Closing Crawl

Ahsoka and the Martez sisters failed at smuggling spice, and are imprisoned on Oba Diah. They argue, someone calls Ahsoka a Jedi, and Ahsoka responds with 'so what if I were?': the sisters react in horror. See: the Martezes’ parents were killed in a mishap during Ziro the Hutt's prison break, when the elder Martezes came up on the wrong side of Bariss Offee’s solution to the trolley problem. The Jedi did helpfully explain that the Force would guide the new orphans, before bouncing.

The Pykes attempt some kid-friendly torture on Trace, but she steals a gun and flees. Ahsoka secretly uses the force to open her cell, and the escape is on! A running gunfight ensues, with the Martez sisters shooting and Ahsoka slyly using Force powers to assist.

Ahsoka and Rafa take a moment to discuss whether Trace is cut out for a life of crime. Trace and Rafa are re-captured while Ahsoka flees. Three Mandalorians, with familiar voices depending on which shows that aired before this that you've seen observe, and suggest that Ahsoka might be a Jedi.

Ahsoka attempts to free Trace and Rafa, but they are caught and returned to the same cell they were in at the start of the episode.

Back in their cell, Ahsoka wants to hold a retrospective, but Rafa wants to assign blame. Someone isn’t abiding by Scrum values! (They’re never going to get their PMP certification this way.) Ahsoka comes up with a better plan than Rafa’s ‘play sick’ scheme.

Ahsoka starts lying to the Pyke leader, and Rafa is on the ball enough to run with the premise. Trace and Rafa are sent to get the spice by holding their non-existent family hostage. The Pyke high seneschal is also savvy enough to get that this is a scam, but doesn't have a choice because without the spice he’s going to be in big trouble with his boss.

Trace and Rafa leave in the Silver Angel, and are creeped on by Bo Katan’s Mandalorian peeping squad. At a space Cracker Barrel Rafa explains the scheme to Trace by speaking slowly and using big words. Also some visual aids. A couple puppets. Rafa can’t owe anyone anything so she’s going to steal spice and save Ahsoka

Ahsoka breaks out of prison, Rafa and Trace find a spice mining operation and Rafa has a hot hand with the fast talk skill. Ahsoka plants bombs all over the spice refining facility. Grand Pyke is getting his ass chewed out by a shadowy holo figure about the missing spice shipment. Hey, it’s Maul! Ahsoka is ambushed and outs herself as a Jedi.

Back with Trace and Rafa, Rafa finally throws a bad roll and the Trandoshan longshoreman manager calls her bluff. Aggressive negotiations ensue and Trace gets into a slap fight with nerdlingers; that 1D in strength isn’t going to get the job done. Rafa apparently specialized in Gymkata and uses her skill on the uneven bars to dump the Trandoshan into a chasm. The sisters escape with the spice and show up in time to save Ahsoka. Not!

The Grand Pyke dimes out Ahsoka; Rafa and Trace are stunned and hurt. Ahsoka and Trac and Rafa decide to pass the Bechdel Wallace test. Meanwhile Chekhov’s thermal detonators explode and move us right into Act 3.

A chase ensues and Trace decides to play the ballsiest game of chicken this side of Footloose. Our heroes escape and are followed by Bo Katan. Rafa says Ahsoka is what a Jedi should be. Bo shows up to ask for help in dealing with Maul, but Ahsoka is fearful it will lead her back to the Jedi. Ahsoka apparently was too busy murdering droids to learn the term bildungsroman.

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Ahsoka’s been riding around Coruscant on a speeder bike looking emo: I guess being a Skywalker is a state of mind. Her bike malfunctions and plummets into a bottomless pit, crashing onto a platform several hundred levels down. She meets the owner: Trace.

Trace offers her a place to fix her bike, as well as a job Ahsoka demonstrates technical aptitude. Trace is trying to be a capitalist, but really she just wants a friend and also Ahsoka doesn’t really get money. They start to connect and Trace drops some truth bombs that the Jedi are perceived as: starting wars, telling people what to do, and ignoring the problems of everyone who isn’t a Jedi or senator.

