Coffee with The Couple Cure

What’s the first thing a guy should do if he’s harmed the relationship, and what can make him “get it” more quickly? Also what can the lady do if his goal is to have an affair? We discuss those topics with author Matt Fray.

TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)

0:00 Intro

0:11 What if his goal is to have an affair?

1:09 One Solution: The quickest way to make him ‘get it’ *

1:57 The first thing a betrayer should do (a radical mind shift)

3:46 One Solution: The ‘big ask’ in Matt’s coaching

4:45 What if he says, “Well, she does this” *

7:56 In the next episode: Restoring trust and what can keep her from healing within the relationship

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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#affairs

#betrayal

#coaching

#relationships

Unfortunate ideas can get twisted in a person’s mind, leading them to have affairs; ideas like, “But if my wife were the right person…” We discuss this with author Matt Fray, and we also cover the question: Are emotional affairs truly affairs–and what can make it all less difficult?

TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)

0:00 Intro / Defensiveness & intimidation

1:25 “I care about you, but I care about myself more”

2:20 Can be abusive (“don’t ruin my good time”)

3:21 Are emotional affairs truly affairs? *

6:39 One solution: Why not create that with your wife?

7:18 If (this) then it’s not difficult

7:42 This blindness can lead to affairs *

10:05 “But if my wife were the right person…” *

12:42 Getting help: what it is and isn’t

13:14 In the next episode: What if the goal is to have an affair?

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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#defensiveness

#affairs

#emotionalaffairs

#relationships

Can porn use and lies lead to PTSD? And what can be done when someone says, “Why won’t you lighten up?” We cover those topics in our continued talk with author, Matt Fray.

TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)

0:00 Intro

0:20 Unmet needs & PTSD after broken trust *

0:58 The addicts we see tend to focus on these needs

1:43 One solution to “Why won’t you lighten up?” *

2:42 Death by 1000 cuts

3:12 Porn use & Lies (“our early mistakes”)

4:38 Whether affairs, prostitutes or porn… *

5:37 Porn can be more than a breach of trust; it can actually cause PTSD

7:24 Disclaimer: Please seek a licensed professional if needed

8:09 In the next episode: Emotional affairs & what can be done instead

#betrayaltrauma

#needs

#pornaddiction

#lies

Are her needs more important than his? No, but as you’ll see in this video, his most important needs are usually already met. Our female clients can’t say the same, and this reduces feelings of safety. But is safety actually a need?

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Intro

0:11 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs within relationships *

1:32 Different levels of needs

4:22 One Solution: Safety is also about reliability (so prioritize it) *

6:15 Jay’s caution: Some emotional abuse happens through sex *

8:17 A story about reliability

8:43 Maslow’s Needs & Self-Actualization

10:11 In the next episode: How the needs addicts focus on tends to harm relationships

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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#safety

#needs

#trust

#connect

#relationships

#marriageadvice

What if the person who's broken your trust says, “I did that because I can’t trust you!” Today we cover that, as well as the topic of vulnerability with author Matt Fray.

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Intro

0:11 When the man who broke trust says he can’t trust her *

2:08 Vulnerability isn’t weak (it’s THIS that’s weak)

3:42 Hiding (this) from the partner *

4:07 One Solution: Something that leads to relief *

5:20 In the next episode: Safety in relationships

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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#trust

#addicts

#joy

#vulnerability

“Change doesn’t happen until it gets painful enough.” Is this true, and if so, what does it look like? That’s what we cover with author and coach Matt Fray.

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Intro

0:11 Will it take divorce before he ‘gets it’?

2:02 What gets through to guys *

4:20 It doesn’t take more pain when these things happen

7:46 One Solution: One way for guys to learn vulnerability

9:34 One Solution: How to increase intimacy (Note: Please go at the betrayed partner’s speed) *

10:31 In the next episode: Hiding certain things from your partner

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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery

#vulnerability

#boundaries

#divorce

#intimacy

Matthew Fray tells what it all comes down to in marriage… and how he felt right after his divorce. Also find out when he would tell a person, “Fine, then don’t be married.”

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Intro / The crux of it all in marriage *

2:45 What defined Matt’s emotions? / Who is most responsible?

3:59 “7 out of 10 marriages end” *

6:19 What ruined Matt’s last day of work

8:29 Jay commends Matt for this

9:47 How Matt felt right after his divorce

10:45 One Solution: Key to successful relationships *

11:35 If it’s not a 10 on the pain scale…

11:55 In the next episode: Will it take divorce for him to get it?

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website

https://matthewfray.com – Matt’s website

https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#trust

#marriageadvice

#divorce

#relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfdAB7hjhME

This episode covers a little about Matt’s divorce and his two main focal points in marriage.

0:00 Intro

0:07 Solutions: The two main things Matt works on with his clients *

1:58 Jay’s story / Lori’s story

8:37 Jay and Lori’s mentoring program

10:33 Matt’s story

12:31 What Matt was adamant about regarding marriage *

13:24 “What’s her problem?”

14:32 In the next episode…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBQbaIgrd9I

Meet Matt Fray, Author of “This is How Your Marriage Ends” and hear how he says he ‘forced’ his wife to walk away from the marriage.

0:00 Intro

0:28 Matt’s new book: This is How Your Marriage Ends

1:06 Format of these videos

1:44 How we met

2:57 How Matt became a coach

5:52 Matt’s coaching program / Differences in who we coach *

7:16 How Matt started blogging… & “forced” his wife to walk away *

8:12 “So many marriages end here” *

8:29 In the next episode…

Whether you're married, divorced, single or separated, there are effective solutions that can help you heal and can help you have better relationships.

 

This video previews what to expect in the coming weeks and explains how you can find those solutions.

 

The second half of the video explains how "Raging at the Addiction" can actually help you heal more quickly.  (Clicking on the timestamps below will take you to that part of the video OR you can find the audio on most major podcast platforms by searching for "Coffee with the Couple Cure".)

 

 

0:00 Intro / Something new this season

1:15 Topics covered this season / Solutions *

2:16 Who this season is for (married, single, separated)

3:51 How to navigate these videos (safe for betrayed partners)

4:45 The solutions are effective

5:01 Don’t want these videos sent to you?

5:50 Disclaimers / For the betrayed *

8:01 The charred outline on the wall

8:39 Not every man wants to (or can) do this

9:02 Important cautions *

9:42 How I explained it in group (our take)

11:22 Experts call it “Raging at the addiction”

11:41 The image that comes to mind (standing then caring)

12:24 More important cautions *

13:37 Why this works / Experts say…

15:34 One place that helps guys with this / Preview