Coffee with The Couple Cure

It'd be great if God just took the desire for our addicts away, but we rarely see that in our line of work. This episode covers what to do instead, as well as special things to consider after lying and betrayal.

In this episode we cover:

-Step 7 of the 12-Steps

-What true humility looks like

-God doesn't just take it away

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

1:38 If you have to ask about it then… / The middle part of the 12-Steps

2:22 Getting to where we're humble enough to ask without… / It's not like God's going to just take it away if…

3:22 "God, you're going to have to take it away, because I don't want to let go of it" / Many examples of what humility looks like***

Porn addiction, betrayal and lies can wreck a couple. An addict has to be ready to release his old coping mechanisms. Jay and Lori also cover their experience with addiction and fear, as well as what surrender looks like. They also address the difference between Savior and Boss.

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro & Step 6 (Preparing for this…)

1:55 "Being entirely ready" means getting rid of 'tools' that help only me

3:08 Jesus appears to ask a stupid question but it applies to addicts***

4:52 But those tools have been effective in these ways…

https://youtu.be/AVX0smOj4-g

Watch video on YouTube here:

This Step is about addicts not lying to themselves anymore—and not hiding the truth about themselves—anymore. It's about getting real, and why.

In this episode we cover:

-Step 5 of the 12-Steps

-How there are different layers to addiction and lust

-What else needs to be faced regarding lust if an addict is to get free

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro & sin (the "big book" vs. the Bible)

2:24 How this step relates to getting closer to God, and...

2:52 Step five: What to do if you’ve betrayed your wife (& Jay’s experience)

4:46 Admitting it: this kind of accountability partner makes it easier

7:43 Disclosure is different in these ways (be careful[!])

9:29 ***What is not acknowledged won’t... (How Jay got himself into a cancer bind)

10:00 The more you (do this) the free-er you get / Why it's a good tool to use

12:12 Lori's take on '"Exact nature of addicts' wrongs" / Jay switched addictions

13:51 The phases of the 12 Steps / One reason to get detailed in Step 4

15:00 Different layers of Jay's sin & getting it out into the light

17:04 Lori's notes: "This is meant to bring you closer to God"… not a mechanical relationship

18:13 ***Lust and what else it might be

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#betrayed

#lies

#lying

#liar

#addiction

Withholding information (also known as lying) is common, especially with porn and sex addicion. That's why this step is crucial to healing, both for the addict, and for the one who's been lied to and sexually betrayed.

In this episode we cover:

-Step 4 of the 12-Steps

-A searching and fearless moral inventory

-The more you write out, the more freedom you will experience

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to Step 4: Listing where they were out of integrity (and one easier way to do this)

2:54 What to look for in a sponsor/accountability partner

3:25 Disclosure: how it's different (t's done with the betrayed partner's pain in mind)

Hello

Our latest video is down below, but as an FYI…

We will be on a live Q&A tonight as part of a summit sharing tips on managing emotions, disclosure, separation, reconciliation and beyond in an online summit called Renew.

The Q&A is happening at 7pm Eastern tonight (May 12), and we hope you can be there.

Also, our individual interviews air at these times:

Lori's goes live on Saturday, May 15th at 4pm Eastern.  This talk covers:

giving anger 90 seconds and

how different levels of 'getting space' can give you a better marriage, even if no one ever leaves the home. 

Jay's goes live on Monday, May 17th at 2pm Eastern.  This talk covers:

how authenticity and vulnerability take marriage to a deeper level of commitment, and

the father's role in blended families.

While we still have a 90% success rate with couples, the other experts in the summit also have incredible stories of redemption.  Imagine hearing from mentors, counselors, and other professionals who really get it?

So we hope to see you there (feel free to bring your questions.)  Claim your free ticket.

https://youtu.be/8iAnv6z7-xc

Women who've been traumatized by porn / sex addiction, abuse and lying tell us that applying the 12-Steps to their pain only causes more pain. Yet the 12-Step Program CAN be effective for addiction recovery.

This is because the treatment for addiction and lying is MUCH DIFFERENT than healing the pain and trauma of betrayal. They require different recovery programs.

So in this episode, we cover:-Step 3 of the 12-Steps, and how to be careful if you're trying to rebuild trust-Surrendering all, and how God replaces it-Special cautions regarding those betrayed by porn, abuse and lying-Special cautions regarding those who've been hurt by the church

Timestamps:0:00 Intro0:25 Step 3: We make decision to… 1:14 Surrender and coming to the end of ourselves2:23 "Being beaten into state of…" (The main point here is…)4:23 My will (where it becomes a problem) / My will vs. My life6:31 "I don't think God causes us pain, but…" & a side note for the betrayed7:21 "The 12-Step books are written with the addict in mind," not those in betrayal trauma7:47 To the care of God… as we understand Him9:34 To those who've been hurt by the church (A thought Lori had about God)11:03 The more I know God, the more I…11:56 It's a daily decision to surrender… and anger at God12:48 Lori's history… and what can change your life13:33 "Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led" (R. Mullins)14:14 How Step 3 reflects how to get closer to God15:09 Our will… count the cost16:29 (This) will be painful16:55 It's not 'nothing but crap'—God replaces counterfeits

(Note: if you sign up for the summit using a link above, then you’ll help our ministry at no cost to you.)

This episode covers: Step 2 of the 12 Steps / Believing in a Power greater than ourselves / The root of the problem. Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

1:09 Pornographically addicted

1:32 Step 2 - Restore me to sanity

1:59 Jay gets self-righteous

2:53 Hurt in the name of

Here's our latest episode, which covers:

-Step 1 of the 12 Steps

-How it reflects the steps toward God

-What Jay and Lori see in their clients

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:34 What this season is based on

2:04 Step 1's key phrases

2:27 What Jay sees with the guys he works with

3:02 A different perspective on our powerlessness

3:57 The difficulty Jay had with this step

5:35 How some addicts deal with this

6:28 The "disobedient dog" in Jay

Here's our latest episode, which covers:

-What happened to Jay and Lori in 2020, including run-ins with the IRS

-A behind-the-scenes look at how they celebrated their 25th Anniversary

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:22 Preview of Season 3, and Jay's history with it

1:37 What Lori will be covering/cautioning in Season 3

2:18 For those who've been through betrayal trauma (look for the "S")

2:59 Where were we in 2020?

Hello everyone.

In this episode we cover:

-A quick recap of the season on Betrayal Trauma

-Jay and Lori's favorite episodes

-This season's blooper reel

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

2:50 What this episode is about: a recap & joy (and Lori being stupid : )

0:48 If you've been betrayed

1:06 Guys, imagine if your wife…

In the last full episode of Season 2, we talk about a not-so-fun reality that exists in many areas of our nation: Injustice through Systems of Oppression. BUT we also share something you can do if you find yourself on the receiving end of injustice.