Some goons show up to collect on a debt from Rafa, Trace’s sister. Trace immediately starts throwing hands. It’s actually a pretty good dust up, until Ahsoka to get involved drops the hammer. They leave to find Trace’s sister Rafa who is stealing from dryers at the local laundromat. Ahsoka and Rafa instantly dislike each other. Apparently it’s Rafa’s legitimate laundromat, which makes her theft both more and less pathetic. Then a dude shows up with a sketchy job of assembling some droids.

Ahsoka and Trace are building some Vulture Mk III mechs. Ahsoka reminds Trace about restraining bolts which is handy because one of the droids immediately attacks her., and another pulls a runner. They chase down Mighty Joe Droid and Ahsoka continues to let Trace risk her life because she’s committed to remaining undercover. They capture the droid with minimal Jedi powers.

Ahsoka tries to convince Rafa these droids are too dangerous to sell. Rafa says she’ll do the right thing, which turns out to be charging double. Ahsoka realizes that the Jedi never prepared her for dealing with moral gray areas.

Later, Trace and Ahsoka are doing repairs and talking about where Ahsoka learned so much about starships. She tells Trace she learned it at Skywalker Academy. Trace tells Ahsoka she couldn't afford to go to an academy, but she scrimped and saved and built her own ship: The Silver Angel!

Ahsoka feels directionless and asks to stick around for a bit. Rafa’s got a job to make them a bunch of money, and begrudgingly allows Ahsoka to join the crew, but won’t tell them what the job is until they’re underway.

Trace pilots the ship into a military traffic lane. Admiral Yalarin, on the Star Destroyer in their path hails the Silver Angel. Ahsoka hangs up on him and instructs Trace to pilot them into the civilian lanes. Anakin, who is on the same bridge as Yalarin, senses Ahsoka with the force, but ultimately lets the ship pass just like he would do later for Luke.

The Silver Angel emerges from hyperspace above Kessell! They land and are invited to a banquet, where it’s revealed the Rafa's job is to haul Spice for the Pykes. They load the spice and head to Oba Diah to deliver. Onboard, all three fight about what to do. Ahsoka wants to deliver to anyone except the Pykes so it can be used for medicine. Rafa wants to deliver to their intended recipients. Trace, torn between doing what is right versus what her sister wants, dumps the spice into space, uh-oh. Rafa said they must now give up the ship to hopefully save their lives, Trace strongly disagrees, but Ahsoka has a plan!

Ahsoka Jedi mind-tricks the Pyke leader, and he gives them their credits and lets them go. However, a subordinate inspects the cargo, notices it is empty, and calls in reinforcements. With their ship stuck in a tractor beam and surrounded by enemies, things don’t look good for the trio.

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The Bad Batch have just freed Echo from the Techno Union, and are trying to escape. Echo leads them to an elevated walkway, but they’re cut off by droids. Tech summons local flying creatures, and our heroes must take a literal leap of faith off the platform onto their backs to escape… But the droids have wings too?!? Our heroes escape the droids, to the local’s village.

The locals and our heroes stage a defense, but the locals have no technology and seem to be being overrun by the droids. Two War of the Worlds style massive droids appear and are clearly turning the tide. Anakin takes out one while the clones tackle the other, and the rest of the droids flee. Our heroes are safe, but Echo seems reluctant to return to, as Rex explains it, things being “just like the old times”.

Is Echo trustworthy after his treatment at the hand of the Techno-union?

Echo, now clad in modified armor with a Bad Batch insignia on it that definitely does not foreshadow anything, offers his assistance in the battle for Anaxes. He has a plan: if the Bad Batch can sneak him on to Admiral Trench's ship, he can continue offering strategic plans to the Separatists, but this time, he'll be helping the Republic instead!

Echo spends the rest of the episode not telling anyone else the specifics of his plan, which doesn’t help convince everyone that nothing is wrong with him. Once aboard Trench's Dreadnaught, they hijack the ship's comm vault, and Echo plugs into the system, intercepting a request from Trench for battle plans. The request is happening now because the Republic forces, under Masters Windu and Kenobi, have launched an all-out assault on a Separatist-held assembly plant.

