At other times, we do have friends and family, but we don’t feel like they love us. This happened to me when my kids were young. For some reason, I got on a no-one-loves-me kick and it was hard to get out of it. It can also happen to us if we’re with a group of people who all believe differently than we do, especially if we’ve heard those people condemn people like us. They may still love us (and probably do!) but we think they don’t because we know they don’t care for our beliefs. It can also happen when we see people doing things on social media that we weren’t invited to.

Another type of Christian loneliness we might experience is a social loneliness. If we’re naturally shy or socially awkward, or if we have low self-esteem, we can look at all those confident outgoing people out there and think we’ll never be able to make friends. This makes us feel more lonely than ever because we don’t feel like we have any hope. And because we’re Christians, we can beat ourselves up over this because we think, “I should be better at this since I’m a Christian!”

As Christians, we have one other opportunity for loneliness and that’s loneliness in our relationship with God. If we’re not feeling close to Him, that can make us feel more lonely than ever.

So how do you stop being lonely? After all, we can’t just snap our fingers and feel like we belong all of a sudden! The truth is that it can take quite a bit of work to overcome loneliness. To be successful, we need to make overcoming loneliness a goal, not a desire. And goals take work to accomplish. But it is possible! Following are some steps to end Christian loneliness based on what type of loneliness you’re experiencing.

Well, that’s about it. I hope you’re not feeling too overwhelmed by all these ideas! The bottom line is that we can break free from Christian loneliness but it takes a bit of work. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all of these ideas, just print out this post and circle the ideas that appeal to you, then narrow it down to 1-3 ideas to start out with. Then ask God for help and give it a whirl! You’ll not only be helping yourself, you’ll also be helping all the other lonely people out there who are looking for friends!

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