Phase 2 of Echo's plans that he did not tell anyone about in advance is 'Send all Separatist forces to reinforce the assembly plant that Mace and Obi-wan are attacking.’ Again, nothing suspicious here. Warned of more incoming troops, the generals prepare for an even larger battle! Echo makes good on his plan and manages to shutdown all the battle droids once they are in the same place. Admiral Trench has a backup plan, which he has not informed his subordinates of - a bomb hidden in the assembly plant that is big enough to destroy the whole planet!

Master Windu goes to disarm the bomb - which is ray-shielded, but fortunately, he has the ability to cause spooky action at a distance. Echo relays the disarmament code to him, but is detected and knocked out before he can relay the last digit. Anakin hunts down Admiral Trench and tells him to reveal the last digit. Trench refuses, noting that Dooku will kill him if he fails to take the planet, but a Jedi would let him live. Skywalker convinces Trench he plays by different rules than the rest of the Jedi, and relays the code to Windu, who disarms the bomb and saves the day, and also kills Trench when Trench tries to stun him.

As the bad batch attempts to escape from the ship, Wrecker and Crosshair engage in a "Legolas and Gimli" battle of one-upmanship, killing increasing numbers of droids in increasingly unlikely ways. They board the Marauder and Wrecker gets the last laugh when Anakin hands him the self-destruct button for the flagship. Wrecker gets his boom and the explosion destroys multiple Separatist vessels. When they land, Echo, Rex, and the Bad Batch are congratulated for their efforts. Clone Force 99 lets Echo know that he's now weird enough to be one of them, and he's offered a spot in the group. Rex tells Echo he has to go where he feels he belongs. Echo joins the Bad Batch in saluting Rex.

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Separatists led by Admiral Trench battle Republic forces led by Anakin and Mace Windu for the Republic shipyards on Anaxes. Rex has an idea of why things are going badly: analytics; the droids know Rex's strategies too well. They plan to take a small squad to the enemy Cyber Center, where intel is processed, to see if they can figure out what's happening. Before leaving, Rex and Cody chat about losing Fives, Echo, and Hevy during the war, which makes me feel bad for Droidbait and Cutup. Rex thinks Echo is alive, because their battle plans are old ones he and Echo drew up, and also because he has to remind us that Echo died several seasons ago.

Rex and Cody leave to meet up with their squad for the mission: Clone Force 99, AKA The Bad Batch! Hunter, the leader! Tech, the smart one! Crosshair, the sharpshooter! Wrecker, the big one! These guys seem cool enough to have their own show. They join up with Rex, Cody, and 501st clones Kix and Jesse to find what the Separatists are using to outwit the Republic. Their gunship is shot down, and with a large number of droids incoming, the Bad Batch goes to work showing off their cool skills, which involve Wrecker lifting things, Hunter stabbing things, and Tech saying numbers while Crosshair shoots.

The team infiltrates the Cyber Center, break into the computers and discover that the algorithm they've been looking for is a live signal from the planet Skako Minor. When they try to find out who is sending the signal, they get the answer 'CT-1409'. As the clones escape from the facility, Rex reveals that CT-1409 is Echo. 

Rex is trying to get support for Echo’s rescue mission and Anakin suggests highlighting the goal of finding out how the Separatists are predicting their strategy. Did Anakin sexually contract politics from Padme? Then Anakin changes subjects and says that he and Rex need to do that ‘thing’. Rex excuses himself and follows Anakin.

Rex watches the door while Anakin Space Times Padme who is positively glowing. Anakin and Padme have an actual conversation and look like they genuinely regret being apart. I think those two kids are going to make it. Anakin is worried about Rex being too attached to personal attachments, Padme suggests that Anakin has made the same mistakes once or twice and Anakin actually cops to it.

Obi-Wan rolls up on Rex and makes him sweat trying to find excuses for Anakin’s chatting with his wife. Obi-Wan lets him them the hook and says that he hopes Anakin told Padme he says hello. Anakin hasn’t grown too much because he looks pissed rather than embarrassed. Is Star Wars allowed to do ‘show don’t tell’, because that was a great scene. 

While on their way to Skako Minor Wrecker is working out with a G0NK droid. We told you Dave Filoni was a fan of this podcast. The clones land and are accosted by the aliens from Crystal Skull riding small dragons. Anakin is snatched and taken to their village. Anakin is rescued and it turns out the locals don’t want the war to come to their planet.

Meanwhile Admiral Trench calls Wat Tambor to tell him the clones are on their way. Wat thinks that the Techno Union has corporate neutrality, but Trench suggests that a black-ops squad might not have a JAG officer to advise them on rules of engagement here. The clones infiltrate the Techno Union base, Wrecker goes absolutely nuts on some droids, suggesting that some Gronkowski DNA might have been involved in his personal mutation. That party cruise is wild. The clones find a Vault-Tec stasis pod and it was Echo all along.

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The Closing Crawl Crew discusses the past of the podcast, the future of Star Wars, and visits with an old friend, long gone.

Recorded live at Gen Con in 2022.

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Yoda is on a spirit quest and arrives at a Force cloaca that is spewing the living Force into the galaxy (Oh shit! Is that Ego the Living Planet’s music?). Yoda passes the corpse of J.N. Reynolds and lands in what can only be called Grandfather Nurgle’s Summer estate. Yoda is approached by a Force Spirit, and follows it into the jungle. The force spirit is joined by her sisters Melpomene, Thalia and, I don’t know, Terpsichore and Clio? I might be overthinking some of this stuff. They start to teach Yoda.

Yoda’s first trial is to face off against his own personal gollum. Yoda decides that his best bet in a time of spiritual crisis is to fall back on the gospel of Austin, specifically chapter 3, verse 16. New Yoda break down that a dark side is part of all life, even Yoda Classics’. Then to emphasize the point New Yoda unleashes a 100 move combo. Yoda finally admits his hubris.

The force spirits naming themselves as: confusion, anger, sadness, joy and serenity. I’m batting .400. Yoda is thrust into a second vision, surrounded by dead Jedi and younglings. Yoda is tempted with relief from sorrow, confusion and anger and is incepted into a more pleasant vision where the Jedi are alive, Ahsoka is still a Jedi, there is no war, and even Dooku is still a Jedi Master. Yoda chooses hard truths over easy lies and passes the trial.

The Force Spirits give Yoda his final trial, sending him to Moraband which, for legal purposes, is definitely not Korriban. Go ahead Bioware, try to sue Disney.

Yoda arrives on Moraband, walks through the desert wasteland and is surrounded by some Deatheaters from Azkaban. As Yoda defeats them, Dooku awakens from meditation… Did he sense Yoda? We’ll soon find out as Sidious summons Dooku to Coruscant.

Yoda enters a temple and meets Darth Bane, and ancient Sith lord that created the “rule of two.” Yoda defeats him by pulling a reverse Tinkerbell and telling Bane he doesn’t believe in fairies.

Back on Coruscant Sidious and Dooku use Dooku’s connection to Yoda to see through time and space. Sidious telepathically reemerges on Moraband as Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas, someone Yoda would be happy to see still alive.

Sifo-Dyas offers to tell Yoda who the Sith lord is. Yoda refuses the all-to-good offer. He suddenly wakes up on a transport ship on Coruscant, with Anakin and some clones, that is headed towards a secret rendezvous between Dooku and Sidious… However, Yoda is confused how he got here, and what the mission is, even though it is “his mission” according to Anakin. (Is Yoda still in the bacta tank? Is this all a dream? Is he still on Moraband? Stay tuned to find out!)

Yoda tells Anakin he wants to capture the two, but kill them if it is necessary because this must end here. Anakin fights Dooku, gaining the advantage, taking Dooku’s saber, and beheading him over Yoda’s objections.

Yoda pursues Sidious. A lightsaber battle ensues. Anakin joins in, but is knocked unconscious. Yoda continues his fight with Sidious, but must save Anakin as the bridge they are on is collapsing. Both Yoda and Sidious fall from the bridge. They slap fight in freefall, a Yoda manages to pull back the hood and reveal that Sidious is… an empty hood.

Yoda wakes up on Moraband. He is greeted by one of the sisters who proceed to tell him there is another Skywalker. We hear familiar sounds from movie Episodes 3-6 to foreshadow what is to come.

Yoda and R2 fly back to Coruscant. There, he tells Obi-Wan and Mace Windu that he’s seen a path to victory… not for the Clone Wars, but for all time…

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Plo Koon is sent to find the source of a distress signal sent to the Jedi Temple. Plo & his Bros search during a sand storm and find a ship that crashed ages ago. Plo discovers a lightsaber in the wreckage. Plo Spacetimes(™) the temple and tells them the ship belonged to long-lost Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas. The council reminds the viewers that Sifo-Dyas was the one who ordered the production of the clone army without the blessing of the council or the senate. 

Sifo-Dyas was sent to Falucia to negotiate a peace and he was killed there. No one knows what happened to his body since the Chancellor has ordered the files sealed. Yoda sends Obi-Wan and Anakin to Felucia to investigate, while he himself speaks with Chancellor Palpatine. Palpatine tells Yoda the prior Chancellor Valorum sealed the files. Valorum tells Yoda that Sifo-Dyas was to speak with the Pykes, a group that runs the spice trade, and he locked the files so that news didn’t get out; as speaking with the Pykes would be like negotiating with the Taliban in the aughts. Based on Palpatine’s comments, Yoda believed a second Jedi was with Sifo-Dyas, but Valorum assures Yoda that only his personal aide, Silman, accompanied Sifo-Dyas.

Palpatine, as Sidious, Spacetimes(™) Dooku to have him cover his tracks and stop the Jedi investigation on Felucia. Obi-Wan and Anakin speak with the Pykes, after some Jedi persuasion the Pykes admit they shot down Sifo-Dyas’ ship and gave his body to Lord Tyranus, but kept Silman alive and imprisoned.

The Pykes offer Silman (now a crazy loon after all this time in solitary) to the Jedi to settle the affair. Meanwhile, Dooku shows up on Felucia, fights his way through some guards, and force-chokes Silman while literally standing right behind Obi-Wan and Anakin. A lightsaber duel ensues, during which it is revealed that Dooku is Tyranus! Dooku escapes.

The boys inform the council of what they discovered. Yoda tells everyone they must keep it a secret so as not to discredit the creation of the clones and the war effort.

The Jedi have leared that Dooku is the person who ordered the clone army: Yoda is meditating on this knowledge when he hears the voice of Qui-Gon Jinn, who explains that he has become part of the living force. Yoda informs the council and they all meditate together, but no one else hears the voice from beyond.

In order to determine if the voice is truly from the Force, or a trick by the Sith, Yoda undergoes a meditative trance/induced coma in a sensory deprivation tank. Yoda sees a vision of a swamp planet and the voice of Qui-Gon tells him he must go to Dagobah to complete what Qui-Gon could not. Skywalker escorts Yoda to a hangar, where R2-D2 and Yoda depart for Dagobah in a fighter.

R2 stays with the fighter in a desperate attempt to avoid any issues with him being on Dagobah with Master Yoda and knowing both how to get there and exactly who Yoda is. Yoda speaks more with Qui-Gon, who explains that he is now outside of linear time, like the Prophets of Bajor or Dr. Manhattan. Yoda sees visions of the dark future to come. Qui-Gon explains that Yoda he has been chosen to learn how to become part of the Force after death, as Qui-gon was, so that he can be a voice of light in the times to come. Yoda departs Dagobah, letting the Force guide him towards the origin of life in the Galaxy.

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Spiritual leaders on the somehow-still-peaceful planet of Bardotta are disappearing, and that Queen Julia has called upon the Senate for help. The ghost of Senator Onoconda Farr chimes in with an undignified snort, but no one in the Senate has a sense of clairaudience or of irony, and so it goes unnoticed. Chancellor Palpatine calls the Jedi Council to let them know it will in fact be a mismatched duo comedy episode starring bad cop Mace Windu and clown cop Jar Jar Binks. See, the Bardottans hate the Jedi, because they steal children, and so want Jar-Jar and no one else to come help them.

When they arrive on Bardotta, we learn that the Dagoyan Masters, non-Jedi, non-Sith force wielders, are disappearing one by one. We also learn that Jar-Jar and Queen Julia are, let's say, more than friends. Shortly after this the queen disappears. The Bardottan council explains the source of the prophecy is the Frangawl clan, who worshiped a demon in a shrine below the temple, and we realize that this is not just a buddy cop movie with a side-helping of Orientalism, but an Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom pastiche.

Our heroes journey to the caverns below the palace, where Jar Jar is immediately captured and placed in a cage hanging over lava. 

After a standard amount of Jar Jar hijinks, Master Windu locates him, and the battle rages! The cultists are defeated but the cult leader escapes with the still-captive queen. Jar-jar promises the Bardottan council for the second time that day that he and Mace will recover the queen.

The Frangawl cult gets to take over the Bardottan government if Queen Julia isn’t found. I’m not sure kidnapping is a good basis for transfer of power in governments, but at this point, as an American, maybe I should be more open to new ideas.

Jar Jar breaks down what happened to the Bardotten master. The terms ‘crispy fried’ and ‘force sucked right out of him’ are referenced. Meanwhile the cultist Ornithopter lands on Geidi Prime, and if Julia is fitted with a heart plug to extract her living force I’m going to start enjoying this arc.

The Great Mother (who?!) has told the cultists that they have Jedi on their tail. The cultists are being sneaky by dragging the kidnapping victim and a glowing sphere of living force through a crowded marketplace and Jar Jar and Mace still almost miss them.

Mace and Jar Jar run into what looks like a genestealer cultist who sicks a couple Gundarks on them. Jar Jar’s prehensile tongue comes into play, and somewhere Kit Fisto senses another erotic disturbance in the Force. There’s talk of planetary alignment and apparently Lovecraftian cultists are now in the mix; we’re one pair of Nike Decades away from a cultist connect four.

Hey, it’s Mother Talzin! More fighting with some rejects from the Uldaur raid and at this point I had to lay down for a while with some pretty severe WoW flashbacks. Mother Talzin and Mace fight, and she holds her own against a Jedi who made Darth Sidious look like a chump. Where was this when Grievous invaded Dathomir? 

Anyway Jar Jar rescues the Queen, Mother Talzin’s scheme unravels and Mother Talzin dissolves with a scream…? The queen decides that maybe the Bardottens should reconsider their attitude towards the Jedi, and she just has the absolute worst judgment of anyone on this show and that’s saying a lot.

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Senator Amidala is apparently the only person responsible for aiding refugees, and apparently all money comes from the Banking Clan on Scipio. Amidala and her aide Teckla Minnau travel there and meet old friend, Rush Clovis. 

Clovis proves his good intentions by sneaking into Padme's bedroom, this bank has security almost as bad as Fortress Inquisitorius ! He explains that the Banking Clan is about to change its name to Bear-Stearns, as the vaults are almost empty.

Chancellor Palpatine asks Padme to help Clovis and find out more about the missing money. Padme and Clovis head to his private apartments to make their Ocean's 2 heist plan to steals banking files. Teckla follows through on the play, but is assassinated by Bounty Hunter Embo: RSVP Teckla Minnau!

Padme and Clovis review the data, but before they can act Padme is arrested for espionage. The Jedi send Anakin to Scipio to help; once he arrives and learns Clovis is involved, he becomes a raging pit of jealousy. Our heroes manage to escape, but as they do, Embo contacts Darth Sidious, who declares that going forward Sidious will deal with them personally. 

The space caricatures of ‘international’ bankers are meeting in their steampunk lair - oof. Yoda meets Padme, Anakin and Rush Clovis and escorts them to the Chancellors office. Anakin gets possessive and picks a fight with Padme, which Clovis somehow wins simply by not being a raging dick. Obi Wan notices that Anakin is pretty angry, and they almost have a conversation about Anankin and Padme. Anakin outright lies about his relationship with Padme.

Padme and Clovis engage in some forensic accounting. Clovis gets grabby. Anakin, who has presumably been using the peeping tom force power, barges in and proceeds to Force Choke Clovis. Clovis gets Anakin to put down his lightsaber and put up his dukes. Security is called and Clovis may be many things, but he aint no snitch. Padme tells Anakin to get lost. Anakin is heartbroken.

The Separatists and the Republic vote to allow Clovis to become head of the banking clans (which, what the hell?).  

We open on Scipio as the transfer of power to Rush Clovis is about to begin. Dooku Spacetimes(™) with Clovis with demands and threats to raise the interest rates on the Republic, otherwise the Separatists will default on their payments.

Padme relays this information to the Senate. Yoda and Chancellor Palpatine both want to investigate Clovis, but in their own ways.  

Back on Scipio, the separatists attack Padme’s clone escort and Dooku arrives to take control. Padme is captured. Palpatine decides they must declare war on Scipio. Dooku FORCE…S Padme to shoot the separatist senator.  

Yoda sends an obviously conflicted Anakin to Scipio. Sidious and Dooku reveal that the banks will be placed under the control of the Supreme Chancelor… their plan all along. Padme warns Clovis that he has lost control. A Vulture droid is shot down and crashes into Clovis’ office, causing Padme and Clovis to tumble over the edge. Anakin cannot save them both. Clovis apologizes for all he’s done, and sacrifices himself.

Palpatine gets control of the banks, but promises to relinquish power once the war is over… A promise I’m sure he’ll keep.

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We open on Fives meeting with Shaak Ti. Shaak says that the chancellor wants the tumor. Shaak is going to take the tumor to the Jedi temple first, and Nala Sey protests.

AZ3 runs into Fives in the halfway, and their clone guards aren’t super good at the whole guarding thing. AZ lets slip that Fives is to be mindwiped and assigned to Sanitation duty. Fives is done getting the runaround and as it turns out an Arc trooper is more effective than four guard clones who never made it off Kamino. Imagine what he could do with Sanitation, probably some sort of Space Cloaca Maxima. Dave Filoni call me.

Fives steals a ship and makes a break for it, but ditches it to swim back to the cloning facility. AZ3 is apparently a distant cousin to Lazerbeak and turns into a jetski. Meanwhile Nala Sey calls Darth Tyrannus. Tyrannus gives her marching orders: the Jedi must never know about the true nature of the inhibitor chip.

Fives and AZ3 start doing science: the implant is foreign which means it’s intentional. Fives starts taking off his helmet like he’s the main character in a Marvel movie. Fives has AZ remove his own chip because he’s maybe the best character in Star Wars? But do all clones have the chips? To the embryo farm!! Looks like all the clones have the chips.  

Nala Sey interrupts and explains the truth: Sipho Dyas ordered the chips implanted. Fives is upset that the Jedi might have done this to the clones. Shaak shows up and Fives basically gets to the heart of the matter when he says that the chips have to be removed or the entire Grand Army of the Republic could be compromised.

Nala Sey says that Fives should be terminated and that he is property. Interesting production note, Ayn Rand and the Daughters of the Confederacy have writing credits on this episode. Weird. Shaak says that he’s actually property of the Republic, that and a lightsaber apparently carry the day. Fives and Nala Sey are to accompany Shaak and the evidence to Coruscant.

Fives is drugged by Nala Se, right under JEDI MASTER Shaak Ti’s nose, and then presented to Chancelor Palpatine.  Nala Sey insists the chip in every clone is fine, but Fives protests. Palpatine suggests he speak to Fives alone… So he can be more open and speak his mind. During this private conversation, Fives “attacks” Palpatine and is chased by Shaak Ti. She loses him when she orders a clone to “close the blast door”... always a mistake.

Coruscant goes on lockdown looking for the wayward clone. Upon Anakin’s suggestion, Mace instructs Anakin to conduct a “quiet investigation”... Anakin’s strong suit. Fives goes on the run to a clone bar, the 79’s. Fives explains to 501st clone trooper Kix what is going on and that he needs Anakin and Rex to meet him at some secret coordinates.

Anakin and Rex show up at to meet Fives. He starts to explain what’s going on with the chips and what’s going on in his head… and in the process sounds a little cuckoo while explaining his theory. Palpatine’s clone guards show up and shoot Fives… But not before he was maybe getting through to at least Rex, if not Anakin as well.

Palpatine tells the Jedi that Nala Sey found out it was something in the water in Ringo Vinda, and that the Kaminoans have already developed a vaccine to administer to all clones. Palpatine and Dooku Spacetime (™) and congratulate themselves on covering up order 66.

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